MAY we all be blessed with baby! May 2013 and beyond (BFFs Seeking BFPs)

[stargazer0726]

it would make sense that summer heat could make it harder to conceive but its been my good luck charm in the past. Both of my DD's were conceived in the summer, july and early september giving me early and late spring babies. I am keeping my fingers and toes crossed that I get lucky again in summer
I also live in the northwest so summers here aren't as hot as other places.

I am currently 4 dpo, hubby left this morning to help a friend move to california and won't be home until monday. My kids are a wreck, especially my oldest she is very close to her dad. I know its going to be a very rough and tiring weekend.

 

[stargazer0726]

i have to agree hopeful i have never liked when af has come xD

magic I am also on day 21 of a 30 day cycle

 

[Hopeful2014]

@burgbrandy It's kind of a relief once you get the crosshairs. Of course it's nerve-racking too because you have to wait. This was an early o for you, right? Good luck!!

@ProfWife I'm still holding out hope for you! I know it's hard when you're waiting it out and not sure. I am so thankful for all of you ladies as well. You know I have to say that's been the best thing about it not working out for me so far, getting to talk to so many wonderful ladies from all over the world and share things that I wouldn't share with anyone else besides dh.

@Mme2kdee Thanks so much! I'm so glad you're a part of our group! I'm sooo glad your doctor has an idea of what is going on and that you are on the right track. I understand worrying about taking meds but it's amazing and worth it if it helps! I think a lot of men would feel that way. There's always a fear in the back of everyone's mind probably of what if it's my fault and what if we can't fix it. I'm glad he is more open and supportive now! I think that will make a difference! Fingers crossed for next month! I want to see a stream of BFPs pour in!

@mommyxofxone I agree! I hope we can all stay in touch when expecting and even after baby comes! This is a big thing to go through and I'm happy to have the support and I do think it helps to see that we are not alone. I think we start to feel failure after awhile and it's nice to see that others feel this way and that it does work out and that we have each other along the way.

@ClandestineTX Nice information. I love that you are so proactive! I think that's amazing.

@KatyW That sounds like a great plan. Do you mean German chocolate cake, yum! I'm sure just German chocolate is so good too. I am sooo hopeful for you this cycle! I hope this July cycle is just as lucky. Men do need to stay cool.

@stargazer0726 I hope that this summer, (this month!) is just as lucky for you too! I hope the weekend doesn't turn out to be too rough on you. What about a movie night or something like that where you could watch movies at home and relax?

@magicwhisper I've hated the witch since it started!! I was always like, really, we have to do this every month!?! Pain and being generally uncomfortable, having to keep doing activities or working, and with ttc it just adds insult to injury! Ugh.

 

[sugarlumps]

I don't even know if this should go in here but I've been talking to you guys and I need to get this all off my chest.

My oh and I have been together for 4 years, both have a son each from previous relationships (he has full custody of his and I think of him as my own) and a son together. Had two losses in the past 4 months, and now today I find out he's been cheating on me its half 11 at night and I'm awake in bed crying my eyes out. I really really don't know what to do he's been crying and apologising past himself but I am so hurt, I actually can't believe he has done this to me. We're getting married next year

Please help me ladies, any advice good or bad is just what I need right now. I don't have much family, not anyone that I can rely on anyway I'm such a mess

 

[ClandestineTX]

@sugarlumps: I'm probably a bad person to ask for advice of this sort from. I'm unforgiving. I don't trust easily and when I do, I take it seriously. Hubster and I share this quality and we've always agreed even a suspicion of cheating means the relationship is already over because there is no trust. If it were me, I'd cut my losses now and move on without him. As my mother used to say, a tiger doesn't change it's stripes - meaning if he'd do it once, he will do it again.

At a minimum - I'd put your relationship on hold with him - make him move out if possible and not remotely consider being "with" him again, until both of you have gone to counseling together and you genuinely believe that he would never do it again. [This is why I can't do such things, because if someone proves to me they are untrustworthy - I believe them and refuse to give them a chance to do it again.]

 

[Mme2kdee]

OMG Sugarlumps!!! oh my god! I am so so sorry hun!!! That is absolutely terrible! I started crying when I read your post. I don't have the words to say to express how truly sorry I am! Absolutely heartbreaking. You can share anything with us. We are all here to support each other regardless and without judgement!
I can tell you from experience that your happiness is what you need to focus on and find. Even though you do have a child together, are you ever going to be able to trust your OH again? I know of people who have had affairs and been able to work it out and others who need to part. It is really up to you. I would definitely suggest taking time to yourself - just you and your kids - to figure things out and figure out where you want to take your life next. I will never say it is impossible to get passed...it is just a lot of hard work and dedication on his part and yours. I cannot imagine what your heart is feeling right now. We are all reaching out to you with a big hug and tears in our eyes for you. You are not alone.

 

[Mme2kdee]

I 100% agree with Clandestine! I would say counseling is a must!!! He needs to figure his stuff out and why he did what he did to you. He needs time to figure out what he wants and so do you. Don't do anything rash until you are at peace with whatever decision your heart makes.

 

[ClandestineTX]

Building off what Mme2kdee said, I think he's made what he wants clear. It's now your turn to decide what YOU want.
Do you want to give him the chance to work through this?
Do you genuinely believe he can change if he wants to?
Do you think he really wants to (is he upset for hurting you or upset for getting caught)?

From my own experience - father was an alcoholic womanizer, my mom eventually left him. Everyone is infinitely better off. My brother and I adjusted well and had the most amazing stepfather. My father married someone else and has a great relationship with her kids. We do not have such a great relationship with "bio-dad" as I call him, because he actually cheated on all of us - not just my mom. The ladies he met at the bar were more important to him than his family at home and even in our 30s, we've never forgotten about it. So - there's my bias, here!

 

[Hopeful2014]

I don't even know if this should go in here but I've been talking to you guys and I need to get this all off my chest.

My oh and I have been together for 4 years, both have a son each from previous relationships (he has full custody of his and I think of him as my own) and a son together. Had two losses in the past 4 months, and now today I find out he's been cheating on me its half 11 at night and I'm awake in bed crying my eyes out. I really really don't know what to do he's been crying and apologising past himself but I am so hurt, I actually can't believe he has done this to me. We're getting married next year

Please help me ladies, any advice good or bad is just what I need right now. I don't have much family, not anyone that I can rely on anyway I'm such a mess

I'm so sorry to hear this. I know it's one of the worst things because you feel so much pain and hurt from someone who is supposed to care about you more than anything. I can't tell you exactly what to do, but I would really suggest taking a night or so alone (in same house, different room, or in a different house, whatever you feel is best for you) so you can think about it all. I know that it would be so much easier to walk away if you haven't been together for so long and if you didn't share children. I understand how you can care for his son like your own. I would have a real conversation with him to find out more about the situation. Is there anyone close to you that knows both of you that you would feel comfortable sharing this with? I understand not wanting to talk to someone though. It might add perspective on him that we may not have. While I can't give steadfast advice, I will provide steadfast support. I'm sorry this happened to you. It's not your fault.

 

[mommyxofxone]

i'm with clande. i've known too many people to fall into the trap when the man cries and says how he never meant to hurt them, and oh what a terrible mistake, and they do it again at some point. i'd never trust my dh again, and we'd be done right then and there. for me, it's inexcusable. over and done with. throw him out.

 

[ProfWife]

I'd advise a separation until counseling can take place. Then you need to work on where to go from there.

Unlike those above, I do believe a man can change. My sisters were both cheated on by their husbands. It took many years of counseling and a WHOLE lot of prayer, but they managed to learn to trust again and both have wonderful marriages now (One is coming up on 18 years, the other just passed 20 - scarily enough).

It can be repaired if you both want it to be. Lots of ground rules for future issues need to be in place and a lot of understanding would need to take place.

So sorry you're going through this dear!

 

[Mme2kdee]

Profwife - I love hearing that! Thank you for sharing! It is definitely work and prayer but can be sooo worth it!

 

[ProfWife]

BTW - will call to alert doc tomorrow (leaving a message) to schedule my HSG for hopefully Wednesday or Thursday next week.

 

[nikkilucky77]

Sugarlumps: Oh my! I'm sorry you are going through this! I think everyone has given some good advice. I do agree with Prowife. My husband cheated on me before we got married and we worked it out. I know we have only been married for a short time but we are stronger than we have ever been. I shudder to think if I would have never given him a chance again. My life would be lost without him. I gave my guy credit for telling me...actually the very next day after the fornication happened. I knew he regretted it and I was thankful he didn't hide it. Good luck and hugs!!!

 

[nikkilucky77]

prowife: good luck this week with your hsg

 

[newbie2013]

Sugarlumps! My heart goes out to you. I don't have any advice to give, unfortunately, but like some others here, to me cheating is unforgivable.

I came on here today to tell you all that DH and I had a massive argument last night and he more or less told me it was over. We've been apart for a month (he was working abroad and I came home for a holiday - which was kind of the straw that broke the camel's back, so to speak, as he wanted me to go to him instead of coming here - he's not happy that I went against his wishes) and we never work well as a couple when we're apart. It is always a bit rocky the first few days we're back together but this time was different. It almost feels final, even to me. Maybe it is because we're in my home country as opposed to his. Not sure. All this happened last night (through most of the night) and he's still sleeping this morning. I'm waiting for him to wake up and work out what he's doing - if he's going to stay here with my mum and me or leave to go somewhere else until his/our flight home.

This would have massive implications for me, though, because really the only reason I live in his country is because of him. My life over there is quite full, I love my job and I have lots of friends (more than I have at home because I've been away from here for years), but at the end of the day, my main life revolves around him and his family. If that part of my life doesn't exist anymore then I don't want to stay in the country, which would mean an international relocation.

I don't know what to do. I'm trying to hold myself together for my mum's sake (she's so worried about me) but my heart is broken. We've gone from trying to start a family to ending a relationship. I don't think I can fix this either.

 

[ProfWife]

Newbie...anything can be fixed if both want it dear. How long have you two been married? I can kind of understand his problem with you choosing not to see him, but I can also understand yours with needing time to see your family as well. We say things in anger that can be misunderstood. You said he more or less said that it was over. In a woman's ear, that might be what you heard, but it may not be what he was trying to say. When he wakes up, I'd get away from family with him, go somewhere private where you can vent, cry, etc. and talk it out. Perhaps he was just upset and rash with his words, maybe even a little careless with his emotions and they didn't come out the way he meant.

If you don't want it to be over, and he doesn't want it to be over, then work on it together. But talk...as calmly and openly as possible. But talk.

 

[burgbrandy]

I wish i had some advice for u ladies... i hope u both can work things out.

 

[KatyW]

I think what some others have said about doing your best to get some alone time to think things over is sound advice. I am so sorry that you are going through this devastating experience.

We're here to support you no matter what.

Hugs and prayers, sweetie.

 

[Hopeful2014]

@ProfWife I'm sorry. I updated your date. I hope the doctor gets you in as soon as possible. Fingers crossed for this month!

@newbie2013 I'm so sorry to hear about this as well. I'm sorry you've been suffering with this on your own for a while too. Feel free to tell us anything. It sounds to me as though he has become comfortable with you living around his family and his way of life, which separates you from your family and support you could have. It does work for many people to be away internationally. However, he shouldn't treat it as a way of controlling you or making sure you do what he wants the majority of the time. Perhaps he is fighting with you or acting differently because he feels a loss of control now? Perhaps he feels as though he must compete with your family? He may not intentionally be doing this and he may feel bad about it now.

I'd give you the same advice of searching within yourself to see what you want and what you need. This is your one life. If you want him in it and you do not want to give up the life you have in his home country then I hope you find a way to work it out. Remember though-you must find a way to be happy at the end of either decision you make. I'm here for you. I definitely agree 100% with what ProfWife said as well.