lost my identity...

[lisaf]

my LO always seemed fascinated by me eating, lol.. it was finding the time to go grab food/make anything that kept me from eating.

 

[tokyo_c]

I think you just have to surrender to it for a while, but know that gradually it'll get better and you will start to feel more like yourself again, albeit a new version whose life revolves around a tiny dictator but still! It's a massive shock to the system though, and even if you love your LO more than anything else in this world I don't think it's unusual to feel a bit resentful that you've lost so much of yourself and your previous life.

 

[Aphrodite]

Jack is 8 months and I went back to work when he was 4 months just for 12 weeks to finish my nursing course. Now I'm home with him-I was so excited but feeling the same as you being home day after day doing the same things. I was folding laundry one afternoon and I just stood there and thought..I'll probably be doing the exact same thing this time tomorrow. Every day is the same! What a depressing thought. I am actually looking for a part time job just 16 hours a week which will suit us down to the ground. But in the meantime I go out every day and have started going to more baby groups have you considered this? Its great to meet new Mum's. Baby groups are more for you at this stage as ur LO's still so young. They really are a lifeline for me now though. I try to meet up with a friend at least once a week too. I have also started TRYING to do something for myself everyday such as read through a text book or write a bit of my novel. Start writing a novel!! Or get a non fiction book out the library on a topic ur interested in and maybe try and grab half an hour at some point during the day if you can.
It will get better as LO gets older hun hang in there x x

 

[Mrs Doddy]

We have quite a good routine and go out most days or we both go mad - it really helps

 

[chloeandbaby]

wow, i am loving these replies!

im going to ask my health visitor about baby groups local and im going to get my arse outside these 4 walls!!

and i really would like to go back to work.... part time.... do you ladies who work put your babies in nursery? or childcare of somekind?? how did LO take to it? i would feel guilty! but i would like to go back part time!!

Aphrodite- i would love to write a novel but wouldnt know where to start lol.

im glad to hear that it does gradually get better though, sometimes i cant see very far into the future and feel like this is the way things will always be but its lovely to know that it gets better as LOs reach different stages!!

xx

 

[Aphrodite]

yes deffo ask about baby groups thewre is SOO much out there for you and you can chat to other women and find they feel the same as you which helps a lot.

Jack went to a childminder and he was fine as far as I know but I did ask her not to tell me the bad stuff lololol. However, He is so clingy now he gets upset when I leave the room and is so much more aware of when I'm there and not. He hasn't been to the childminder for a few weeks now so when he does go back I will be nervous all over again how he will take to it.

 

[Dizzymum]

I'm sorry you feel this way

I think what you need to realise is that your lo will only be a baby for such a short amount of time. I know it sounds like a 'cliche', but they grow so quickly, and you'll look back in years to come, and it will feel like this time in your life went by in the blink of an eye.

My advice to you would be to 'go with the flow' and really think about what you have .......... an amazing little baby who is learning something new from YOU every day of her new little life. So many people don't get the chance to be a parent, and we are very lucky to have this opportunity.

I spend all day, every day with my baby (as I have with all three of my children), and I feel I have achieved a huge amount at the end of every day. We are nurturing our children, loving them, making them feel safe and secure.

I hope you can find a way to look at things in a more positive light.

 

[hb1]

I think it's part of the transition of becoming a mother , you are a different person to the pre-pregnancy you and as you find your feet it will all click. You spent a long time becoming the you b4 baby and this is likely one of the most profound things that has happened to you - it's v natural to feel this way.

hx

 

[lisaf]

When I work, I leave my child with an in-home daycare. He's actually the only one enrolled there right now, lol. She had some bad luck with people whose husbands got transferred at their jobs and left town etc, but after having a perforated ulcer and spending a week in the hospital, she's decided she wants to just take it easy with our baby for a few months to limit stress.
She adores him and says he's the best stress relief there is. He loves her too which really makes me feel better about leaving him with her.

Its actually easier to start them with a childminder at a younger age.. starting at 9 months for example is a really hard transition since they're extra clingy at that age anyway.

And don't feel guilty about needing time to yourself to feel like an adult.. a happy mom is much better for LO than a mom who is sticking around full-time out of a sense of guilt and is miserable doing it.
If it would help, I'd suggest getting a sitter for a few hours a week just to give you a bit of a break, go get a manicure, shop without having to drag the baby, take a nice bath etc. Don't need the excuse of work to get some time off!

 

[KittyVentura]

Firstly. It is not bad to wrong to feel as you do. Having a baby is a massive life changing event and nothing can prepare you for how full on it is and how much your life changes. Missing parts of (or even all of) your old life is not a bad thing at all.

Please trust me when I say that one day you'll wake up and realise that you've started living again. You'll not be able to pinpoint exactly when it happened but you'll know things have changed.

It is very hard. I felt like for the first few months I wasn't living at all. I was just getting by. Doing what I needed to to get through each day in one piece and sane. We were baby led and Fin led me into a strict routine which left me unable to leave the house unless it was beteen 12 and 3. Now though, although I try and stay home around the time he naps, I CAN make plans. I CAN go on day trips, travel and meet other BnB mums, take Fin out in the evening past hi sbedtime without the world falling apart. I feel like I have a life again. I can't say when that changed but suddenly I just realised life was no longer a case of getting by, I was loving every day.

It DOES get easier when they start to move and reach the 6 month learning curve. They become SO fun and seem to learn every day. They make you laugh, sometimes I laugh so much at and with Fin that I'm in tears. Things might still be hard but you enjoy every moment more. You get things back and see them learn and suddenly you have this very visible show of exactly what you have accomplished. Not only did you grow a baby, carry for 9 months, deliver, keep that baby alive and help the baby thrive... but the baby is LEARNING... it is DOING all these things that it learnt from you. How amazing is that. You realise that rather than making a baby, which my itself is amazing, you are making and moulding a whole person. A whole life full of wonder and possibilities.

Oh no, I've made myself cry writing this.

One other thing I did find that really helped me was to become a WAHM. I was very lucky to be in the position where we did not need me to return to work. I am also a go-getter and I need a challenge, at work I was always seekign the next promotion and move... but I had the chance to be a SAHM and wanted to take that. However when things started to get easier with Fin I did miss havingthe challenge and that feeling of pride from sitting back after completing a piece of work and feeling proud of what I had done. I've always loved baking so I have set up my own cupcake business from home which is doing pretty well. It is hard sometimes, days when Fin refuses to nap and I have a 180 cupcake wedding order to do and then end up working til 3am... but every day I bake I get that feeling of accomplishment unrelated to baby. I know several mums who have done the same, others that are incredibly talented artists (I'm looking at you Kelly) and sell their art. Some that make and sell amazing jewellery (Megan), others that take amazing photos and do potraiture or wedding photos. Some buy and sell baby goods (Kelly with her amazing Amber). There are so many options to take if you want to work from home. It's not really the best route for a steady and large income, but for a little extra cash and the feeling of being more than Mummy, it is very worthwhile. I'm Jemma the cake lady... as well as mummy.

I hope that helps, a little long but I hope I've helped reassure you about things and give you some ideas. Please feel free to PM me if you ant more info love.

I hope you feel better soon xxxx

 

[tina3747]

Firstly. It is not bad to wrong to feel as you do. Having a baby is a massive life changing event and nothing can prepare you for how full on it is and how much your life changes. Missing parts of (or even all of) your old life is not a bad thing at all.

Please trust me when I say that one day you'll wake up and realise that you've started living again. You'll not be able to pinpoint exactly when it happened but you'll know things have changed.

It is very hard. I felt like for the first few months I wasn't living at all. I was just getting by. Doing what I needed to to get through each day in one piece and sane. We were baby led and Fin led me into a strict routine which left me unable to leave the house unless it was beteen 12 and 3. Now though, although I try and stay home around the time he naps, I CAN make plans. I CAN go on day trips, travel and meet other BnB mums, take Fin out in the evening past hi sbedtime without the world falling apart. I feel like I have a life again. I can't say when that changed but suddenly I just realised life was no longer a case of getting by, I was loving every day.

It DOES get easier when they start to move and reach the 6 month learning curve. They become SO fun and seem to learn every day. They make you laugh, sometimes I laugh so much at and with Fin that I'm in tears. Things might still be hard but you enjoy every moment more. You get things back and see them learn and suddenly you have this very visible show of exactly what you have accomplished. Not only did you grow a baby, carry for 9 months, deliver, keep that baby alive and help the baby thrive... but the baby is LEARNING... it is DOING all these things that it learnt from you. How amazing is that. You realise that rather than making a baby, which my itself is amazing, you are making and moulding a whole person. A whole life full of wonder and possibilities.

Oh no, I've made myself cry writing this.

One other thing I did find that really helped me was to become a WAHM. I was very lucky to be in the position where we did not need me to return to work. I am also a go-getter and I need a challenge, at work I was always seekign the next promotion and move... but I had the chance to be a SAHM and wanted to take that. However when things started to get easier with Fin I did miss havingthe challenge and that feeling of pride from sitting back after completing a piece of work and feeling proud of what I had done. I've always loved baking so I have set up my own cupcake business from home which is doing pretty well. It is hard sometimes, days when Fin refuses to nap and I have a 180 cupcake wedding order to do and then end up working til 3am... but every day I bake I get that feeling of accomplishment unrelated to baby. I know several mums who have done the same, others that are incredibly talented artists (I'm looking at you Kelly) and sell their art. Some that make and sell amazing jewellery (Megan), others that take amazing photos and do potraiture or wedding photos. Some buy and sell baby goods (Kelly with her amazing Amber). There are so many options to take if you want to work from home. It's not really the best route for a steady and large income, but for a little extra cash and the feeling of being more than Mummy, it is very worthwhile. I'm Jemma the cake lady... as well as mummy.

I hope that helps, a little long but I hope I've helped reassure you about things and give you some ideas. Please feel free to PM me if you ant more info love.

I hope you feel better soon xxxx

What a lovely post!!

 

[chloeandbaby]

Firstly. It is not bad to wrong to feel as you do. Having a baby is a massive life changing event and nothing can prepare you for how full on it is and how much your life changes. Missing parts of (or even all of) your old life is not a bad thing at all.

Please trust me when I say that one day you'll wake up and realise that you've started living again. You'll not be able to pinpoint exactly when it happened but you'll know things have changed.

It is very hard. I felt like for the first few months I wasn't living at all. I was just getting by. Doing what I needed to to get through each day in one piece and sane. We were baby led and Fin led me into a strict routine which left me unable to leave the house unless it was beteen 12 and 3. Now though, although I try and stay home around the time he naps, I CAN make plans. I CAN go on day trips, travel and meet other BnB mums, take Fin out in the evening past hi sbedtime without the world falling apart. I feel like I have a life again. I can't say when that changed but suddenly I just realised life was no longer a case of getting by, I was loving every day.

It DOES get easier when they start to move and reach the 6 month learning curve. They become SO fun and seem to learn every day. They make you laugh, sometimes I laugh so much at and with Fin that I'm in tears. Things might still be hard but you enjoy every moment more. You get things back and see them learn and suddenly you have this very visible show of exactly what you have accomplished. Not only did you grow a baby, carry for 9 months, deliver, keep that baby alive and help the baby thrive... but the baby is LEARNING... it is DOING all these things that it learnt from you. How amazing is that. You realise that rather than making a baby, which my itself is amazing, you are making and moulding a whole person. A whole life full of wonder and possibilities.

Oh no, I've made myself cry writing this.

One other thing I did find that really helped me was to become a WAHM. I was very lucky to be in the position where we did not need me to return to work. I am also a go-getter and I need a challenge, at work I was always seekign the next promotion and move... but I had the chance to be a SAHM and wanted to take that. However when things started to get easier with Fin I did miss havingthe challenge and that feeling of pride from sitting back after completing a piece of work and feeling proud of what I had done. I've always loved baking so I have set up my own cupcake business from home which is doing pretty well. It is hard sometimes, days when Fin refuses to nap and I have a 180 cupcake wedding order to do and then end up working til 3am... but every day I bake I get that feeling of accomplishment unrelated to baby. I know several mums who have done the same, others that are incredibly talented artists (I'm looking at you Kelly) and sell their art. Some that make and sell amazing jewellery (Megan), others that take amazing photos and do potraiture or wedding photos. Some buy and sell baby goods (Kelly with her amazing Amber). There are so many options to take if you want to work from home. It's not really the best route for a steady and large income, but for a little extra cash and the feeling of being more than Mummy, it is very worthwhile. I'm Jemma the cake lady... as well as mummy.

I hope that helps, a little long but I hope I've helped reassure you about things and give you some ideas. Please feel free to PM me if you ant more info love.

I hope you feel better soon xxxx

Hey hun thanks for ur lovely post! I have actually jus private messaged u as i saw ur post on another topic about stretchmarks lol. i would love to start my own business i have great ideas but not quite sure how to get there but it has always been a dream of mine!

Thank you though you have inspired me that i can be more than just a mummy xxx