Looking for people TTC after miscarriage

[Chickybaby]

My opk is still negative. And to add insult to injury my cousins wife just told us she's pregnant. I felt so good this morning about relaxing and enjoying summer and just taking a break and now I feel all tense and angry again. The worse part is the way other people talk to me about pregnancy and babies. I was talking to my SIL the other day who lost her first baby (has 2 children now) and thats one thing that she said she found the hardest was her expectations of how others would act or support her. Her expectations were rarely met leaving you feeling un-supported and misunderstood. I just keep wondering how I'm back here again. Frantically peeing on opks and checking CM, timing sex feeling hateful and jealous. It's so exhausting

 

[FaithHopeLov3]

2baby2 did your opks change at all? Or same darkness all cycle? They don't work for everyone so fingers crossed you just missed your surge, maybe you had a real short surge in the middle of the night... Who knows! Hope AF stays away and you get your Christmas miracle.

Faith, sorry to hear of your losses and your daughters health issues, every parents worse nightmare. Doctors here are the same, barely investigate until 3 losses or a full year trying (before 35), its annoying. Can you be pushy and request blood work on cd3 and cd21 (or whenever 7 days past ovulation would be). I just tell my doctor to do those and she does but our healthcare is pretty good and easy here. Opks won't tell you if you've ovulated, they will give you an indication that you have surged and your body is at least trying to ovulate, temping is your best bet for confirmation but it can be frustrating with all the factors that influence it.

It might just be your body trying to get back to 'normal' if you're having regular predictable cycles I would say that is at least a good sign! Story if that's not much help but that would be my understanding of the mater. Good luck

Thank you Chickybaby! That is very helpful. I see my doc on Thursday and I have a rare gem for a GP he will run basically anything I ask of him. I will ask for the requisition. what specifically should I ask for? He did run a bunch of hormones like LH FSH Estradiol and Progesterone but my endocrinologist got angry at him for doing so because he claims those tests are useless and I'm perfectly fine. I'm in Canada btw...

 

[FaithHopeLov3]

My opk is still negative. And to add insult to injury my cousins wife just told us she's pregnant. I felt so good this morning about relaxing and enjoying summer and just taking a break and now I feel all tense and angry again. The worse part is the way other people talk to me about pregnancy and babies. I was talking to my SIL the other day who lost her first baby (has 2 children now) and thats one thing that she said she found the hardest was her expectations of how others would act or support her. Her expectations were rarely met leaving you feeling un-supported and misunderstood. I just keep wondering how I'm back here again. Frantically peeing on opks and checking CM, timing sex feeling hateful and jealous. It's so exhausting

Oh I feel for you!!! It is SO difficult to hear of other people getting pregnant and seeing the joyful reactions of family and friends and then trying to muster up some fake expression of excitement for them. I totally agree with your SIL. The comments I received after my first miscarriage stung and the second miscarriage I actually just stopped talking to people about it and had my husband handle most of the first remarks. I do recall before experiencing the losses myself, not understanding a woman's grief nor what to say.. that allowed me to extend a bit more grace and seek support from women who have been there and are sensitive to the freshness of my losses. I pray this is your time!!! Sending you big virtual hugs..

 

[Chickybaby]

Just ask for your progesterone to be checked post ovulation, they normally call it a CD21 test I think.. Should be 7 days post ovulation. If you talk to him about ways to confirm ovulation hopefully this is what he will suggest. The CD 3 test will measure several hormones just to make sure they're at normal levels. Think I might go in the new year and get these done myself, haven't had my levels done since before having my son! Xxx

 

[Chickybaby]

Thanks faith! I remind myself constantly too that I have been on the other side and said the wrong things or nothing at all. Some of the stuff people say to you is so bizarre. I couldn't believe it when my in-laws joked and laughed about how my BIL and his wife were going to need s double stroller now they had two kids 3 days after our loss. I was sitting there with our dead baby in my belly thinking 'yea I was researching double strollers last week too'. I love my in-laws and they're so amazing but I'm still a bit bitter about that insensitivity...

 

[Sallyanne81]

Faith - doctors are always disagreeing with each other, but it sounds like you have a really good GP there, let us know how you get on with the tests.

Chicky - what an insensitive thing to say about the pushchair, I know people are well meaning and don't think, but really!! I find the same with my in-laws they are so excited about my SILs baby coming, my feelings are low on the list of things to consider. The sad thing is my MIL and SIL say they both had miscarriages. My BIL said to me, don't worry about it, if it turns out you can't have children we will love you anyway! WTF?! Well I started crying and my MIL completely ignored me whilst I was crying and pretended nothing was happening.

The jealousy is difficult, I'm even upset about Meghan Markle! She is all over the news with her baby bump, I think it's because she's the same age as me, literally just got married and pregnant within a couple of months and everything is just perfect.

 

[2Baby2]

Sally & Chicky

I totally agree! It’s so easy to be jealous and envious my SIL is due in March and I’m so jealous that she’ll being holding her little one in a few months and I might not even be pregnant by then

The Meghan Markle comment I have to admit did make me chuckle! But come on she got pregnant in like 2 minutes! Same with Kate a dirty look and bam pregnant I know Kate had problems with morning sickness but I would happily puke every morning if I meant I had a little growing baby!

End angry rant lol

 

[FaithHopeLov3]

Faith - doctors are always disagreeing with each other, but it sounds like you have a really good GP there, let us know how you get on with the tests.

Chicky - what an insensitive thing to say about the pushchair, I know people are well meaning and don't think, but really!! I find the same with my in-laws they are so excited about my SILs baby coming, my feelings are low on the list of things to consider. The sad thing is my MIL and SIL say they both had miscarriages. My BIL said to me, don't worry about it, if it turns out you can't have children we will love you anyway! WTF?! Well I started crying and my MIL completely ignored me whilst I was crying and pretended nothing was happening.

The jealousy is difficult, I'm even upset about Meghan Markle! She is all over the news with her baby bump, I think it's because she's the same age as me, literally just got married and pregnant within a couple of months and everything is just perfect.

Thanks Sallyanne I will be sure to update! You're so right- nearly all docs disagree with each other lol

 

[FaithHopeLov3]

Thanks faith! I remind myself constantly too that I have been on the other side and said the wrong things or nothing at all. Some of the stuff people say to you is so bizarre. I couldn't believe it when my in-laws joked and laughed about how my BIL and his wife were going to need s double stroller now they had two kids 3 days after our loss. I was sitting there with our dead baby in my belly thinking 'yea I was researching double strollers last week too'. I love my in-laws and they're so amazing but I'm still a bit bitter about that insensitivity...

ugh, that is incredibly insensitive! People just do not think sometimes. After I lost our second baby I had two people tell me I should be grateful for the two living children I do have. As if grieving the loss of my second unborn baby somehow meant I didn't appreciate my two living children or I wasn't being grateful? I just nodded and then became a hermit for a while. BIG hugs to you. I have insensitive inlaws as well.

 

[Chickybaby]

Ahhh thanks girls! Love having you guys here to talk to, makes me feel like less of a crazy bitch! So awful that we can all relate on the insensitive comments and jealous moments but at least we have each other to vent to!

Cd27 here... Negative opk. Blah, my poor body is so all over the show. Never mind. One opk left for tomorrow. Then will just enjoy the remainder of the year and have a good Christmas before reassessing my health and probably seeing my doctor in the new year to get some hormone tests done. Irregular cycles are just soo frustrating. Will do a hpt around Christmas just in case, if bfn as expected then a lot of wine will be consumed...

Hope you're all well xxx

 

[Chickybaby]

Cd29 took my last opk and it's positive. Finally. Bit nervous about such a late ovulation but we will go for it. Xx

 

[lesondemavie]

Glad you finally know what’s going on this cycle Chicky. That whole experience about other people maybe meaning well but just not getting it is part of why only a few people know what I’ve been through. The only person who really helps is my friend who had a stillborn, but then I worry I don’t know how to support her well. It’s so tough.


Please forgive my MIL rant:

Spoiler

My in-laws are in town and oh boy it’s been a whirlwind as usual. To start I had a deadline for my second job the day they arrived. I told everyone that I needed to finish up that project after dinner thinking they’d entertain C for me. What happens? I’m in the office with my daughter throwing my papers everywhere while they’re all relaxing and drinking wine. I didn’t even have time to ask someone to take her, so I made it work. The papers entertained her until bedtime and I finished my project before midnight. The next morning we have a $200 plumbing bill bc my mil tried to help and forgot we are on septic and don’t use our garbage disposal. She offered to pay, and she means well but ugh! This evening consisted of her shoving photos of her very pregnant daughter in my face and telling me how hard this pregnancy has been for her like that makes it better. You know what’s worse than a tough but otherwise healthy pregnancy? Miscarrying.

I also had to ignore comments about how our daughter is going to be a fat teenager who hates us bc we let her eat pasta and how her daughter’s son tantrums for broccoli. I just can’t even with that. Our daughter eats a wide variety of foods including veggies and she will have a healthy relationship with food and her body unlike my mil and her children (my husband has zero self-control bc she controlled everything for him). So irked at how judgey she is about food off a single night when my husband cooked HER a special meal rather than did our normal.

Final straw tonight, we’re driving home and I use the grinch video to help keep my daughter awake bc she doesn’t transfer well from the car to bed. Well she starts going on about how bad/evil the grinch is and how she doesn’t need to see it and then keeps putting pictures of nature and rain in between my daughter and the phone. First off, my daughter loves the video and I only let her watch it once in a while (she kept shoving grammy’s phone out of the way and getting upset), and second off it’s a story about a change of heart bc in the end the grinch gives everything back and joins the celebration so guess who’s being negative - you dear mil!!! I also don’t like the whole idea that bad things are to be avoided. Bad things will happen like it or not, and it’s far healthier to face them, accept them, and process them in my opinion.

At least we just had an amazing Italian dinner with lots of expensive wine on her

 

[MrsFruitie]

Having a crappy day today. One of my close friends (who knew about my mmc) told me her bf got her pregnant but she terminated as she wasn’t ready... I have nothing against people doing what’s right for them, but it feels cruel when I would do anything to be pregnant again. And why tell me?! Sucks.

 

[Chickybaby]

Lesonde, can't believe your MIL, what a bitch. Sorry but the comments about your daughter eating pasta are so out of line. Hate when people feel the need to comment on any of your parenting choices. And the photos of your SIL, blah, what is wrong with people, no one cares, its not like she's the first person in the world to be pregnant and have a child. (That's always my thought when I'm told about other people 'difficult' pregnancies... Easy ones too). Interfering grandparents would be pretty annoying, they had their chance to do it their way with their own kids and should just back of, let the parents parent and enjoy the fun bits... Isn't that the whole point.

Dinner sounds great, I find wine helps most situations! There's a dew people I find more tolerable after a glass or two hahah.

MrsFruitie, sorry about the crappy day. People can be so self absorbed.

Xxx

 

[lesondemavie]

Thanks Chicky. Today mostly consisted of her feeding my daughter pancakes with syrup (which made me cringe bc I limit added sugar), calling other parents stupid (loudly and in public), criticizing the way her SIL grandparents, oh and showing me another photo of her pregnant daughter. If only she was capable of using these powers for a little self-reflection! We will have to talk to her about the food stuff before C is old enough to understand. For now though, I just have to survive one more morning.

MrsF I really don’t know why these sorts of things seem to all cluster while we’re grieving. After two MMCs and two CPs with a pregnant SIL and sister who terminated during my first and now two pregnant SILs during my second, I really wish the universe would understand that I don’t need anymore lessons!

 

[Yellowmoon]

There must be something in the water this year. Seems like there are a lot of insensitive souls around!!

A friend of mine just announced her pregnancy yesterday via instagram stories and my counsin (who has a 5 month old) just got engaged. I love my cousin, but I'm so jealous of his fiancé- she gets to live in my home town and she has her baby and is getting married and I'm stuck in a commuter town- far away from everyone and no baby. Their house is so nice and she moans about it all the time. She's only 25...she also moans that it took her 4 months to conceive... she told me about that hardship 3 days after I lost my baby (and I had told them what I was going through). Well it's been 4 months for me since I found out I was pregnant and I'm still not bloody pregnant...AAAHGHHGHGHGHG.

Anyway, that's my rant over. At least we all have each other

In other news I had a positive OPK on CD14 so hopefully I'll have a happy new year.... fingers crossed.

I think hubby is enjoying this time together and it has brought us closer together too- so that's nice.

P.s Les- I love the Grinch. He's not evil- just misunderstood

 

[Chickybaby]

Lesonde, haha the pancakes made me laugh, pasta is a no no but pancakes with syrup are fine... Last time my in laws gave my son a McDonald's cheeseburger for lunch. I also cringed as I really try to stay away from processed junk (for him lol) but I pick my battles and that one wasn't worth it, at least they asked me before giving him ice cream for afternoon tea... Haha. Hope you have survived your last morning and are getting back to some nice relaxed pre-Christmas family time!

Yellowmoon, I hate when people try to relate with you and think they understand. I mean 4 whole months... How ever sis she survive. Glad you and hubs have been enjoying quality time together and yay for positive opk! Good luck xx

AFM. Nothing going on here, not sure if I ovulated... No spotting. On and off pains from both ovary's but not a lot. I'm kind of over it, continuing sea every other day and will do a test at some stage, not sure when yet.

 

[Sallyanne81]

Lesonde - I can't believe how insensitive people are! My in-laws are Italian too, i struggle with how direct they are, and apparently everything is only a 'suggestion' they are not telling me what to do! This weekend I walked into the room to find MIL rubbing furiously at SILs bump like a maniac. This was followed by BIL the religious fanatic doing a what seemed like 2 hour grace at the dinner table where he was praying over their unborn baby and about the cruel world it would be entering into, followed by praying over my womb (I was fuming bringing up a sore subject like that at the dinner table!).

Yellowmoon - People really just don't appreciate what they have, BIL & SIL live in a beautiful apartment, stunning views, land with fruit trees and all rent free (it's above her moms) - they are still complaining about it and want to move out ASAP.

I am on CD14 with OPK neg, saw a lady (an acquaintance) who teaches about natural fertility yesterday who basically advised me not to 'try for a baby' as it won't happen, then told me to buy a thermometer and do my BBTs or whatever you call them and she will show me pics of CM after xmas (ooh lovely!) sounds a bit like trying to me!

Good luck everyone! Fingers crossed for BFPs over Xmas and the New Year!

 

[2Baby2]

Sally I can’t even believe your BIL! I would have been furious/broke down in tears

I’ve had my fair share of insensitive comments too! Sometimes I’m like seriously I am wearing a t shirt that says please say done horrible about pregnancy to me it wound really brightened my day!
Rude just rude

My cousin and godmother to my LO texted me late last night and said to call her bc it was emergency. We’ve had a lot of unfortunate events in our family and my first thought was oh no who died! Nope she saw my Pinterest board titled Number 2 and wanted to know if I was going to announce at Christmas. I didn’t have the energy to tell her about my Mc so I just replied no we’re just trying and I’m just being hopeful. She was perfectly polite but it still brought up old feelings.

So as for now ..I’m in the early days of the tww, I finally I ovulate around cd23 and like POAS addict I am I tested at 4dpo no surprise there negative. I have been having some cramps and twitching probably mostly in my head as it’s way too early. I’ve had the worst luck with health this month and had the stomach flu over the weekend so I’m freaking out about dehydration and how that could effect this cycle (and I had bronchitis earlier this month) I’m worried I’m not healthy enough to get pregnant.

 

[Yellowmoon]

Sallyanne- The maniac rubbing the tummy made me chuckle. Humans are strange creatures I must say. I hate it when people say it will happen when you ‘don’t try’. It’s impossible to not try! Having any unprotected sex is trying- we’re just keeping ourselves informed about our bodies. jeeezzzz.

Baby2- I don’t think your illnesses would affect you conceiving- but I hope you’re feeling better now. Keep drinking plenty and eating greens and I reckon you’ll still have a good chance.

Good luck for the 2 week wait ladies. Fingers crossed we get some good news in this thread in the new year .

I think I’m going to hold off testing until new year. Want to try and forget about it and enjoy Christmas (easier said than done)

I hope our other ladies with bfps are doing well too.

Thinking of everyone as always- so happy to have such understanding and supportive women here. It really is lovely