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[MrsAttard]

Ugh! It's been one of 'those days'! You know, when you say, 'I've done everything possible this month, maybe this will be it!' and allow yourself to think about what it would be like; to tell DH 'IT'S POSITIVE!!!'; to what the pregnancy might be like, even what it would feel like to wake up to crying during the night. I hate teasing myself this way. I mean....statistically we've got a 15% chance, and that's better than 0%, but not much.

His Dr has sent the prescription to the FS for DH to have a SA done, but I've been putting it off. The truth is...I'm scared. I mean, it feels like a lose-lose situation. On the one side, they may say he has only a slightly lowered count, which means we would have to figure out what else could be wrong. And on the other side, what if they tell us that his numbers are so low that an IUI isn't possible?! Of course the other option is that the numbers will be low, but good enough for an IUI, which would be great, but I'm running low on optimism to even consider it.

To top the day off, I've found out two more FB friends are preg. I'm tired of being patient and supportive and happy for them when all I want to do is scream and tell them I'm jealous that they have what I can't.

I hope things are going a bit better for you guys today. I may need so more support over the next coming days so I'll try to be around more. Thanks for listening.

 

[Faith n Hope]

Aww hun it is so hard im sorry to hear all of that we are here if you need support!
Its really hard to cope with!
Its hard to stay positive and get your hopes up only to get let down its an awful feeling!
Hugs and love!
Dont feel alone!
I think we are all now thinking of the what ifs?
xox
BABY DUST!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[MrsAttard]

So, today was another roller coaster of emotions again. I finally got up the nerve to call the FS. DH has appointment for next week, and I didn't realize until after that I scheduled it for the same day as our first anniversary!! Poor DH feels a lot of pressure, and I don't know how to prevent that. Sometimes he says insensitive things (like starting a convo with, 'how much do you really want to have a baby?') but I have to remember that he's just scared of disappointing me. The SA is going to cost more than I thought, $150, but its worth it to get some answers. Though, if they suggest to do another one in a month or so, I'm not sure if DH will be willing to spend it again.

I can't believe that a little more than a week from now we'll start getting some answers!!

 

[Faith n Hope]

Sometimes answers are what u need!
Good luck hun keep us posted!
It is hard emotionally!
xox
BABY DUST!

 

[SuperLilWifey]

I hope everything is going good for everyone!!

I had to take sometime just away from this since last cycle seemed like it was so promising but it wasn't my time, I broke down, I fought about it and I even wanted to give in and throw in the towel with it all. I was starting to feel better than I basically went back tracking again.

I think for the next few months I need to stop worrying about getting pregnant and it not happening. Its been so rough for my emotional and mental state that I was considering going back on my medication to help me control it better. Which DH doesn't want and neither do I Its rough without it but its rougher with it

Bright side St. Patricks Day is coming up, my great grandmother was Irish so in my family we do some traditions my mom use to spend half the day cooking up cabbage and brisket and such i didn't get to do it with my dad last year because I moved and he's not here yet but I hope I can do it with DH this year.

In about a month and a few days DH will be 30 not sure what we plan to do but I asked him if he wanted to kind of go back in time and take the week off from work and party it up with some of his old buddies. Not sure what I'll do for him I hope I can get the stuff to make my moms super yummy carrot cake, down side of the cake its all mixed by hands we tried to do it with a mixer but it doesn't come out as soft and fluffy

take care everyone !!!

 

[MrsAttard]

SuperLilWifey, I hear you about needing to take a break! It's so tiresome walking around each day trying to act normal when you're so torn up inside! The worst part is that the process is just so long. A whole month for nothing....it's enough to make anyone go insane!

As excited as I've been so DH's SA, we had to reschedule. They suggest abstaining for 2-4 days prior to the test, but DH has been extra tired and stressed lately and it's been more than 4 days since we last bd'ed (actually, more like a week and a half....). Now, if only I could get DH to understand that sex relieves stress! So, I didn't want to spend $150 if his sample was gonna be fun of nearly two weeks worth of dead sperm! Here's hoping for next week!

Have either of you guys tried vitex (angus castus)? My cycle is regular, but I've read that it helps with cystic acne, as well as helping with breast pain, and general female health. I'm mostly concerned about side effects. Depending on DH's results, I'm also hoping to start him on extra zinc, and saw palmetto if his dr approves.

 

[Faith n Hope]

Aww I totally understand you im totally stressed and its so upsetting when for a lot of people it happens so easily especially having long irregular cycles I dont know how long I have to wait each cycle it seems to take forever and like you say you get your hopes up for nothing its really hard to cope with but at least we have each other who understand!
I have heard of Agnus Cactus and I was thinking about trying it but im scared in case I make things worse as I ahve heard there can be side effects! Im not sure what to do for the best?
What are you all going to do?
Its so hard to not think about it either as its all I tend to think about!
BABY DUST AND TAKE CARE!
xox

 

[SuperLilWifey]

Haven't tried that.
We're not trying anything DH is a firm believer if it suppose to happen it will happen. Its rough sometimes because I get frustrated but we tossed a few things in there to try to make me happy.

 

[MrsAttard]

Well my DH really doesn't want to take anything either. I bought just a multivitamin for him, but bc it tastes bad he almost never takes it. I think I'm just going to have to start changing what he eats and eat more zinc-heavy foods. It is so frustrating though, bc it's like he doesn't want to help! It seems like the saw palmetto will be the best thing, so I really need to convince him.

 

[MrsAttard]

I'm driving myself crazy tonight! DH had his SA this week, and now we're just waiting for the results, which is so nerve-racking and scary! At this point I'm not sure what I'm hoping for, I just want the answer so we can move on. It's frustrating bc we've already discussed what we're willing and not willing to do....and on DH's part, that's not much. Basically he's said 'no' to donor sperm, and though we'd like to adopt, it's financially out of the question, along with surrogacy or IVF. That leaves only IUI, which is dependent on DH's results. Regardless of what the results say, I've already started developing a new vitamin regimen for DH, and once his dr approves, we're going to work on that. Though, I read tonight that there's a three month cycle or something for sperm production, so it would take that long to show the affects. I've spent a lot of time tonight in the LTTTC and Assisted Contraception sections to start getting some ideas, bc the the regular TTC sections just aren't relatable anymore.

And on another related and frustrating note, DH's brother and sister-in-law had their baby this week. Of course I'm thrilled for them, but it was hard not to be upset after visiting them in the hospital. They actually scheduled a vacation around her ovulation so they could go away and get preg....AND DID! It amazes me that they felt they had such control over the situation when there's thousands of us here trying for months and months! I couldn't care less when I get preg, but they were able to 'schedule' when a convenient time to get preg and have a baby would be. Lucky *******s.

 

[SuperLilWifey]

Sorry I've been MIA i read the updates when the email comes i just havent really felt motivated enough and kind of just into myself for awhile.

I hope everyone is doing well?

I'm waiting at this very moment to find out if my bestfriend is pregnant again, she just had a baby back in sept. shes not ready she told me and they was using the pull out method and i was like really girl? REALLY? she knew she didn't want to have another baby but im a little in shock i thought she was on bc well she was but she got too lazy to fill the damn thing. im not upset or sad just kind of shocked
they just got an apartment and are moving in today and just have enough to make it with the 3 of them.

its crazy.

I think i've calmed down a bit. im not so baby crazier or get upset when AF comes maybe i just resigned myself to the fact now is not that time. if it happens it happens i guess.

waiting for af now based on mymonthlycycles.com AF is due today its normally pretty right. i hope i don't do like it did last month skip the cycle then start up. it was so nerve wracking!!!!!

MrsAttard did you get the results in? I'm thinking of mentioning to my DH to get it done too but i read they have one you can do at home it doesn't tell all the stuff the doctors do i think it just tells if its at a normal level or not.

Other options, growing up i always wanted to adopt but my DH doesn't, in his heart he knows he couldn't love the child like he should. so he said if we couldn't get it done naturally then we'd try a few things and if it didn't work then it would be okay without kids. which is hard for me knowing that to me adoption is there and i could love a child that i didn't give birth too. but i understand where he is coming from its a lot to ask someone.

 

[Faith n Hope]

Good luck with SA!
Im waiting for my hubbys appointment he isnt keen at all tho!
But I wont get any further help until they know his results and if there is a problem with him as well as me?
I got my results you see! So ive been upset!
But they wont give or help or do anything depending on his results until maybe a year or year and a half of trying!
So frustrating!
I might try drinking Fertilitea if I can get hold of some as thats meant to help or spearmint tea?!
My AF still hasnt showed up yet after 5 weeks!
BABY DUST!
XOX

 

[MrsAttard]

So, we finally got the results from the SA today, and they weren't what I was expecting.....they were worse. I'm not sure what the overall volume was, but it was less than 1 mil, I think 250,000. Motility wasn't too bad, 40%. But there were too few to even do a full analysis, so I have no number for morphology. Despite having fully explained everything to DH before, he asked "what does that mean?" and I just burst out crying.

I'm actually kinda okay now, but I think it's shock. I'm sure I'll be in something of a hole the next few days, and we're prob going to take time out....for a quite a while. I'll update when I'm feeling more up to it.

 

[Faith n Hope]

Aww im sorry hope ur okay hun?! What does that mean is there anything they can do or is is just a case of trying still?
xox

 

[MrsAttard]

Well, we knew his numbers would be low, but we were hoping there would be at least 5 mil, which is the minimum required to do an IUI. Since he doesn't even have 1 mil, it means our only option will be IVF. Before we received the results, DH had said that he did not want to do IVF bc of the expense. The cost is also why we can't do adoption.

I'm a little depressed, but calm now. We still haven't discussed the results, but I'm pretty sure I know what the plan is. We're gonna stop actively ttc now, and use the 'cross your fingers and hope' method. I still plan on putting him on vitamins, for all the good it'll do, and then maybe in 6 months or a year I can convince him to do the SA again. I told my MIL this morning, and as expected she's offered to pay for IVF, but DH won't allow that. I'm hoping that after a little time goes by his desire for a baby will go up and he'll be willing to give it a try. Knowing that all my plumbing is fine, (at least as far as we know) would hopefully make it easier. My MIL is also ready to sue DH's drs or the pharmaceutical company bc no one ever said this drug would have this effect, and it's still not listed as a side effect, even though it's well known to cause this issue.

In the meantime....I feel so useless. Like, I feel more obligated to get a job, part-time as least, or to get some more hobbies. I needed to leave my job when I did, but I also thought we were going to get pg so it made sense.

 

[Faith n Hope]

Aww im so sorry to hear your news I really feel for you both!
xox

 

[SuperLilWifey]

Sorry to hear they are low afraid my dh count might be low he's done something he ain't so proud of

Side note af still a no show and BFF hasn't tested yet but she says she knows sop yea

Have you thought of other remindies beside vitamins like teas or accupunter not sure if it could work for that. Dh likes more older fertility treatments he looked up some native american ideas

 

[MrsAttard]

SuperlilWifey - I hadn't really thought about other ideas, but I am now! I think acupuncture might be a great if I can get DH on board.

I'm still looking into supplements, but I'm wary about interactions with his other meds, so I need to check with his dr still. Thanks!

 

[Faith n Hope]

Ive started Agnus Cactus yesterday!
x

 

[SuperLilWifey]

Faith, what's that for?

So af showed up I think my cycle is just adjusting to a longer cycle I've always had short ones tho.

This month I'm going to suggest different positions everytime we BD
Still waiting to hear from my friend

Next month I'm going to try tea I'm ready slowly trying new things gnu sells a fertility blends for both women and men couldn't hurt to try lil pricy but I think amazon sells it cheaper