Lost our baby yesterday due to ectopic pregnancy

[alibaba24]

hi, just wanted to say sorry for your loss ectopic pregnancy is a horrible thing iv been through one myself my experience in the link below, im hear if you want someone to talk to

https://www.babyandbump.com/pregnancy-journals/163630-my-1st-pregnancy-journal-wooo-hooo.html

xx

thank you so much! i just ready your experience and i'm sorry for your losses, but so happy that you are well on your way to seeing your little girl! you have given me such hope that i will one day be in your shoes! i was told the same statistics about the chances of becoming pregnant and the chances of it being another ectopic pregnancy. i am so scared of being pregnant again to go through the loss all over....i have to wait at least 2 full cycles before trying to conceive again because i was given the methotrexate. so, i guess i have time to try to deal with the fear, as we won't be trying until late feb / early march. thank you for taking the time to reply and share your story...it really has given me hope!

im glad to have given you some hope i remember feeling gutted at the hospital statistics but i was also told later on so long as you still have both ovaries then your chances of concieving are the same as before, say for example your left ovary releases an egg...it isnt released directly into that left fallopian tube the ovaries just release the egg and then the fallopian tubes kinda draw the egg down into it....so your left ovary could release an egg and then it could well go down your right fallopian tube and vice versa!! i found this really amazing as i always assumed that the left egg went down the left tube kinda thing which would matter if you only have 1 tube but so long as your ovaries are still turning out a little egg your chances of conieving are as before I have no doubts you will go on to have a healthy pregnancy theres no reason not to! Ectopics are just one of those things but dont be scared you will be well taken care of with early scans etc the next time you concieve a little bean

all the best

xxxx

 

[BeanieBaby]

I am so sorry for your loss and what you've been through and are going through right now, my heart goes out to you but I think you made the right decision as I had a friend that nearly died last yr from her ectopic. Its so serious and so unheard of (since like mc lots of people don't talk about their loss) she is now campaigning for the charity I think.

I think questioning your faith is also natural just keep praying and hopefully it will all become clear. I am a Christian too and have struggled with this at various stages in my life, especially these past few wks and when I lost my father a few yrs ago. Whilst its natural to be angry if you can let go of this it will be your faith that will help to pull you through this difficult time.

I can understand how you must have felt when your OH said that to you, mine said similar things as he thought he was saying what I wanted to hear. In actual fact he v. flusteredly said a lot of the things in the "What not to say to someone who's had a miscarriage" thread! I know he was just trying to help though but at the time I could have throttled him. Just give yourself some time to grieve and to understand what you're feeling. I think as the pain is so raw physically you can't really begin to heal emotionally. We are all on this rollercoaster at the mo and are here if you need us.

Lots of love and

xxx

 

[dali]

hun i understand how you feel. i had the methotrxate jab nearly 3 years ago now ( doesnt seem that long ago mind) and felt so guilty, still do sometimes even though i know there was nothing i could have done differently.
i am so sorry for your loss and i know how much it hurts. time will make the pain easier to deal with.
i know that in my case the wait to be able to try again was almost crippling, i was told 3 full cycles and my cyle didnt return for 3 months so it was 6 months until i could try again.
happily i fell pg again almost straight away with my now 21 month old son, who i adore
i am not saying this to upset you and im sorry if it has that effect, i just wanted to let you know that it is true when they tell you that most women go on to have a normal pregnancy after an ectopic, as i know at that time i would have loved to have had someone who had been though it and gone on to have a baby soon after tell me their story, sort of like a light at the end of the tunnel ?

it is normal to feel guilty ... but it is not your fault and there is nothing else you could have done, so please try not to beat yourself up about it.
again im so sorry for what you are going through , and am thinking of you.
yout time will come soon

oh just wanted to add , that i was ordered to go straight to gp when i got pg again, to be sent for an early scan to check for another ectopic, and it was terrifying but was so glad i got to check early, im fairly sure this is standard after an ectopic pregnancy so hopefully will help set your mind at rest when the time does come to TTC again

 

[bbb2009]

thank you all for your responses and especially for sharing your stories. it does help to hear that there is that light at the end of the tunnel that there will a successful pregnancy at the end of all of this. i went in for another blood test and my hcg is still at 40. so, i go back again in 6 days for another test. i was told by my dr that i needed to wait two full cycles to try again. they had told me that the methotrexate may throw me into a cycle right away, but to wait for two regular cycles after this one to try. i am not sure if i am having a cycle or just bleeding as a result from it all. the last few days has been bright red blood and before that it had always been extremely dark, almost black (sorry if tmi). so, i am not sure if i am now starting a cycle again or what the situation is. i don't think that this is as heavy as my normal period, however. the odd thing is that i had a normal period after i was pregnant that started exactly when my cycle was due and lasted my normal 5 days. that was on dec 3rd. so, i'm not really sure what is going on with my body and if this is actually a cycle or just after effects of it all. for those of you that have gone through this before, did you have this happen? were you bleeding after the metho and if so, how long did it last and was it like a normal cycle? i'm just a bit confused by it all.

last night, i went shopping with my sister and i couldn't believe how many babies were around us. it seemed like every time we turned around there was a mom with a little adorable baby right in front of us! it was difficult to see and just not understand why that can't be me. i know that God has a plan for us and that His plan is bigger & better than any plan i can come up with on my own. but, it is hard to practice that blind faith. there is a reason that we are going through this and i know that deep in my heart, but it doesn't make it any easier to deal with. i know that one day, it will seem clearer, but i am sure it will never be something i can understand. i just want to be a mom! but, i want to be a mom to my baby that is gone! that is the hardest thing for my OH and family to understand. yes, i hope and pray that i will one day be pregnant again and succesfully carry a healthy child to term, but that doesn't mean that i don't want this baby!

 

[Melly]

ive experienced similar problems with HCG levels, but they havent said mine is ectopic.

when i was at the hospital on 7th Dec, my blood test came back as 137, i had an internal scan the next day when they confirmed that they couldnt see anything (other than an area of fluid and clots), i went back 10th for another blood test, which had only dropped to 128. Went back again on 14th and it only dropped to 92. They've said its dropped 'enough' to stop testing. Maybe they do it completely differently here to where you are.

i agree about suddenly everywhere you look there are babies. every day since losing our angel baby ive seen nothing other than babies (tv, on the street, etc) and you just feel like breaking down.

i hope things improve for you soon, and im sure you'll have a healthy baby when the time is right.

 

[dali]

after the metho i had slightly heavier bleeding than normal for a few days then normal sort of bleeding for a week or so ( if i remember rightly) but after that i didnt actually start to have periods again until 3 months after, then they were back to normal and on time each month. hope this helps, if you have any questions about the bleeding dont be afraid to ask your gp

i understand that you want THIS baby hun, i really do. hugs to you again im so sorry you are going through this. it will get easier ( like you said you will never beable to understand it though)
wishing you all the best for the future hun

 

[Kitkat09]

I just went through the exact same thing as you, bbb2009 and had the injection yesterday.

I had the same feelings of guilt as you, worrying and wondering what if, what if?

But my betas were never good. They never got higher than 44 at 19dpo. And they were creeping up slowly indicating that this wasn't going to resolve on it's own with a simple (as if they could ever be simple) miscarriage.

I think the thing that haunted me the most was thinking that there might be a perfectly healthy baby in there that was just located in the wrong place where it couldn't grow no matter what.

I hated having to make the decision to take the shot and I totally understand your anger. My moment of anger came when I found out my insurance company denied paying for the drug. I had such a white hot hate that came so fast and sudden. I swear if I was some kind of Firestarter, their company headquarters would have exploded in that very instant. I guess that stupid move by the insurance company gave me something to focus my anger on before I could even begin to get angry with God, you know? The way I see it. Go ahead and be angry. God can take it and will still love you regardless.

I'm so sorry for your loss and you are not alone. You have support here, we understand and are here for you.

 

[dali]

yes that was exactly it....
i know a few people said to me " i believe that babies who are misscarried are so , because there is something wrong " or words to that effect...
my reply was to the effect of " well even if that is so , there is no reason to think my baby had anything wrong atall, it was just in the wrong place"
and that was one of the hardest things, knowing that if it had been in the uterus there was every chance it would have been fine.

that said ( please dont anyone take offense to what i am about to say ) as painful and awful as my ectopic was, had my first pregnancy gone to plan i would not have had my son ( i would have been 7 months pg when he was conceived.) i know i would never have known the difference but the idea of never having had him kills me.

once again, im so sorry for your loss hun ( i cant say it enough ) if you even want to talk feel free to pm me, i usually get on atleast once a day so will get any messages.

 

[Kitkat09]

that said ( please dont anyone take offense to what i am about to say ) as painful and awful as my ectopic was, had my first pregnancy gone to plan i would not have had my son ( i would have been 7 months pg when he was conceived.) i know i would never have known the difference but the idea of never having had him kills me.

I'm not offended at all. I'm happy for you and the birth of your beautiful son.

Life is messy, full of disappointment and loss as well as great joy and blessings.

I guess my Christmas wish for all the ladies who have lost their sweet babes is to not lose hope. As sad as I am right now, I'm grateful that I haven't lost the blessing of hope. I have so much hope in my heart right now, please take some when you need it.

 

[bbb2009]

that said ( please dont anyone take offense to what i am about to say ) as painful and awful as my ectopic was, had my first pregnancy gone to plan i would not have had my son ( i would have been 7 months pg when he was conceived.) i know i would never have known the difference but the idea of never having had him kills me.

I'm not offended at all. I'm happy for you and the birth of your beautiful son.

Life is messy, full of disappointment and loss as well as great joy and blessings.

I guess my Christmas wish for all the ladies who have lost their sweet babes is to not lose hope. As sad as I am right now, I'm grateful that I haven't lost the blessing of hope. I have so much hope in my heart right now, please take some when you need it.

thanks so much for that...i love how much hope you have and i'm learning each day that there is a lot of hope left in me. i know that by the grace of God, i will be blessed one day with a healthy pregnancy and baby and in the meantime, He and that hope will get me through! thanks to you all for all or your responses and sharing your stories. it means the world to me to hear from others and i appreciate all of you!

 

[fluffyblue]

Hi girls, just a bit of info on cycle after methotrexate, I started my AF exactly 31 days after the shot, HCG levels were at 0 - 7 days prior so at 24 days after the shot.

However 17 days into the cycle i have had another AF ! So am currently on CD6 of a new cycle. Phoned EPU she said its perfectly normal and not to worry so im not !

I had a very different feeling over my ectopic, as sad as it was it was either it or me and I have two children already and I am a mum to them so I didnt even see it as a hard decision. What was hard was I had the other pregnancy in my uterus which I was miscarrying at the same time. This was hard becuase if this baby was healthy - what would I have done ???

I like the positivity of this thread as it gives ladies who have had an ectopic hope !

 

[bbb2009]

Hi girls, just a bit of info on cycle after methotrexate, I started my AF exactly 31 days after the shot, HCG levels were at 0 - 7 days prior so at 24 days after the shot.

However 17 days into the cycle i have had another AF ! So am currently on CD6 of a new cycle. Phoned EPU she said its perfectly normal and not to worry so im not !

I had a very different feeling over my ectopic, as sad as it was it was either it or me and I have two children already and I am a mum to them so I didnt even see it as a hard decision. What was hard was I had the other pregnancy in my uterus which I was miscarrying at the same time. This was hard becuase if this baby was healthy - what would I have done ???

I like the positivity of this thread as it gives ladies who have had an ectopic hope !

i just received my third hcg result since the methotrexate on dec 15th. the first two stayed the same and i was nervous that i would have to receive a 2nd shot. but, today, they called and said i am at 7. i do have to go back on jan 4th and test again to make sure i am at zero. but, my question is this: i started spotting about a week or so before the methotrexate shot on dec 15th. a few days before the shot it became light bleeding and it has progressed to heavier bleeding and now kind of a steady moderate flow. so, i have not stopped bleeding at all (sorry if this is tmi). is that normal? have others experiencing an ectopic had the same situation? i am just wondering when this will stop and when my actual cycle will begin again.

 

[fluffyblue]

Honey I bled continious until my HCG was at 4 suddenly stopped and started again as above. I bled for 3 weeks so I wouldnt worry at the min and I wouldnt like to give advice on AF as mine was so weird !!!

All I can say is the bleed I had at 0 HCG at 31 days post methotrexate was very light and 2-3 days the bleed I have just had was heavy and painful and lasted 5 days so i would gather this as my AF x

 

[Kitkat09]

I got the injection 12/24 with my beta at only 44. I started cramping on 12/26, started spotting the next day and started a light bleed the day after that. It wasn't like a period at all with more cramping than bleeding and it is so light, stopping and starting at random. Time will tell how long it will go on like this. I have my second followup beta tomorrow and should know if the methotrexate worked but I suspect it has. I think I am going to start temping again starting tomorrow. At this point, it will be the only clue I have for whether or not my body is getting back on track.

 

[nobabytohold]

I too lost my baby due to an ectopic in Sept. I think ectopics are uniquely hard because the process of finding out what is wrong (all the scans and bloodwork and waiting for results)--all the follow up appts--getting false hope if the hcg went up at all--even if it is still too low. And then doing the methytraxte and all the scans and bloodwork with that. And of course all these appts are at the OBGYN center where you see pregnant people. I felt like my miscarriage went on for three weeks before someone said "it is indeed an ectopic and you need methyltrexate". Now my due date is approaching as is Mothers Day--both of which I am not sure if I am strong enough to endure. May God bless all you women, your unborn babies, your families. I thank all you women for your insightfullness and kind words. This is my first post--through tears I found this thread--thankfully. I just don't know to end the pain and tears. The waves of hurt sometimes come so often. Sorry to complain--I know you all are hurting too. Take care of yourselves and may God grant us some peace from the pain.

 

[Sparky67]

 

[lisa-lovelife]

im going through my 2nd ectopic .first one was live at 12 week and had my tube removed .im going through my 2nd one at the moment my levels were doubling and rising and then stopped at around 900 then started dropping but started rising again so they wanted to remove my tube as it was to far gone ,but i would not agree and begged for the shot but the guilt was still there but i could not give up hope of having a baby ,my levels are now 163 so there are going down but looks like i will have to have the shot again .but all i have left is hope that this will work and go on to have more babies and that helps to get through it hard time xx

 

[redberry3]

I'm so sorry for your loss. I just recently got bad news, so I am at a loss for words....but I am glad you can find some support here and know you are not alone

 

[Kitkat09]

Oh, Lisa, please please please do not feel guilty about taking the shot. I felt that guilt too and still do sometimes but you did the right thing. With an ectopic, there is no chance of the baby surviving and if your tube had ruptured it could have killed you or caused permanent damage. Your family NEEDS you.

I'm so sorry for your loss. It's painful and difficult and I hope you have a good support system with friends and family. Just remember you are not alone.