legal crap + fathers rights. ANGRY RANT!

[rose.wombwell]

OK so this isnt directed at FOB's who actually are consistant and genuinly care and love there children.

I've (narrowly) avoided court... (for now)

BUT whilst doing my research, which i did alot of! and the fact im seeing a solicitor tomrrow!

All of which have informed me, the courts will favour the father and give him the acsess he wants! (obvs not to extreme like being the main carer)
REGARDLESS of instability, and what a unreliable and selfish cock they are.

They can pick and choose when and where they would like this, and as a mother your not even given the right to protect your own child.

it makes me so angry!!!!!!!

i USED to think "dads have rights to and it should be equal"
now i have my own child i 100000000000% take that back!! the most important and stable figure in a childs life as far as im concerned is the mother.

AND if a mother feels reducing acsess or even stoppingit all together is appropriate for their child they SHOULD have the right to do so.
NOT if the reasons are out of spite obviously


but the people who are getting caught up and hurt and messed are about are the children! and they are the ones we should bE protecting!

so sick of the complete bollocks of fathers rights shite. fuck off.
All this has done is allow controlling men to use there children as weapons, and the oment as a parent you object. they wave court in your face. and they will win it.

what a load of shit.

 

[xSophieBx]

Totally agree with you. They can put me in prison though before I end up putting MY child in danger... I don't care what a judge rules if I don't think its in my daughters best interests. Bring it on... Lets all fight for our rights... maybe dressing up as wonder woman and climbing a building might do it!!

 

[rose.wombwell]

its just incredibly unfair/annoying!!!! selfish controlling men are now benefitting from good dads doing hard work... and selsfish mothers using their children as weapons have cost good mothers the right to protect thie children as they wish!!

i feel like i kinda dont really have much say as to what happens to my son.. i raise him alone and gave birth to him... how the fuck did that happpen!

 

[MumToBe2012]

Completely agree. However, there aren't many fathers that would actually go to court and even though it's not true all the time, sometimes when the FOB goes to court it can prove that they do want to be a consistant figure in their child's life.

It upsets me though that these children are the ones that suffer, because it isn't fair to them to have a parent that's only there when they feel like it. From the court's POV though they would see it as the child needs both their parents.

 

[Crumbsx]

I agree completely

I feel as though I carried my daughter, gave birth to her, provide for her every need emotionally and financially, care for her 24/7, give everything up for her, love her unconditionally and have a really strong bond with her.

Whereas FOB doesn't provide for my daughter emotionally or financially, doesn't care for her other than the odd hour a week when he can be bothered, doesn't give up anything for her and doesn't seem to love her atall or have bonded with her.

Yet he supposedly has the same rights as me, and will be given chance after chance by the courts regardless of his behaviour. If I acted like he did, I'd be seen as a bad mum and have my daughter took off me. Yet he's told he has the same rights as me and crap

 

[rose.wombwell]

it really is ridiculos... its almost as if the courts are seeing a situation purely black and white.
When these situations have sooooooo much more to them! it isnt as easy as "your mum and hes dad. child should see you both" i wish it was as simple as that! but it really isnt!!!!
and treating it that way is causing so much shit and hurt.
they go on about how they will only step in if FOB will cause your child phsycical harm..
what about the disruption and emotional upset.. what about the effects that our children will have in years to come, does that count for nothing??!!!!

 

[Crumbsx]

Yeah exactly, it's like they say: sometimes emotional scars are worse than physical ones, as physical scars heal quicker.

I don't want my daughter to have anything bad happen to her in her childhood, I don't want her to have a dad who treats her horribly and makes her question if he really loves her. Yet the courts seem perfectly fine allowing it, they don't realise how damaging it can be. I bet they'd soon change there minds if they were in this situation though..

Don't get me wrong, the men who are actually decent and try everything they can to be part of there Childs lifes deserve to (most definately) but it's the other crap dads I have an issue with. Children get hurt unneccisarily because of the dads rights. What about the childrens rights?!

 

[ilove3baby]

I absolutley agree...total BS.

 

[dustbunny]

I find it soooooooooo stupidly unfair. If, as mothers, we chose to be rubbish our children would be taken into care and we would have an uphill battle to get them back. We would have to jump through fire to prove we were good enough.... but it would seem fathers do not have to have been there for the pregnancy, to not have contributed what so ever, to then one day wake up and decide they want to be involved and its "yes, come straight in... cup of tea for you!" and a pat on the back!

Its like FOB hasn't been bothered full stop, he contacted me complaining he wasn't being involved so I involve him and he hasn't come back to me in over a month now. I am so angry with his "im not being involved" shit which keeps getting thrown back in my face that I actually hate him. The only reason he would get in contact would be his mother pushing him into it. I would be so angry if he decided to phone me just before or after the birth as I know he would find it all shiny and new to begin with and it would fade away.

I would rather he get lost completely than be halfhearted about it all. But... if I get taken to court I have to give him to all his demands. Total joke!

 

[judge12]

So many women have stopped access or been right bitches to good men which is why, all men will get access if they bother too go to court. Most of them won't go to court anyway but my oh ex stopped contact for no good reason except he wouldn't go back too her. It's pathetic.

 

[angelpkj]

well said i feel so let down by the legal system
if you can provide enough proof to prove why the child is better off without FOB then that should be the end of it

im debating not following thru with the court order
i feel like i am trying to protect my son and the court are fucking things up

WHO ARE A BUNCH OF JUDGES TO DECIDE WHAT IS BEST FOR MY CHILD???
and they wonder why so many kids are fucked up
its because there being let down by fobs!if it was left to us mothers we would make sure they wouldnt go thru that!!

 

[ilove3baby]

I honestly did violate the court order because I know whats best for DD as well as me as her mother and the only one taking care of her...I do know that FOBs family wants to be involved and I feel bad for that but will work something out with them....

 

[BunNtheOven]

..If i ever took my OH to court over anything (were together but if something happened) i would probably be screwed. He's a Corporal Sheriff and knows every single judge and friends with them in this county and surrounding ones. I dont think I would be able to take him if i needed to because of it..I would be scared it would back fire on me and thats just how this place is- connections get you places here. I only work at a retail store ( i graduate from college in may but that doesnt mean ill find a job right away). Good luck though.

 

[Laura2919]

Well I agree on most of it. Your right, just like the other post about nursery. I think if a father can't be adult and discuss things amicably with the mother he doesn't deserve to know that information. I am the mother and I know ALL there is to know about Chloe and Jaycee so FOB SHOULD be asking me not someone else. If he chooses not to he won't know anything.

I agree with two other posts, if I thought that it was putting my children at risk I would breach the order because first and foremost my children's well being is what matters to me.

 

[Dezireey]

After reading this - Am I being too complacent about things? I just absolutely don't believe that my FOB will want to even see his son when he is born, let alone suddenly decide one day that he wants to have access / go to courts etc. I just don't see that in his character. He loves his freedom, never wanted kids and chooses to ignore ANY communication about the baby but responds immediately when I have talked about 'us' or anything else. Should I keep an open mind that it is quite possble one day that he may be an arse and want custody or something? I just can't see that happening with a person like him.

 

[dustbunny]

After reading this - Am I being too complacent about things? I just absolutely don't believe that my FOB will want to even see his son when he is born, let alone suddenly decide one day that he wants to have access / go to courts etc. I just don't see that in his character. He loves his freedom, never wanted kids and chooses to ignore ANY communication about the baby but responds immediately when I have talked about 'us' or anything else. Should I keep an open mind that it is quite possble one day that he may be an arse and want custody or something? I just can't see that happening with a person like him.

I hate to say this but... I think... we might have the same FOB. If I were to text me saying "yeh, so I feel super horny" or "so about us..." he would text back... no... he would phone back ...no no... drive down to see me in a shot!!! Anything to do with the baby is mentioned from him months later in excuses after I have contacted him.
This is a situation where you can't play at being an adult, just can't happen.

 

[Dezireey]

After reading this - Am I being too complacent about things? I just absolutely don't believe that my FOB will want to even see his son when he is born, let alone suddenly decide one day that he wants to have access / go to courts etc. I just don't see that in his character. He loves his freedom, never wanted kids and chooses to ignore ANY communication about the baby but responds immediately when I have talked about 'us' or anything else. Should I keep an open mind that it is quite possble one day that he may be an arse and want custody or something? I just can't see that happening with a person like him.

I hate to say this but... I think... we might have the same FOB. If I were to text me saying "yeh, so I feel super horny" or "so about us..." he would text back... no... he would phone back ...no no... drive down to see me in a shot!!! Anything to do with the baby is mentioned from him months later in excuses after I have contacted him.
This is a situation where you can't play at being an adult, just can't happen.

It's just weird behaviour isn't it? Why on earth are they even bothering to be like that?. Just strikes me as odd is all. I guess it's about being a little boy and not wanting to grow up. Sometimes i think he is sat somewhere when he gets a message about the baby with his hands on his ears going 'la,la,la this is not happening,she is not having a baby, la,la,la'

 

[dustbunny]

After reading this - Am I being too complacent about things? I just absolutely don't believe that my FOB will want to even see his son when he is born, let alone suddenly decide one day that he wants to have access / go to courts etc. I just don't see that in his character. He loves his freedom, never wanted kids and chooses to ignore ANY communication about the baby but responds immediately when I have talked about 'us' or anything else. Should I keep an open mind that it is quite possble one day that he may be an arse and want custody or something? I just can't see that happening with a person like him.

I hate to say this but... I think... we might have the same FOB. If I were to text me saying "yeh, so I feel super horny" or "so about us..." he would text back... no... he would phone back ...no no... drive down to see me in a shot!!! Anything to do with the baby is mentioned from him months later in excuses after I have contacted him.
This is a situation where you can't play at being an adult, just can't happen.

It's just weird behaviour isn't it? Why on earth are they even bothering to be like that?. Just strikes me as odd is all. I guess it's about being a little boy and not wanting to grow up. Sometimes i think he is sat somewhere when he gets a message about the baby with his hands on his ears going 'la,la,la this is not happening,she is not having a baby, la,la,la'

I just have majorly gone off men... boys... whatever they want to call themselves. Much much better off on our own.

 

[daveww]

just my opinion and dont want to upset anyone or anyone to think im being offensive... but in my opinion the law protects the child the mother and the father ... and if anyone women does follow the direction of a court and breaches a contact order then i think its un reasonable to want other areas of law to be enforced ... you cant pick and choose these things you eithier follow the law or you dont. if everybody who decided they dont agree with a particular law broke it then the whole country would be in a even worse state than it already! ... i guess a lot of what im sayin here is comin from the fact that if the mother of my little girl decided not to obide by the contact a court put in place then what option would i be left with?? how would i ever see my girl?

 

[Laura2919]

I agree to a certain extent but if the court gave FOB rights to Chloe and Jaycee and I thought that it would affect their well being then I wouldn't allow it to happen.

Like this: FOB used to have Chloe and Jaycee one day each week and then every other weekend, When they came back they were so unsettled, running round my house like he'd let them at the sugar pot and it was so hard to settle them, especially midweek. Now he only sees them every other weekend and its consistant, they know that on a specific day they see him and thats the best way forward, yes FOB doesn't get to see them as much but they are settled and to him thats what should matter most.
The difference in my situation is that I have an FOB who does things deliberately to make me annoyed, I've decided to not even bother with the games. I set the rules and he follows, if he doesn't want to then he can quite happily take me to court. Lots of money, lots of time and a lot of headaches.