Mini rant - green eyed monster!

[blondee]

Oh ladies, i am beginning to think i need to stop going on Facebook - two friends have had babies this week already and i congratulate them and flick through their lovely photos and feel sooooo damn jealous. I should have a bubba by now, i feel so robbed I am really happy for them, but it makes me feel sorry for myself and i HATE that

Sorry to moan, just having one of those days. If i tell DH he's great and he rubs my hand and says 'one day, babe, our time will come' and i know he's right, but still - it hurts. I don't want to make him feel bad, i know if i say too much i think it puts extra pressure on him and i hate that.

Ah c'mon BFP - give us a break!!!

 

[natp18]

I know how you feel hun, I have even considered removing some friendsfor that reason.But I need to be rational its not their fault I think but they make me feel so bad and sad. arhhhhhhh

 

[blondee]

I have quickly worked out that the best thing to do is post a 'congratulations' on their wall or email them cos i accidentally commented on photos/status updates and you get told EVERY time someone else congratulates them and just feels like knife twisting.

I totally agree, it's obviously not their faults and most of them who know about our situation are really thoughtful but i think jealousy is just the most hateful emotion but i just can't help it.

Must keep thinking happy thoughts!!!

 

[chocolate]

Its hard isnt it - I am genuinely happy that my best friend is expecting her little girl soon, but there is still a pang of jealousy.

I try not to look at the pictures etc. too much, especially of those that I should have been at the same pregnancy stage at

 

[posh]

I know exactly how you feel. My son would have been 4 months old and I hate being around my friends who have young kids cos I feel so jealous knowing what stage we should be with him .
If they experience even one tiny millisecond of whats its like for us, they would understand.

 

[lauralou25]

I know the feeling my friend popped over today and she is 6 weeks and was talking about how all her clothes are starting to get tight and how ill she feels i am happy 4 her but i feel like screaming inside this feeling is driving me mad! I feel like turning my phone off somedays and locking myself away so i dont have to hear about babys lol! X

 

[Beadette]

i know what you mean......scan pics and baby pics on there but i try and think as above that its not their fault that they are pregnant and I am not. And also since having my miscarriage I have found out that quite a lot of my facebok friends had trouble conceiving or suffered a loss so I also try and think that although I may not know....they may have suffered too in their quest for a baby. Its hard but I think the more positive I can be the better. It will happen for me too and I hope I'm the one getting congratulations messages very soon!

It'll get easier darlin x x x x x x x

 

[blondee]

Thanks, yes, i know it will get easier. Patience is not one of my virtues

I would have been due on 23rd Sept and my friend was due on 23rd Oct - she gave birth earlier, but i had watched her growing throughout the pregnancy thinking of where i would have been. I never really felt jealous though as she went through an MC about 6 months before i conceived and despite her being pregnant she was still such a huge source of comfort to me when i did miscarry. It's odd really as we are not the closest of friends but she was fabulous with me. It may sound odd, but i was just willing her to have a healthy pregnancy and a beautiful, bouncing baby as i needed to see it was possible after an MC and i also knew that a 2nd MC would just crush her. We have visited them a few times and i only actually filled up when i saw my OH holding her (i was fine holding her). I just know how much he wants to be a daddy

You're right, our time will come and we will post lots of pics on FB and get tons of congratulations too! I just hope it happens soon cos i am not too patient

 

[Beadette]

Thanks, yes, i know it will get easier. Patience is not one of my virtues

I would have been due on 23rd Sept and my friend was due on 23rd Oct - she gave birth earlier, but i had watched her growing throughout the pregnancy thinking of where i would have been. I never really felt jealous though as she went through an MC about 6 months before i conceived and despite her being pregnant she was still such a huge source of comfort to me when i did miscarry. It's odd really as we are not the closest of friends but she was fabulous with me. It may sound odd, but i was just willing her to have a healthy pregnancy and a beautiful, bouncing baby as i needed to see it was possible after an MC and i also knew that a 2nd MC would just crush her. We have visited them a few times and i only actually filled up when i saw my OH holding her (i was fine holding her). I just know how much he wants to be a daddy

You're right, our time will come and we will post lots of pics on FB and get tons of congratulations too! I just hope it happens soon cos i am not too patient

Thats the same as me! I'm soooo impatient! I want everything yesterday!

I don't tend to feel negative feelings against friends who are pregnant or who have babies but I do feel bad things when I see lots of random pregnant women out and about! Madness!

The most heartbreaking thing is seeing hubby upset! Mine can't wait to be a daddy either and I felt like I'd let him down (although I know I haven't) but I just kept saying I'm so sorry! xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

[blondee]

OMG Beadette! I'm exactly the same!! I thought that in time i would blame myself for the MC in some way, but i really don't. I 100% accept that it is nature and you can't fight it, buuuuuut somehow, really oddly i do feel like my body is a failure and that it has let my hubby down. So stupid, eh? We have to keep positive and banish these stupid thoughts from our heads. I do believe in fate and that it will happen when my body is ready. I just want my body to be ready NOW!!

Looks like you have had an mmc really recently, i'm so sorry, hun. How are you doing? Are you feeling well?

 

[jennyellen13]

im exactly the same, iv got friends on there that have just had babies and that are just pregnant! i get so jelous i try not to be but i just cant help but have a few tears and think i should have my daughter with me. i just want a bfp and try and be happy again. xx

 

[Firedancer41]

Ugh! Been there, done that, bought the t-shirt!

A friend of mine was pregnant the same time I was, and due just 3 weeks after me. I could not take the constant FB updates about how great her son was, so I put her on ignore, along with another mom I know from daughter's dance class who recently announced SHE was PG and talks about it constantly @@

I just try to not compare myself to others and say that my time will come....{{hugs to you}}

 

[Tulip]

Mmm I had friends both one week and two weeks behind me when pregnant. They're now feeling kicks and I just can't bear it, so have them hidden on FB.

I also now have an irrational jealous hatred of sara Cox and Denise Van Outen for parading their perfect pregnancies around the papers. I know it's wrong

 

[Beadette]

OMG Beadette! I'm exactly the same!! I thought that in time i would blame myself for the MC in some way, but i really don't. I 100% accept that it is nature and you can't fight it, buuuuuut somehow, really oddly i do feel like my body is a failure and that it has let my hubby down. So stupid, eh? We have to keep positive and banish these stupid thoughts from our heads. I do believe in fate and that it will happen when my body is ready. I just want my body to be ready NOW!!

Looks like you have had an mmc really recently, i'm so sorry, hun. How are you doing? Are you feeling well?

I'm doing ok thank you. Trying to have lots of PMA. Sadly one of my best friends was pregnant and due 5 days ahead of me and she also had a MMC diagnosed 22nd December 2009. Well obviously before I found out (my scan was on 30th December when I found out) I was trying my best to be there for her. It kind of made me realise that pregnancies do not always end well as sad as that is. When I then too had a MMC I could not belive it and neither could she.

I have to say that having her go through it too, kind of stopped me from the self-pity which i'm sure would have consumed me. I keep thinking why did it happen to them, to us??? We're good people! But then I have to think rationally and know that I did nothing to make this hapen and neither did she.

Physically I'm doing well, stopped bleeding (spotting after ERPC) on 18th Jan. Emotionally I've had a rollercoaster. Was dealig very well with it at first (was in shock), then after ERPC this overwhelming grief consumed me. Was very bad for about a week then last week I felt much better and have felt more and more positive with each day that passes. I just hope it lasts.

I'm going back to work tomorrow and am feeling good about it. Also looking forward to TTC again!

Thanks for asking about me hun - look I've wrote a bloody essay! Sorry! x x x

 

[blondee]

Ah Beadette, that is rough. So odd that the same thing has happened to your friend too.

I can only say it gets easier and the bad days still come (nearly a year later) but they are fewer and somehow you cope. I'm sure it makes us all very strong...

Take care of yourself. X

 

[maybabydoll]

Me too. I found by simply hitting "hide" on my FB feed it was better, especially with the constant scan pictures... As I'm happy for them all, I just don't need to see every step, every day.

The updates I find really hard are when friends are complaining about lack of sleep or their teething or "naughty" babies. I really want to say at least you have a baby!! But they're having their own problems and might not realise the impact of their updates/know that some of their friends have suffered baby loss.

 

[Ten]

*hugs* to all you mamas - I feel your pain. Two people in my social circle (not really friends, but friended on FB) were due in the same month as me. I had to hit hide on both of them because I started crying whenever I saw updates or new belly pics. There are things you just have to do for your own sanity. (And now there's a fresh crop of preggos I had to hide.... sigh.)

I did drop them both congratulations when their kids were born. Sad thing is - neither of them messaged me with condolences. I could understand them not wanting to think about so late a loss when they were nearing the finish line, but it seemed like it would've been polite after their kids were born.

On the other hand, there were people I barely knew who stepped up with support and encouragement. I cannot bless them enough.

 

[blondee]

Ten, i am so very sorry for your loss.

I can't begin to imagine what you have been going through.

I imagine that your friends who are expecting are trying to keep out of your way for fear of upsetting you or feeling like they are somehow showing off/rubbing it in that they are still pregnant or have a little baby. I would be very surprised if they didn't contact you in a few months and pour their hearts out to you. Please don't feel like they are not offering your condolences for any other reason - i think your news will have affected them very much and it is because they care about you that they are giving you some space. At least, that's what i'd guess at...

How are you doing? Are you getting plenty of support at home? The Ladies on here are superb and a real source of comfort.

 

[sincerevon]

I'm going through the same thing. I was pregnant along with my husband's cousin. We were due around the EXACT same time. I MC'd and she's still going strong. I'm SO happy for her (she's gone through a lot herself, TTC for over 3 years). But her success reminds me of my failure. It gets really hard sometimes. Especially when she's updating her Facebook status saying how happy she is, and talking about her bubs heartrate, while I'm sitting here with an empty womb. Hopefully this pain will go away soon. I'm almost finished with AF and then we'll be able to TTC again.. Hugs to all you girls, I wish we never had to experience this!

 

[Ten]

I imagine that your friends who are expecting are trying to keep out of your way for fear of upsetting you or feeling like they are somehow showing off/rubbing it in that they are still pregnant or have a little baby. I would be very surprised if they didn't contact you in a few months and pour their hearts out to you. Please don't feel like they are not offering your condolences for any other reason - i think your news will have affected them very much and it is because they care about you that they are giving you some space. At least, that's what i'd guess at...

How are you doing? Are you getting plenty of support at home? The Ladies on here are superb and a real source of comfort.

Thanks. I'm doing about as okay as can be. I'm getting a lot of support at home; my husband is wonderful, as are my parents. I also have a few friends who are immeasurable sources of comfort.

As for my "friends" - they're both pretty self-involved normally, so I'm not real surprised. Just kind of hurt. Their little ones are all several months old by now. I wish them joy and health - I just sort of avoid places I know they'll be because they're HUGE braggers and I don't want to hear about it.

That's okay. The ladies here are wonderful. One day on the boards and I already feel like I've come home. to everyone.