LTTTC #1 - Support Group *Please share your story

[DBZ34]

Happy 2014, ladies!

I've just had my IUI consult on Wednesday and we are on the calendar for February. I'm going to be doing a Clomid and Menopur combination and using Ovitrelle as my trigger. I've just got the end of this cycle and one more to wait. I'm so excited!! I feel like we're finally doing something and moving forward.

How is everyone else doing?

 

[Calasen]

hey ladies can I join please?

Quick bit about my journey so far.

Mirena removed dec 2009 no return to normal cycle ever since.

Husbands Sperm - perfect (everything he does is )

Severe Endo and PCOS. Plus a myriad of other illnesses - can't walk without crutches and 50% of time am in wheelchair - some "unknown" fertility issues due to these.

Early MC boxing day 2011 - never even knew I had caught

3 Cycles clomid in 2011 no (suspect MC was linked to final cycle.)

Saw FS on my birthday in 2012 - she took one look at my notes and told us our only chance was IVF - but NHS policy means I need to lose alot of weight before I qualify for it.

7 stone (98 lbs) I needed to lose and so far its slow going due to limited mobility, but have just passed the 2 stone (28 lbs) mark - just another 5 (70 lbs) to go

We got married in 2012 and have managed to stay content and strong despite how soul destroying this journey has been. Our friends are mostly moving onto their 2nd and 3rd pregnancies

 

[MamaMac123]

Our Story

Here in the forums I'm known as "Mama" due to my screen name, but I have yet to officially be one. My real name is Amanda. I'm 31 years old. DH and I have been married for 3 years and he turns 40 next month. I have 3 step daughters from DH's first marriage. I work as a nanny so I've basically been raising other peoples children for over a decade. The two things I want more than anything in the world are a happy marriage to a wonderful man and to be a real mommy. I finally got the first one after a long and difficult road an now part 2 has proven to be just as difficult.

We have been TTC since May of 2012. So not quite 2 full years. I know compared to a lot of women here that must seem like nothing. I know many of you have been trying much longer. I joined this forum when we first started trying and made a bunch of friends in a specific thread. Last week I officially became the last person in that thread who hasn't been pregnant. Many are pregnant now. Many already have their babies. Some have gotten pregnant, miscarried, waited, gotten pregnant again and had then had the new baby all in the time I've been there with them. Now it's just me. So I guess even though I haven't been trying a long time compared to others here, I just can't take starting into another thread on the main boards and watching a new pack of women get bfp's after just a few cycles of trying. My heart can't take it.

I have never had a bfp and after 3 doctors, a PCOS diagnosis and lots of different med attempts I'm only in cycle 2 of finally having "normal" cycles.

When I was in my early 20s my period stopped. I went to a doctor who gave me meds to get it going and he suggested I might have PCOS. I didn't worry to much about it. After that my cycle was always irregular but I never went more than a couple months without a period so I didn't worry too much. Before my wedding I went on birth control and my cycles regulated fine. I also dropped about 25 lbs without a bit of effort. Just in time for the wedding which was great!

After a year and and a half of marriage we decided to start trying. I knew with my weird cycles that it would be tough for us but I knew losing weight always seemed to help them be more regular so I went off bc and started really making the efforts to work out and eat healthy. Within the first month I gained 30 lbs! And worse....no period. I went months with nothing. I finally got in to see my family doc who basically said, sorry, you have to try for 6 months before I can do anything. She even had the nerve to say that to get pregnant I needed to be having sex at least 3 times a week. That was not even the issue! I told her flat out "it doesn't matter how much sex we have if I'm not ovulating! I had irregular cycles before and I probably have PCOS". She finally agreed to an ultrasound. Low and behold my ovaries were full of cysts! She put me on metformin and gave me a referral to an OB.

The OB started me on clomid. It would work one month then stop the next month. We'd up the dose and it would work one month then stop again. After 6 months of this I was so frustrated. We were getting no where and the doctor and her nurses were horrible to me. They refused to give me a referral to a fertility doctor without seeing her one more time and it was going to take months to get an apt. I called my family doc office in tears and the wonderful nurse there got right on it. I had my referral that week.

By now we'd been trying well over a year and I'd only ovulated 2 or 3 times. Thankfully I love my fertility doctor! He knows his stuff, gets right to the point and his staff is great! He ordered some tests and has put me on thyroid meds, upped my metformin dose and started me on Femara. Just finishing my second cycle of it and while I'm not pregnant I am thrilled with its effects so far. Both cycles I ovulated cd19 and have gotten my period by about cd32. Those are the shortest cycles I've had since starting ttc and the best is it's been consistent 2 months in a row. Hopefully it will keep working well and we can have a real chance for awhile. Assuming so we will do 6 rounds of Femara before moving on to something else. Hopefully we won't need to.

So that's my story. I wish you all baby dust!!!!

 

[Myshelsong]

Hello ladies and hello ladies that have just joined this thread. Nice to meet you but sorry you find yourself in the LTTTC thread.

We'll my back is still injured so I will be going on short term for a few weeks and starting some physio therapy so this and next month will most likely be out.

It is just so crazy that I am still on this journey, it feels like forever and we have still not heard anything from the specialist. I am trying to make a New Years resolution that I will not let this consume me this year. I will not go down that dark path and make myself sick with sadness every month, I will not let this beat me and will be happy with what I have and where I am .... Sounds like a crazy hard resolution eh?!?

I also have a fair bit too lose so I hope we can do this together because I know that doing it alone is very very hard. I am trying to cut back sugar ... Hard with all the Christmas chocolate still hanging around but since I hurt my back I have been less hungry, which is a great side effect. Also going low gluten so fingers crossed about that one.

How is everyone else doing, it has been quiet so far this year. how was your New Years ?

 

[CallMeAL1982]

Mama Amanda, your story resonated with me so much. My name is Alyssa, I'm 31 years old and my husband Rob is almost 30. I'm a special education teacher (I've also taught general ed), and I teach in upstate NY, though I lived in NYC for most of my adult life (Rob grew up here). I've been TTC since December 2012. I know that's not a long time relatively speaking, but it sure feels like it.

My mother, who has a lot of mental health issues, refused to let me see a gyno when I was a teen... I never established regular periods, and when I got them they were very heavy. When I got to college, I went to a doc there and was diagnosed with PCOS. I've never been overweight, but was on the higher side for my height (BMI around 23-24) for most of my adult life. I was put on BCPs and didn't think about it until I met my husband. We knew from the getgo we wanted kids, and wanted to wait until we were married, but I had a sneaking suspicion that we should get started ASAP because I felt like we would have a hard time. I came off the pill last November right after our wedding, had my last period in December, and then nothing until April. After April, I didn't get a period and was getting really aggravated, so I scheduled an appointment with a gyno up here (I had seen the one I was using in the city before since all I needed was a pap smear and a script for the pill) in late August, and lo and behold, I was pregnant at my appointment. I'd actually suspected something the previous week and taken several tests, but I guess it was too early, and since I hadn't had a period since April, there was no real way for me to know. I had a bad feeling about it as soon as I found out, and sure enough I miscarried about two weeks later. I was and still am devastated.

I had a very bad experience with the practice that managed my MC, so I switched. I like my doc now, he immediately put me on metformin 1,000 mg. I had another appointment in November, by which time I had a period and another cycle that was likely a chemical pregnancy but not verified as such. He thought I was cycling more normally so made another appointment for me in February, but I haven't had a period since (I'm on CD 49). In the meantime, I've quit drinking entirely, cut out caffeine, and lost 15 lbs to bring my BMI down to 21.5. I'm afraid the metformin didn't really work, but rather I only had periods immediately following the MC because of the hormones from that.

My husband and I have had a round of terrible luck since the MC. My favorite cat died and another has been sick, we were in contract to buy a house (we rent from his parents, who hate me and it's mutual) and the sellers left the deal a week before closing... it's been rough.

I've been very depressed and anxious, and like you, Amanda, found some solace on here only to have the threads I joined fill up with everyone else's BFPs. My friends seem to be having easy conceptions and easy pregnancies all around me and not all of them are sensitive about how they share their news. Having lurked and read some of your stories on here, the LTTTC thread seems to be the best place for me now. I'm trying to keep my head up. What strategies have worked for all of you?

 

[MItoDC]

My strategies for coping vary pretty widely.

Avoidance is a favorite - I've unfriended a lot of distant "friends" on Facebook who I haven't talked to in years and who are posting pregnancy updates all over my feed. And I've unsubscribed from most of the threads that I joined when I first started BnB since they're now filled with pregnant or women with babies since I joined.

I also like to keep a record of what's happening - so I have a journal on here, but I've also just started an online version since I find these threads kind of hard to look back through when you're trying to remember what happened to you two or three months ago.

Lastly, keeping active - and not just exercising (which does help me keep my sanity), but keeping active in TTC. I still track my BBT because I like having that data to look back at each month. It also stops me from getting my hopes up at the end of each cycle as I approach AF since my temps usually drop in advance - which also keeps me from needlessly POAS. We're also actively saving up for IVF in case that's the road we end up heading down. So staying active and aware of what's going on in my body has helped me cope... though it certainly doesn't stop me from shedding a tear or 100 each month when my temperature plummets.

to you all!

 

[MamaMac123]

CallMeAl - I know what you mean, it feels like everyone around me is pregnant. I have so many friends either pregnant or with new babies right now that I have a hard time doing anything outside being a homebody. I'm active in my church but that's been very hard to stick to through all this. So many babies and pregnant mommies there. I don't cope well around them. I have best friends I completely avoid talking to or seeing because it just hurts too much and I feel like I'm sucking the joy out of it for them.

My solace has been understanding friends. I've made a very close friend through this. She also has pcos and had a very hard long fertility road. In the end she has 4 kids to show for it but it took a long time and a lot of doctors and treatments including a completely failed IVF round (not a single egg fertilized! Can u imagine that after all that money and all those shots etc!) Anyway, she's been like my fertility angel. She's listened to me complain and cry so many times. I also have several other friends and family members who also have struggled with fertility. I find talking to them very helpful because they "get it" the way even my best friends can't (my best friend gets pregnant the first month of trying!)

Anyway, hopefully we can all help support each other through the trials and the tears. I find or me, the people who get pregnant no problem enrage me but those who get pregnant after the long struggle give me hope. Thus when any of you get the big bfp I'm nothing but ecstatic and it helps me believe we'll get there too!

For some this might not be helpful at all but I've found reading books about fertility journeys to be comforting. Knowing others have struggled and so much more than I have and come through with a baby in the end helps me keep my own journey in perspective. I just recently read Bringing In Finn. Such an amazing book! I highly recommend it! If anyone else knows of some good fertility memoirs I'm looking for some new stuff to read

 

[dovkav123]

Hello, how is everybody?
I am checking with you all but havn't posted anything about myself.

6 natural cycle IVFs have failed, 3 perfect embryos were transfered and none of them took.
I know we are dealing with an age here. My hubby's sperm is super, but who knows what are the chromosomes?
This month we BD every other day and hopefully this will give us the best quality of sperm. Probably it'll take 3 months to see an improvement. He is sure happy about this plan!

I was in the shopping mall a couple of days ago. A little girl 1.5 was walking back and forward with her dad. My hubby noticed she liked me, smiled at me. She wanted to stay around me, but her dad was taking her away. Finally she came to me, held my hand for a second, giggled and walked away.
My hubby told me this child really likesdyou. I told him this was our child, she was born to a wrong parents.!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Those were the bittest thoughts I have ever had during this infertility journey. I hope I won't have them again.

 

[Myshelsong]

Dov- So sorry Hun, I know you are having a really hard time right now. Don't worry about feeling the way you did in the mall. I have thought the something many times lately ...
News here we are officially moving back home. Still in Canada, just moving provinces so back to Ontario. It is great but happening so fast and my back is still injured so I am on short term while I am getting well. But that means I can't lift anything and once we move I will have to start at the top of the fertility referral list again ... If I can find a family Dr. This will be taking at least another year before I even get to see someone for mediation or more exploration. So very happy but so devastated at the same time ....

 

[crystal8]

Dov- So sorry Hun, I know you are having a really hard time right now. Don't worry about feeling the way you did in the mall. I have thought the something many times lately ...
News here we are officially moving back home. Still in Canada, just moving provinces so back to Ontario. It is great but happening so fast and my back is still injured so I am on short term while I am getting well. But that means I can't lift anything and once we move I will have to start at the top of the fertility referral list again ... If I can find a family Dr. This will be taking at least another year before I even get to see someone for mediation or more exploration. So very happy but so devastated at the same time ....

I am currently in Ontario and I suppose access will depend on where in Ontario you are moving to. I am in the GTA so that's been my experience. I was actually surprised at how fast I got in to see my specialist, maybe because I'm over 30? My GP did mention OHIP funding for over 30 fertility. I saw my GP in March and I had an appt with my FS in April. Testing took two months to complete and we started treatment the beginning of July. So things might happen faster than you think. I know I was really surprised and figured I'd be waiting for a year. You might be able to research GPs and set up the meet and greet appt before you move? That might also speed things up.

 

[flou]

Sorry dovkav that you are going through a tough time. I think everyone has had those or similar thoughts so don't feel bad about it. I am hoping that you get your little one soon!

AFM i am back ttc this month, first time since my mc. I have an appt with the FS on the 17th February and I had my first set of blood tests today that the FS asked me to do. So i am hoping this helps me towards my rainbow!

I hope everyone else is doing ok. Hello to the newbies. I'm sorry you find yourself here but i am hoping you get your little ones soon.

 

[madtowngirl]

Good to see you back, flou.

 

[Myshelsong]

Thank you for the suggestion Crystal, I am going to look into that.

Hi Flou, nice to see you back, so sorry about your loss

 

[LornaMJ]

Hi all, been a very long while since I was last on BnB. Anyway as a quick catch up we had two rounds of failed IVF at the end of last year where we were told that we will now require the help of an egg donor as my eggs are no good. As you can imagine we were shocked and upset giving that I am only 34 Anyway we are at a good place with this now and are currently on the egg donor database here in NZ. In NZ egg donation is not paid for and there are no banks so you either have to seek one yourself or the clinic recruit them. I suppose it makes that lady extra wonderful for voluntarily donating their eggs just because they want to so to speak.

Anyway I was wondering if anyone on here has experience of using donors. We have made the decision to remain anonymous however if the ED(Egg Donor) wants to meet us prior we will respect their wishes and will update them right until the birth however we will maintain that they respect our privacy there on to bond with the child. Therefore all correspondence will then stop.

I am on a couple of sites and an ED PM'd me and when I told her our thoughts I think she was insulted and said she would want full contact always as she will still have a biological link with them. And told me how she was a surrogate twice and the first one went bad as the parents will now not update her...so she basically stalks them on facebook.

This has got me a little worried as I don't want this to happen with us. The law does state here once the egg is fertilised it is legally ours and they lose all rights. So technically we don't have to update them at all however we are totally aware of the great gift they are giving us and will respect them and update them up to birth. Haven't told my DH as this has been one of his fears and he has said if there is even a sniff of any problems he will pull out!

Sorry to go on but I didnt know who else to talk to, out of all the forums I am with you guys are the best and seem to really understand without any prejudice.

I would really appreciate any of your thoughts. Thanks you sooo much for listening

 

[DAISYPRENCESS]

Hi all, been a very long while since I was last on BnB. Anyway as a quick catch up we had two rounds of failed IVF at the end of last year where we were told that we will now require the help of an egg donor as my eggs are no good. As you can imagine we were shocked and upset giving that I am only 34 Anyway we are at a good place with this now and are currently on the egg donor database here in NZ. In NZ egg donation is not paid for and there are no banks so you either have to seek one yourself or the clinic recruit them. I suppose it makes that lady extra wonderful for voluntarily donating their eggs just because they want to so to speak.

Anyway I was wondering if anyone on here has experience of using donors. We have made the decision to remain anonymous however if the ED(Egg Donor) wants to meet us prior we will respect their wishes and will update them right until the birth however we will maintain that they respect our privacy there on to bond with the child. Therefore all correspondence will then stop.

I am on a couple of sites and an ED PM'd me and when I told her our thoughts I think she was insulted and said she would want full contact always as she will still have a biological link with them. And told me how she was a surrogate twice and the first one went bad as the parents will now not update her...so she basically stalks them on facebook.

This has got me a little worried as I don't want this to happen with us. The law does state here once the egg is fertilised it is legally ours and they lose all rights. So technically we don't have to update them at all however we are totally aware of the great gift they are giving us and will respect them and update them up to birth. Haven't told my DH as this has been one of his fears and he has said if there is even a sniff of any problems he will pull out!

Sorry to go on but I didnt know who else to talk to, out of all the forums I am with you guys are the best and seem to really understand without any prejudice.

I would really appreciate any of your thoughts. Thanks you sooo much for listening

Hi, LornaMJ,

I am very interested in your story. I somehow see myself in this situation. I have low/undetectable AMH and so far I am doing my third round on clomid. Unfortunately, no matter what my hubby sais, I don't believe that this treatment is going to help me to get pregnant. I am terrified by the thought that this is it - I am unfertile and I will never be able to conceive. I have been thinking about the possibility for a donor egg. To be honest I prefer an egg by a person I know and is very close to me . I have a niece that I love like a sister. Actually, currently she expecting her first baby and she felt pregnant from the very first try . I have not asked her but I have been telling my husband that I will be very happy if she gives me an egg. He is against of course because of the probability that she might pretend for the baby (which I do NOT think she will EVER do !!!). She knows everything about my already about 7 years of trying to get pregnant. And she loves me and f she agrees she will not ask for the baby. She will be happy to see me happy with my bump and little bundle after that.

If we get to the point looking for a donor, I think I will be under even bigger stress . If it is a woman I don't know my child my inherit an illness from previous generations, or something from the character of this person, or.......I do not know......
My husband sais "Once the egg fertilises and implants in your womb it will start your blood going through it", so maybe the baby will pick up my features, too .

I wish I could advise you how to deal with this situation. I am really sorry that you have got to the point looking for an egg donor. Personally, I will always be afraid of loosing my baby because the donor pretends for rights over the child (if it is not someone I know).

Sorry, it is a bit long and very clear . But I feel so confused too .

Good Luck and I hope you have your baby soon

 

[Sabster]

Hi ladies,

I am happy to read all your stories and not feel so alone. As much I have a lot of friends and family, I feel completely Isolated and alone in this journey; which I thought would be fast, quick and of course easy ( what was I thinking!?)

I am 29, my DH is 34 and we started TTC #1 in may 2011. We went to the fertility clinic in Montreal ( reproductive centre at Royal Vic. Hospital) and got all tests done. DH came back with low sperm count ( he's a heavy smoker...) and I found out I have polycistic ovaries, which was pointing to PCOS at that time but the doctor didn't want to make a diagnosis since I always have regular period and do not have any of the other symptoms.Everything else was A OK.The doctor wanted to move ahead with insemination, which I found to be an appalling idea at the time ( I'm very non-interventionist) and just just gave us some vitamins and sent us on our way.

I became pregnant in July 2013 and I had an MC at 7 weeks. After the heartbreak and the emotional turmoil, I decided to chuck everything out the window and just live my life ( aka: drink lots of wine, overwork myself, and pick up social smoking) Needless to say my coping mechanisms are not the best, but honestly, I never thought an MC could be so devastating and I didn't know what to do with myself. After i got my AF back, we just decided to have sex, My Dh started his vitamins ( FINALLY) and no masturbation during " prime time baby makingtime" as I like to call it.

December 2013 was a roller coaster: after getting a high paying job, getting my four wisdom teeth pulled ( + sedation) writing 4 finals, Oh and getting a really bad stomach flu; I found out I was pregnant again on december 31st. I was actually just testing because I wanted to drink at the NYE party and i was SHOCKED to find out we were expecting again.

We were over the moon again, and we made the BIG mistake to tell our families... AGAIN. I started spotting on and off during the first few weeks and went to the doctor numerous times and everyone was just telling me " oh its normal blablablablalba". The same day after going to my first prenatal appointment, had an MC at home at 8 weeks...which was horrible, emotionally draining and physically extremely painful. I have been re-living both my losses since and I have to admit that it's been rough.

Today we went to the endocrinologist at the fertility clinic again, and the doctor is always in a rush, which is really annoying....She doesn't like to answer questions and all I want is to get some F***** answers... She sent me for blood clotting tests and for some insulin resistance tests. She says that because I most likely have PCOS, that I am miscarrying and that she wants to give me Metformin to help me with conceiving and maintaining a pregnancy. I don't understand why she didn't just give me clomid right away, so I can take it and start making a baby AT LAST!!! and progesterone to help me with the hormones. I'm convinced it has something to do with it...

I asked her what to do if I get pregnant again and she said to take an appointment... geez. I live in Quebec, by the time you get an appointment you have stage 4 pancreatic cancer... I just hope if I do get pregnant someone somewhere has some progesterone pills I can take. I really hope that she helps me...

So in conclusion, I don't know what's happening, I don't know when my period will come back, i don't know if if my eggs are any good, If I ovulate every month, I don't know if I want to try again, I don't know anything anymore....

 

[madtowngirl]

*snip*
Needless to say my coping mechanisms are not the best, but honestly, I never thought an MC could be so devastating and I didn't know what to do with myself.
*snip*

This is me, too. I never would have imagined an MC would have been so incredibly devastating. It sucks. You were not wrong to just live your life at this point.

With that being said, welcome, I'm sorry you're here, but welcome. I hope that you get some answers soon. Having no answers after more than one loss is so frustrating.

 

[MItoDC]

I just updated my story on my blog... coworker just told me that she's 20 weeks pregnant with her 3rd...

https://issuesininfertility.blogspot.com/2014/01/20-weeks.html

 

[sarah0105]

Hi well we have been trying to concieve for 5 years now i was diagnosed with pcos but fortunately it isnt severe i had a 6 cm dermoid cyst removed last june but they saved my ovary and everything is perfect!

We were told it was me who had fertility problems i took a course of clomid no luck at all my partners semen analysis always came back perfect until 2 years ago they came back with a few problems! So now im working fine but hes not its so exasperating!!

I had alot of problems with my fertility clinic not sending my appointment letters so i made a complaint now out of the blue iv recieved a letter saying im on the waiting list for icsi and got brought in for my AMH test. FINALLY!!

Sometimes feels like im hitting a brick wall bit crap when all your friends and family our starting a family it makes you feel like an outsider sometimes but hopefully next year i will have my own bundle of joy xx

 

[Myshelsong]

Hello ladies, sorry to hear about your losses. That is heartbreaking.
I am not sure why your Dr would or would not give you clomid, but I would hope the new dr will at least test your egg quality. That is my dream to find out what my egg quality is! I have never had anything other than a hormone test to see if I am ovulating, but I get regular temp shifts and all that B.S but still no baby.

Hopefully our journeys will be over soon.

Lorna- big hugs sister. So sorry to hear about your news. I have no idea what I would or would not expect from someone who would donate their eggs, but I am sure that if you keep the search up you will find someone that will fit your needs. Obviously dont do anything you are not comfortable with but do you have anyone in you other lives that would donate? That may be an akward conversation to have with someone but you never know what family or friends are willing to do for you unless you ask. If you would want that.

AFM af has now come and gone but still on some pain medication for my back and starting to get ready for move in a few months so we are going to be taking a break break. No temping, no planned sex, but hoping to enjoy the time we have and try to be as stress free as possible.