Jessie's Journey

[Teeny Weeny]

I didn't get any side effects and Clomid didn't work for me. Hopefully your awful side effects mean that it's working great still!
Wishing you all the luck in the world this cycle honey. Xx

 

[jessieles]

cd 11 for me today so fertile bd starting! i feel numb about it all now really, i honestly have no gut feeling or any idea about how im eventually gonna get pregnant. I dont know if this clomid will work, part of me doesnt believe ill get the lap and dye done as maybe ill get my bfp before then, but part of me sees ivf happening. i just have no real hope anymore about any of it.

It is definately effecting my day to day life, im just in a constant state of grief!

 

[TinyLynne]

So sorry Jess, but I totally understand that feeling. I really hope that a baby come along to lift your spirits soon. This crap sucks so much to go through. But you always have us to talk/vent to

 

[jessieles]

It is the worst experience ever isnt it!

Howa are you doing? x

 

[TinyLynne]

I'm managing. So much stress in my life already, this ttc crap on top of it is just unnecessary.

How is life outside of ttc? Is there one? Lol. I know it tends to take over much of my life....

 

[mirandaprice]

Big

I hope you get a bfp and take home baby soon!

 

[jessieles]

TinyLynne- I know, im the same, my life is really good outside of ttc, but ttc literally takes over all of that, no matter how good a day ive had, the last thing i think of at night is this.

Thanks Miranda!

 

[TinyLynne]

I'm glad to hear that the rest of life is treating you well! One day the baby making aspect will too.

 

[jessieles]

Hmm i hope so.

Is everything ok with you outside of ttc? xx

 

[TinyLynne]

Not really. Things seem to be haywire in every part of life right now. But I'm hoping that things will really turn around in the new year.

 

[jessieles]

awww hun. whats goin on?

 

[jessieles]

So today I am cd25. Bfn today. Not even a faint line. Af due in 5 days. I'm now thinking that seeing as I did clomid again this month after a 3 month break, there defo has to be something wrong with me.

I sit and think I cannot get over the fact I am 27 months ttc and 1 mc. What the hell is going on with me? How did I catch whilst on the pill 8 years ago and now I cannot catch, and why did I catch on month 1 of clomid and not since?? I genuinely thought back in March when I miscarried that by now id be heavily pregnant, I cannot believe 7 months of clomid has done nothing for me.

I very rarely think about being pregnant anymore, I cant imagine seeing a bfp, I long in my heart for it so badly it hurts but I just cant see any glimmer of hope! I feel like I already have so mcuh love inside me for our child.

I am devastated that on NYE this year it will be thoughts of 2015, a year that started so full of hope with getting a presciption of clomid, a year that started with a bfp. and it is ending with nothing!!


Anyways, I am off to New York in 2 days, a nice week with the hubby of having fun, its gonna be a bit of a bummer that af arrives on day 2 of holidays, but I hope my mind will be elsewhere.

Thank you girls for your support xxxx

 

[TinyLynne]

So sorry Jess. I feel the same way about the new year. 2015 was supposed to be our year. A new start.

As you know, 5 days before AF is still early. And even though you may not be able to see it, there is still hope.

I know you will have a great time in NYC, remember to be good to yourself. Spoil yourself some! Spoil yourself LOTS!!

Big hugs to you.

 

[mirandaprice]

I hope you're pleasantly surprised with a bfp instead of af.

I hope you enjoy your trip!

 

[Teeny Weeny]

Jessie, I'm so sorry to hear you are feeling so down. I do think of you often and pray for a BFP for you.
Have a wonderful time in New York, I am sure it will be amazing. The break will do you good and remind you of the good things in life.
Have a safe journey. Xxx

 

[jessieles]

Hi Girls

So I am back from NYC, had an amazing time.

Af came whilst over there. My Lap and dye is now 27th Jan. I am doing ok in myself, i spose it just becomes something you live with day to day.

How are you all doing? xx

 

[Teeny Weeny]

Hi Jessie.
Glad to hear that NY was amazing. I bet the break did you good, but I'm sorry the witch showed her ugly face.

I hope that Christmas and new year give you some distraction from TTC and your lap and dye will be before you know it. Xx

 

[mirandaprice]

Glad to hear you enjoyed nyc! Sorry AF came in the middle of it.

What sort of things did you do while there, if you don't mind sharing - I so miss living there!

 

[jessieles]

We stayed in the Hotel Belleclaire, upper west side. We did the 9/11 memorial, watched the NY Knicks at MSG, went to see Jersey Boys in Broadway, the empire state, the rockerfeller, brooklyn bridge, little italy, central park. It was soo tiring!!

 

[mirandaprice]

Sounds tiring! But a lot of great sights!