Military Wives/Fiances/Girlfriends Support Group

[cleckner04]

The problem is pretty much all the military guys are in their late teens and early 20s. So it's basically like they are back in high school all over again. That's the best way I can describe it. So the older guys change their mentality after being stuck with young guys so long. They all tease eachother and all egg eachother on. And than you have under 21 year olds that are suddenly allowed to drink in another country because the drinking age is less. So they all go nuts. DH has made friends with a few married guys that ended up cheating on their wives while in port or even on the ship with the women on there. So it definitely happens. But if you pay attention when you start meeting more military wives and people. Lot's of guys meet girls at a bar and than marry her really quickly. Because he wants someone waiting for him when he gets back. I've seen it so many times. Literally guys will meet a girl and than marry her 2 months later. So those of us that actually had a real meaningful relationship before marriage have a bit of an advantage.

I've learned to just keep talking my husband up in emails and keeping him motivated. I try my best not to complain in my emails either. So if there are any problems at home, he doesn't really hear about them because I want him to keep a positive attitude and not worry about me IYKWIM. My stress is only going to make him more stressed.

 

[cleckner04]

Nope we can't skype. He can only use the ships computers and they basically just email and some other random websites. He can occasionally get on facebook but they shut that down sometimes. He can't get on facebook chat but we sometimes catch eachother on there and email back and forth. So I don't hear his voice at all the entire time basically. Which when we first started out in 2004 when he left we didn't even call so I went 7 months without hearing his voice at all. We now skype if they go to port. So far they haven't stopped anywhere. Actually next week they should be hitting port but he's not getting off the ship so we are just crossing our fingers that he picks up wifi from the ship. Mean of me but I don't let him get off the ship if it's a place that is cool. So like they went to italy once on his old ship and I wouldn't let him off. But he gets off at Dubai and Bahrain and all those stupid places that I would never want to visit. He's been to spain which I wasn't happy about because I wouldn't mind visiting there. But I'll let it slide.

You don't let him get off after he's been all cooped up on a ship for that long? Aww poor guy.Why not?? You should let him live a little. I'd feel really bad for him not being able to at least see cool places while he's over there on a ship most of the time...

Honestly don't feel too bad about him. He's still been to like 10 different countries. He's not stuck on the ship for 6.5 months straight. But if they go to italy or france he's not getting off because we've both decided we want to see it together. And he agrees so it's not like I'm forcing it.

 

[hpjagged]

Saw the link in Justagirlxx's sig so thought I'd say HI!

Name: Helen
Military Branch: my hubs is in the US Air Force, it's a little different than the British. But he's an engineer on the F15 jets.
How long he's been in: Almost 6 years.
Currently Deployed?: Nope, thank god!!
How long you've been together: 5 years
How do you like the Military Life?: I love the military life. We are stationed in England, but we get orders in February and we are so hoping and wishing for Germany or Italy!!!

 

[Justagirlxx]

Hi and welcome! How are you? I'm glad to hear that you like the military life! I haven't really experienced it yet because my husband is leaving for the first time in 2 weeks. Anyways I'm glad more people are finding this group!

I am soo upset right now because DH and I just got in a stupid fight because he wanted to go to his friends house.. it's the first day in forever that he's had off (his last day of work was yesterday ) and he went out for a farwell work party last night, has been gone so often and I was just so excited to have him home. And then he announces he's going to his friends house tonight and I just burst out crying and he eventually just stormed out. I can't freaking believe this. I'm sooo stressed out about it right now. I just want our last two weeks to be awesome but it's not happening with all the pent up stress we have about his departure. This sucks! I can't believe he is still gone, its been like 2 hours and I've had no reply but sent him lots of texts asking him to just come home and that I love him.

 

[Nimyra]

Oh! Huge hugs, Justagirl

That really sucks. Knowing a separation is coming has a way of adding a lot of stress - and having a baby is already really stressful.

My guess is he is having some feelings that he is dealing with in typical guy fashion (avoiding). If so, making some space to air those feelings might help. I know my DH gets really stressed because he feels responsible for when I'm upset about things. Its helped for us to talk that one out and for me to acknowledge that I don't need him to fix my feelings.

I hope he comes home soon.

 

[Justagirlxx]

Oh! Huge hugs, Justagirl

That really sucks. Knowing a separation is coming has a way of adding a lot of stress - and having a baby is already really stressful.

My guess is he is having some feelings that he is dealing with in typical guy fashion (avoiding). If so, making some space to air those feelings might help. I know my DH gets really stressed because he feels responsible for when I'm upset about things. Its helped for us to talk that one out and for me to acknowledge that I don't need him to fix my feelings.

I hope he comes home soon.

Thanks so much for that hun. I think you are right. I know he is scared, nervous and sad about leaving for Basic, leaving everyone he knows and loves has got to be terrifying and I feel for him. I know he needs to spend time with his friends before he leaves and I usually have no problem with him spending time with them... he goes out like twice a week and I'm totally fine with it. But this time I just wanted one day to spend with him! But I didn't tell him that in the right way, I just started crying when he said he was going to leave again. I guess I'll just leave him alone but I really hope when he gets home he can talk to me about this or we can just forget about it and have a great 2 weeks together. This just sucks! And on top of that it's not like I can just sit here and cry because I have to be strong for the baby and be a good mom. God so much stress. There's going to be so many times I'm going to have to pull it together and get through shit alone. Military wives must be so strong. I hope I'm up for the job...

 

[Nimyra]

Justagirl, You will be as strong as you need to be. I think having to keep it together for JJ's sake will actually help. The first two weeks of DH's deployment I could barely get out of bed. Its all been easier since Maya was born, because I love her enough to get out of bed and do what needs to be done no matter how lonely I feel. The time will pass quickly because JJ and school will keep you busy.

Do you have good friends or family nearby to help you if you need it?

I am going to say... the #1 most annoying thing people said to me when they heard I'd be caring for Maya alone with John away was "You are going to NEED help, you can't do it alone." And I was like... "well, that's nice and all, but I don't have anyone who can help, so I'm going to manage. Don't tell me what I can or can't handle."
In the end I did get some help, but I also did a lot by myself, and I *was* fine, because I am resourceful and independent. You will do what you need to do.

 

[cleckner04]

I agree with everything Nimyra said. You kinda just do it because it's what you have to do. The time seriously goes so much faster post-baby vs. pre-baby. You're a strong woman. Whether you see that now or not. You can do it! And we are always here for you when you need to cry and rant. This first part is the worst. The anticipation of him getting ready to leave and knowing your time together is short. It gets SO much easier once everything settles down after he leaves. I hope you're okay and everything was resolved between you two once he got back.

 

[Nimyra]

I'm in the homestretch for this deployment and for some reason these last few weeks feel really difficult. I want him to be home NOW... and also I'm anxious about it.

I had a dream last night that DH was back and I was trying to get him to change LO's diaper in the middle of the night but he kept doing it wrong! He had a tin of formula out and was trying to use it (to change her diaper) and then he put her in clothes that were two sizes too small and she was crying because the clothes were too tight. I was so mad at him that (in my dream) I took the tin of formula and hit him in the head with it, then ran out of the room!

Clearly I have some anxiety about giving up control/sharing responsibility for LO.

 

[cleckner04]

I just got to skype with DH for like 5 hours today!!! They are in port and they set up wifi on the ship so he didn't even have to worry about finding a buddy to get off. We had to pay for it because it wasn't free..which is complete and utter bullshit IMO but I can't really complain because I got to talk to him!! I'm so freaking happy. He even got to "help" me give Emma a bath and all the other random tasks I have to do every day. Emma showed off some of her newest skills. Like saying booby and yanking down my top. And she showed him how she likes to color on the walls in the bathtub. With bath crayons of course. They were a christmas gift that didn't get a chance to be used before he left so he had never seen her bath art before. AHH I'm just so happy right now. I hope they do the same thing for his next port.

 

[Justagirlxx]

Oh that's so great to here Cleckner, that's so sweet that he got to see that! How amazing is skype?
Nimyra- That's awesome you are in the last part of his deployment. It's so weird because you have to spend so long adapting to him being gone, and just when you are all the sudden you have to adapt to him being home again.

Thanks so much for all your kind words, I'm so glad I have support here from women who have been there and know what I'm going through. It's very comforting! Anyways I do think the time will go by faster since I have JJ to occupy most of my time. And with school and everything I'm hoping time will fly by! Anyways ladies I'm going to go for now but I'll talk to you later! Thanks again

 

[Justagirlxx]

Saw the link in Justagirlxx's sig so thought I'd say HI!

Name: Helen
Military Branch: my hubs is in the US Air Force, it's a little different than the British. But he's an engineer on the F15 jets.
How long he's been in: Almost 6 years.
Currently Deployed?: Nope, thank god!!
How long you've been together: 5 years
How do you like the Military Life?: I love the military life. We are stationed in England, but we get orders in February and we are so hoping and wishing for Germany or Italy!!!

So how are you doing hunny? What's it like in England? I would love to be stationed overseas someday! Seeing Germany would be amazing! DH and I are hoping so much to be stationed in either Germany or Italy. Imagine seeing Rome.. my God I would just die!! Anyways I'm glad to hear that you like the military life! I'm hoping I will too!

 

[Justagirlxx]

Well my husband left today

It's been a long 2 months preparing for this, I can't believe it's finally here. All I keep thinking is I should have hugged him more and told him how much I loved him (even though I did that everyday anyway lol)

 

[Justagirlxx]

He ran out the door so fast when he kissed LO goodbye, I know he didn't want me to see him crying.

 

[Nimyra]

take care of yourself today.

 

[Justagirlxx]

take care of yourself today.

Thanks hun I will try. I just randomly burst out crying sometimes when I think of how long 7 months is. But it's not too bad. I start school tomorrow which I'm really excited about. I got my backpack all ready to go

 

[Nimyra]

I start class today too! I'm so nervous that something is going to fall through with the babysitter. eek!

 

[cleckner04]

Hope you're ok!

 

[smc17]

Hi, I feel like this is the place I need to go for this kind of advice.

My name is Sarah Im 20, and my boyfriend is 23 and currently in Ranger school, and once he gets out of ranger school he goes straight to Afghanistan.

I just found out that im pregnant, and I have no way of contacting him. and im a mess, I feel like he is the person I need to talk to before I can tell anyone else. Keeping this from my family is killing me.

The main thing is, I need to talk to him.. you ladies all know how in the military people only care if your married. Im wondering if thats something we would have to do in order for him to support us. Or even what his feelings are on the matter, because this clearly was not planned.

I don't know, im just a mess. any kind words?

 

[Nimyra]

Hi Smc, first off, big hugs

Yes, it is true that benefits wise it is MUCH better to be a military spouse than a girl friend. Financially you and your LO will be better off. However, not all marriages are made based on finances. That's something you and your BF will have to figure out. And if he is going straight overseas you may not have an opportunity to get married until he comes home on leave.

I'm not sure if this works for your situation, but the American Red Cross can get messages to military personnel in emergency situations. You can also try calling the Army and finding a way to leave a message for his commanding officer.

Anyone else have any thoughts on this?

Sorry if my response is rather to the point - i'm trying to tend to LO at the same time. I know this is really big and scary, but you can do this.