Military Wives/Fiances/Girlfriends Support Group

[Justagirlxx]

Hi everyone,

Little update -- currently I'm planning on going back to school. Also, it looks like my husband will not have to stay the extra month so with any luck he'll be home soon.

Oh yayyy!! Thats awesome news hun! So glad to hear he won't be away for another month!

Time is flying by, only 2 more weeks till DH leaves for 7 months. What worries me the most is that he could possibly be deployed immediately after he graduates AIT, which would mean that I only have two weeks left with him before he is gone for over a year and a half... I really hope that doesn't happen...

I'm just going to keep myself busy with school and count my blessings. I have a wonderful husband and absolutely perfect child, who could ask for more?

 

[Nimyra]

Hi everyone,

Little update -- currently I'm planning on going back to school. Also, it looks like my husband will not have to stay the extra month so with any luck he'll be home soon.

Oh yayyy!! Thats awesome news hun! So glad to hear he won't be away for another month!

Time is flying by, only 2 more weeks till DH leaves for 7 months. What worries me the most is that he could possibly be deployed immediately after he graduates AIT, which would mean that I only have two weeks left with him before he is gone for over a year and a half... I really hope that doesn't happen...

I'm just going to keep myself busy with school and count my blessings. I have a wonderful husband and absolutely perfect child, who could ask for more?

It is hard living with so much uncertainty. Counting your blessings helps.

 

[cleckner04]

Nimyra- Yay!!!! I'm so jealous you get your DH back soon! And that is so awesome that you are going back to school!


Justagirl- I didn't know who you was at first because of your new avatar. I'm sorry your Dh is leaving soon. I really hope they don't deploy him right away afterwards. Just one day at a time. That's the only way. And feel free to cry and rant to us anytime you need it.



Well, we've accomplished over a month of DH being gone now. I've gotten 2 phone calls which is really nice. It cost over $1 a minute to call though. We spent $20 and only got 17 minutes of talk time. You'd think they wouldn't completely rip us off like that but oh well. It's worth it for Emma to be able to talk to her daddy. I've also lost 10 pounds since he left. So I'm keeping busy working my ass off most days. Although I have my lazy days as well.

 

[Nic1107]

Those calling cards suck, sooo expensive! I always hated that moment, in the middle of the first conversation in ages, when the robot lady would pop in with "You have 1 minute left on this call" and we'd have to rush to say 'good-bye, I love you and hopefully I can call again tomorrow'...

 

[cleckner04]

For a while there, DH just used his shops phone. He knew the code to dial out so it was free. SO bad and he would've been in so much trouble. That's how he called me during the 3 month deployment though. But this one we gotta pay. And pay we are. We've spent $60 already on cards and it's only been a month.

 

[Nic1107]

There is a good possibility that my DH may possibly have sort of done exactly the same thing

 

[Nimyra]

Sam,
That's absolute rubbish about the calling cards! I assume your DH isn't somewhere where he can get an internet connection? (sorry if that's a stupid question, but my DH is in Iraq and was able to get internet, so he calls on skype which is usually free). Now I feel totally spoiled because I talk to DH almost every day while he is gone.



I have a home visitor (social worker) who comes and chats with me from time to time through the New Parent Support Program through Army Community Services. She's really nice and mostly we just chit chat about whatever is going on. Today she brought over some children's board books about deployment and parent homecoming. They totally made me cry! Maya's too young for them really, but they are nice so I'm hanging on to them.

 

[cleckner04]

Nope we can't skype. He can only use the ships computers and they basically just email and some other random websites. He can occasionally get on facebook but they shut that down sometimes. He can't get on facebook chat but we sometimes catch eachother on there and email back and forth. So I don't hear his voice at all the entire time basically. Which when we first started out in 2004 when he left we didn't even call so I went 7 months without hearing his voice at all. We now skype if they go to port. So far they haven't stopped anywhere. Actually next week they should be hitting port but he's not getting off the ship so we are just crossing our fingers that he picks up wifi from the ship. Mean of me but I don't let him get off the ship if it's a place that is cool. So like they went to italy once on his old ship and I wouldn't let him off. But he gets off at Dubai and Bahrain and all those stupid places that I would never want to visit. He's been to spain which I wasn't happy about because I wouldn't mind visiting there. But I'll let it slide.

 

[Avalanche]

cleckner, try having a gmail account. Its email, but has a built in chat facility and if you both have one you can chat. I've found British and American military rarely block this from use, even when there is a MINIMISE on

 

[Nimyra]

Wow, Sam, I'm not sure I could be a Navy wife. It must be so hard being incommunicado for so long! I go nuts as it is.

oooh, that *is* mean of you making him wait to go to cool places until you can join him. Doesn't he go stir crazy on his ship? I suppose like anything you get used to it after a while.

A good friend of mine married a sailor and has 3 rambunctious young boys (well, one is an infant so not rambunctious yet) and her husband is with her 6 months then gone 6 months on and on and on. Amazing.

 

[cleckner04]

Thanks avalanche! I'll have to try that.

Yeah I'm a horribly mean wife. He does pretty good. Doesn't get too stir crazy. But he's been doing this for years so I think it's just second nature. The good thing is that they always go to dubai and bahrain so those are two ports he'll get off at. Although he said he may not even get off at those because when the ships pull in port you have to get off with a buddy. And that buddy has to stick with you the whole time. Well, most guys want to go out and party. DH just wants to find a quiet place to skype. So no one ever wants to go with him. That's another reason he rarely gets off the ship. It's impossible to find someone willing to just sit around instead of being a complete idiot. Those guys get an inch of freedom and they end up going nuts.


Edited to add: Your friend deserves a medal. It's hard with one kid. I can't imagine doing it with 3. I've heard of people that had to do the six months on and six month off kinda thing. That really sucks. My DH's ship now is going to be random with it's leaving I think. It's been in the yards for years getting refueled and all of that so most of the guys on his ship have never even done a deployment. Being a military family definitely makes it hard to plan for vacations.

 

[Nic1107]

Wish I could have made my DH's ass stay on the ship when they went to port! Dubai is actually really cool apparently, Bee went to a big fancy mall with a ski slope inside, it's crazy. I have pictures of him on the beach in Greece, shopping in France and Portugal, I forget where else. If I'd have known what he'd be up to in Brazil and Peru, I'd have made him keep his body on the ship and his bits back home in Wisconsin. Sorry, bitter.

 

[Nic1107]

Cleckner: I soooo wish your husband & my husband had been assigned to be buddies, yours could have kept mine out of trouble!

 

[cleckner04]

I heard about that indoor ski place! DH never went but he mentioned it. I take it your DH was on a different ship before the Vinson? I've had my issues with my husband, although not nearly as bad as yours. I found random pictures posted on myspace with DH drinking and partying it up and I had no clue. But that was back when I was still in highschool and we were newly together. I know those guys seem to just forget they have families back home once they are away for a while.

 

[cleckner04]

I did let DH get off at Brazil and Peru. And thankfully he had a married friend that wanted to talk to his wife the whole time too. So we sat and skyped for hours. My husband is no saint though. We've been through the emotional cheating route with some random bitch at his work while I was pregnant with Emma. So I do understand to an extent what you've been through.

 

[Nic1107]

Yeah, he went out for his first tour on the Truman; the Vinson was always 'his' ship but he was sent out with the Truman because they needed people from his shop for some reason or another. He was on the Ike for a little while I think too.

Honestly, I think I'd have left him if he'd done any 'emotional cheating'- in my mind that's worse in a way, second only to emotional and physical combined. Not to say that your husband is worse or you should have left him or anything, it's just that I don't think I could have handled that as well. I guess at the end of the day, those girls were just a couple of whores (literally) that he'll never see again. It's made it hard to trust him though; even though I don't think he'll ever do anything like that again, I find that my whole outlook on relationships, trust and all that has changed.

 

[cleckner04]

Grrr I just typed out a long response and than BnB stopped working on me.

Anyways, I know what you mean about emotional vs. physical. DH knew this girl for only a week though. I had a miscarriage a few months before and this girl had newborn twins so this is what started it out because DH was curious and asked her if she had ever had a miscarriage. Than they just spoke for the next few days at work. Than that friday I found messages between them on Myspace that were too flirty for my liking. Than it all escalated from there because I was pregnant for one thing and the lie itself was the worst thing for me. During a fight later he said he would leave me if I couldn't give him kids. So I think that was the main attraction of this girl. She was fertile and I was broken after losing our first. But later he apologized and told me he only said it to hurt. Which it worked. It's easier to believe the negative than it is the positive IYKWIM. But he's made up for it and things are all better again. We are stronger now than we were before. So much stuff came out from both sides that probably never would've came out if it hadn't happened. I do think infidelity is the hardest thing to get over but if you can get through it, you'll be stronger for it. The trust is the worst part to build back up.

 

[Nic1107]

Grrr I just typed out a long response and than BnB stopped working on me.

Anyways, I know what you mean about emotional vs. physical. DH knew this girl for only a week though. I had a miscarriage a few months before and this girl had newborn twins so this is what started it out because DH was curious and asked her if she had ever had a miscarriage. Than they just spoke for the next few days at work. Than that friday I found messages between them on Myspace that were too flirty for my liking. Than it all escalated from there because I was pregnant for one thing and the lie itself was the worst thing for me. During a fight later he said he would leave me if I couldn't give him kids. So I think that was the main attraction of this girl. She was fertile and I was broken after losing our first. But later he apologized and told me he only said it to hurt. Which it worked. It's easier to believe the negative than it is the positive IYKWIM. But he's made up for it and things are all better again. We are stronger now than we were before. So much stuff came out from both sides that probably never would've came out if it hadn't happened. I do think infidelity is the hardest thing to get over but if you can get through it, you'll be stronger for it. The trust is the worst part to build back up.

It's amazing some of the things that come out of men's mouths sometimes I'm glad you two were able to work through it and come out the other side stronger. I'm hoping Bee and I can do the same, but sometimes I don't think it's even hit me yet. I seem to be able to get angry for other people easily enough, and yet my reaction when he confessed was barely stronger than "Oh well".

 

[cleckner04]

Aww I think it's like a 12 step program sorta thing. First the disbelief, than the anger, etc. It's so easy to get angry for other people like girls on here that have husbands or boyfriends that treat them badly. But it's different when you're actually in that position. You'll get there. It's hard to believe that it's been a year already since our guys left for that three month cruise. So one year down and you are still holding steady. It should only get easier with time. I really wish I could give you a massive hug. You can let out your anger all you want on here. Venting tends to help.

 

[Justagirlxx]

Nope we can't skype. He can only use the ships computers and they basically just email and some other random websites. He can occasionally get on facebook but they shut that down sometimes. He can't get on facebook chat but we sometimes catch eachother on there and email back and forth. So I don't hear his voice at all the entire time basically. Which when we first started out in 2004 when he left we didn't even call so I went 7 months without hearing his voice at all. We now skype if they go to port. So far they haven't stopped anywhere. Actually next week they should be hitting port but he's not getting off the ship so we are just crossing our fingers that he picks up wifi from the ship. Mean of me but I don't let him get off the ship if it's a place that is cool. So like they went to italy once on his old ship and I wouldn't let him off. But he gets off at Dubai and Bahrain and all those stupid places that I would never want to visit. He's been to spain which I wasn't happy about because I wouldn't mind visiting there. But I'll let it slide.

You don't let him get off after he's been all cooped up on a ship for that long? Aww poor guy.Why not?? You should let him live a little. I'd feel really bad for him not being able to at least see cool places while he's over there on a ship most of the time...


ETA I just read the rest of the thread. That's sad that most of the guys just want to go out and party and do things like that. I'd be so worried too. Too bad he couldn't find another guy who also has a family back home that wants to just hang around and Skype. I get really worried about cheating. I don't think our relationship could take any more of that. My DH "emotionally" cheated on me the first year we were together and it took me a LONG time to get over it and rebuild our trust. Honestly if it happened again I don't think I could do it. It makes me sick just thinking about it now... I can't imagine being pregnant while he was doing that, that must have been so horrible for you. And to say that bullshit about him leaving you if you couldn't give him a child... Thats so sad. Anyways I can understand why you have him on a tight leash now! I would too. My husband is on a tight leash also Lol. I hope he doesn't forget about me while he's away...