Looking for TTC buddies after MC

[imready4it]

I’m going to completely go for it. I’ve had a kind of peace fill me today...especially after your kind words and inspiration. I can do this...I know I can...

 

[BabyBrain80]

Thanks ladies, I really appreciate your support and glad I can speak to you all.

Thats fantastic imready!!!! See once you make the descision its like a weight has been lifted.

I was feeling better after speaking to my OH nearly 2 weeks ago, when I realised I wasnt silly for feeling the way I did and also ttc wasnt off the table. But its all back, uncertainty etc, due to this positive test. I so hope it goes away so I can move on soon.

Anyway, good luck!!

 

[imready4it]

I appreciate being able to talk to you ladies as well. I find it difficult speaking with women who haven’t been through this horrible ordeal. One of my best friends actually said, “perhaps the time just wasn’t right” when I told her about the miscarriage. I was so hurt. I wanted to say, “but you think the time was just right for your four children?”

Also, after going into a peaceful deep sleep last night I was awakened at 5:58 am by a phone call from a family member to inform me that one of the greatest men I had ever known, my uncle, had died suddenly from his rare cancer. My happiness was brought to an abrupt halt and my entire family is devastated. Once again fear and pain came crashing back...doubt and despair filling my mind.

 

[PeanutWhereRU]

Imready I'm so so sorry for your loss and at such a time in your life! We are always here if you need to talk xxx

 

[BabyBrain80]

I'm so very sorry, we are here for you

 

[PeanutWhereRU]

https://babyandbump.momtastic.com/attachment.php?attachmentid=1025125&stc=1&d=1517600067

Ladies I have been testing from 28/1 top is from 28th and today's is at the bottom.. is o coming now? I'm so so co fused I thought it already went.. it's been 2 weeks plus since the d&c...

 

[flou]

Its definitley darker at the bottom peanut. I hope you catch the egg!

Imready I am so sorry about your uncle. Thinking of you and your family. I know what you mean about people saying stupid things. I put my MIL in her place after my first loss. She asked 4 weeks after i miscarried if I was "all better now". I told her I wasn't ill, I lost my baby. Some people who have never been through it find it really difficult to understand. Some struggle to understand that its grief.

 

[Poppiebug]

Just wanted to pop in and say hi (although I wish I wasn't). Recently lost a little bug at 6+6, found out at 8. I'm so impatient for things to get back to normal so we can try again. Not even a week since d&c and time is going so slow.

What have you all done to keep your mind off things while you wait?

 

[BabyBrain80]

Sorry for your loss Poppiebug

I booked a holiday. I spent a week or so doing my homework, looking for lodges/caravans/houses to rent. Deciding on the best area to be based etc. Dragged it out to keep my head busy.....turned out quite an expensive distraction but it made me feel a bit better and something to look forward to. Going to a holiday lodge near whitby in yorkshire first week of July.

Last year I did crafty things as a distraction. Painting christmas elf doors and chairs in August lol. It gives your mind a chance to wander and can help you get things in order.

I hope your cycle gets back to normal for you very quickly. Im really struggling as I think I had a bit of retained tissue but since Ive had a big bleed and passed a few bits, Im hoping my hpt goes bfn soon. Its a nightmare, so frustrating xx

 

[flou]

poppie. I am sorry for your loss. During my last loss I completely spoiled DS. I took him out and bought him some pressies and then we planned and did days out. It was kind of escapism whilst I processed what happened. For a while I think I went into denial. But I gave myself time to heal and I feel in a much better place. It gets to me when I think I should be in my third trimester but I just try to be thankful and grateful that I have a loving DH and a gorgeous DS. And I hope I am lucky again in the not to distant future to have a rainbow. FX! Hope we all get our rainbows soon!

 

[imready4it]

Thanks for all your kind words ladies. I really do appreciate them.

Poppies I am so sorry for your loss. I can’t give any advise about passing the time after your loss. I was consumed with it everyday. The days dragged by so slowly. I focused on hitting every milestone and trying again immediately. It’s now been almost 3 months but feels like a lifetime. I’m trying like heck this month to BD every other day to try to catch. Then things like the loss of my Uncle happens and I’m trying to renew the optimism and peace that I had finally found again last week. After two days of traveling I can’t wait to crawl into my DH’s arms tonight and collapse.

 

[Poppiebug]

Thanks so much everyone for your thoughts and experiences. I hope everyone gets their rainbow asap.

I'm off to the Dr this week as sort of a follow up from it all. I'm going to ask her to give me some bloods to see where hcg is at. The Obs that did my procedure said to follow up in 6 weeks, he sort of suggested just give the rooms a call, so I am thinking that so long as I don't have any issues with anything I might not actually see him. I am hoping that everything just gets back on track asap without issues.

See how we go I guess.

 

[AussieInUSA]

This is my first post in a forum so I'm still kind of not sure completely how it all works, but I read a lot of your posts and felt like this might be a good one. I'm so sorry for all of your losses, no one deserves to go through what we have had to go through, and I would not wish it upon anyone. Seeing so many posts that I relate to helps, but I also have fears that I will just always feel like this - as so many of you have described.

I miscarried in October (7.5 weeks), 4 days after my best friend gave birth to a beautiful little girl. Me and hubs are TTC again but I feel so many things I never felt before. Now I'm unsure, I'm not confident, I'm worried about miscarrying again, I'm worried we waited too long, I'm 36 he's 41. I don't know if I will be able to handle it if we miscarry again. There's so many feelings I did not have before we lost our little Speck. I'm afraid I just won't ever have a baby and then that turns me down a path of more fear because I don't know what I will do if I'm not a mother. Getting pregnant I felt amazing, I felt so alive and vibrant and ALIVE! Like this is what I'm meant to be doing. Now I just feel so isolated in my fear and sadness and I don't know if just continuing to TTC is a good idea or if I should wait till I'm feeling better - but maybe I won't feel better until I get pregnant? I am functioning every day, mostly okay, but on the inside there's just this constant unsettledness, and a feeling like I don't know where I am anymore.

I'm just feeling lost and alone, even though hubs is so amazing about everything, he wants to fix everything and make me feel better, but it doesn't work like that. So he then thinks he's doing something wrong and gets upset that I'm upset and it spirals from there. What are others experiences with partners trying to help you through? I'm just feeling very stuck and very much like I'm just floating in space with no direction. Any thoughts welcome.

 

[flou]

Aussie. How you are feeling is perfectly normal. And don't give up hope that one day you will get your little one. Most women who experience a miscarriage go on to have a healthy pregnancy and baby. I had two losses before I finally got DS. And even though I wouldn't have wanted to go through losing those babies if I hadnt I probably wouldn't have had my gorgeous little boy. And I wouldn't change him for the world. He made all the heartache worthwhile. So thats why I ultimately carried on ttc after my third loss. I know how much it hurts to lose a baby but I also know that when I hopefully get my second rainbow they will be so worth it! After each loss DH has always wanted to "fix" the problem. I found talking openly and honestly with DH helped. But I had to choose my moment as if I spoke when I was particularly low I couldn't alway verbalise how I felt and this just frustrated DH. So I told him this and I would just get him to hug me. But do talk to your partner about your concerns and worries. Him trying to "fix" it is also him trying to process the grief. But give yourself time and to cry. It will get easier I promise!

 

[BabyBrain80]

Hi Aussie

I'm very sorry for your loss, I totally understand how you feel. I have this constant burning, unsettled feeling in my stomach and my head is a mess, thinking about my lost babies or if we should ttc again. At the moment it's just mostly frustration and worry over my hcg not dropping after my mc in Dec. it's holding me back.

There is no right answer if any of us should ttc again. I had a mc in July and I was sure it couldn't happen again....but it did. I think it's just bad luck though. There is no right time to ttc either. For some it helps to get right back on it again, the focus of trying helps. After 2 of my losses I got pregnant again within 2 cycles, one of those was successful with DS2. It really helped me being pregnant again, but I worried the entire pregnancy. Long gone is the oblivious first pregnancy bubble!!
I never thought I could cope with a mc, but here I am just after my 3rd. It doesn't get easier but it's not as scary from the point of view that you know you are strong enough to get through it and you know some of what to expect.

Anyway, I'm not much help really. But I think I will regret not trying again while I have the chance, I'm 38 this summer so time to get on with it.

As for my OH, well he admits he doesn't really understand, he never went through it although he is sad. He's scared for me. He feels a bit useless. But all I need from him is being able to talk openly and not feel silly, to be able to cry when I need to and for him to allow me to take as long as I need to get over it (you know what I mean).

So like I said, maybe not much help. But we are here if you need to talk xx

 

[AussieInUSA]

Thank you BabyBrain and flou - I don't know why but it helps to know I'm not alone - even though I know other women feel like this, there's something about having the immediate sharing of experience that helps. I'm planning to start seeing a counsellor in the next week or two, so hopefully that helps too. I never imagined this would be so hard, granted, I never imagined it would happen to me. My grandma apparently had multiple miscarriages between my mum and uncle, so that's part of why I'm scared it will happen again - I have no idea if that is a factor or not, but it's not fun to think about.

Thanks again - and both of your posts help - I wish I didn't need constant reassurance that it's normal, everything I'm feeling, but these feelings are just so new and I feel so different that it's hard to believe I'm going through it.

Much love and baby dust to all xxx

 

[imready4it]

Aussie, many 🤗 to you!!! Everything you are feeling is normal but it definitely sucks to be in this place, believe me, I understand. My DH was very afraid to try again but has since agreed to TTC again. I think he was mostly afraid of watching me go through it and didn’t want to experience that again. I think once he was convinced that I was ready again he became more open to trying again. He also worries that we are both getting too old but I don’t think of either of us as too old. I actually feel like having a LO would bring a lot more life into our lives. We’ve settled into our routines and I would love to shake things up with a sweet, new LO. I don’t know if any of this helps but it’s what came to mind after reading your post. According to my app, I should O tomorrow so we’ve been BDing every other day and will BD tonight, tomorrow and hopefully on Wednesday. Afterwards, we will go back to every other day. Praying this is our month. I’d love to have a November 🌈!

 

[BabyBrain80]

Me too, there is something about a November baby that feels very positive to me. I dunno, its maybe silly.

hope you catch that egg imready x

Im getting ovulation/fertile symptoms and I had an almost positive opk today......but still got a faint bfp so not sure if its just the hcg the opk is picking up or there is actually a surge. Dont know if its possible to ovulate with hcg there, Ive read so many different things.
My body is just trying to get back to normal I suppose.
Need more patience!!

 

[AussieInUSA]

You know what I am finding really, idk, interesting? Being around babies makes me feel better. Being around pregnant women makes me miserable. It's like I feel like I'm supposed to have a baby - my body "gave birth", however early, and my mama instincts are off the charts. Yet I'm afraid of being pregnant again.

Everything else is so grey, it's hard to focus on anything and it's hard to make my brain engage in things that used to be really easy and second nature. I think that's what makes me feel so lost. I know that when it first happened, the feeling of total powerlessness was unbearable. I still think that plays a big part in why I feel how I feel - I have no control anyway so what's the point? I spent a long time before we got pregnant getting myself to a place where I was healthy and balanced (I had a ton of issues from past trauma and other health issues), and now I'm just wondering what was the point.

We're TTC but not getting too absorbed in the details - I think I feel at the moment like, if we do get pregnant in this limbo place then it will happen if it happens. If in a couple of months nothing happens then maybe we'll start getting more diligent. At the same time, every time I get my period I get really sad. I don't know what's right or wrong anymore.

Oh, and I just got to a meeting and someone announced that she's pregnant, same age as me, got married the same time, looks about 5 months which is what I would be now. Cue plummeting soul.

I think I'm finding I just have to enjoy the good moments when I have them, and let myself go through the lows when they happen. Who knows? Sorry to be debbie downer, but today has been a real plateau peppered with a few really low moments.

 

[imready4it]

Aussie, don’t forget that your hormones are all over the place. I think that has a lot to do with out emotional rollercoasters. When they level back out it will be easier...I promise. 😘