Losing my mind

[s_love]

So sorry, Love -- *HUGS* I know that must be so upsetting. I hope you get results soon, and fingers crossed that the dye cleared the blockage.

Sounds like everyone is having a hard time. You can tell we have all been trying way longer than a month and a half!!

The cost of things is getting to me, too; it's one of the reasons I sold my monitor. I'm definitely taking next month off because it is just getting to be too much.

I'm drinking more than I normally do (not much at all, but enough to take the edge off some nights). It's hard to make yourself relax, but some days I'm just like F-it, F-everything!!

Try to take it easy, girls. If I were a millionaire, I'd pay for us to take a trip somewhere for a week!

Its so funny you should say that Angel, I told my husband the other night that if we won the powerball, I would round up all the ladies on this thread and pay for IVF for all of us. If only I had won! Ive been drinking like a glass of wine a night, done feel bad, sometimes its what we need.

Im honestly feeling like throwing a pity party for myself haha. I know weve said it like a million times but life just isnt fair. I want good news! I want us to all get good news and bfps!

Ive been reading all morning about having 1 fallopian tube, its making me not feel as horrible as I did yesterday, but that in combination with everything else is still lurking in the back of my mind reminding me how difficult this is going to be.

 

[aknqtpie]

Angel.. you should like me... over the last two months.. I have drank more than I have drank in the last year...

 

[aknqtpie]

They don't have the powerball up here Almost had someone buy me a ticket!!!!

I think the holidays are making it tenfold worse right now... just because all the advertisements for christmas stuff... cute little kids.. Ugh. Makes it way worse.

 

[Coolstar]

Angel where had you been ??We were missing you here.I know u r taking a break but pls we need you here more then your office people .
love : Did you have a talk with your doc ? I am keeping my fingers Xed that the dye did clear up the blockage.
I know everyone is having such a hard time.I was telling my DH yest wish even i could check my tubes.Who knows what's going on down there .

 

[s_love]

No still haven't talked to her. Called again and left another message for her to call me back. Their office closes early on Fridays, so hopefully I get a call before this evening. I just want to know what my next step is. Like do I need to come in, can she call out meds for me to try and OV? Do I need to schedule another HSG to see if the blockage was cleared? Too many questions, not nearly enough answers.

 

[sadangel777]

Love, I know what you mean! Some good news would be nice right about now. I wish you had won Powerball, too! Drink a glass of wine for me -- I think I'll be buying a bottle of Verdi tonight.

AKNQTPIE: I think I have, too, but only because I never drank before except at weddings and such.

Cool, you are so sweet! I am a reporter now, so they keep me busy! Half the time I am out on assignment; I'll try to sign on more often!

 

[Coolstar]

Oh i forgot to mention that yest i had a big fight with my DH.He just picked up a stupid issue and started fighting with me.As if i have less problems in my life, I really wanted to hit him yest but fortunately controlled myself.I got +opk on Wed so i guess i ovulated yest but due to the fight we could not do bd properly .

 

[s_love]

Oh i forgot to mention that yest i had a big fight with my DH.He just picked up a stupid issue and started fighting with me.As if i have less problems in my life, I really wanted to hit him yest but fortunately controlled myself.I got +opk on Wed so i guess i ovulated yest but due to the fight we could not do bd properly .

Sorry Cool. I hate it when little things like that get in the way! Its like timing can just never be right for someone reason, but hopefully yall can BD tonight and catch it.

Ok so update... different FS called than what I expected and he told me to call back on Wednesday of next week because he doesnt have the full report. Also he said the only next step is hubby doing his SA... I asked about meds and stuff and he said that it wasnt in the plan right now... wtf. Ugh!

Also I decided to tell my 2 sisters and a close friend of mine about the tube... All I did was end of getting pissed off. Everyones answer to me was "Well theres always adoption, or why dont you get a surrogate?"
1. We want to exhaust every possibility of making our own before we adopt. Its not out of the question, but everyone would love a baby that they have made. Plus adoption is also financially out of the question at the moment.
2. If I cant afford to do IVF, what makes you think that we would be able to afford to put my egg and his sperm in someone else? And pay her on top of that?
3. Theres no indication that I cant carry my own child just because Im having difficulties conceiving. And I want the pregnant experience... all the good and bad.
I love how everyone close to me just gives up so quickly and is like move on and adopt or pay someone to have your kid....

 

[Chris_25]

Love don't listen to people they say stupid things and just don't understand!
You will be able to conceive! My friends mom got pregnant a few times with 1 tube and that's all u need is just 1!
I wish one of us could win money. I heard if u go to Europe u pay one price and they give u unlimited ivf. Maybe we can go live in Italy or Greece for a while lol
So anyway I did my first gonal injection last night and I went to prime it beforehand an the medication shot out across the room and I wasted some good thing I pointed it away from my eye lol then I went to pick up the progesterone went home and had a big empty box! The stupid girl didn't know they were in the fridge.

 

[Chris_25]

Oh i forgot to mention that yest i had a big fight with my DH.He just picked up a stupid issue and started fighting with me.As if i have less problems in my life, I really wanted to hit him yest but fortunately controlled myself.I got +opk on Wed so i guess i ovulated yest but due to the fight we could not do bd properly .

Ugh I'm sorry make sure u BD again tonight did u get to BD yesterday?

 

[aknqtpie]

I think I heard in the UK if you are an egg donor, then you don't have to pay for IVF.. if only they had something like that here

 

[s_love]

Yeah, if that was the case Id consider doing a surrogate to carry for us, if I didnt have to pay for it. I really want the pregnancy experience though.

 

[aknqtpie]

Me too. My DH was saying that if for some reason I couldn't conceive again, that we could look at adopting... which up here there are a lot of children that are in foster homes/end up getting adopted due to parental situations.. and although I would love to provide a home for those who need it.. I still want to go through the process myself. Maybe after I have one child, we can look at fostering a child too.

A feel good story for you ladies. A friend of mine had a hard time conceiving.. not sure how long they tried or what her situation was, but they ended up fostering two boys, and ended up adopting them, they also adopted a third little boy. Probably within a year of her adopting the third baby, she found out she was pregnant. She had her little boy earlier this year. In my mind, it showed me that God does have a plan, and that had things not worked out that way, those three boys may not have had a good loving home, like they do now.

Hope that was a feel good story, and not a make everyone sad story.

 

[s_love]

That is a good story. Makes me happy for the little boys and your friend. Its good to know there are still such selfless people in the world. Fostering and adopting children isnt a bad idea, and honestly Id like to be able to give back and give a child a good home, but I do want one of my own.

 

[Conceive81]

Hi Ladies,

It's been a rough week, hasn't it? I think one of the project managers I work with is scared of me. I totally ripped his head off this morning. It was not due to the ttc thing, just that I'm tired of people passing on the buck, which is similar to what the healthcare system does, isn't it?

aknqtpie, thanks for the story. It's so true, I've heard so many women getting pregnant after adoption.

S_love, I hear you about the money, that is why we are waiting till January. It's going to cost me 2700 for 3 months of IUI's (including the monitoring, scans, etc.) and 1700 for the injectables. That's over 4000. A heck of a lot of money. It would cost less if we went with one month, but they have a deal where they cut the price down for 3, so I figured, in case I'm hugely disappointed after IUI number 1, I have the 2 following months.

I know based on my life to date, that whenever I go through a hardship, there is a good lesson learned. Just not sure what this one is yet.

I hope everyone has a restful weekend.

 

[s_love]

Im guessing the lesson to all of our ttc journeys is patience and learning to value every little thing we have. Because when the time comes they we have our little ones in our arms, we will value it so much more than other people. Im guessing it has to be that, because if not then its lost to me.

2 more people on fb announced pregnancies today. I stayed off fb alllll day today and then I opened it and boom there it was right in my face. My hubby is out having boys poker night, which Im thankful for. Im sitting here on the floor next to my Christmas tree, playing on my computer (researching laproscopy, insurance policies, IUI, meds....) crying and having a glass of wine. I think I really am losing it. Im totally not happy. All I want is to be happy.

 

[Chris_25]

Im guessing the lesson to all of our ttc journeys is patience and learning to value every little thing we have. Because when the time comes they we have our little ones in our arms, we will value it so much more than other people. Im guessing it has to be that, because if not then its lost to me.

2 more people on fb announced pregnancies today. I stayed off fb alllll day today and then I opened it and boom there it was right in my face. My hubby is out having boys poker night, which Im thankful for. Im sitting here on the floor next to my Christmas tree, playing on my computer (researching laproscopy, insurance policies, IUI, meds....) crying and having a glass of wine. I think I really am losing it. Im totally not happy. All I want is to be happy.

Yes, that's what everyone keeps telling me that I will appreciate is so much more. Cry and let it out and drink more wine! I have a hobby and you know what it is? Crying lol so when dh tells me to get a hobby that what it is! As for fb try to stay away I deleted it 2 weeks ago it was just too much this is the longest I've gone without it we will see how long I last. Honestly it feels so good not to have it though!

 

[Conceive81]

I'm with Chris. I actually started using facebook because I had family far away after getting married. It was back when it wasn't as popular. I recently deleted my account a few months back because it became a social competition tool. I was fed up of having old ppl pop up to add me just to see where I am at in life and then never say a word...just not a good use of time.

I'm also with Chris on letting it all out. Sometimes we need a good cry. I just had one the other day over all my frustrations, this being one of them. It's ok to let it out. Without rain, the sun doesn't shine.

 

[Conceive81]

Im guessing the lesson to all of our ttc journeys is patience and learning to value every little thing we have. Because when the time comes they we have our little ones in our arms, we will value it so much more than other people. Im guessing it has to be that, because if not then its lost to me.

2 more people on fb announced pregnancies today. I stayed off fb alllll day today and then I opened it and boom there it was right in my face. My hubby is out having boys poker night, which Im thankful for. Im sitting here on the floor next to my Christmas tree, playing on my computer (researching laproscopy, insurance policies, IUI, meds....) crying and having a glass of wine. I think I really am losing it. Im totally not happy. All I want is to be happy.

When I had a really bad breakdown last year, a good friend of mine told me that you make your heaven and you make your hell. It really is all about perspective and it could be so much worse. I know it's so hard sometimes but if you really think about it, you are going to be ok. You have your limbs, your health, your partner, your safety, food and shelter. It will be ok, this will happen. I learned not to talk about this kind of thing with close family because of your experience. They tend to want to solve things for you and that may be something you're not ready for. That's why I think this place is a blessing, because not only are we trying to conceive, but most of us are also battling so many other stressors...

 

[aknqtpie]

Oh love.. I am sorry you are having a bad night Cry it all out.. sometimes it makes you feel better...

Here is something to read online that will provide some humor... Laughter can also make you feel good (especially after crying!!!) https://itjustgetsstranger.blogspot.com/2011/12/snuggie-texts.html