LTTTC #1 - Support Group *Please share your story

[Pinkee]

I really feel out of place most areas. Like Mama said.. All my BnB friends have moved n to their 2nd and 3rd child and I'm still here
I had a teen pregnancy, I was 17 years old when I had my son. I had no idea what I was doing and was so consumed with being alone and bad feelings there was no joy in any of it.
2004 I met Dh when My boy was 3 and we've been together ever since.
2006 we started ntnp I had my mirena removed.
2007 DH got diagnosed with testicular cancer and lymphoma. We spent a year battling with surgeries & chemo.
2008 to 2009 were spent on the back burner because of the radical chemo treatments he received for 8 months we were advised to wait and come in for an SA.
2009 good SA results...I got diagnosed with pcos. And have gained alot of weight.started ttc.
2010 to 2012 started to aggressively ttc. Metformin started.joined groups, was temping,bought a cbfm, nothing worked.
2013 diagnosed annovulatory got clomid, 1st bfp on 1st round. On DH birthday! We told everyone. MC 8 weeks in May. My cycle has been insane and depression got me pretty good.

It's 2014 and I am on 2,000mg of metformin. Aygestin to start my cycle and clomid for ovulation. AF came by herself, without Aygestin so I am on my 1st round of clomid now. I've been aggressive towards my eight loss as well. I really hope this is the year for me

 

[LornaMJ]

Hi all, been a very long while since I was last on BnB. Anyway as a quick catch up we had two rounds of failed IVF at the end of last year where we were told that we will now require the help of an egg donor as my eggs are no good. As you can imagine we were shocked and upset giving that I am only 34 Anyway we are at a good place with this now and are currently on the egg donor database here in NZ. In NZ egg donation is not paid for and there are no banks so you either have to seek one yourself or the clinic recruit them. I suppose it makes that lady extra wonderful for voluntarily donating their eggs just because they want to so to speak.

Anyway I was wondering if anyone on here has experience of using donors. We have made the decision to remain anonymous however if the ED(Egg Donor) wants to meet us prior we will respect their wishes and will update them right until the birth however we will maintain that they respect our privacy there on to bond with the child. Therefore all correspondence will then stop.

I am on a couple of sites and an ED PM'd me and when I told her our thoughts I think she was insulted and said she would want full contact always as she will still have a biological link with them. And told me how she was a surrogate twice and the first one went bad as the parents will now not update her...so she basically stalks them on facebook.

This has got me a little worried as I don't want this to happen with us. The law does state here once the egg is fertilised it is legally ours and they lose all rights. So technically we don't have to update them at all however we are totally aware of the great gift they are giving us and will respect them and update them up to birth. Haven't told my DH as this has been one of his fears and he has said if there is even a sniff of any problems he will pull out!

Sorry to go on but I didnt know who else to talk to, out of all the forums I am with you guys are the best and seem to really understand without any prejudice.

I would really appreciate any of your thoughts. Thanks you sooo much for listening

Hi, LornaMJ,

I am very interested in your story. I somehow see myself in this situation. I have low/undetectable AMH and so far I am doing my third round on clomid. Unfortunately, no matter what my hubby sais, I don't believe that this treatment is going to help me to get pregnant. I am terrified by the thought that this is it - I am unfertile and I will never be able to conceive. I have been thinking about the possibility for a donor egg. To be honest I prefer an egg by a person I know and is very close to me . I have a niece that I love like a sister. Actually, currently she expecting her first baby and she felt pregnant from the very first try . I have not asked her but I have been telling my husband that I will be very happy if she gives me an egg. He is against of course because of the probability that she might pretend for the baby (which I do NOT think she will EVER do !!!). She knows everything about my already about 7 years of trying to get pregnant. And she loves me and f she agrees she will not ask for the baby. She will be happy to see me happy with my bump and little bundle after that.

If we get to the point looking for a donor, I think I will be under even bigger stress . If it is a woman I don't know my child my inherit an illness from previous generations, or something from the character of this person, or.......I do not know......
My husband sais "Once the egg fertilises and implants in your womb it will start your blood going through it", so maybe the baby will pick up my features, too .

I wish I could advise you how to deal with this situation. I am really sorry that you have got to the point looking for an egg donor. Personally, I will always be afraid of loosing my baby because the donor pretends for rights over the child (if it is not someone I know).

Sorry, it is a bit long and very clear . But I feel so confused too .

Good Luck and I hope you have your baby soon

Hi Daisy, sorry you are as many of us on here are having a sucky time. Your husband is right about carrying the baby and sharing the blood it is something called epigenetics and after reading all about it has made it al a bit easier. I am not worried about the ED trying to get access etc as the law is pretty tight regarding rights etc. The women who carry's the baby and gives birth is 100% the only legal mother and there is not much else they can do however I think it is very rare for there to be any issues regarding this as long as you are all honest with each other, you don't even have to meet the ED if you dont want to! Anyway I really hope that you dont have to go down this route, will you do IVF if the clomid doesn't work and if so when?

Hello ladies, sorry to hear about your losses. That is heartbreaking.
I am not sure why your Dr would or would not give you clomid, but I would hope the new dr will at least test your egg quality. That is my dream to find out what my egg quality is! I have never had anything other than a hormone test to see if I am ovulating, but I get regular temp shifts and all that B.S but still no baby.

Hopefully our journeys will be over soon.

Lorna- big hugs sister. So sorry to hear about your news. I have no idea what I would or would not expect from someone who would donate their eggs, but I am sure that if you keep the search up you will find someone that will fit your needs. Obviously dont do anything you are not comfortable with but do you have anyone in you other lives that would donate? That may be an akward conversation to have with someone but you never know what family or friends are willing to do for you unless you ask. If you would want that.

AFM af has now come and gone but still on some pain medication for my back and starting to get ready for move in a few months so we are going to be taking a break break. No temping, no planned sex, but hoping to enjoy the time we have and try to be as stress free as possible.

Hi Myshelsong, unfortunately we don't have the option of asking anyone we may know as all our friends and family are in the UK and although we have been in NZ for over 4 years now there is no one I feel comfortable to ask. We have also decided not to share this with any one back in the UK as I just dont think they would understand. Stupid thing to say but glad AF arrived for you, our bodies can be a pain with us at times, I am usually a 29 day cycle and last month is lasted 39 that wasnt much fun and felt like I was being teased!! Hope your move goes well and you never know you may have a miracle BFP while trying to relax

 

[flou]

Just a quick update from me. AF arrived today which sucked! But at least i can have my blood test for FSH levels tomorrow. Two weeks today i have my appointment with the FS!

Hope everyone else is well xx

 

[madtowngirl]

I'm getting nervous. This was my first round on Clomid, and it's CD 12, and I'm not seeing any lines getting darker on my opks. I know the goal was to ovulate on CD 14 with this round, and I'm scared it's not going to happen. :/

 

[Sabster]

Hi ladies,

just a quick update/question: i had my MC on Jan 16 and stoppped bleeding 8 days later, but now I started spotting yesterday andagain this morning.... has this happened to anyone? I'm pretty confused...ARGH.
also, my bf's best friend who is an avid drug tester of all sorts just announced she's pregnant... she's also 35. seriously. Oh and 3 weeks before my due date was supposed to be...

so pissed!!!

 

[flou]

Hi Sabster I am sorry for your loss When i went through my first mc i stopped bleeding after 7 days. About a week after that me and my DH bd and I had spotting after. This was because my cervix was a little irritated. It could be that or could be ovulation spotting. Have you taken a negative hpt yet? If you start bleeding again it could be because you can retain some of your loss. If you get a bfn on an hpt its unlikely to be this. I would monitor it and if it gets heavier or continues i would go and see the doctor.

When I was off work with my first mc a colleague of mine announced she was 12 weeks pg. I was about 6 weeks behind her but i had to see her belly grow knowing i shouldn't have been that far behind. You have to allow yourself to be angry but I had to keep reminding myself its not her fault. But it wasn't easy. You will feel better eventually. I am not sure if you ever really get over any kind of loss but you cope with those feelings as time goes on. Take care xxx

 

[Sabster]

I guess I,m just a bit frusrated, because I've made important life style changes and it has brought me 2 MC's, so I'm debating on whether or not lifestyle changes are beneficial at all or not when TTC.

I have some cramps and I am still spotting. I had my MC 23 days ago, so maybe it's my period? I doubt it, last time it took me 52 days to get my period.... Maybe there was something left, but I highly doubt that too... I lost everything in one shot pretty much...
In any case I hope things get back to 'normal' soon... I'm not too mad or hurt anymore about the MC'S. I can`t change what happened and hopefully one way or another we have a kid to call our own. i just can't be super obsessed with it anymore

 

[dovkav123]

Sabster, flou, madtowngirl, lorna, and other ladies heartbraking stories and unfair years of waiting to all of us. We still have chances cos we are still very young and cos we'll never give up! We need lots of patience of waiting for the stars to align and they have to at some point!

I did a contrast ultrasound. My tubes are open so we are trying naturally this month.
I had my first IuI on Saturday with 12mil spermies.
It went very smoothly. We had 20.6mm on the right side and 13.6 on the left(sleeping one never matured), my lining was super thick 14mm.
My temp is up for 2 mornings now and I think I am 2dpo, I'll start my progesterone tonight.
I have fraternal twins in my family. This cycle my body tried naturally to grow two follicles. Unfortunatly one stopped growing. Maybe next time.
I have hope; cos
1. I have never tried TTC after flushing tubes.
2. I have never tried TTC with progesterone after O.
3. In 6 months I have never had my follicle growing so slow as it did this month.
4. I didn't spot after AF till O.

I have heard many stories here on babybump about Failed IVFs and succeessful natural BFP afterwards

 

[flou]

Good luck dovkav! I hope this is it for you this cycle. You have to stay positive even through everything which I know is really hard. I have days where i feel i can't go on but then i think how great it will be to hold my own little one in my arms and it keeps me going. I hope we all get what we want soon!

 

[LornaMJ]

Good luck Dovkav I really hope this is the time for you and that you either get your BFP now or a lovely natural afterwards...I do believe if your body has had a spring clean so to speak it helps.

AFM - I had a 40 day cycle last month I am usually 28/29 and now this month I am on day 35 but I refuse to poas as I am so over that now. I go to see the FS today so may be she can explain the long cycles and will let us know where we go from here.

 

[madtowngirl]

Thank you dovkav! I am also hoping this is it for you! I hope with all my hear that 2014 is the year we finally get our bfps. We all have been through too much, and it really needs to be our turn now.

 

[Sabster]

Hi ladies, Hope you are all doing well. It seems like everyone is going through some serious rollercoasters with TTC.... We have to hang in there and be as positive as we can.

Little update on me:
I went to do my insulin resistance test on friday. OMG, SO YUCKY. I had to drink a bottle of sugar practically... I hope to get the results of all the tests by the end of march and go from there. Hopefully the doctor will prescribe something, if not then Im going to freak out on her.

I also went to see my friend at the hospital yesterday because she ended up having an emergency c-section after she got gastro( stomach flu). The baby's heartrate was really low and they just wheeled her away, therewere no if 's and buts. So baby is 30 weeks and he's a handsome little man. He's going to have to stay in the hospital for a month and it was really hard to see him that way. i cant imagine what the parents feel like. However, He's here!!! yay!

I wont lie that it was insanely hard to be there in the maternity ward and birthing centre.... I feel so cheated. Feb 16th would have been my first due date and I lost my second pregnancy jan 16 o this year... so let's just say I feel pretty crappy. I know i have to have gratitude for what I do have, but it's really hard to do these days. I want to feel happy about trying for a baby, but it's become this stress ridden-sad-victimizing-jealousy-inducing life experience. And my Dh is not helping, Im making all these efforts to be more healthy and exersizing and all... what is he doing? ZERO. So im going to freak out on him too, very soon.

WOW, I guess i have a lot on my mind...anyways ignore my venting! Maybe this is a sign that AF is going to show up??!! WHO KNOWS!!

have a lovely day!!

 

[Myshelsong]

Sabster, flou, madtowngirl, lorna, and other ladies heartbraking stories and unfair years of waiting to all of us. We still have chances cos we are still very young and cos we'll never give up! We need lots of patience of waiting for the stars to align and they have to at some point!

I did a contrast ultrasound. My tubes are open so we are trying naturally this month.
I had my first IuI on Saturday with 12mil spermies.
It went very smoothly. We had 20.6mm on the right side and 13.6 on the left(sleeping one never matured), my lining was super thick 14mm.
My temp is up for 2 mornings now and I think I am 2dpo, I'll start my progesterone tonight.
I have fraternal twins in my family. This cycle my body tried naturally to grow two follicles. Unfortunatly one stopped growing. Maybe next time.

Good luck Dov!
I m deciding this year is the year, for natural or adoption. Just have to get, my ass moved and settled then we can start again!

 

[dovkav123]

Hi ladies, Hope you are all doing well. It seems like everyone is going through some serious rollercoasters with TTC.... We have to hang in there and be as positive as we can.

Little update on me:
I went to do my insulin resistance test on friday. OMG, SO YUCKY. I had to drink a bottle of sugar practically... I hope to get the results of all the tests by the end of march and go from there. Hopefully the doctor will prescribe something, if not then Im going to freak out on her.

I also went to see my friend at the hospital yesterday because she ended up having an emergency c-section after she got gastro( stomach flu). The baby's heartrate was really low and they just wheeled her away, therewere no if 's and buts. So baby is 30 weeks and he's a handsome little man. He's going to have to stay in the hospital for a month and it was really hard to see him that way. i cant imagine what the parents feel like. However, He's here!!! yay!

I wont lie that it was insanely hard to be there in the maternity ward and birthing centre.... I feel so cheated. Feb 16th would have been my first due date and I lost my second pregnancy jan 16 o this year... so let's just say I feel pretty crappy. I know i have to have gratitude for what I do have, but it's really hard to do these days. I want to feel happy about trying for a baby, but it's become this stress ridden-sad-victimizing-jealousy-inducing life experience. And my Dh is not helping, Im making all these efforts to be more healthy and exersizing and all... what is he doing? ZERO. So im going to freak out on him too, very soon.

WOW, I guess i have a lot on my mind...anyways ignore my venting! Maybe this is a sign that AF is going to show up??!! WHO KNOWS!!

have a lovely day!!

Awe, i hear ya honey. You're allowed to feel this way from time to time. It's natural. (((HUGS)))

 

[Sabster]

I think I needed to vent, but Im doing better now. Im going to spin class today andthen to archery. I hope it helps me focus on other things. Ialso feel like I am getting my AF soon, I'm so bloated. It'll be good to get it, that way I can turn the page on the last MC and start ''fresh''

Myshelsong: I was also thinking about adoption. Not sure because it's very hard to adopt in Quebec. You are pretty much a foster parent with the **possibility*** of adoption for the first 2 years. But Ive seen couples do it andit works out. Theres so many children that need love!!! Our plan was to have biological children and also adopt. So I guess things will work out one way or another

HOPE HOPE HOPE!!!

 

[Myshelsong]

i have heard that it is harder in quebec but most things are unfortunately. I or should I say we, are considering doing an international adoption as the canadian adoptions can take so long, although we are going to get some details on both and make our decision from that.
I love the idea of fostering a family, there are so many children that need homes and have siblings. the idea of fostering multiples is so terrifying but sounds so great at the same time. Hopefully once we get settled we can start the process and go from there.

wishing you all the luck and love in the world. Family here we come!!!

 

[dovkav123]

Happy Valentines everybody!

 

[Sabster]

i have heard that it is harder in quebec but most things are unfortunately. I or should I say we, are considering doing an international adoption as the canadian adoptions can take so long, although we are going to get some details on both and make our decision from that.
I love the idea of fostering a family, there are so many children that need homes and have siblings. the idea of fostering multiples is so terrifying but sounds so great at the same time. Hopefully once we get settled we can start the process and go from there.

wishing you all the luck and love in the world. Family here we come!!!

Yes everything is always more complicated here, however on the plus side, they pay three IVF treatments... so that's good news if we ever have to go down that road. HAPPY VALENTINES DAY EVERYONE!

 

[flou]

Hi ladies I hope you are all well. I just thought I would stop by and let you know what happened when I went to see the FS this week. I got some blood tests back (cd21 and cd3) and everything came back with good levels. My overall level of fertility is good. DH has a good past SA and as we got pg recently that indicates probably all is still good. But they will repeat the SA if we haven't got pg again in 6 months. The FS thinks that it is likely we have just experienced bad luck and the probability of me getting pg again and carrying that baby to term are much higher than having a problem. However if we do have a problem it is probably a recurring mc issue but they won't do anything until I have had another mc. I spoke to her about the length of time it takes us to get pg but she says its normal. But it doesn't feel very normal to me! They are going to give me a scan at some point soon to see if there is a physical reason that may be my babies aren't implanting properly but that's all they can do until either we can't get pg or I have another mc. On one hand its good news. On paper our fertility is good and she kept telling me how at least you are conceiving, which i know is a positive but what's the point if I don't keep it past 6 weeks! But I will have to go through another mc before i can get any help with that. So I am a little frustrated. After nearly three years ttc I just want some answers!

 

[dovkav123]

flou, I am happy about your perfect blood results, your fertility is great. However, waiting for another mc is not a solution. I have heard that dr. will do nothing till a woman has 3 losses.
1.Have you done a hysteroscopy?
2.Have you taken a baby aspirin?
3.What are your Vit D levels. I took 1000 a day and still I had low numbers.
I don't know how old are you.
I am 34, and my ovarian reserve is not going down yet.
As you know my story. with 5 natural cycles IVFs we havn't found a healthy embryo....

Our next step is to check my hubbies sperm for a dna fragmantation.
I can't think anything else I can test on me or on him.....

I am 13dpiui and had BFN this morning. Sunday I'll test again. I am feeling I am out.
I assume that sperm and an egg were healthy this cycle. I gave a chance to my right tube to "shine", to do it's job. I guess it failed.
If I'll have a dominant follicle on the right side we'll try again IVF, but if we have it on the left, we'll do iui again.
I want to do everything in my knowledge. I want to let it go to God's power and blessings. I want to do everything I can before I soak my body to nasty hormones and do a stim IVF.