LTTTC #1 - Support Group *Please share your story

[swimmyj1]

That's the worse part about getting blood drawn my last mc was that way I wanted to scream and run out.
I can see a + on my test today, it's just super light. Going in now to have betas drawn.

 

[deafgal01]

Kat - Sorry to hear about the chemical. Bring on the next try! Btw, I too will be seeing the Star Wars movie Saturday with my spouse, more his thing than mine but hey, it's the movie theater and we rarely do that so it's going to be fun!

 

[swimmyj1]

Hope you guys have lots of fun seeing the movie!! its a cute date night

Beta's came back at 18 my fertility doc seems to be happy with i sense I'm 10dpo but idk guess ill just have to wait. Cant believe i got light lines with it being that low. Knew i should have waited until day 12 hahaha. Can't wait to hear about the movie!

 

[Myshelsong]

Oh my swimmy! Fingers are crossed for you Hun.

 

[DBZ34]

18 does sounds like a good number at 10DPO, swimmy. When are you having another beta?

Here's hoping your numbers rise beautifully...

Btw, what kind of tests did you use?

 

[KatO79]

FXed swimmy that this is it

deafgal, so funny we're going in the same day Enjoy!

AFM my childish friend never answered my SMS Saturday about my chemical Wrote to her again yesterday asking her if she saw my text about my chemical but no response. She's usually very quick to answer. I know she's studying for exams with her boyfriend but you'd think she could find 2-3 minutes to write back and say she's sorry to hear that ect ect So I still fear her asking about it when we see them for movie night and just claim she "didn't see my messages" which is obvious BS She's only twice herself asked for updates during this whole IVF process but never responded to any of my updates but you'd think she could answer this. We've been there so many times for her when she was upset about men and afraid of not finding anyone and now that she has a boyfriend she can't even be bothered to answer a text when I'm upset. I just won't bother anymore with the IVF updates. Once we move, I can distance myself from her and hopefully make new friends where we move. I think she's so into her boyfriend, she doesn't "have time" to answer messages from friends.

 

[swimmyj1]

DBZ34 - i was using the sensitive wondfo's and a clear blue. the regular pink wondfo's I only had a line after it sat for like an hour so I don't count that as much.

Kat - Sorry your friend isn't being very supportive. I feel like unless someone has gone through LTTTC they have no idea how much we need support. I have some close friends but my 2 friends I text/talk to on a daily biases came from this site who's DH's also have genetic issues that cause MC.

AFM - next blood draw on Wednesday. I'll probably just go in before work so I won't have it until Thursday. Not having my hopes up too high but just seeing where it goes.

 

[KatO79]

Kat - Sorry your friend isn't being very supportive. I feel like unless someone has gone through LTTTC they have no idea how much we need support. I have some close friends but my 2 friends I text/talk to on a daily biases came from this site who's DH's also have genetic issues that cause MC.

AFM - next blood draw on Wednesday. I'll probably just go in before work so I won't have it until Thursday. Not having my hopes up too high but just seeing where it goes.

That's true but you'd think she could at least get she should answer that text with some sort of response like "I'm so sorry to hear that, I really hope your next IVF works for you" or something along those lines. Even DH's little brother's girlfriend could figure out to write a text like that back to me and she's not planning on TTC anytime soon. DH says he may call her Thursday or Friday night if she hasn't responded to me before just so we avoid an uncomfortable situation on Saturday where she'll for sure ask me if I'm pregnant and then when I tell her it was a chemical and I'd sent her 2 texts, she'll claim she "didn't see" my 2 texts and act all innocent and then she'll be asking all these annoying and stupid questions

Unfortunately I don't have anyone understanding in my life to talk to My malignant narcissistic brother (he's very emotionally and verbally abusive and puts me down every time I have contact with him) knows what it's like (him and his wife tried for 5 years before they had their daughter on their last IVF try) but he's never been supportive of me in my life EVER (in fact he always uses my crisis' to make me feel even worse) and has completely been ignoring me since January (he stopped responding to all emails since 2 years ago and on) since I asked him to please not put me down. My narcissistic sister had issues conceiving #2 (took 2 years but Clomid worked for her very quickly) but she's backed out completely as well at the same time my IUI #2 failed because her answer to me saying I'd unfortunately gotten AF was a la "Oh I got AF too, stinks, keep trying" - told her that our AFs were different as I'm LTTTC #1 and she's not TTCing and has 2 kids. She's been pretty much ignoring me ever since. My in-laws are only semi supportive since they don't totally understand. So yeah, have no one else but the ladies on BnB to talk to about it besides DH

FXed for your test

 

[Myshelsong]

Wishing everyone a very Merry Christmas to all those that celebrate. Hope you have a great weekend

 

[swimmyj1]

KatO - I'm sorry your sister isn't being supportive. My mom got upset that I wasn't drinking at christmas and finally i pulled her aside and told her so she would back off... nope she got more upset saying i wasn't even "really" pregnant sense I'm not 12+ weeks so I shouldn't be changing my habits .... ugh she totally doesn't get it and it drives me crazy. but trying to stay positive.

My hcg doubled again the last 2 draws so I'm not doing anymore just waiting for my scan on the 4th. Still trying not to get my hopes up but DH is wayyyy to excited for it being this early.

Hope everyone had a great holiday!

 

[KatO79]

KatO - I'm sorry your sister isn't being supportive. My mom got upset that I wasn't drinking at christmas and finally i pulled her aside and told her so she would back off... nope she got more upset saying i wasn't even "really" pregnant sense I'm not 12+ weeks so I shouldn't be changing my habits .... ugh she totally doesn't get it and it drives me crazy. but trying to stay positive.

My hcg doubled again the last 2 draws so I'm not doing anymore just waiting for my scan on the 4th. Still trying not to get my hopes up but DH is wayyyy to excited for it being this early.

Hope everyone had a great holiday!

Wow sorry you also have unsupportive relatives Maybe try to just let her silly comments go and change the subject? Glad that things are still looking good, FXed!

AFM had a great Christmas with my in-law family. Spent Christmas (the 24th here) and 2nd Christmas Day (yesterday) with them. Of course didn't hear from any of my siblings for Christmas. My narcissistic brother liked a couple of my Christmas related posts but no card or even a "Merry Christmas" over FB But he hasn't sent us a Christmas card in the last 2 years or so. Of course my narcissistic sister totally ignored everything. But I've realized I need to go totally no contact on them, they just refuse to see me for who I am and will never let go of their very sordid opinions and utter contempt of me

 

[swimmyj1]

KatO - my DH is shunned from his family for religious reasons. It use to really upset him but we talked a lot about coming to terms with it. That you can only control how you respond to their behavior and how it effects you. and that letting it bother you that they choose not to include only gives them power. I know family is suppose to always be there but sometimes its your in-laws or friends that become your real family and the ones that constantly cut you down or belittle you need to just be left out. I'm glad you had such a good time with your in-laws

I just chose to ignore my mothers comments, she was this way the time before. She won't like it much when I don't include her in ultrasounds and definitely won't be having family at the hospital (just my own preference) if it gets that far. I don't need the negativity.

 

[KatO79]

KatO - my DH is shunned from his family for religious reasons. It use to really upset him but we talked a lot about coming to terms with it. That you can only control how you respond to their behavior and how it effects you. and that letting it bother you that they choose not to include only gives them power. I know family is suppose to always be there but sometimes its your in-laws or friends that become your real family and the ones that constantly cut you down or belittle you need to just be left out. I'm glad you had such a good time with your in-laws

I just chose to ignore my mothers comments, she was this way the time before. She won't like it much when I don't include her in ultrasounds and definitely won't be having family at the hospital (just my own preference) if it gets that far. I don't need the negativity.

Sorry your DH has been ostracised from his family, I know how much it stinks when the people that are supposed to love and support you most in the world aren't those people, at all I think I'm still in the process of emotionally disengaging from my siblings and it'll just take a little more time. I discovered my mother is a narcissist back around September 2013 and have managed to disconnect emotionally now, my siblings are a newer discovery as it was first around January/February this year it dawned on me (I don't know why I didn't see it before). I think my major problem is I FB stalk them a bit so need to completely stop so I can really move on. I honestly don't know why I do it, they and the eldest brother (I have 0 contact with him after he didn't come to my wedding and couldn't even be bothered to even send me a card congratulaing me) plus my cousin just constantly shove their great relationships up my face and write how amazing each other is and such (my narcissistic, malignant brother even writes how amazing his SIL is, he's never written anything even slightly positive about me, EVER). All because I refuse to let the scapegoating of me continue.

Totally get what you mean. I'll be keeping my own mother pretty far away from things once I manage to get my BFP as well. She'd just find ways to do kinda what your mother is doing, souring things.

 

[Myshelsong]

Swimmy you are doing the right thing with not drinking this early in. Although no you have not passed the twelve weeks when it is socially acceptable to acknowledge a pregnancy, you are still pregnant. My best friend is a children's doctor and can't say enough about not drinking during the first twelve weeks at all. This is when the baby is starting to develop the most important parts of the brain.

Sorry that everyone is having such a weird time with family. Although we have the family drama here I just let it roll off my back this year. If people don't want to mention me on Facebook, why would I care? Facebook is for the fake friends anyways. Everyone shows only the best part of their lives and puts on pretty faces. It is nothing to worry about.

Well I think I ovulated, we got some good shots it ... Woop woop ... So fingers crossed. Next month if no go we are doing super ovulated iui then move on to ivf.
Yay us and moving along!

 

[KatO79]

Sorry that everyone is having such a weird time with family. Although we have the family drama here I just let it roll off my back this year. If people don't want to mention me on Facebook, why would I care? Facebook is for the fake friends anyways. Everyone shows only the best part of their lives and puts on pretty faces. It is nothing to worry about.

Well I think I ovulated, we got some good shots it ... Woop woop ... So fingers crossed. Next month if no go we are doing super ovulated iui then move on to ivf.
Yay us and moving along!

Myshel it's a bit harder for me as I've been set up to be the family scapegoat since birth. I've been emotionally and verbally abused by my narcissistic mother and brother all my life. My mother has even involved my brother every time I've tried to set boundaries with her and he'd write me an email attacking me and telling me what an utterly awful human being I am. My brother did go no contact with her (because she's verbally attacked his wife a few times) but he's still continuing her scapegoating of me (even poisoning the enablers in the family against me), I've tried for years and years to show him I'm not the awful human being they've been trying to tell me an convince me I am, to no avail. As to FB it's hurtful when people in your family, people that are supposed to love and support you, almost never mention you, want pretty much 0 contact with you but are telling everyone else on FB how wonderful everyone else in the family is, including in-law family. My brother tells everyone how amazing his SIL is, he's never said anything positive about me. I know it's because all the abuse I've experienced has resulted in a lower self-esteem, I've been taking this year to build myself up. But I guess it's hard for people who haven't been verbally and emotionally abused all their lives to understand what it's like to grow up that way, for your whole family to ostracise you just because you want them to treat you with some respect and kindness and not make evry tragedy in your life about them. To not make you feel like every feeling you have is wrong, to be lied to you all your life about who you are, that constantly invalidate you, to even gaslight about events to make you feel and look crazy to everyone in an attempt to also make themselves look innocent and that it's you that are the crazy, abusive person. It hurts! Getting to a point where I can not care will take time, I need to build myself up to have the confidence so many that have grown up in normal, healthy, loving families take for granted because they grew up with love, support and validation something I only experienced with my father until I first lost him to Alzheimers at 13 and then finally to lymph cancer at 20.

Hope you get to start IVF very soon!

 

[swimmyj1]

Myshelsong - i'm with you about facebook. thats why I don't really use it. too much drama heck i think i only have like 60 friends and my page is private because heck who needs to know all my business haha. I will say that I am an Instagram junky i love all the cool pictures. Fingers crossed for this cycle! hope you won't need IVF lol

 

[Myshelsong]

Sorry Kat, I wasn't trying to deminish your feeling, just trying to help by letting you know that everyone's Facebook lives are fake and really don't show reality. I understand you have had a horrible time with your family, and although I know you want to build and keep these relationships maybe it is time to unplug from social media in regards to family. Like you said work on you, build up your self esteem without needing the approval of your siblings and mother.

Who knows, maybe I am talking out if my ass but it really doesn't seem like your family is ever going to change from what you have told us over the last few months, and you really seem to get upset about it. i know I am not, however if I were in your shoes I would take a social media break. Disable your Facebook, don't even put out a message letting people know you are doing it, and give yourself thirty days to detox from all the negativity. You don't need it with the starting of another IVF cycle. You do you, try to bring positive people in your world only.

 

[KatO79]

Sorry Kat, I wasn't trying to deminish your feeling, just trying to help by letting you know that everyone's Facebook lives are fake and really don't show reality. I understand you have had a horrible time with your family, and although I know you want to build and keep these relationships maybe it is time to unplug from social media in regards to family. Like you said work on you, build up your self esteem without needing the approval of your siblings and mother.

Who knows, maybe I am talking out if my ass but it really doesn't seem like your family is ever going to change from what you have told us over the last few months, and you really seem to get upset about it. i know I am not, however if I were in your shoes I would take a social media break. Disable your Facebook, don't even put out a message letting people know you are doing it, and give yourself thirty days to detox from all the negativity. You don't need it with the starting of another IVF cycle. You do you, try to bring positive people in your world only.

Actually I've given up months ago truth be told. After my brother got really personal and came with nasty insults when I tried to politely disengage from that infertility "debate," I realised he's never going to see me for who I am. Seeing me as a horrible, selfish person that's exactly like our very narcissistic mother (he's even told me that although if anything it's him that's exactly like her!) fits him too well, he can use it to tell all his friends and the rest of our family why he treats me so badly. I've actually unfollowed every family member I'm friends with over FB (plus put them on the restricted list so I can post things I don't want them to see = things they'll create drama over) but unfortunately seem to stalk them a bit instead I'm trying to quit though! Maybe that should be my New Years resolution. As to posting I've been considering posting everything in the future so none of my family can see what I'm posting, setting it so all friends except restricted (which includes all family members) can see. That way I can still post once in a while and don't have to be confronted by the lack of likes and positive comments from my siblings.

Nope people with NPD don't change, ever! They never see any issues with their behavior and always find ways to justify how they treat you. I've emotionally disengaged with my mother (so anything she does do doesn't affect me anymore, yay) and am working on doing the same with my siblings, it's just a bit harder as I was hoping for a while (before discovering they're as toxic as our mother back in January/February) that we could all have great sibling relationships given the mother we had (although my sister grew up with her father and his next wife). But nope! It also helps that DH can see the problem now and he's for the past 1-1½ years not been pushing for me to have good relationships with them all and can totally see how toxic they are towards me.

I am gradually getting better though! I think once I manage to emotionally disengage from my siblings, things will get even better. My former therapist (stopped seeing her due to money issues, especially at the time) feels that I should wait on going no contact with my siblings though until I've managed to get pregnant and have a baby as she feels that should be my priority now and not dealing with the backlash going no contact now would entail as I'd be dealing with a lot of gaslighting, invalidation and blame if I did it now which wouldn't be good for my BFP chances

 

[swimmyj1]

Thought I would share some good news hcg went up to 3575 from 343 over 6 days. Fingers crossed! I just can't take another miscarrage.

 

[Myshelsong]

All my thoughts and prayers are with you Swimmy!!! Wishing you a happy and healthy pregnancy.