Lack of intimacy & dtd

[tessjs]

The urgency is crazy and its been driving me for some time actually well before 35..

its takes along time for a relationship some times to lead to where it needs to so by the time i got to end of 35yrs old I had been broken up with its taken me after that some two years to achieve dating,start a new relationship,get engaged,move in together,get married it took me quite some time and ya know thats another two years on top of 36...I would say to younger women and particurly early 30,s to not waste one moment with somebody who even the slightest is baulking at having children because the turn-around time is unknown and i was lucky it was only two years it could of been more...but it was already too late by the time my horrible and evil ex had dumped me on my 36th birthday..I will never forget the day the deed was don e..I knew then that having a child was going to be the biggest battle ever , i remember thinking OMG I may never have kids and I'm really seeing the pain of that now...

if i ever do have a child and its a girl I will be teaching her to have children young, regardless of what others may say..Yes, try and have a career but don't let yourself get too old to have children because the pain is horrific. having a career is not worth losing your chance of having a child over.By the way I didn't have a career which make sthis even more difficult for me..i had bad luck with men and life in general.....

 

[Briss]

I feel that our generation has been tricked into thinking that we could have children at any age and that the most important thing is having a career. i was so sure of that, it's only last couple of years that I realised that unless you are a genius and can really make a difference in the world no career can compensate for lack of children. I feel very stupid for ever believing having children can wait

 

[vermeil]

awww ladies *hugs* try to keep positive. I know it`s hard. I met my DH when I was 35, married at 36, fell pregnant at 37, gave birth to my wonderful son at 38. I know quite a few people who conceived in their 40s. The reason you don`t hear much of 40 year olds having kids is... the vast majority of them aren`t trying for kids You can also conceive solo. There are tons of advantages of having kids later.

 

[tessjs]

I feel that our generation has been tricked into thinking that we could have children at any age and that the most important thing is having a career. i was so sure of that, it's only last couple of years that I realised that unless you are a genius and can really make a difference in the world no career can compensate for lack of children. I feel very stupid for ever believing having children can wait

so bloody true..how are you Briss by the way.having a rough week myself..bad acne, AF supposed to be arriving any day...geez

 

[Briss]

hi tessjs, are you going to start vitamin b5 for acne? I've already ordered some. my chart is a mess, dot a cold this morning and my temp is up no idea whether I've O or not yet. at least hubby was behaving and after some persuasion he agreed to BD on both peaks

I hope your AF stays away

 

[tessjs]

hi tessjs, are you going to start vitamin b5 for acne? I've already ordered some. my chart is a mess, dot a cold this morning and my temp is up no idea whether I've O or not yet. at least hubby was behaving and after some persuasion he agreed to BD on both peaks

I hope your AF stays away

Yes I'm going to buy some tommorrow to add to my growing list of supps..its crazy...the last thing I need is acne killing the mojo i don't just get it on my face I get it on my back as well..whats the best dosage? I can get a 500mg thompsons brand...is that going to even improve it...? what sthe dosage that will kick in and make some inroads?

thank god your hubby agreed to do the deed at the right time.AF supposed to be coming thurs for me desperate for it not to but I have all the signs, teariness, moody,acne,breasts feel bigger(sorry TMI) jan was a disaster though, everything went wrong but i had terrible work issues this month and where i live awful heat(god i hate summer) .

the two things i want to introduce for feb i am scared of the most soft cups and conceive plus.putting stuff up your hoo ha is a bit of a worry...i hate the whole process AF arrives and the you got to start counting as usual... then you do your OPK's and hope hubby is up for it at those positives or before I should say...its just a huuuuuugggeeee process.i wonder how anybody gets born at all..I have at least a coupe or more cycles documented in my journal now..I have info..which I am proud of...

the one thing I have failed badly at are temps, very bad at it I miss most days or something happens and i forget... its pretty awful...the only successes n my TTC journey i've had is with Grapefruit juice so much EWCM....

well heres to another week...trying to conceive ?How longs a piece of string??????

 

[Briss]

I got 500mg higher natures brand, we can take 5 g but I will start with 1 g.

I also keep a diary, have been for a year now where I put all TTC related info and various symptoms on a daily basis, even my dreams. I did help me to learn so much about my body

we used pre-seed this cycle. I also got soft cups ages ago but would not dare to use them yet. they are so huge, i cant even begin to think how would that feel.

 

[viccat]

Hi again girls, been a while since I've been online ...... well around here anyway. Feeling pretty despondent with it, so not felt like logging on.

Part of it could be laziness too...because I think it's less work to masturbate than it is to make love.

I do wonder whether my hubby masturbates, even though he says not. Laziness is my best guess as to why he might be doing this instead of making love.

How is everyone today?

 

[viccat]

Question for you girls....

..... would you use a known donor? I have an ex-lover offering to do the deed. At the start of this I would never have considered it, but I am getting so miserable, and none of the talking / caring / sharing / crying seems to help with the man I WANT to have a family with

 

[Zeri]

viccat, that's a great question. How would your OH feel about it?

It's something I thought about when DH and I had a fight about ttc#2. I threatened that I would find someone to have another baby with... I think it made him feel bad but also realize how serious I was about the whole thing. Tbh, I wasn't that serious then about trying with someone else...in my heart I want it to be him and I want to have his child and have my daughter to have a full sibling, but then...I'm also serious about wanting to have another baby. If I didn't have the chance to have another one with him I think it's something I would probably think about more seriously.

Briss - good to hear you got some good Bding in this month. Tessjs, I relate to the stress you're feeling, although it might be slightly different for me because I have a child already. I feel a lot of urgency about getting a #2 though...been trying for the past year and a half (had a mc in 2011) and sometimes it seems like it'll never happen. My age and time running out and DH being uncooperative with BD really makes me anxious and stressed out. Right now I feel like AF will be here in 2 days and it just makes me so weary to think of trying to coordinate everything again for next month. I'm tired of drinking the grapefruit juice, tired of trying to get DH to Bd at the right itme, tired of waiting for O and AF and being disappointed when AF shows. Sigh! This ttc journey can be so exhausting! Especially when the OH's don't cooperate!

 

[nobump]

Decided it takes two of us, DH can't always work on demand... so I need to be patient and try new things to help us both... I have a short fuse so not good when I feel I am not getting my own way... good job one of us has a patience..

 

[viccat]

viccat, that's a great question. How would your OH feel about it?

I think he would hit the roof. I think we would have arguments, recriminations, soul searching and a tonne of talking about how WE should change things.

It would be a bit better for a little while, and then we would slide back to how things are at the moment. In the meantime I would lose another few months....

It feels so wrong wrong wrong to do this without his knowledge - but there is a bit of my mind saying "it's been a solution used for many centuries before"

If nothing else, I feel a lot better for actually typing this, and putting the words out there...

 

[Suzy_Q]

Viccat - I also tried the "not telling him" approach for a few months. Eventually, I felt so guilty I just one day said "I'm officially letting you know I'm no longer on birth control". His response was to cut me off sexually for 6 months! So after no sex life for six months and waiting for him to come around, I just decided I was going to a donor and we broke up. Now, I don't know your situation but my OH and I are NOT married. After going with me to my fertility appointments, he eventually caved and is now my donor and again boyfriend. However, he has kid "issues" and may bale if I do get pregnant. Either way, I get a child which is what I want at this point in my life. I already broke up with him in favor of having a child, if I have to I will do it again. I'm not saying my approach was a good one, just pointing out you are not alone!

Suzy_Q

 

[viccat]

Slightly different for me, as OH and I have been "trying" for a year now. He agreed, and we used to use condoms, so no secrecy there.

He just doesn't really try. He's always had a low drive though - so i wouldn't say this was due to TTC.

 

[Jax41]

Ladies, may I join your thread please? It's so hard to find somewhere to talk about this stuff as most DHs, OHs, DBs seem to co-operate unfortunately mine doesn't or rather only when it suits him basically weekday BDing is not on the agenda which I find incredibly hard to cope with.

We, or rather I, have been TTC for 2 years, he has most definitely been NTNP. We together went to my FS appt over Christmas we talked with him about sex, having enough etc and I really, really thought I'd cracked it with DH esp as this was my first clomid cycle too, but no I felt such an idiot that I'd believe he'd change ...

I've told DH don't make me hate you for not trying, his reply was no pressure then, sorry you've brought the pressure on yourself mate by making me wait so long, not taking this seriously enough... In all other aspects our marriage is great, he's been fab for me so many times, when my business went bust, when my Dad died and we like doing the same things together, so why is being such a pigheaded selfish b*st*rd over this?

I could ramble for hours......sigh.....

 

[chickenchaser]

Ladies, may I join your thread please? It's so hard to find somewhere to talk about this stuff as most DHs, OHs, DBs seem to co-operate unfortunately mine doesn't or rather only when it suits him basically weekday BDing is not on the agenda which I find incredibly hard to cope with.

We, or rather I, have been TTC for 2 years, he has most definitely been NTNP. We together went to my FS appt over Christmas we talked with him about sex, having enough etc and I really, really thought I'd cracked it with DH esp as this was my first clomid cycle too, but no I felt such an idiot that I'd believe he'd change ...

I've told DH don't make me hate you for not trying, his reply was no pressure then, sorry you've brought the pressure on yourself mate by making me wait so long, not taking this seriously enough... In all other aspects our marriage is great, he's been fab for me so many times, when my business went bust, when my Dad died and we like doing the same things together, so why is being such a pigheaded selfish b*st*rd over this?

I could ramble for hours......sigh.....

I could have writen this post a few months ago, You can work it out. It is hard and take a lot of soul searching for you both, but it is possible. I really hope you work things out.

 

[Jax41]

Ladies, may I join your thread please? It's so hard to find somewhere to talk about this stuff as most DHs, OHs, DBs seem to co-operate unfortunately mine doesn't or rather only when it suits him basically weekday BDing is not on the agenda which I find incredibly hard to cope with.

We, or rather I, have been TTC for 2 years, he has most definitely been NTNP. We together went to my FS appt over Christmas we talked with him about sex, having enough etc and I really, really thought I'd cracked it with DH esp as this was my first clomid cycle too, but no I felt such an idiot that I'd believe he'd change ...

I've told DH don't make me hate you for not trying, his reply was no pressure then, sorry you've brought the pressure on yourself mate by making me wait so long, not taking this seriously enough... In all other aspects our marriage is great, he's been fab for me so many times, when my business went bust, when my Dad died and we like doing the same things together, so why is being such a pigheaded selfish b*st*rd over this?

I could ramble for hours......sigh.....

I could have writen this post a few months ago, You can work it out. It is hard and take a lot of soul searching for you both, but it is possible. I really hope you work things out.

Thanks chickenchaser that really helps as TTC and his attitude to it is making me forget all the good stuff about us and with that fearful for our future if it's childless...

 

[alison29]

I feel your pain Jax you are def not alone.

 

[lexus15]

Apologies for not posting lately but I couldn't face it. Nothing has changed in my situation, this cycle has passed & we didn't dtd at all AND once again I feel like a failure. I get so angry/ frustrated that if it was possible I would hit him!

I'm seriously considering my relationship with my oh..the whole relationship is one sided with me giving & him taking all the time. As well as not wanting me/dtd he's not very loving which I could have compensated for his lack of trying. I've been thinking about actually asking him for a break but I know that he has nowhere to stay with no money.

Ladies those of you that CAN please remain positive as your relationship doesn't have to be like mine.

 

[Zeri]

Ladies, may I join your thread please? It's so hard to find somewhere to talk about this stuff as most DHs, OHs, DBs seem to co-operate unfortunately mine doesn't or rather only when it suits him basically weekday BDing is not on the agenda which I find incredibly hard to cope with.

We, or rather I, have been TTC for 2 years, he has most definitely been NTNP. We together went to my FS appt over Christmas we talked with him about sex, having enough etc and I really, really thought I'd cracked it with DH esp as this was my first clomid cycle too, but no I felt such an idiot that I'd believe he'd change ...

I've told DH don't make me hate you for not trying, his reply was no pressure then, sorry you've brought the pressure on yourself mate by making me wait so long, not taking this seriously enough... In all other aspects our marriage is great, he's been fab for me so many times, when my business went bust, when my Dad died and we like doing the same things together, so why is being such a pigheaded selfish b*st*rd over this?

I could ramble for hours......sigh.....

Do you think he's just being selfish, Jax, or that he has a low testosterone/libido issue? Or maybe the psychological pressure's getting to him? I'm sorry you're not getting through to him. TTC is really frustrating when one partner isn't cooperating like you want them too. I feel your pain...I think my DH's testosterone is low, which iis why he doesn't feel like Bding a lot. I've also been TTC for the past year and a half, but he's definitely NTNP. I don't share anything with him about my cycles, so that he doesn't get stressed/pressured by it.

Do you think your DH would benefit from libido-boosting supplements? Like Maca, Horny Goat Weed, L'Arginine etc..?