Military Wives/Fiances/Girlfriends Support Group

[Nimyra]

Justagirl, How are you doing today? I've been thinking about you and hoping you are doing all right.

 

[smc17]

It really seems like the best option for everyone. I do love him, and I know he feels the same way.

He is based in Georgia and I live in Maryland. Thats probably a huge thing to, because I really want us to be a family. I just need his reassurance that he feels the same way. And to know I have his support would be everything.

Either way thank god my parents are who they are, and I know at first this may be hard for them to handle. They will be there for me all steps of the way

 

[Nimyra]

Where in Maryland are you? I live in Maryland too.

Keep us posted and let us know if you are able to get in touch with him.

 

[smc17]

will do! thank you for your support. i live in annapolis and he is based in fort benning Georgia.

 

[Justagirlxx]

Hi, I feel like this is the place I need to go for this kind of advice.

My name is Sarah Im 20, and my boyfriend is 23 and currently in Ranger school, and once he gets out of ranger school he goes straight to Afghanistan.

I just found out that im pregnant, and I have no way of contacting him. and im a mess, I feel like he is the person I need to talk to before I can tell anyone else. Keeping this from my family is killing me.

The main thing is, I need to talk to him.. you ladies all know how in the military people only care if your married. Im wondering if thats something we would have to do in order for him to support us. Or even what his feelings are on the matter, because this clearly was not planned.

I don't know, im just a mess. any kind words?

Firstly, congrats on your pregnancy! I know how you feel right now, my pregnancy was unplanned also and it was at a time in my life where I had nothing, no money, no job, etc. I was absolutely terrified and I had no idea what I was going to do, the only thing I knew was that I was going to keep my baby no matter what. Massive because I know how scary it is being pregnant and having no idea what to do.

Secondly, your first priority is to somehow get in touch with your boyfriend. You two need to talk about this. Whether or not you get married should definitely be something you talk about later but not in the same conversation as you telling him he is going to be a daddy. That is going to be a huge shock. My husband (boyfriend at the time) when I told him was a mess. He literally drank 6 beers and passed out an hour later. LOL. Anyways fast forward a year and a half and we are doing fabulous, we are SO much better off now than we were, having a baby is the best thing that's ever happened to me, my son is such a blessing and has made me the happiest woman alive! So even though you are scared and confused now, things can and will work out. The military wont take care of you if you aren't married, so unless you can some how support yourself you will definitely need to get married. Hopefully that is an option here. I don't know how long you have been with your boyfriend but I'm thinking since you are in a long distance relationship you must love eachother very much to wait for him and him for you while he is away. So that is a good sign. I really hope things work out for you and you are able to contact him soon. Good luck hun and you can come on here and talk to us anytime and I will try to help. I'm very new in the miltary life but these ladies on here have been through it and can probably answer military related questions better. Again good luck hun.

 

[Justagirlxx]

Justagirl, How are you doing today? I've been thinking about you and hoping you are doing all right.

Hey Nim. Thanks for asking hun. I'm actually surprisingly doing quite well. I started classes and have been sooo busy for the past week that it has flown by. I think thats a good sign meaning the rest of the 7 months will pass fairly quickly also. I am sad that he is gone but I have found some sort of inner strength to keep me going. It's almost like I adapted to this overnight. I almost feel as though I should be more sad? I don't know. I haven't even cried since that first 2 days he was gone. I miss him but I know we have to do this and my son is what's keeping me going. So how are you doing? Getting excited that he's coming home?

 

[smc17]

Justagirlxx, those are exactly the words i needed to hear. Im actually starting a job today, and almost have my associates degree, so im in pretty good shape. I will most likely tell my mom today or tomorrow. keeping this has been killing me.

But marrying him is definitely something I see myself wanting to do. Not just for the baby, but for my self. I really do love him, and I see myself wanting to spend the rest of my life with him and being a family.

Its good to hear that at first your boyfriend was a mess, but now look at you guys! It definitely gives me hope. Hopefully in a few weeks I will have talked to him and my parents. I will keep you all updated. Thank you all for your kind words! Its helping me deal with this because I have no one to talk to right now.

 

[Nimyra]

Justagirl, How are you doing today? I've been thinking about you and hoping you are doing all right.

Hey Nim. Thanks for asking hun. I'm actually surprisingly doing quite well. I started classes and have been sooo busy for the past week that it has flown by. I think thats a good sign meaning the rest of the 7 months will pass fairly quickly also. I am sad that he is gone but I have found some sort of inner strength to keep me going. It's almost like I adapted to this overnight. I almost feel as though I should be more sad? I don't know. I haven't even cried since that first 2 days he was gone. I miss him but I know we have to do this and my son is what's keeping me going. So how are you doing? Getting excited that he's coming home?

I definitely understand about being too busy to miss him too much. I think having a LO to care for really helps. I know Maya has kept me too busy to really think about the deployment and that has been a real blessing.

In my final days and just dying of impatience. I'm also sick to death of the unasked for advice I keep getting - its' all along the lines of how I shouldn't expect or ask too much of DH when he first gets home. It is prompted by my enthusiasm that DH can watch LO while I'm in class (a grand total of 4 hours a week for f*ck's sake). Really irritates me. Um, hello, let me be excited, and you know, I know my husband a lot better than you do. He thrives on being busy, needed, and helpful. Getting him involved in our life at home is EXACTLY what he is going to need, and I know this.

(rant over)

Yes, we're doing well though and can't wait for Daddy to get back to us.

I've also been busy with schoolwork. Thankfully my LO naps now. It's helped break my BnB addiction too.

 

[Justagirlxx]

Justagirl, How are you doing today? I've been thinking about you and hoping you are doing all right.

Hey Nim. Thanks for asking hun. I'm actually surprisingly doing quite well. I started classes and have been sooo busy for the past week that it has flown by. I think thats a good sign meaning the rest of the 7 months will pass fairly quickly also. I am sad that he is gone but I have found some sort of inner strength to keep me going. It's almost like I adapted to this overnight. I almost feel as though I should be more sad? I don't know. I haven't even cried since that first 2 days he was gone. I miss him but I know we have to do this and my son is what's keeping me going. So how are you doing? Getting excited that he's coming home?

I definitely understand about being too busy to miss him too much. I think having a LO to care for really helps. I know Maya has kept me too busy to really think about the deployment and that has been a real blessing.

In my final days and just dying of impatience. I'm also sick to death of the unasked for advice I keep getting - its' all along the lines of how I shouldn't expect or ask too much of DH when he first gets home. It is prompted by my enthusiasm that DH can watch LO while I'm in class (a grand total of 4 hours a week for f*ck's sake). Really irritates me. Um, hello, let me be excited, and you know, I know my husband a lot better than you do. He thrives on being busy, needed, and helpful. Getting him involved in our life at home is EXACTLY what he is going to need, and I know this.

(rant over)

Yes, we're doing well though and can't wait for Daddy to get back to us.

I've also been busy with schoolwork. Thankfully my LO naps now. It's helped break my BnB addiction too.

Oh God that must be irritating! Of course he is going to be able to watch your LO for 4 hours a week! Not to mention he will WANT to spend lots and lots of time with her since he's been gone so long! I hate unwanted and unnessesary advice from people who don't know what they are talking about! Oh and I hear you on the BnB addiction. Classes have had me so busy I haven't really been on in the past week when I used to be on here all day lol. Anyways so glad to hear you are doing well. What I really miss is my DH's arms around me at night I need a good cuddle right now! Lol

 

[Justagirlxx]

Justagirlxx, those are exactly the words i needed to hear. Im actually starting a job today, and almost have my associates degree, so im in pretty good shape. I will most likely tell my mom today or tomorrow. keeping this has been killing me.

But marrying him is definitely something I see myself wanting to do. Not just for the baby, but for my self. I really do love him, and I see myself wanting to spend the rest of my life with him and being a family.

Its good to hear that at first your boyfriend was a mess, but now look at you guys! It definitely gives me hope. Hopefully in a few weeks I will have talked to him and my parents. I will keep you all updated. Thank you all for your kind words! Its helping me deal with this because I have no one to talk to right now.

I'm glad I could help you a little hun. I'm sure things are going to be okay! No matter what his reaction to this is in the beginning, he will get over the inital shock. My parents and DHs parents were absolutely horrified when I told them I was pregnant but now JJ is the center of their worlds. They both have said he is the best thing to have happened to them in a long time. Its awesome. So the shock of it is going to be a distant memory once they hold that baby in their arms!

 

[Nimyra]

Sorry I've been MIA lately, girls. My DH just got home from his deployment and I've been struggling a lot with my feelings as we've been getting reacquainted and adjusting to life with a baby and a husband at home. I'm happy of course, but it's a lot of adjusting since I got used to it just being me and Maya. Also, its sort of like I stored up a year's worth of sad feelings from him being gone (and I didn't have time or space to feel them because I had to get on with life) and now they are hitting me all at once.

DH is being lovely and supportive about it all though, so I'm sure we'll come through this adjustment period fine.

Thanks for your support.

 

[Justagirlxx]

Sorry I've been MIA lately, girls. My DH just got home from his deployment and I've been struggling a lot with my feelings as we've been getting reacquainted and adjusting to life with a baby and a husband at home. I'm happy of course, but it's a lot of adjusting since I got used to it just being me and Maya. Also, its sort of like I stored up a year's worth of sad feelings from him being gone (and I didn't have time or space to feel them because I had to get on with life) and now they are hitting me all at once.

DH is being lovely and supportive about it all though, so I'm sure we'll come through this adjustment period fine.

Thanks for your support.

Massive hun I can't imagine what you are going through but I know I'm going to be in the same position a year from now when DH and I are reunited. I hope you are doing okay and that the adjusting period doesn't last long for you

 

[cleckner04]

Nimyra- Ohh that first week or two after they come back is always the weirdest and sometimes so difficult! It's like you have to relearn each other all over again. I'm so happy for you that he's home!! (a bit jealous too...) Was this his first time seeing Maya IRL? You may have answered that before so sorry if it's a repeat question.

Justagirl- How you holding up hun? I hope things are well for you! He's in bootcamp so you don't get phonecalls right? I don't know how it works with the army but we only got 2 phonecalls the entire bootcamp. But I hope it's different for you and you get to hear his voice! Completely OT here but your wording above your avatar says WTT#2 till April 2011, so is he coming home in between or something? Sorry if that's a stupid question..



I'm still holding up here. My best friend just moved away 2 days ago so I've been a bit sad. She was the only person I knew here so now I literally don't know a soul in this city. But I haven't been letting it get me down. I go for quiet walks with emma every night and have no problem being on my own really. I think the only time I'll panic is if something happens and I have no one to call.

 

[Justagirlxx]

Heyyy well we thought he was gonna get a week inbetween basic and AIT but we just found out he isn't going to Soo I guess I'm WTT till whenever I can visit him during AIT lol! Anyways I've gotten a few phone calls while he was in reception but since he shipped to actual Basic he can no longer call unfortunately. But the good thing is, they may get phone privledges, I wont know until I get that first letter which is what I'm waiting for now! I'm doing okay besides the long lonely nights which almost always get to me. But besides that I'm keeping myself busy. Although my classes have been cancelled for the past 2 days because of this horrible snow we've been having. Which I'm sad about because I like going to class! Lol. Anyways thanks for asking hun. How have you been doing??? When is your DH coming home?

 

[Nimyra]

Thanks for the hugs. Last night went a bit better. We moved Maya out of the bed (we had been cosleeping) and onto her crib mattress placed on the floor next to the bed. I hadn't been sleeping well since DH got home because of overcrowding (and he's not too helpful in the middle of the night anyway since he doesn't have milk).

DH had seen Maya before when he was home on R&R (she was 2 weeks old). She didn't recognize him from skype or anything though and she was scared of him for the first 24 hours he was back. She's doing better now though and they are playing more. I could see this being a lot harder with an older baby or toddler though!

Yesterday was easier than the day before so I expect today will be easier than yesterday. We're getting closer to normal.

 

[Justagirlxx]

Thanks for the hugs. Last night went a bit better. We moved Maya out of the bed (we had been cosleeping) and onto her crib mattress placed on the floor next to the bed. I hadn't been sleeping well since DH got home because of overcrowding (and he's not too helpful in the middle of the night anyway since he doesn't have milk).

DH had seen Maya before when he was home on R&R (she was 2 weeks old). She didn't recognize him from skype or anything though and she was scared of him for the first 24 hours he was back. She's doing better now though and they are playing more. I could see this being a lot harder with an older baby or toddler though!

Yesterday was easier than the day before so I expect today will be easier than yesterday. We're getting closer to normal.

Oh thats great hun I'm glad to hear Maya is adapting quickly. I'm so worried about when JJ is 1 and he has to meet his daddy again. I know he wont recognize him and will probably be scared of him. and honestly it's going to break my husbands heart.

Anyways I think thats a good idea to put maya in her basket so that you and your husband can be more intimate... it's kind of hard with a baby there lol! x

 

[Nimyra]

Thanks for the hugs. Last night went a bit better. We moved Maya out of the bed (we had been cosleeping) and onto her crib mattress placed on the floor next to the bed. I hadn't been sleeping well since DH got home because of overcrowding (and he's not too helpful in the middle of the night anyway since he doesn't have milk).

Oh thats great hun I'm glad to hear Maya is adapting quickly. I'm so worried about when JJ is 1 and he has to meet his daddy again. I know he wont recognize him and will probably be scared of him. and honestly it's going to break my husbands heart.

Anyways I think thats a good idea to put maya in her basket so that you and your husband can be more intimate... it's kind of hard with a baby there lol! x

Yes, I'm realizing it is a good thing for us each to have our space. When she is more mobile we may have to find a different solution, but for now this works fine. Maybe someday she'll even sleep through the night.

 

[Justagirlxx]

Thanks for the hugs. Last night went a bit better. We moved Maya out of the bed (we had been cosleeping) and onto her crib mattress placed on the floor next to the bed. I hadn't been sleeping well since DH got home because of overcrowding (and he's not too helpful in the middle of the night anyway since he doesn't have milk).

Oh thats great hun I'm glad to hear Maya is adapting quickly. I'm so worried about when JJ is 1 and he has to meet his daddy again. I know he wont recognize him and will probably be scared of him. and honestly it's going to break my husbands heart.

Anyways I think thats a good idea to put maya in her basket so that you and your husband can be more intimate... it's kind of hard with a baby there lol! x

Yes, I'm realizing it is a good thing for us each to have our space. When she is more mobile we may have to find a different solution, but for now this works fine. Maybe someday she'll even sleep through the night.

Yeah I hear ya on that... mine just freakin started waking up TWICE a night for the past 2 days needing food.. I am exhausted... I was so pissed off last night because I know for a fact he can sleep through, he's done it multiple times... maybe it's a growth spurt or something but i hope it ends soon. I just want him to fully sleep through so that he can go in his own room. For now he's still in a bassinet that he has pretty much outgrown.

 

[Kylarsmom]

Hi girls!

Name: Heather
Military Branch: Marine Corp
How long he's been in: 6 years
Currently Deployed?: No, but we have done 3 Iraq Deployments, I think that's enough!
How long you've been together: Married 4 years
How do you like the Military Life?: Love/Hate it- Love the benifits, love the pride, love the thought of being married to a marine, but hate that they use you, lie to you, over work the guys, hate the moving around, hate when they screw you, and hate being owned by them :/

 

[Nimyra]

Hi Heather! I can't imagine doing 3 deployments. You are a saint!