Xpecta
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So today I sat down to write this out, mainly cause I told someone I would share it with them, and secondy I've been having cramps and my breasts stopped hurting, so I wanted to reassure myself of God's grace and promise by retelling this story. And it worked. I still Get chills! Jesus Is LIFE! I praise Him for all the blessings He has given me! And I pray that anyone who reads this, is re/filled with Hope and Faith.
Anyways, So I basically fell into a two day depression. It wasn't fun. And of course, then we had some friends come into town that had a Son and a Daughter (And a Daughter is what I want SO bad!) Their son is about the same age as our son, and they Got pregnant about the same time we started trying. So anyways, we went to lunch with them and it turned out fine. Apparently they didn't know about our miscarriage so I talked to her about it.
I was reading my Bible. For my anniversary just days before,My Husband (Billy) got me a new Womens Devotional Bible. The last Bible I had gotten was my teen study bible, and I was thinking it was time to upgrade haha. So anyways, I was looking through it, and there was a reading schedule in the back, "Read your Bible in a Year" So I looked up that day's date and started reading Psalms 112-118. I got half was through Chapter 113 when I decided to go to bed.
So I ended up deciding that I didn't want to go to Church the next day. I told Billy that I wasn't going, and then I went to read the Bible Psalms 112-118. When we woke up on Sunday, he asked if I was going and I said no. If there was anything important, he could come and tell me after about it. I'll stay home and read my Bible or something. But when I woke up on Sunday morning, I rolled back over to try and go back to sleep, but I kept getting this horrible nagging feeling that I should go. I tried to push it aside a couple times, but It was still there. I kept trying to fight it, making up excuses as to why I could miss just ONE day! But finally, the nagging feeling won! I got up while Billy was in the Shower and got dressed and ready. When he came out, I expected him to be shocked or something that I was coming, but apparently he'd been praying that I change my mind, so he wasn't surprised.
So anyways, I was looking at the clock and was worried we'd be really late. So we didn't even eat breakfast and ran out the door, hopped on our bikes and peddled our way to Church. On the way, I kept replaying this thought in my head...It was a dream I had. For some reason, in my dream, I kept reading and hearing about a verse called "P-41" No idea what that was, but it kept flashing in my mind cause I was dreaming about ALL night. We got there and apparently we were incredibly early! But I wasn't in a good mood. I was still depressed, but I though, hey, I'm here right? There must be a reason for me to be here. A big reason why I didn't want to go to Church was cause there was a pregnant lady there. Very, she's acutally due any day now, and I didn't want to see her, cause I should have had a HUGE baby belly now too. (My due date was Sept. 6th) And I just didn't want to have to face her. I thought God would understand, but it turns out she wasn't actually there that day.
So we were actually there early for Adult Sunday School. So we sat there and listened. I tried to pay attention, but I really couldn't. my friend was sitting beside me and kept asking if I was okay. She even wrote me a note asking if I was okay. I told her I was fine. Later she would tell me, that she knew what I was depressed about.
So as I was sitting there, I flipped to my Bible to the place where I had been reading the night before. And I continued on Psalms 113. And Psalms 113:9 Made my breath cease! It said "He settles the barren woman in her home as a happy mother of children. Praise the LORD."
And RIGHT below it was the big bold print of PSALMS 114. Which when I saw that, Instantly, in my head I saw the vision of my dream the night before "P-41" I got chills and just stared at it. Tears welled up and I just couldn't believe it.
Then the music started, and everyone is singing and worshipping, but I have troubles worshipping when my heart is not in it, as I would expect anyone to be. So at one point I think I just layed on Billy's shoulder and closed my eyes, and just tried to listen to the music. At one point I ended up sitting down and leaning against Billy's leg. Someone I've pretty much never talked to, came over and asked if I was okay. I was shocked and felt warm in my heart that she cared enough to ask, but I just told her I was fine. Apparently people noticed that I wasn't feeling well that day.
So anyways, the music and worshipping came to an end, and the Pastor stood up and started his Sermon. It was on Luke 13:10-13 Which says:
"Jesus Heals a Crippled Woman on the Sabbath
10 On a Sabbath Jesus was teaching in one of the synagogues, 11 and a woman was there who had been crippled by a spirit for eighteen years. She was bent over and could not straighten up at all. 12 When Jesus saw her, he called her forward and said to her, “Woman, you are set free from your infirmity.” 13 Then he put his hands on her, and immediately she straightened up and praised God."
So starts talking about how this woman was just bent over for 18 years of her life. And he's talking about her Vision and how she must have seen the world SO differently than everyone else. She saw everyone's feet. She just saw the world so differently than everyone else. So of course I instantly thought of how I'm seeing the world differently than everyone else. All I see is pregnant women, and Babies everywhere. All I can see is stuff about pregnancy. It was driving me mad! So that was the first trigger that this Sermon was going to be really important, and that I was sitting in Church for a GOOD reason!
So he starts talking about how Demons just weigh her down, so that it makes her hunched over. And that she had been carrying them around with her for 18 years. Then he started Illustrating a picture for us. He went and layed down and said "Picture this, she woke up on that morining, and thought about what she was going to do today. She layed in bed and thought about the world, and how she didn't want to have to face it that day. But she looks over at her calendar and realized its The day of Sabbath. So she layed in bed and thought about maybe she should go to the Synogogue. But then she may have struggled with the idea, and not wanted to face people there. Having people look down at her all day. Having them feel bad for her. So she layed in bed and tossed the idea around. Finally deciding to get up and Go. Then some how, she made it there on time. Either she hobbled her way, or she got a ride, I don't know, but somehow she made it there on time! And there, on that day, she met Jesus and He healed her! He came to her, because she came to they Synogogue on the day of Sabbath and healed her! Because she made the effort, God met her there."By this point, I was BAWLING! I couldn't keep my tears in. This was EXACTLY how my morning was! EXACTLY. Billy had even tightened his grip around me, cause he was thinking the same thing. I've never had a Sermon be THIS direct with me before. It was shocking. A girl near the front even kept turning around and looking at me cause I was crying so hard. And by this point, I had stared feeling small sharp twinges in my lower abdomen. But I didn't think anything of them.
So the Pastor was talking about how She got her Miracle healing because she forced herself to Church that morning. Then he started on "Do you ever wonder if its important to come to Church? You have to meet God here. If he has a miracle for you, and you decide to skip Church, He's not going to come find you. You have to make an effort to come find Him. You don't want it to come to Judgement day and have God say 'I had a grand miracle for you this day, but you decided to skip Church. You missed out, and this is how your life was different. You should have come that one day.'" And he was talking about how if that Woman didn't get up that morning, suck up whatever feelings she had, and had not made it to Church, then she may have been crippled for another 18 years, or even the rest of her Life!
Then he said that if we are here, we will recieve our healing! Whatever healing it may be! Just come to the Alter and leave it there for God. So I went up there with my friend and Billy. I bowed down and started crying again. I prayed for Healing! I didn't want to feel this way anymore! I didn't want to ache in my heart, I didn't want to be depressed. I wanted better for my Husband and my son! So please God, Heal me in every way, Mind, Soul and Body!
And then I just prayed. So anyways, Church was over and we decided to go for lunch with my friend. We had to go home first and grab some stuff, and change, so we decided to meet her there in about an hour (Since we were on Bikes) Then we went home. On the way home, I was telling Billy that I felt like my Period had started. I Felt "Wet" down there, like I was bleeding. My period was due the next day, but its known to come early some months. So I was kind of upset. We got home and I had to go pee. I don't know why, but I decided to take a test. So I gathered it mid stream in a cup. Then I said to myself, If I wipe and there's blood, I'll just dump it out, if not, I'll test. So I wiped, and nothing. So I thought, okay. I dipped and layed it down. Then I washed my hands, all the while just watching it. I didn't see a second line, so I went into the Kitchen and grabbed a cookie and started eating it. For some reason feeling completely at ease that I didn't see a second line. I guess I just knew and I was thinking, maybe next month.
Then I told Billy I wanted A REALLY quick shower before we went to meet my friend. I went back in the Bathroom and glanced again, and there it was. A Faint Second line! I WAS PREGNANT!!!
I "Squealed" as Billy called it haha. I expected him to come running, but he didn't so I slowly started walked to the kitchen again holding it and called his name in a weak sort of way. Then he came and met me. I showed him and he just stared and said "Does th-that mean....?" And I said "I'm Pregnant!" My hands were shaking and he just grabbed me! I started tearing up and I just said "I can't believe it!!! PRAISE JESUS!"
So I was just shocked and shaking. I had a shower and Made my announcment on B&B And told a friend I had made from there.
Then I texted the friend that we were supposed to meet and told her that I would be a bit late, but I'll explain when I get there.
So when I get there, she's staring at me like she Already knew. I came skipping up just grinning and I said "I'm pregnant!" and she just said, "Okay, seriously! I was driving here and I just thought 'I bet she's pregnant!'" Then she told me that she even thought that earlier in Church that day, but she didn't want to say it cause she didn't want to upset me. She also knew I would get pregnant this month because On June 2nd we went to a Ladies Church retreat and they mentioned that Miracles happen there all the time and MANY women get pregnant right after. So God had already told her that I was going to be Pregnant! I just think that is SO COOL!
Later on the day I got my BFP I ended up looking up baby names. I've been praying for a girl, and I fell in LOVE with a girl name "Elianna" I JUST LOVE IT! And then I read the meaning and it means "God has Answered" I cried. Then I thought of Adding "Joy" cause My husband's first name Is Billy Joe and I thought Elianna Joy would be a wonderful name and tribute to her Daddy
God truly is Amazing!
So anyways, sorry for the LOOONNGGG post, but I hope you enjoyed it. I really enjoyed typing it out.
I hope this inspired someone. God Bless you all!!
Anyways, So I basically fell into a two day depression. It wasn't fun. And of course, then we had some friends come into town that had a Son and a Daughter (And a Daughter is what I want SO bad!) Their son is about the same age as our son, and they Got pregnant about the same time we started trying. So anyways, we went to lunch with them and it turned out fine. Apparently they didn't know about our miscarriage so I talked to her about it.
I was reading my Bible. For my anniversary just days before,My Husband (Billy) got me a new Womens Devotional Bible. The last Bible I had gotten was my teen study bible, and I was thinking it was time to upgrade haha. So anyways, I was looking through it, and there was a reading schedule in the back, "Read your Bible in a Year" So I looked up that day's date and started reading Psalms 112-118. I got half was through Chapter 113 when I decided to go to bed.
So I ended up deciding that I didn't want to go to Church the next day. I told Billy that I wasn't going, and then I went to read the Bible Psalms 112-118. When we woke up on Sunday, he asked if I was going and I said no. If there was anything important, he could come and tell me after about it. I'll stay home and read my Bible or something. But when I woke up on Sunday morning, I rolled back over to try and go back to sleep, but I kept getting this horrible nagging feeling that I should go. I tried to push it aside a couple times, but It was still there. I kept trying to fight it, making up excuses as to why I could miss just ONE day! But finally, the nagging feeling won! I got up while Billy was in the Shower and got dressed and ready. When he came out, I expected him to be shocked or something that I was coming, but apparently he'd been praying that I change my mind, so he wasn't surprised.
So anyways, I was looking at the clock and was worried we'd be really late. So we didn't even eat breakfast and ran out the door, hopped on our bikes and peddled our way to Church. On the way, I kept replaying this thought in my head...It was a dream I had. For some reason, in my dream, I kept reading and hearing about a verse called "P-41" No idea what that was, but it kept flashing in my mind cause I was dreaming about ALL night. We got there and apparently we were incredibly early! But I wasn't in a good mood. I was still depressed, but I though, hey, I'm here right? There must be a reason for me to be here. A big reason why I didn't want to go to Church was cause there was a pregnant lady there. Very, she's acutally due any day now, and I didn't want to see her, cause I should have had a HUGE baby belly now too. (My due date was Sept. 6th) And I just didn't want to have to face her. I thought God would understand, but it turns out she wasn't actually there that day.
So we were actually there early for Adult Sunday School. So we sat there and listened. I tried to pay attention, but I really couldn't. my friend was sitting beside me and kept asking if I was okay. She even wrote me a note asking if I was okay. I told her I was fine. Later she would tell me, that she knew what I was depressed about.
So as I was sitting there, I flipped to my Bible to the place where I had been reading the night before. And I continued on Psalms 113. And Psalms 113:9 Made my breath cease! It said "He settles the barren woman in her home as a happy mother of children. Praise the LORD."
And RIGHT below it was the big bold print of PSALMS 114. Which when I saw that, Instantly, in my head I saw the vision of my dream the night before "P-41" I got chills and just stared at it. Tears welled up and I just couldn't believe it.
Then the music started, and everyone is singing and worshipping, but I have troubles worshipping when my heart is not in it, as I would expect anyone to be. So at one point I think I just layed on Billy's shoulder and closed my eyes, and just tried to listen to the music. At one point I ended up sitting down and leaning against Billy's leg. Someone I've pretty much never talked to, came over and asked if I was okay. I was shocked and felt warm in my heart that she cared enough to ask, but I just told her I was fine. Apparently people noticed that I wasn't feeling well that day.
So anyways, the music and worshipping came to an end, and the Pastor stood up and started his Sermon. It was on Luke 13:10-13 Which says:
"Jesus Heals a Crippled Woman on the Sabbath
10 On a Sabbath Jesus was teaching in one of the synagogues, 11 and a woman was there who had been crippled by a spirit for eighteen years. She was bent over and could not straighten up at all. 12 When Jesus saw her, he called her forward and said to her, “Woman, you are set free from your infirmity.” 13 Then he put his hands on her, and immediately she straightened up and praised God."
So starts talking about how this woman was just bent over for 18 years of her life. And he's talking about her Vision and how she must have seen the world SO differently than everyone else. She saw everyone's feet. She just saw the world so differently than everyone else. So of course I instantly thought of how I'm seeing the world differently than everyone else. All I see is pregnant women, and Babies everywhere. All I can see is stuff about pregnancy. It was driving me mad! So that was the first trigger that this Sermon was going to be really important, and that I was sitting in Church for a GOOD reason!
So he starts talking about how Demons just weigh her down, so that it makes her hunched over. And that she had been carrying them around with her for 18 years. Then he started Illustrating a picture for us. He went and layed down and said "Picture this, she woke up on that morining, and thought about what she was going to do today. She layed in bed and thought about the world, and how she didn't want to have to face it that day. But she looks over at her calendar and realized its The day of Sabbath. So she layed in bed and thought about maybe she should go to the Synogogue. But then she may have struggled with the idea, and not wanted to face people there. Having people look down at her all day. Having them feel bad for her. So she layed in bed and tossed the idea around. Finally deciding to get up and Go. Then some how, she made it there on time. Either she hobbled her way, or she got a ride, I don't know, but somehow she made it there on time! And there, on that day, she met Jesus and He healed her! He came to her, because she came to they Synogogue on the day of Sabbath and healed her! Because she made the effort, God met her there."By this point, I was BAWLING! I couldn't keep my tears in. This was EXACTLY how my morning was! EXACTLY. Billy had even tightened his grip around me, cause he was thinking the same thing. I've never had a Sermon be THIS direct with me before. It was shocking. A girl near the front even kept turning around and looking at me cause I was crying so hard. And by this point, I had stared feeling small sharp twinges in my lower abdomen. But I didn't think anything of them.
So the Pastor was talking about how She got her Miracle healing because she forced herself to Church that morning. Then he started on "Do you ever wonder if its important to come to Church? You have to meet God here. If he has a miracle for you, and you decide to skip Church, He's not going to come find you. You have to make an effort to come find Him. You don't want it to come to Judgement day and have God say 'I had a grand miracle for you this day, but you decided to skip Church. You missed out, and this is how your life was different. You should have come that one day.'" And he was talking about how if that Woman didn't get up that morning, suck up whatever feelings she had, and had not made it to Church, then she may have been crippled for another 18 years, or even the rest of her Life!
Then he said that if we are here, we will recieve our healing! Whatever healing it may be! Just come to the Alter and leave it there for God. So I went up there with my friend and Billy. I bowed down and started crying again. I prayed for Healing! I didn't want to feel this way anymore! I didn't want to ache in my heart, I didn't want to be depressed. I wanted better for my Husband and my son! So please God, Heal me in every way, Mind, Soul and Body!
And then I just prayed. So anyways, Church was over and we decided to go for lunch with my friend. We had to go home first and grab some stuff, and change, so we decided to meet her there in about an hour (Since we were on Bikes) Then we went home. On the way home, I was telling Billy that I felt like my Period had started. I Felt "Wet" down there, like I was bleeding. My period was due the next day, but its known to come early some months. So I was kind of upset. We got home and I had to go pee. I don't know why, but I decided to take a test. So I gathered it mid stream in a cup. Then I said to myself, If I wipe and there's blood, I'll just dump it out, if not, I'll test. So I wiped, and nothing. So I thought, okay. I dipped and layed it down. Then I washed my hands, all the while just watching it. I didn't see a second line, so I went into the Kitchen and grabbed a cookie and started eating it. For some reason feeling completely at ease that I didn't see a second line. I guess I just knew and I was thinking, maybe next month.
Then I told Billy I wanted A REALLY quick shower before we went to meet my friend. I went back in the Bathroom and glanced again, and there it was. A Faint Second line! I WAS PREGNANT!!!
I "Squealed" as Billy called it haha. I expected him to come running, but he didn't so I slowly started walked to the kitchen again holding it and called his name in a weak sort of way. Then he came and met me. I showed him and he just stared and said "Does th-that mean....?" And I said "I'm Pregnant!" My hands were shaking and he just grabbed me! I started tearing up and I just said "I can't believe it!!! PRAISE JESUS!" So I was just shocked and shaking. I had a shower and Made my announcment on B&B And told a friend I had made from there.
Then I texted the friend that we were supposed to meet and told her that I would be a bit late, but I'll explain when I get there.
So when I get there, she's staring at me like she Already knew. I came skipping up just grinning and I said "I'm pregnant!" and she just said, "Okay, seriously! I was driving here and I just thought 'I bet she's pregnant!'" Then she told me that she even thought that earlier in Church that day, but she didn't want to say it cause she didn't want to upset me. She also knew I would get pregnant this month because On June 2nd we went to a Ladies Church retreat and they mentioned that Miracles happen there all the time and MANY women get pregnant right after. So God had already told her that I was going to be Pregnant! I just think that is SO COOL!
Later on the day I got my BFP I ended up looking up baby names. I've been praying for a girl, and I fell in LOVE with a girl name "Elianna" I JUST LOVE IT! And then I read the meaning and it means "God has Answered" I cried. Then I thought of Adding "Joy" cause My husband's first name Is Billy Joe and I thought Elianna Joy would be a wonderful name and tribute to her Daddy
God truly is Amazing!So anyways, sorry for the LOOONNGGG post, but I hope you enjoyed it. I really enjoyed typing it out.
I hope this inspired someone. God Bless you all!!
And congrats on your pregnancy!!
But yes, it is very hard to keep faith sometimes! I know this. After my miscarriage, I couldn't figure out why my God would let me suffer this way. But when I was away at a Ladies Church retreat, I was praising Him, and I kept getting Visions of Him weeping by my side when I found out I was miscarrying. And when I was crying in the Hospital waititng for results, I was just praying, and Jesus was knelt before me and my husband crying with us. 
