I think that's one of the most frustratign things about losing a baby....you can heal physically but mentally is always right htere beneath the surface..I drove myself crazy for 11 years. I'm incapable of Dtd without hoping that this is the time. I seriously can't think of anything else when dtd..I got so frustrated becasue I tried to "Let go and let God" but I honestly didn't know how to do that until two months ago...What changed for me was knoeledge. I had no idea that the things I did on a daily basis were making it very difficult if not impossible to get pregnant. I wasn't fully aware of my cycle..I had no idea what luteral phase was. I drank a ridiculous amount of caffeine. I never realized the importance of CM or temperatures, I'd never even heard of an OPK..I'm truly blessed to have been able to learn any and everything that I've learned through other women's experiences and a world full of information right at my fingertips. For the last two months, although I was upset that AF showed up..I didn't feel like a failure anymore, I somehow lost that desperate longing feeling that had controlled my emotions for so long and that's because I know in my heart of hearts that I did everything I could and in knowing that I finally can take a deep breath, step back and see what God has in store for me. I've somehow freed myself after almost 12 years of being trapped in my own mind and it feels GREAT!!!
but something said "WAIT" so i look and i see a very faint 
line 
I called my mom since she is the baby guru (she has 11 kids) and she told me test again when AF is supposed to come.
