I told Nic I'd help keep this updated via cut and pasting her facebook updates, so she could come here and just enjoy herself. I am leaving pictures up to her, though, but I will say that the little guy is looking so awesome! So.......
December 11, 2008 Update 11:40pm
December 9:
Weight: 1070g
Gain: 19g
38 days
Corrected Age: 30 weeks (yay!)
December 10:
Weight 1080g
Gain: 10g
39 days
Corrected Age: 30 weeks 1 day
The last few days have been really good...if not great. I say that with cautious optimism. Yesterday Kyle had his first skin-to-skin with Lakai (pictures in the album "Cuddle Time"), they both did very well. Kyle was so nervous that you could see beads of sweat on his forehead. He really had nothing to be nervous about though, he was so careful and Lakai seemed to really enjoy it.
As did I, seeing my husband..my best friend..holding our son for the first time.
Kyle said "thank you" randomly while holding Lakai, I had to ask "What for?" and he replied "For Lakai"..I really didn't know what to say. "You're welcome" would have been the right choice and yet I was speechless. At first I was over come with emotion because it was so sweet and touching. And then guilt, because saying "you're welcome" felt more like saying "I'm sorry", Im sorry for you being in this situation with me and our son.
Back to the happier stuff...I have to admit I almost cried right along with Kyle when he first held Lakai. It was a very moving moment, Daddy holding his son for the first time. Knowing Kyle had given me to have two cuddles before he held Lakai, because he felt I needed it more than he did.
But clearly he needed just as much as I did. As did Lakai.
Other than that, nothing major happened which is a good thing when you are living your life with your baby in the NICU.
Today...
Weight: 1129g or 2lbs 7.82oz (1175g as of 11:13 pm tonight)
40 days old
Corrected Age: 30 weeks 2 days
I suppose one other major thing did happen yesterday and that was Lakai's latest head ultrasound. And today we received the results. The blood has almost all resolved on it's own, the doctor said there was "great improvement" and it was almost ALL gone. There is no swelling of the ventricles, the blood clot is not causing any issues and is resolving as well (and in only a rare case would it start cause problems at this point). And the best part? Where the blood is resolving there is no damage seen to the brain tissue beneath! Which is very good news..
Not to sound like a pessimist but I won't be holding my breath just yet and yet I still want to jump up and down and yell HOORAY!
The doctor said that it was the best outcome we could have hoped to see due to the past ultrasounds..how could you not be happy when you hear that?!
I also had a great cuddle with him today, we are starting to have a little routine down pat. And every thing is falling into place so smoothly and naturally. I have his "cues" down that's for sure. Like when he starts to wiggle his head around and scrunches his face up like his vent tube suddenly turned into a slice of lemon, means he probably needs to be suctioned or he is not comfortable in his position. If his oxygen starts to dip, he either needs a suction or has been woken up by a sound or a movement. A "shush shush" noise usually brings him back up if its the latter or rocking the glider chair in a different way.
Even his cues in the incubator are pretty clear these days...when he stiffens his arms and legs straight out and his little face turns red, he is over stimulated..either from sound, light or being touched. If he has his eyes open and tries (he doesn't have much eye control right now, though it gets better every day) to see you, he is open for interaction. But even when he does this, it is best to add only one source of stimulation at a time. For example, position your face where he could see you and if he reacts positively to that, then you can add voice stimuli. As preemies age they can handle more stimulation at once but until then it is better for them to have only what they can handle.
I think Lakai has gotten use too and recognizes my voice and his Dad's but he is still easily over stimulated by voices of people he does not hear as much. I assume this because he reacts very differently to our voices, then he will to "strange" voices. Even if it's a nurse or visitor he has seen repeatedly. Don't take it personally, it's just his preemie way and it's temporary!
When he makes fists, or a stop hand signal up by his face..chances are he is also over stimulated unless he is asleep and its just an involuntary movement.
It's very VERY easy to over stimulate preemies and I won't lie at first it did hurt my feelings. But the more you really think about it and consider the fact he has a very immature nervous system, you realize its not about you. It's not personal. And you need to respect that fact by giving him time to recover and "alone time".
Our skin-to-skin normally consists of him being awake for the beginning, which is when he tries really hard to look at me and usually sucks on his tube for a little bit. Today he was sticking his tongue out and licking my chest. I tried to explain to him that he was too young yet to start breast feeding and that wasn't really how you did it any ways. He still kept licking me..silly baby!
I guess his "Got Boob" onesie is fitting (or will be..) after all...sorry Grandma! I know you don't love that piece of clothing =)
It's amazing what a little or should I say big personality he has already. I think in some ways its lucky that I get to see so early what an amazing little person he is becoming and yet don't think I wouldn't have kept him inside my tummy longer given the choice.
In other news..I talked to another preemie mom today, in the pump room of course. I should say right now, I never thought I would be holding conversations with other people in person whist pumping breast milk. Then again I never thought I would have a baby. Or be in this situation. So it's fairly safe to say that I truly believe anything and everything will and does happen, especially when you least except it.
Any ways..the other mom and I talked about what a hard situation it is to be in and how much we grieved the loss of our pregnancies even though yes, we did have wonderful babies from it all. The grief is a very normal thing to feel for preemie moms. It's very common to grieve for the things you lost such as baby showers, baby announcements, belly casts, your birth plan and so on.
While yes, we may still get these things as preemie moms. I think it's safe to say for some things are put on "pause" because we are scared the very worst may happen and we almost distance ourselves from the attachment of these sacred baby rituals. Some moms (and dads) may even distance themselves emotionally from their baby's for this same reason.
And some of these things we just will never get to do, such as the belly casts..and belly photos.
And yet some how it probably makes us better parents. I hope so....?
It was nice to talk to someone who is going through the same situation and having the same feelings as I am. But my heart went out to her after she asked "How long have you been doing this for?" (in regards to pumping.. but really asking how long have you been here in the NICU) and I said 40 days...you could see the disappointment of reality in her face. Not for me, but for herself. Like she knew that she would be in my shoes in a few weeks...deep into the routine of having your baby in the NICU.
I think we all hold on to the secret hope, that our baby will be the one to over come all the odds and break out of the NICU long before their due dates. Or even a couple of weeks early would be nice. Heck I think most of us would throw parties if it happened days early.
We just called to do our nightly check up on Lakai and all is well. His blood gas was so good that they turned down his vent settings. And they plan to start weaning him from his vent tomorrow and the days to come. Plus his morphine is being weaned every second day as well.
On other news...I still have not settled on a nursery colour, which is really frustrating because I know we need to get it done soon because he is 10 weeks away from his due date, which means around when he would be coming home!
So it's something we need to decide on soon.
One thing I have decided is what nursery furniture I want. And while yes I know some of you might be thinking "you don't/won't need a crib for awhile yet or you may not even need a change table" the thing is..I haven't been able to enjoy many of the normal pregnancy things. Like I mentioned above. But having a beautiful nursery complete with all the trimmings is something I can do. I guess it just something I "need" to do.
Here's what I have picked...
Crib:
From TJ's Kids in Vancouver (Babies R' Us has it too..but TJ's costs less and is the same crib!)
Chelsea Stages Crib - Cognac
https://www.tjskids.com/cart.asp?wh...rand=0&expand=categories&pagesize=5&item=4714
Change Table:
Congac colour as well.
https://www.toysrus.ca/product/index.jsp?productId=2773593&cp=2583017&parentPage=family
Very nice.
Anyways...that's all I have to update with right now.
Thank you to everyone for all the wonderful support and good wishes! We appreicate it all so much! And it's working like a charm!
He's gorgeous 
