Made to cry over formula :(

[Dreamer88]

So there isnt much anyone can say or do but i needed to let it out and hopfully get some support and advice

i was going to breast feed but after alot of thought, research and discussions with hubby , mw ect iv opted to formula feed. For many reasons, one being my iron count is extremely low (last count was 6) iv tried all kids off iron supliments over the years and it never gets higher than 8, mw said if i want to breastfeed i could however i may not be able to supply ample iron for both of us but my body will priorities the baby, also that the baby could become anemic and need iron supliments later on, i decided that i would not want to put either of us through that & mw agreed that a happy mummy is more important than breast vs bottle debate.

so was happy with my choice bought a tub of cow & gate with my shopping last week and thought id stock up a little on formula. Well last night MIL rang and i don't normally talk to her as she is a pain but i thought id be civil she was telling me how hubby used to prjectile vomit after feeding and i told her i was going to formula well i got a whole rant about how "im doing the wrong thing" and "i best think careful before finalising this choice as my babys health is more important that the young popular option". I explained about my iron ect she told me "i was a lier and was just saying that so people didnt think im selfish, which i am being!"

I sobbed my heart out to hubby when he was home, he rang her and had ago but to me the damage was all done and now im thinking everyone thinks the same of me Why can people not CHOOSE to formula feed without other peoples opinions, why do i need to justify my choice

 

[OmarsMum]

Please don't spend those precious days in guilt. I didn't have any milk to BF & I felt guilty for a long time. It affected my bonding with DS. I also got lots of nasty comments about "not trying hard enough" & "making excuses to escape bfing".

Enjoy your time with LO & ignore those comments. You don't have to explain yourself for FFing. I have a very smart 2 yrs old DS, he was FF from day 1. He's healthy & thriving.

You're choosing what's best for your family. A happy & healthy mum = happy baby. Please don't beat yourself up because of your choice.

Happy new year

 

[louisiana]

i agree with omars mum dont let it bother u

i managed to bf brodie for about 8 days(if that) and i wasnt producing enough milk so had to ff.and god help anyone that wanted to pass judgement.

u have done ur research and are happy with ur choice and thats all that matters

 

[Dukechick]

There is SO MUCH pressure to breastfeed!!

I didn't make enough with DS, and I was taking a prescription to produce more, and pumping all the time, because I was giving him the bottle so much, he forgot how to latch. I was still giving him 50% formula because I couldn't produce enough. He was colic, and I was SOOOOOO depressed, but I wanted to breastfeed. After 4 months of living hell, I decided to go 100% formula. Best decision I have made!!!!! He was happy, I was happy, all was good!

I gave birth to my second child in June, and when the nurse came in and asked me if I would be breastfeeding, I said if I can do it with NO medication, NO pumping, and 100%. If I couldn't do that, then I would switch over to formula. I breastfed her for about 10 hours, and she was on me the WHOLE TIME and not satisfied! I called the nurse, asked for formula, and that's how it's been!!

If we have a 3rd child, I'm not even going to attempt it!! It's not for me. It's not for everyone. DO NOT FEEL guilty if you choose not to!! You don't need to give a reason to anyone. I felt like I did after my son, but there's no reason to! It's no one's business! I was breastfed, my sister wasn't. You can't tell who was or wasn't!!

You don't need to justify your choice. Some people can't do it, some people choose not to do it. We all want to do what's best for our babies, and in some cases, formula is the best way to go!! Both my formula babies are happy and healthy, and that's what's important!!

Take care xx

 

[MumMumMum]

Please don't let BF v FF spoil your first days. I let it spoil my first months and I can't get that time back.

You can only do what is best for you and your baby. I know it is easier said than done, but try to ignore others comments.

You even have the backing of your MW. Be at peace with your decision and enjoy your baby. Trust me, any guilt you feel for FF is nothing compared to when you accept it months down the line and realise how much fun you missed while you were caught up in your feeding choice, even if it wasn't even much of a choice.

Enjoy your baby

 

[Nataliesmom]

How you feed your new baby is such a personal choice, I really can't understand how anyone (especially a woman!) can be critical. Everyone wants what is best for baby, and if medical conditions, stress, or lack of sleep prevent you from breastfeeding, isn't a happy, satisfied FULL baby the optimal end result?

Don't feel guilty. It's not selfish to want yourself to be 100%, and able to be there for your baby. My iron is only a little low, and I know how I feel sometimes, as the baby takes the lion's share of what I have, and I can only imagine what it would do to you to breastfeed.

I feel a little sad for you that you have to justify your decision. It's your body, your baby, your decision! Gah!!! Some people, eh?

 

[Chelsea.ann1]

Honestly, I felt the same way when I made the switch... I ran to my mom in tears...

But I'm happy with my choice now.. as I realize I didn't have much BF support or knowledge and my LO has GERD and true dairy soy protein allergies. She's on a hypoallergenic formula and still reacting...

I'm a MILK JUNKIE. and I didn't know anything about any of these things.. to this day I think about how hard bf would have been and how i would be spending (LO alike) so much time frustrated.... I wouldn't understand why she COULD NOT hold my breastmilk down and was in screaming pain with bloody diarrhea constantly... Formula WAS and IS best for us...

Sounds like it is for you too with your iron etc.

Many ppl fail to realize that, yes, back in the day women didn't have much of an option... But also the infant mortality rate was EXTREMELY EXTREMELY high..

not by ANY maens saying breastfeeding kills... noway, that'd be silly. But I mean formula REALLY is the best choice for some families. HONEST. It's a valuable resource we've got, why not utilize it like all the others?

And yes happy mom equals happy baby which ALL that matters...

I was ff from birth..... I'm a 4.0 student, I work, I have friends, I'm in college, I'm a single mommy on top of it all, I volunteer, I'm HEALTHY... and my mom is my BEST FRIEND.


DO NOT FEEL GUILTY. enjoy these days with LO that's all that's gonna matter in the long run.

 

[vintage67]

Not being able to breastfeed my first son nearly drove me to suicide. I was extremely despressed, barely functioning. I tried everything I could; 3 lactation consultants, 2 different herbs, hospital grade breast pump,etc., etc.

The guilt was unbearable and the comments of some women were beyond cruel.

Unfortunately, with the baby that I just had 8 weeks ago, I was hospitalized for nearly 2 weeks with complications. I was on 4 IV antibiotics and had 3 CT scans. Needless to say our breastfeeding relationship was compromised.
I came home from the hospital too weak to do an around the clock pumping to get my supply back. I am still recovering and too tired for all of that.

However, if my bright, happy, very healthy 7 year old is any indication, this baby will be just fine!

It still hurts. I have to avoid certain forums and threads, and certain people in real life. I have no desire for any lectures, blame or even pity.

It's hard nowadays with all the pressure. And I actually really do support breastfeeding! I just know from my own experiences and those of other women that I know that it isn't always possible, or even the right fit for a family or situation.

Hang in there! Your baby will be fine and that is what's ultimately important!

 

[Dreamer88]

Thanks ladies, i had a chat with my mum and she said the same, that us being healthy is more important than any debate

My MIL is a nightmare she wants to make the dessisions on everything and thinks its her right to an opinion as its her first grandchild, well i told hubby im back to not bothering with her if she cants respect me then i shall not her so feeling much better now, Thanks ladies xx

 

[twilight28]

Aww hun-hugs A woman I know stopped speaking to me and inviting me out as we chose to FF over BF. I was really upset - I suppose it never really occurred to me that someone would be like that!

 

[vintage67]

Aww hun-hugs A woman I know stopped speaking to me and inviting me out as we chose to FF over BF. I was really upset - I suppose it never really occurred to me that someone would be like that!

I was totally unprepared for the "mommy landfield" when I had my first child!
I also experienced things like that with everything from diapering choices to baby wearing. My son lost two playmates because their mom didn't like it that I gave them non-organic fruit at a picnic! Everyone wants to do what's
"best", but it can be a battlefield out there! It was so hard on me as a first time mom. I hope I am better at handling it this time, but the breastfeeding thing will probably always hurt.

 

[Pielette]

It drives me nuts that people always have some opinion on how you raise your children. But it seems to me that whatever your feeding choices, someone will disapprove! If you BF people are judgemental out in public, or the older generation tell you to give them a bottle. If you FF you're not doing what's right for the baby blah blah blah.
I went through a lot of guilt when I decided to switch to FF. I breastfed for about two weeks. I had a low milk supply and Noah spent much of this time screaming because he was hungry. I also found it hard to deal with the pressure of it - in my personal life I was also dealing with a very difficult situation which was making me depressed, and I couldn't handle the BF stress on top of it. So I switched to formula and felt soooo much better; I was calmer and happier, and Noah was much happier with a decent amount of food in his belly!
The guilt for me was bad at first, but it's gone now. I refuse to let other people make me feel bad. MY baby, MY body, MY choice. Hold your head up high and ignore the stupid criticism!

 

[hellohefalump]

hey! chin up!

I didn't breastfeed cos of the meds I was on.

You know what? My formula fed baby thrived just as well as my breastfed baby did. In fact, he has had LESS problems. Madeleine had bad excema and was always getting chest infections, while Mojo has always been healthy. So formula's not the poison the breastfeeding brigade make it out to be.

 

[midori1999]

If you are happy with your choice then that is all that matters, it's up to you how you feed your baby.

However, if you do want to breastfeed, although iron deficiency can cause some problems, it is unlikely to affect your baby as babies are born with enough iron stores to last them 6-12 months. In theory, this could be affected by your iron levels in pregnancy, but it's very rare and you can do things to help, such as delayed cord clamping. Breastmilk contains very little iron anyway, what it does contain is very easily absorbed.

As I said, how you feed your baby is entirely up to you and I can't reiterate that enough. However, if you want to BF then maybe get some advice from somewhere such as the Breastfeeding Network.

 

[chezziepie]

MIL are mad trust me lol mine will say anything to make me feel like crap to the point that when he was 4 days old she told me he hates me! I believe they do it for attention and are plain doo lally

It's amazing that even when the senior pediatric consultant at the hospital LO was born in said i should not breast feed him the midwives spent another hour telling me i should and then sent a lactation specialist to my bed LO my milk could hvae killed the poor little baby!

 

[Eala]

Ignore your MIL, what a nasty, mean-spirited old woman she sounds.

Here's the thing - a mother's love doesn't come from her breasts. It comes from her heart. Not breastfeeding in no way makes you less of a mother. All that matters is that you feed your baby. Your baby is obviously so loved already, anyone who tries to judge your "fitness" as a mother based on what milk baby is getting isn't someone who is worth listening to in the first place.

 

[BabyBoo36]

Totally agree with all the above. I FF Freya as I couldn't breast feed, and she's thriving! I felt guilty for a while, but then just thought "She's happy, I'm happy, who else matters?". She has only had 1 cold since birth, hasn't inherited any skin problems despite both myself and her Dad having dermatitis/psoriasis and hasn't inherited DH's asthma - all remarks I had thrown at me for daring to FF.

I too avoid certain threads/forums on here as the people who throw around phrases such as "dried up cow's milk substitute" and play the "I moved the Dead Sea to be able to BF and did it, so why can't you" have no idea how much their words can deeply hurt x

 

[kaths101]

It was a decision that you and your OH made so stick to it, you are the parents and no-one elses opinion is needed.

I combi feed, breastfeeding is so hard and tiring and as I understand it low iron makes you tired - so the two combined will be very hard! I am fit and healthy and I found it very very draining! If you are low on iron as well the quality of milk might not be as good - so breastfeeding isnt always best!!

Also I just want to add - I do both and i dont feel any extra bond breastfeeding then bottle feeding - if anything I enjoy bottlefeeding more as its not painful and more relaxing!

Just a tip dont stock up too much on formula as your LO might not get on with the one youve chosen - Ive already swapped twice!

 

[midori1999]

Kaths, if your baby is four months Old and you still find breastfeeding painful then something is not right, it certainly shouldnt be painful.

It's incorrect to say if a mother is low on iron the 'quality' of the milk might not be as good or that breastfeeding is 'tiring'. You may well find it tiring , but that doesn't mean every woman does.

 

[Chelsea.ann1]

I found it tiring. Most women I know who breastfeed, said in the beginning it was tiring also.

It probably does get easier, but I think it's safe to say that, generally speaking, yes in the beginning it can be tiring.

xx