Looking for people TTC after miscarriage

[Yellowmoon]

So another friend announced her pregnancy yesterday (seriously, why is everyone pregnant right now). Luckily my best friend who knows her better than I do let me know the news before I was bombarded on social media (she's so nice). Turns out her due date is around when I should have been due. I was fine, I had been warned so I wished her well- and I am genuinely happy for her.

But today she's posted videos of her telling the grandparents the news (this will be her first child) and it really got to me!

I remembered telling my parents and then i felt like I won't have that excitement again when I tell them if I get pregnant. I feel really sad now. If I get pregnant I don't really want to tell anyone! My parents kept dismissing my last pregnancy by saying in their day they wouldn't have even known, and it's just like a bad period. But I was 10 weeks pregnant, I'd missed two periods. It didn't feel like a bad period, it was horrendous. I'd probably keep it from them until like 20 weeks now...

I'm trying to stay positive though and not let these thoughts creep in. It is tough.

 

[lesondemavie]

Ah yellow you don’t need to be positive if that’s not how you’re feeling. Fighting our true emotions just makes things worse.

I was just reading this article with quotes from other people who had miscarried and my head screamed no at everything other than those words that give us permission to feel and grieve. One quote was about being positive for others bc you’ll want them there to celebrate with you, and my answer to that is no. I can wholeheartedly say that if someone, like my best friend who had a stillborn, couldn’t have celebrate my daughter’s pregnancy with me, I would have completely understood. I was just thrilled to be having a healthy pregnancy. I didn’t need others to suffer to enhance my happiness. Hell it was even hard for me to celebrate my pregnancy.

Regarding that last bit though, I remember being so sad that I wouldn’t get to enjoy a full pregnancy without knowing the pain of loss. I felt like so much more than just the baby had been taken from me. It was hard for me to celebrate C’s pregnancy at first, but I did celebrate moments, and I had this wonderful release of emotion after my 20 week anatomy scan when I finally pictured holding my baby. Pregnancy after loss isn’t the same, but it’s wonderful in its own way.

I say that all as I have the recurring thought that I will never have a loss-free journey to a baby, and I’m grieving that dream myself. My summer 2018 baby was that dream, and now it’s gone. So I get both the now and the after. I’m trying to remind myself that once I’m holding a babe in my arms none of this will matter, but ugh it’s so hard to believe you’ll get there in the midst of it.

 

[LadyStardust4]

Lesonde - Everything you just said resonates with me. I hadn't really given much thought to the fact that I lost my first baby and the effect that will have on potential future pregnancies. I have obviously thought that I will be more nervous/anxious but never actually realised that the chance to experience a full care-free pregnancy has been snatched away.

But you are right, it will be amazing in its own way.

I have been trying to distract myself from 'trying' too much so haven't been doing opks but I am so tuned into my body now that I know when O is coming. I am due to ovulate on Christmas Eve and BDing will be limited around the holidays as we will be travelling around seeing family. So this month might be a write off.

I am still waiting for the results from our blood-tests to confirm if either me or my partner are carrying extra chromosomal material or if the baby having Edwards was just a fluke. If one of us is a carrier - it's a 1 in 2 chance of affecting future pregnancies so not sure we would take the risk.

Has anybody given any thought to adoption if TTC doesn't work out?

 

[Chickybaby]

Hi girls just a quick check in so sorry if I miss anything.

Sallyanne, wow that lady sounds so helpful... (Sarcastic tone). Seriously hate when people say to 'not try' especially followed by comments on how to work out when your fertile.. Hope you ovulate soon xx

2baby2, sorry you had to have that conversation with your cousin, can open the wound for sure. Hope you're hanging in there and feeling better. I also don't think sickness will affect your chances. Good luck xx

Yellowmoon, it really can feel like everyone else is pregnant can't it? I agree with lesonde, feel your feelings. You can be sad for yourself, it doesn't make you a bad person, it doesn't mean your not happy for her, it just means your sad about what happened to you. Glad your friend warned you, what a good chick! And ugh I can relate about the stuff you said about telling your parents but in a slightly different way. My parents weren't that excited when we told them, they were kind of shocked and said a quick congratulations (eventually) buy they didn't seem that excited... I realise they were but the reaction was so different to what it was with our first. I know that after our loss they will most likely be super pleased next time, and that will sting in a whole different way, I will feel sad for my babe that we lost. That the reaction wasn't as big for them. I'm not sure if that makes sense but it feels good to write it down.

Lesonde, hope your well and looking forward to Christmas with your girl. I can't wait to enjoy it with my boy, he will be so much more into it this year. Can't wait to see pics of your macarons too. Xx

Ladystardust, when do you expect the test results back? Its hard to turn off the 'trying' part of TTC when you've been focused on it for a while. In regards to adoption, haven't thought about it for myself but I have a friend who's sister was unable to have children and after suffering through breast cancer an the eventual removal of her breasts and uterus etc moved on to adoption and they've just adopted there third baby boy. I think its a beautiful gift for both sides. Xx

Good luck girls, hope you are all enjoying the festive season as much as possible.

 

[Yellowmoon]

Thanks Les, that really helps

Good luck with your results Ladystar- I have had fleeting thoughts about adoption but I personally don’t think it’s for me. I’ve always said I would turn to animals. I’d love to have my own sanctuary for rescued farm animals. I have two cat fur babies and I really think of them as my children. I know it sounds daft but I love them so much! Haha. Not sure if my 2 cents was any help there...

That makes sense Chicky- I know exactly what you mean

 

[2Baby2]

Ladies I think this is my month! I just took a FRER with PM urine after 4 hr hold and 2 beautiful lines showed up!! Let’s just pray this little bean sticks!!!

I ran into the living room to show my husband and just collapsed into him and sobbed....like ugly cried!

 

[Chickybaby]

Congrats 2baby2, hope this is your rainbow xxx

 

[Sallyanne81]

Congrats 2baby2!

For those with the BFPs - I was wondering how many cycles it took you to get the BFP again?

Well I think I got a pos OPK yesterday but not 100% because the last few days the ink was really faint, even on the control, so will just wait and see what the new year brings, i am not convinced this is my month.

I am off to England for xmas so I am going to relax and enjoy myself and try and forget all my woes.
Merry Xmas to you all!!

 

[Yellowmoon]

Congratulations 2Baby2!!

Hope you have a nice time here in the UK Sallyanne! We do Christmas well I think

 

[kiki1234]

Sallyanne: for this bfp - it took 6 months from my miscarriage, and the 5th cycle we tried. I think a big part of my last miscarriage was my hormones so I think once those were settled down my body was ready. Unfortunately that took a bit for me.

Congrats 2baby!

 

[Chickybaby]

Hey girls. Hope you are all well.

We had Christmas with my DH family yesterday which involved being around my 4 month old nephew a lot. I was pretty OK with it for the most part. He was giving me big smiles and seeing my son interacting with him and putting his dummy in for him or passing him a toy melted my heart, I hope I get to make him a big brother one day. The thing I struggled with was watching DH parents with the baby, everyone loves a baby and are so consumed by him, the older kids are old news. But I'm working through it and getting over it.

In other news we are all sick, nasty cough/cold. DS asleep in me now but will wake him soon to GI to the doctors, he's never been this sick before its awful. Such terrible timing!

Christmas Eve today for us so have big night of wrapping presents! Looking forward to tomorrow even though we all feel like crap.

Merry Christmas girls! Hope you all enjoy the day, we deserve it! Will update on any testing after Christmas time xxx

 

[LadyStardust4]

Thanks Chicky, have a lovely Christmas!

X

 

[LadyStardust4]

Sorry ladies... I know it's Christmas Eve but I really need to rant!! LOL

I've slept on this a couple of nights to make sure I'm not over-reacting and it's still bothering me.

I am in a whatsapp group chat with my partner, his best friend and his best friend's wife. Let's call them Bill and Mavis for anonymity purposes.

My partner and 'Bill' went to school together and OH was Bill's best man at his wedding etc etc. Mavis and I get along but we aren't super close. They came on holiday when I got engaged and they know our history VERY WELL.

So I was disappointed that they chose to announce their pregnancy in the following way...

A video arrived in the group chat and it showed Bill and Mavis's existing four year old son waving a pregnancy test around and touching Mavis's belly exclaiming "mummy's pregnant!". Laughing his little head off he was - so happy. And it was cute. But incredibly insensitive I thought.

Also, she is only 6 weeks pregnant and they have already told their son he is going to be a big brother. How could they be so incredibly careless knowing that we lost ours at 12 weeks and they could have to break his little heart if it isn't a healthy baby?

It's just really wound me up. It's made me not want to see them. Which is awful...

Anyway - Merry Christmas all!! Haha. Thank you all for being a constant source of understanding and a massive congratulations to those that have conceived again. Wishing the rest of us a speedy BFP!

 

[lesondemavie]

Ugh that’s so tough lady! I can only say that they are ignorant of how hard this can be. Good for them, ugh for you.

 

[Chickybaby]

I hope everyone had a great Christmas. I had a great day despite my cold. Still recovering slowly but getting there.

Ladystardust. Sorry about the video, people suck! Totally understand not wanting to see them. Not awful at all, feel some anger and pain, that's OK.

AFM, I tested Christmas day... BFN as expected. Will wait it out and test again around new years if no period by then. Maybe I never ovulated at all, who knows

 

[Yellowmoon]

Hi everyone- hope you all had a lovely Christmas

Glad you did Chicky and that you’re on the mend. Hope AF doesn’t arrive and you get your bfp.

Lady- that video sounds awful! I’m so over all the Xmas announcements now. I swear there’s some kind of baby boom goin on.

I caved and tested today- got bfn. I think I’m 10 dpo. Not sure if I will get a positive this month. I’ll probably keep testing til AF though. I get a bit addicted LOL. I do have a very sore left boob. Not sure if pms. Who can tell anyway. Not sure why I torture myself!

Xx

 

[Chickybaby]

And I'm spotting, cd1 around the corner. What a drag. LP seems a bit short these days. DH very disappointed. He really thought it would happen quickly. Oh well.

Will have a few days to wallow and chill then come Jan 1st start focusing on my health and fitness so I can be a healthy mum for my boy. I will try to focus on the things I can control and continue to enjoy this time as a family of 3.

I'm 30 in a few weeks and really wanted to be pregnant by then, I had a big cry last night missing our baby. This journey is a fricken shit show sometimes. Buy alas I will pick up the pieces and move on.

Good luck yellow moon. Hope your tests turn positive soon!

 

[Yellowmoon]

Oh Chicky I’m sorry it really is a shit show.

 

[LadyStardust4]

Sorry Chicky. It really is hard sometimes but you’re doing the best thing by concentrating on yourself and making sure you’re healthy and happy. That will improve your chances of conceiving, I’m sure!

Yellowmoon, sorry about your early negative but it’s not over until aunt flow arrives so fingers crossed! And if it isn’t this month, just stay positive

I’m about cycle day 18 and we’ve BD on 8, 13, 14 and 18. Today was because my EWCM made a reappearance which is happening a lot lately. Seem to get it two or three times per cycle.

I’ve got a trip to New York planned for my 30th in February which coincides with when I would have been due so I’m just trying to stay positive and excited about the trip and not dwell on the loss.

Hope everybody had a lovely Christmas x

 

[Chickybaby]

Thanks girls.

Just to add to the shit show AF never came... I feel crampy but no sign. I am not one hundred percent sure I ovulated after my positive opk as I didn't get any spotting (which I've had every cycle since my son). So maybe I'm only just ovulating? Squeezed in a quick session today but likely too late but just had to try in case. Will see what happens, if no full flow starts I will test in a few days, if negative and no AF then likely I only just ovulated and this will be the longest cycle in history...

I will keep you girls updated.

Lady stardust trip to NY sounds great! A great way to focus on the good hopefully. My DH is planning a trip for my birthday too, at least I have that to look forward too. I really can t believe I'm almost 30, where has the time gone.

Ive been getting multiple patches of EWCM too, I have trouble telling what's CM and what's left over from the frequent sex though to be honest!

Good luck girls, xxx