HELLO OUT THERE
This is from my thread *not up to date will update at bottom*:
So DH and I found we were expecting on March 11,2012 we had just gotten home from my cousins birthday party and I was bored and had a test laying around, and I said what the heck even tho I was only 9DPO *We tried the SMEP + Preseed for the first time that cycle so we were pretty hopeful* and sure enough there was the faintest of line :O I was in shock and quickly showed DH who could even see it so I knew I wasnt crazy! But I dunno I wasnt as excited as I thought I should b? He wanted to call and tell everyone and for some reason I just didn't want to, he finally won the next day and we told our families and I still just didn't feel right. We went to our first Dr. app that following week and were confirmed pregnant I was slightly relieved but still just didn't feel right! DH was starting to get frustrated bc I "wasn't as excited as I should b" and I have no explanation as to why. My mom went and put a crib on layaway andd everyone kept askin me how I felt and I felt oddly "normal" and that worried me :/ At 6 weeks I went to the restroom after going to dinner with my brother and his wife and when I wiped there was bright red blood, not alot but enough to get my hear pounding, I pulled my sister in law to the side and told her about it as she has two children and she said she had spotting with both and sometimes it normal, after that there was no more blood so I just shrugged it off and said ok no big deal, then at 8 weeks I had brown spotting on and off very light but I decided to call my Dr. who said this is normal and as long as its not bright red and alot plus cramps no big deal, I didn't have cramps but just an uncomfortable feeling? I dunno if that makes since? so I was like ok I have an app on friday Ill wait it out unless it gets worse, when I woke up the next morning the bleeding was alil more and appeared to b getting more red, so I decided to call Dr. again , he wanted me to come in that afternoon and we would listen for heart beat but since I was only 8 and a half weeks we would prob have to do an ultrasound. I had to wait until 3 pm and it was agony! I got to the Dr he had me hop up on the table and got the doppler out, I was terrified! I should b excited! As expected we didn't hear anything but my own heartbeat so he had me so over for a vaginal ultrasound, the nurse was super nice and very talkative, I have never been pregnant before therefore have never had an ultrasound, but as I was watching the screen and listening to the silence from the nurse I knew something wasn't right. She left the room and I struggled to relax and convince myself maybe I just didn't know what I was looking for, but when the Dr. came in and I saw his face I was gutted. Oddly tho I didn't cry, it was like I was already prepared for this. He told me there was no baby and that he was almost 100% sure it was a molar pregnancy which I never even heard of! Once he described it to me I was horrified! CANCER?! Im only 23 I should b in here holding pictures on my lil baby not hearing that what was inside me was a tumor and had to b removed! And that this condition could cause CANCER! Not finding out I have to wait 6 months to a YEAR to try again!!!! He wanted to test my HCG levels to see if they were dropping or going up *which is what happens in molar pregnancies* So I went and got my blood drawn and got a call the next day that they were 69,000 two days later they were 82,000 I was scared, we scheduled my D&C and the procedure went fine, he even let me watch as he did another ultrasound right before the put me to sleep just to ease my mind, and sure enough it looked just like what I had Googled at home This was the 1st of May, he told me that it would take 2-3 days to get the report back so I waited already knowing but just wanting to hear that confirmation and to get the process started! I waited and waited and waited finally I got tired of waiting for them to call so I called them and they said well we have the report the Dr just hasnt read it yet, call back on Wed. if we dont call you. Do I call Wed. before they close bc they have yet to call me and same answer " he hasn't looked at it yet"! COME ON THIS COULD B LIFE THREATENING AND YOU HAVENT LOOKED AT IT YET!!! Finally Thursday they call and say that it was INCONCLUSIVE and has to b run again!!!! SERIOUSLY I WANT ANSWERS NOW!! I had an app on monday and FINALLY got the confirmation that yes it was a complete molar pregnancy and started my weekly blood work and they would call me Tuesday with my numbers, well yet again I had to call THEM and get my numbers which were down to 232!!! Woohoo Righ?! Well now he wants me to repeat them today. No explanation as to why as I was suppose to do them weekly? The only thing I can figure is he wants to make sure they didn't go to Zero already and are on there way back up? Who knows. But atleast now I kno and feel better about that. Everyone is constantly asking how are you doing and yes Im about it but, like I said from the beginning I just KNEW something wasn't right, and I believe that was God preparing me for what was to come, I know God has a reasoning for everything and although at this moment I has no clue what it is, I know that I am stronger bc of this and that when I do get my little blessing from him to hold in my arms Ill be even more grateful. I am so blessed to have my Lord to cover me with such a peace about everything that has happened and that I know my turn will come just in HIS time not MINE
UPDATE:
So from when I posted this thread I finally received my 5 aka "0" on 6/11! So Now Im on monthly draws for 6 months. Im pretty much ok with this as I want to get healthy and prepare myself for trying again. Tomorrow tho I know I will b sad as I was today bc I would b 18 weeks tomorrow and I just keep thinking how exciting tomorrow was suppose to be! I should of been finding out if it was a boy or girl. The thought just guts me
it seems like everyone I know if pregnant/having babies and its really becomin hard seeing them all post on FB. I know its not there fault but gosh it makes me so angry! Anymore I just try to stay away from it bc the heartache is too much
) can't believe how quickly it seems to be going now. I can't wait to see your wedding pictures, I'm so excited for you! Good Luck with the SMEP, FX'd you get that eggy!
Then I'm off on my cousins hen do this weekend, she's chosen to go for a picnic and then to see Twelth Night in Stratford and I'm really looking forward to it!
