Losing my mind

[s_love]

Thank you for the birthday wishes!

Love sorry about the fight but we all say things we don't mean when we are mad. Give her time to cool off you guys will be ok. Your going through a lot right now.

Thanks ladies. She's still giving me the silent treatment.

So Chris, Happy Birthday!!! what do you have planned?

 

[sadangel777]

Happy birthday chris!

Love, i have had some bad fights with my sis, it will blow over. May take a little time, but u r sisters. Mine once threw a whole christmas tree at my folks, decorations n all! And they r fine. Well, as fine as a dysfunctional fam can be!

Im doing good these three days off, day one almost over. hehe. I didnt tell u guys, i had a teeny brown spot in my undies about a week past cd14 and im obsessing that it was implantation spotting. Due for af around the 4th or 5th and if i get it or a bfn i think itll be bad.

We were walking thru store and walked past the baby food aisle, and i just looked at it, wondering if some day ill be worrying about which formula to get instead of whether ill ever be a mom.

P.s. I cant stop thinkng about my cousin and how shes getting closer to having her daughter ... how behind i am in life and how happy everyone else is, or at least appear to be ...

 

[s_love]

Happy birthday chris!

Love, i have had some bad fights with my sis, it will blow over. May take a little time, but u r sisters. Mine once threw a whole christmas tree at my folks, decorations n all! And they r fine. Well, as fine as a dysfunctional fam can be!

Im doing good these three days off, day one almost over. hehe. I didnt tell u guys, i had a teeny brown spot in my undies about a week past cd14 and im obsessing that it was implantation spotting. Due for af around the 4th or 5th and if i get it or a bfn i think itll be bad.

We were walking thru store and walked past the baby food aisle, and i just looked at it, wondering if some day ill be worrying about which formula to get instead of whether ill ever be a mom.

P.s. I cant stop thinkng about my cousin and how shes getting closer to having her daughter ... how behind i am in life and how happy everyone else is, or at least appear to be ...

Awww angel of course you will have your time in the baby food aisle! Just stay positive and know that it will come. And you aren't behind, not at all. No one persons life is the same and things will happen for you in their own perfect timing! I'm keeping my FXed for you!!

But I know what you mean, I can't sleep and I'm looking at DHs cousins baby pics they posted and pics of my friends newborn. It's making me sad and so very jealous, but I'm trying to stay positive. I can't stop looking tho! It's like I like making myself miserable...

 

[sadangel777]

Thanks, love, ill try!

I know what u mean ... sometimes i think FB is the devil because its so depressing. Im so sick of all the "we're so happy, im so thankful, i have such a beautiful wonderful baby, blah blah blah" i could be sick. Thinking about deleting and/or hiding some peeps.

 

[s_love]

Well I originally posted a pic of DHs cousins baby but then I went back and took it down...I mean that's what we try to get away from on fb! Wasn't really thinking. She just makes my heart melt and fill with jealous rage all at once!

 

[s_love]

Thanks, love, ill try!

I know what u mean ... sometimes i think FB is the devil because its so depressing. Im so sick of all the "we're so happy, im so thankful, i have such a beautiful wonderful baby, blah blah blah" i could be sick. Thinking about deleting and/or hiding some peeps.

I always say I'm going to hide and delete but I never do! It's seriously like a sick addiction! I like torturing myself!

But I do get so sick of it... Some kind of vicious sad circle

 

[sadangel777]

I havent deleted anyone yet, but ive hid a ton of people. Im hesitant to hide family though. But she updated her profile pic, u cant see her stomach, but my cousin def has preggo face. It gave me a small measure of satisfaction ... but im not looking forward to the update on the birth and all the mushyness that will ensue. ... cant seem to relax for long before the jealousy and grief comes back.

 

[sadangel777]

I havent deleted anyone yet, but ive hid a ton of people. Im hesitant to hide family though. But she updated her profile pic, u cant see her stomach, but my cousin def has preggo face. It gave me a small measure of satisfaction ... but im not looking forward to the update on the birth and all the mushyness that will ensue. ... cant seem to relax for long before the jealousy and grief comes back.

 

[s_love]

View attachment 540567

I know I hate that. Like when you think you have comes to term with it and then it hits you and you get upset all over again. It's the worst. Sometimes I feel like a monster.... Like who can't be happy for their friends? I want my friends to be happy for me and my bundle of joy. I'd hate to know they felt this way towards me.

 

[sadangel777]

I know. I had a meltdown tonight, said i hate god for doing this to me. I feel like he hates me. I dont know why i get like this, i havent tested and af isnt due til the 4th ish. Its like i already know.

But if, by some miracle, it happens for me ... i wont expect anyone to be happy for me, and ill never ever forget how i feel now.

 

[sadangel777]

I know. I had a meltdown tonight, said i hate god for doing this to me. I feel like he hates me. I dont know why i get like this, i havent tested and af isnt due til the 4th ish. Its like i already know.

 

[s_love]

Yeah I can understand where you're coming from. And it's for that reason that I won't put baby bump pics or ultrasounds on Facebook and make a public spectacle of my pregnancy.

God doesn't hate you, but I know the feeling. I've actually started resenting him and myself... Like I just want a reason why. I never thought ttc would be what teated my faith.

On one hand you have my sister who's agnostic and she's like "it's got nothing to do with god, it's all science". Then you have my hubby's uncle who is a pastor and he told me he a story about how he had a fig tree that wouldn't produce figs. He was about to get rid of it until one night by chance he got up and saw raccoons in the tree stealing all the figs. Long story short, he told me I had to "get the raccoon out of my fig tree if I ever want to produce fruit". He sd my lack of faith is my personal raccoon and once I let go and put it all in Gods hands t will happen : / I just don't know where I stand on the issue anymore.

We are driving home from Texas tonight. 20 more hours to go! Got a message from one of my friends in San Diego about how she's not drinking on New Years... She's 9 days late. She didnt want to tell me because she didnt want me to get mad. She's testing New Year's Day.

 

[sadangel777]

That sucks, love ... hopefully she isnt preggo.

I just wish ppl could stop getting pregnant for like a few months. For realz. Its getting ridiculous.

Ive had faith issues for a while, but im becoming angrier instead of indifferent lately. I dont buy that 'plan' or fate stuff any more. My lack of faith is just getting worse. Why does it happen for people who dont want it ... because they have faith and let god work out his divine plan for them? I dont think so ...

 

[sadangel777]

That sucks, love ... hopefully she isnt preggo.

I just wish ppl could stop getting pregnant for like a few months. For realz. Its getting ridiculous.

Ive had faith issues for a while, but im becoming angrier instead of indifferent lately. I dont buy that 'plan' or fate stuff any more. My lack of faith is just getting worse. Why does it happen for people who dont want it ... because they have faith and let god work out his divine plan for them? I dont think so ...

 

[aknqtpie]

Angel - I think a lot of people will be very happy for you... and you can flaunt it infront of me all you want

I totally understand losing faith. I have been feeling that way over the last few months, not really sure what my body is doing, and understanding why I have been put through all this. I just have to remind myself that God has blessed me with many other things in life, and sometimes I just have to really work and have patience for that right thing. It is hard to remind myself that, but when I get into my slump (which is about once a week) I cry my eyes out, then try to find that light again. I am not an overly religious person either... I haven't been to church in nearly a decade.

More than anything I really hope all of you girls get your BFP and it is a sticky bean.. so we can all be "losing our mind" with crying babies and dirty diapers

By the way... Kanye West and Kim Kardashian.. that will not end well.

 

[Coolstar]

I have lots of hope for 2013, hoping we get our BFP next year. Even i had a meltdown yest.I think I did not ovulate this cycle coz i never got a +opk.
Kim kardashian is pregnant.How is it that some people get everything and we have to try so hard.

 

[s_love]

Woah woah woah... I haven't seen any news or anything since we are on te road. Kim K. and Kayne are having a baby? That kid will be the anti-Christ! Ugh that's just annoying.

My mom always tells me "having faith in God is having faith in his timing" that's what I constantly try to remind myself and it gets harder and harder....Sometimes, and I know I'm going to tell for this, his timing seems like bullshit. You can't tell me that a baby is what a 13 year old needs, or a crack head, or someone who has no intention of keeping a baby.... Lol ok end vent.

I hope 2013 is full of BFPs for you. New year, new us, new adventures. I would love love love if we could all move this exact group of ladies to the first trimester thread. Lol then to the parenting forum where Id love to bitch about a baby that won't go to sleep and dirty diapers!!

And Angel (and all you other ladies) I will personally be ecstatic when you announce your BFP and post pics : ) flaunt away!

 

[sadangel777]

Um okay ...

So i got up today and since af is due fridayish, i tested because i wanted to drink like crazy tonight and did it just-in-case.

And i flipped over the test angrily expecting nothing, but there was a,second faint line. ... now im shocked, happy, and also worried. I dont want to get my hopes up over a chem preg or another miscarriage because i cant handle another one. Doc isnt in today and prob not tomorrow, so ill have to call wed to have bloodwork. Fingers crossed that this is it, i havent told a soul.

And to think, last night i told god to screw himself ... :-/

 

[s_love]

Omg angel!!!! I am keeping my fingers crossed for you so much right now! Oh good luck girl I really hope it's sticky!

 

[aknqtpie]

AHHHHH post a picture so we can give you a second opinion! I am so excited and I hope it is your BFP!!!

Love - Just remember that those 13 y/os are going to deal with a lot of other challenges raising a child than we will. We are just having the problems getting to the BFPs, but we will get them