Jumping Over :)

[LulaBug]

Trigger Warning: Gender Disappointment

Ok, so when I found out I was having a boy, I was gutted. Cried my eyes out for days and it took me a while to come round and sometimes I still have the odd pang where I struggle with the fact that I wanted this baby to be my last but it only would have felt like I was complete, had it been a girl. I'd have had equal of each and I'd have felt complete and satisfied. But knowing I've another boy, I've got used to the fact I'm having a boy, nothing I can do about it this time...I'm thinking of baby number 7 to try again which of course, still carries no guarantees that that one will be a girl.

Anyways, tonight was one friends hen night and another friend who is mutual friend and also a fellow bridesmaid was finding out the gender of her baby today. As they're my friends, I've been open about my GD and I said to my friend that regardless of the result, I'll be happy for her and I won't ruin her moment for her based on my feelings.

Now....this is where I'm unsure of where my feelings are justified and/or drawing over the selfish verge.
So she found out at lunch time and I was seriously hoping that she'd say either way so that I could either cry my feelings of jealousy out if it was a girl so I could just have it out of my system for tonight or feel some happiness in the situation that we would both be having boys together.
She messaged on the group chat "I know you're gagging to know but I've decided to wait til I see you tonight "
I was like oh ok. So tonight rolls round and at nearly midnight, I still don't know. I feel like if it's a girl, she's been unknowingly cruel in dragging this out when she could have just got it over with and just said. On my own personal level, I've been battling a huge array of emotions and feel like this has taken over the whole evening in terms of me sat with a huge question mark over the whole situation due to not knowing and not feeling like it was my place to put her on the spot and ask.
However, I think the confirmation its a girl took place by way of a conversation that was had with my friend and someone else when the other person said she thinks she's having a boy. There was no confirmation but a rather coy silence and a look of not knowing where to put herself and again, on a personal level...that felt like a punch to the gut considering if that was how I'd just found out, that was such a hurtful way to find out. To this point, she's still not confirmed anything and right now I just feel numb. I am confused over how I should be feeling. I don't even know if I should be feeling anything. But it's just worn me out emotionally over this whole day. A huge part of me was really hoping that the reason she wanted to wait to tell me in person was because it was a boy. I just didn't think it would be a case of her dragging things out and I'm torn over how to feel. Should I be feeling hurt? Should I be giving my head a wobble? I don't know how to feel.

I can't talk to her. I'm scared I'll overload and say something I shouldn't so I'm just opting to take a step back for now. Anyway, I'll stop my rambling. I just don't feel like I can talk to anyone I know about this one so I just needed to get it down somewhere

 

[LulaBug]

16 weeks left. It's flying by.

Feeling a lot of movement low down so that's going to be fun the further along I get lol

 

[Suggerhoney]

Not long now hon eeeeek.
Why would ure friend make u go over for the gender but then keep it to herself that's so strange.
Does she know u wanted a girl? Maybe she's having a girl but feels afraid to tell u because she doesn't want to upset you.
Hope she tells u soon.
See I'm over run with boys. Me and my husband have 1 girl and 3 boys. I do have the 2 grown up children whome I had with my ex so adding them I have 4 boys and 2 girls
Me and dh are ttc our #5 baby together and even tho we already have 3 boys together I would love another little boy.
But don't get me wrong I won't be disappointed if I have a girl and I know our 9 year old dd would love a baby sister. But deep down I wud love another little man.

 

[Bevziibubble]

time is going so fast!
That's understandable with the feelings

 

[Irish Baby]

Trigger Warning: Gender Disappointment

Ok, so when I found out I was having a boy, I was gutted. Cried my eyes out for days and it took me a while to come round and sometimes I still have the odd pang where I struggle with the fact that I wanted this baby to be my last but it only would have felt like I was complete, had it been a girl. I'd have had equal of each and I'd have felt complete and satisfied. But knowing I've another boy, I've got used to the fact I'm having a boy, nothing I can do about it this time...I'm thinking of baby number 7 to try again which of course, still carries no guarantees that that one will be a girl.

Anyways, tonight was one friends hen night and another friend who is mutual friend and also a fellow bridesmaid was finding out the gender of her baby today. As they're my friends, I've been open about my GD and I said to my friend that regardless of the result, I'll be happy for her and I won't ruin her moment for her based on my feelings.

Now....this is where I'm unsure of where my feelings are justified and/or drawing over the selfish verge.
So she found out at lunch time and I was seriously hoping that she'd say either way so that I could either cry my feelings of jealousy out if it was a girl so I could just have it out of my system for tonight or feel some happiness in the situation that we would both be having boys together.
She messaged on the group chat "I know you're gagging to know but I've decided to wait til I see you tonight "
I was like oh ok. So tonight rolls round and at nearly midnight, I still don't know. I feel like if it's a girl, she's been unknowingly cruel in dragging this out when she could have just got it over with and just said. On my own personal level, I've been battling a huge array of emotions and feel like this has taken over the whole evening in terms of me sat with a huge question mark over the whole situation due to not knowing and not feeling like it was my place to put her on the spot and ask.
However, I think the confirmation its a girl took place by way of a conversation that was had with my friend and someone else when the other person said she thinks she's having a boy. There was no confirmation but a rather coy silence and a look of not knowing where to put herself and again, on a personal level...that felt like a punch to the gut considering if that was how I'd just found out, that was such a hurtful way to find out. To this point, she's still not confirmed anything and right now I just feel numb. I am confused over how I should be feeling. I don't even know if I should be feeling anything. But it's just worn me out emotionally over this whole day. A huge part of me was really hoping that the reason she wanted to wait to tell me in person was because it was a boy. I just didn't think it would be a case of her dragging things out and I'm torn over how to feel. Should I be feeling hurt? Should I be giving my head a wobble? I don't know how to feel.

I can't talk to her. I'm scared I'll overload and say something I shouldn't so I'm just opting to take a step back for now. Anyway, I'll stop my rambling. I just don't feel like I can talk to anyone I know about this one so I just needed to get it down somewhere

To be honest I think your gender disappointment needs to be addressed, you have two girls and three boys already so it’s not like you don’t have any daughters I hope you feel better about it all before baby arrives. Sorry if I sound harsh, not intended.

 

[LulaBug]

Something I've learned is that gender disappointment comes in many forms. It isn't limited to people who have one gender only. I joined a gender disappointment group and honestly, the stories you read really do open your eyes to the variety of ways and reasons gender disappointment exists.

 

[LulaBug]

I hope your TTC journey isn't too long Sugger, I'm sending lots of baby dust your way! x

 

[Suggerhoney]

Thanks love.
Ure rite gender disappointment does come in many different ways and it isn't something to be ashamed off. I had it with my first. She's nearly 19 now but I didn't find out gender and I really thought I was going to have a boy. All the way through I thought yep I'm gonna have a boy. I always wanted to be a boy mum and so when I had her and they said congratulations it's a baby girl I felt gender disappointment. It didn't last long tho and I would not change her for the world. I'm still hoping we fall with a boy again this time but I wouldn't be disappointed if it was a girl. Just want to fall pregnant and have a healthy baby.

U will be absolutely fine hon I promise. As soon as u have that baby in ure arms ure heart will burst with love.

How are u feeling hon?

We started trying last cycle but it was a no no. I'm on cd9 now as its just gone midnight so just waiting for Ovulation again.
I just hope I don't have to endure recurrent miscarriages again. Don't get me wrong if I'm gonna lose I wud rather have a chemical over a later loss any day but I just don't want to go through chemical after chemical after chemical after chemical like last time
I'm fully expecting to have 1 but hopefully not 4 like last time.
I'm OK with it taking a little while but just don't want to keep having losses like b4 or any later losses.

 

[LulaBug]

Last week of 2nd tri....omg...I can't even believe that I've got 12 weeks left

 

[Bevziibubble]

Wow, not long now!

 

[Suggerhoney]

Wow that’s gone supper fast. The 3rd trimester goes supper fast too. Baby be here b4 you know it.
We fell this cycle but was a chemical now just waiting to bleed. It’s like history repeating itself. Hopefully the next one is supper sticky. Hope ure feeling well.

 

[LulaBug]

Ahhhh I'm sorry you're going through another CP

I hope it's a one off and you'll get your sticky bean next cycle.

I'm doing alright, not looking forward to the weather getting too warm as I struggle in warmer months but I'll adapt the best I can.

I get tired a lot but I guess that's normal especially with 5 other kids lol. Easter break is definitely taking it out of me so I'll be glad to have the baby here just before summer holidays.

It's weird. This pregnancy, I've gone right off sex. I guess I've just got a total mental block on it all incase something goes wrong as when I had my second loss in 2020, the night before I had my scan and saw that the baby had died, we'd had sex so i just have negative associations now. Thought I'd feel better as time passed but I've actually found I'm worse because I feel there's more to lose being further along. Just so unusual for me as always had a pretty active love life until this pregnancy. The losses definitely have marked me in a way i never knew they would.

 

[Suggerhoney]

Oh yes I’m the same I hate the summer and being hot. Both my last pregnancies I was due October and September and going through those summer months were horrible. I was just massive and so so hot and cudnt sleep. With Tommy when he was born it wasn’t so bad because I had him toward the End of September and it was a lot colder. But Harley was 5th September and we had hot weather then and it was horrible not being able to swaddle him and keep him cosey. My first 2 were both summer babies. August and June and that wasn’t fun.
I’m really really hoping I get a late autumn or winter due date next time because I just hate the summer so much.
I was actually considering stopping ttc from August until January but I think as I will be 43 in December I can’t risk leaving it. As much as I don’t want a summer due date it’s better than nothing. So will just keep trying.

 

[Suggerhoney]

Hope u can enjoy these final weeks of ure pregnancy love. You will definitely miss that bump when it’s gone. I got a bit sad when I got toward 3rd tri because I new it was gonna be all over. It was lovely giving birth and having a healthy baby and a relief but from 3 weeks pp I was really missing my bump and those baby kicks and the excitement. Didn’t miss all the worrying tho. I’m such a worrier and it’s so much harder when u have had losses.
I’m so happy my DH agreed to try again. Just hope we are successful and I’m pregnant with a healthy beanie as soon as possible. Hopefully won’t be still here trying this time next year. Fertility plummets at 43 again so yeah I am worried but hopefully we get our little rainbow.

 

[Suggerhoney]

Can’t wait to see baby pick hon. Have u done a pregnancy journal?

 

[Suggerhoney]

How are u doing hon?