March Monkeys 2016: 21 boys and 15 girls born

[allforthegirl]

They say full moon or up to 48 hours after the full moon!

I can't believe we are all down to the wire already!

Energy wise the full moon is at its strongest the night before.

 

[CurlyRose]

I've gone and lost it a little mentally today. One of my nct group had her baby last night and it was another reminder that soon I will have an actual baby, not just a pregnancy. I know I should be ok with this and I feel guilty as hell for not being ok about it, but I am absolutely terrified now of being a mother and of having to care for this baby. I don't feel at all capable or ready. I thought I was doing ok as I've been fairly relaxed the past few days, but I think a better description of my behaviour would be 'head in the sand'.

I wanted to be a mum so much and this baby was so planned, I love my bump, but I'm not sure if I will love the baby right now.

Please tell me this isn't totally different to how every other pregnant woman feels? I want so much for this to be part of the 'normal' anxiety ftms are supposed to feel at this point.

 

[NDH]

I've gone and lost it a little mentally today. One of my nct group had her baby last night and it was another reminder that soon I will have an actual baby, not just a pregnancy. I know I should be ok with this and I feel guilty as hell for not being ok about it, but I am absolutely terrified now of being a mother and of having to care for this baby. I don't feel at all capable or ready. I thought I was doing ok as I've been fairly relaxed the past few days, but I think a better description of my behaviour would be 'head in the sand'.

I wanted to be a mum so much and this baby was so planned, I love my bump, but I'm not sure if I will love the baby right now.

Please tell me this isn't totally different to how every other pregnant woman feels? I want so much for this to be part of the 'normal' anxiety ftms are supposed to feel at this point.

I do think its totally normal to have a level of anxiety around the birth and/or having a baby. This is my third, very much planned, baby and every time I have definitely experienced a few "holy crap a real baby is going to come out of my body and be totally dependent on me. Please tell me why I thought it would be a good idea to do this (again)" moments.

 

[CurlyRose]

NDH - thank you. If even you, with your confidence surrounding the pregnancy and birth, have a few of these moments, then me, with my total lack of experience can be expected to have several. Thanks to your speedy response, I still feel anxious about baby, but I don't feel anxious about my anxiety quite as much as I did.

 

[mewolkens]

I can't believe trained medical professionals are going to let me walk out with an infant, even if it comes out of me. I think it's normal to feel this way, but Holy Crap! I'm full term tomorrow!

 

[allforthegirl]

Curly~ yup totally normal. Even for a mom that has about to do this for the 6th time. I have felt like I was nuts so many times now for bringing another baby into this crazy mess. Many multi-moms go through the same thing. I am sure that 13 yrs ago I was the same. you will do wonderfully your way, just remember that.

 

[Dawnlouise30]

Mama Duck - i honestly do think its normal to feel this way for some. I think, and do correct me if i am wrong, that you are a bit of a worrier (very like me), perhaps a bit of a planner too (again like me), and you maybe just feel like everything is soon to be very much out of your hands?
Honestly, it will all fit together, it just kind of does, i am not sure how, but it does.
I remember when i had Isaac feeling so overwhelmed immediatly after he was born, hell, he came out with no rule book lol, my recovery was horrendeous and i just didnt know what to do with him. Did i instantly feel a surge of love?, hell no..... it came a few days later, a weird protective love, so hard to explain. I remember ringing my mum on day 3 or so and sobbing to her that i didnt know what his cries meant and that i 'should' know as i was his mum...... it took time, but in two weeks i knew what each cry meant, what each wriggle, gurgle, symbolised and it was then that i thought i can do this........ please remember everyones journey into parenthood is unique to them.

you will be capable and you are ready, but if you ever feel overwhelmed tell the midwife or the other health professionals, i have found there support good so far and i know i am going to need the more intense support they are offering in the early weeks (daily midwife visits, proper hand over of care from midwife to health visiter via a meeting at home etc)

take care xxxxx

I've gone and lost it a little mentally today. One of my nct group had her baby last night and it was another reminder that soon I will have an actual baby, not just a pregnancy. I know I should be ok with this and I feel guilty as hell for not being ok about it, but I am absolutely terrified now of being a mother and of having to care for this baby. I don't feel at all capable or ready. I thought I was doing ok as I've been fairly relaxed the past few days, but I think a better description of my behaviour would be 'head in the sand'.

I wanted to be a mum so much and this baby was so planned, I love my bump, but I'm not sure if I will love the baby right now.

Please tell me this isn't totally different to how every other pregnant woman feels? I want so much for this to be part of the 'normal' anxiety ftms are supposed to feel at this point.

 

[bombshellmom]

I think i may have had my bloody show this morning, not sure. Had some purplish tinged blood when i wiped. I remember the color from my first! I think i had her 3 or 4 days after that. But ill be 35 weeks tomorrow :/ still kinda early?

 

[DaisyDreamer]

I've gone and lost it a little mentally today. One of my nct group had her baby last night and it was another reminder that soon I will have an actual baby, not just a pregnancy. I know I should be ok with this and I feel guilty as hell for not being ok about it, but I am absolutely terrified now of being a mother and of having to care for this baby. I don't feel at all capable or ready. I thought I was doing ok as I've been fairly relaxed the past few days, but I think a better description of my behaviour would be 'head in the sand'.

I wanted to be a mum so much and this baby was so planned, I love my bump, but I'm not sure if I will love the baby right now.

Please tell me this isn't totally different to how every other pregnant woman feels? I want so much for this to be part of the 'normal' anxiety ftms are supposed to feel at this point.

Being a FTM myself I would be lying through my teeth to say that I didn't feel this way at least once a day. It is scary and a big deal to think about, I think maybe that you're even worrying or considering the negative (as dwelling as it might seem) is better than having some bubbly fantasy that everything is going to wok out no problem.
It will be hard being a new mum there's no doubt about that. But there is no doubt in my mind that seeing baby's sweet little face will be worth every poo-stained, red faced, screaming, crying episode you two will ever have.
I don't think we will ever stop worrying about our babies, but once you're bonded which may take awhile, the rest will come.

I hope you start to feel better soon!!

 

[CurlyRose]

Dawn, you've got me down to a tee there, I am definitely a worrier and a planner and that is almost certainly a large part of the problem. I feel I can plan for the birth and that, tbh, if my plans fail it's just that that happens sometimes, but the baby will definitely be born whatever I do. However after, the baby will only be cared for and loved by me if I do that, yet I still can't plan for every eventuality, so much is unknown and out of my hands.

Everyone else, thank you for sharing your stories and kind words too, I am feeling more settled for now, I know this will rear it's ugly head again multiple times between now and the birth, and then in new forms after, but I don't feel as alone or as unable to manage as I did. This is why forums are a godsend when you find the right one!

 

[Dawnlouise30]

Kind of early, but I have read it can grow back, hopefully that will be the case for you and that you at least get to 37 weeks x

I think i may have had my bloody show this morning, not sure. Had some purplish tinged blood when i wiped. I remember the color from my first! I think i had her 3 or 4 days after that. But ill be 35 weeks tomorrow :/ still kinda early?

 

[Dawnlouise30]

It is only in the last week or so that I have realised I need to let go of my need to plan, particularly the things I can't plan for, and since then I feel a weight has been lifted.
You will love your baby, for some it's instant as I previously said but for others it may not be instant, but either way it comes and it's amazing.
Your right that with children we can't plan for every eventuality, this is so true. Right now 3+ years down the line I'm still learning about my child, one day one thing works and the other day it doesn't. ..... its kind of one huge learning curve forever now. But it's fun, Tiring, emotional, rewarding....... so many words.
I am so glad you feel supported here, it's a lovely group. But please do share with your midwife too. Xxxxx

Dawn, you've got me down to a tee there, I am definitely a worrier and a planner and that is almost certainly a large part of the problem. I feel I can plan for the birth and that, tbh, if my plans fail it's just that that happens sometimes, but the baby will definitely be born whatever I do. However after, the baby will only be cared for and loved by me if I do that, yet I still can't plan for every eventuality, so much is unknown and out of my hands.

Everyone else, thank you for sharing your stories and kind words too, I am feeling more settled for now, I know this will rear it's ugly head again multiple times between now and the birth, and then in new forms after, but I don't feel as alone or as unable to manage as I did. This is why forums are a godsend when you find the right one!

 

[Left wonderin]

Me me me I was hit with THAT exact feeling sitting at my anti natal appointment today .... A HOLY CRAP I'm actually having a baby in a few weeks ..... A real life actual one !!!!! AM I CRAZY !!!tears welled up in my eyes !!!! And I HAVE A 2 year old !

Think that scary feeling is totally normal and a marker of just how big this journey is
All I can say is its soooooo worth it .even the hard parts I'm getting so excited for us all

 

[AMP1117]

I keep going back in forth...one minutes Im so in love! I've always wanted two kids! And the next minutes Im like how in the hell am I going to manage 2! I also remember the harsh nights with a screaming new born, the exhaustion and the frustration, the swinging hormones and the pain of recovery....but then I also remember that first moment when dd was laid on my chest and the instant surge of love I felt for her...and then those newborn kisses and cuddles and yes even the waking up several times a night but seeing her big cheessy grin when she saw me come to her crib...its normal to be anxious just take a breath and know it will all come into place...but also know when to seek outside help if you feel too overwhelmed. I dont know what I would have done without my mommy! (yes dh was involved but he was clueless about almost everything)

 

[CurlyRose]

I have spoken to my midwife, I did have stuff set up with the mental health midwife, but they couldn't do any more than the gp had offered. I work for the local mental health provider and am currently trying to avoid contact with them, but have been open with my health visitor already and have support from the children's centre. More usefully for me, I have been really open with my family and lots of my friends, building a support network for now and after babber is out. I'll be ok, mainly because I'm too stubborn not to be in the long run!

 

[Dawnlouise30]

I grew to love middle of the night feeds especially when they smile at you...... makes it so worth it :')

 

[Dawnlouise30]

So glad you have that support network on place and yes you will be absolutely fine x x x

I have spoken to my midwife, I did have stuff set up with the mental health midwife, but they couldn't do any more than the gp had offered. I work for the local mental health provider and am currently trying to avoid contact with them, but have been open with my health visitor already and have support from the children's centre. More usefully for me, I have been really open with my family and lots of my friends, building a support network for now and after babber is out. I'll be ok, mainly because I'm too stubborn not to be in the long run!

 

[BellaRosa8302]

Hi ladies! Just caught up I've been a bit MIA as this is a fast-moving thread & I don't usually check BnB over the weekend (and I had vacation days on Monday & Tuesday).

Glad to see most of you are doing well (except for heartburn & birth anxiety). I too have both of those! Def nice to see we're not alone

 

[KalonKiki]

I hope everyone is doing well! Sorry I've been MIA for a while. We got preregistered at my new hospital and toured the maternity ward. Tomorrow is my baby shower and this weekend we're doing supplemental baby shopping. We're also almost finished with the nursery and starting on Monday I have weekly appointments.

 

[Fezzle]

I feel the opposite to some of you- I am excited about the having the baby part and haven't had worries with that bit, but I am still scared of the birth bit! I'm not scared of the pain- more that I keep thinking of worst-case scenarios of things going wrong. I am not usually a worrier/planner though- that's usually DH's job. Going to NCT has helped a lot with the birth fears; I think just being part of a group where everyone seems confident that it'll all work out and they'll have a healthy baby at the end of it has been a help, but knowing more about the process has helped me relax too.

I feel like we've gone from having a long list of things to do to being almost ready really quickly. Tomorrow is my last day of work before maternity leave. We've got the new car and car seat and the base is installed. I'm about 90% packed for the hospital. The nursery should be finished this weekend and all the baby things for the first few months are washed. I'm not having any signs that she's going to come very soon, so I'm hoping she stays put until the bulk of the kitchen renovations are done; they start on Monday!