Why is this so hard for me? I assume my levels are down below negative (if they are in a month I will assume there were by tomorrow). But why is the thought of trying again sooner then my Dr.s advice bugging me so much. Even the Dr. G from Boston told me 3 weeks and 3 months even with cmp is his advice. But even when I think I made up my mind to try for 2 months I always question it. It's not like it has 100 percent will happen. But this is bugging me. I know its my body my choice and I really don't want to wait a year. My daughter will about 3.5 years. I know I am going to have some tough times coming (dont know when) but I can imagine my dad being alive by the end of next year. And I would live to have one more before he goes. With a picture of him and all (7) kids right after the 7th is born. I would live to include my stepson in that picture as well. I really want 2 more but I can't imagine my dad being here when the last one is born but really want 1 more before he goes.
The decision sucks. The choice is hard. Listen to your Dr. Or listen to what you've read. (and been told ny top specialist) without even meeting him. Listen to your heart or your head. (if conflicting.) I know mentally and emotionally I am ready.
The main thing that got me through my miscarriage was knowing I could try again in 2 months. But that had to be blown down from lab results.
I think I am going to leave it in the lords hands. I know I didn't want to be due in the middle of a semester but if the lord thinks that is the right time then its his choice. I am hoping for Oct. Nov. But it still hurts me mentally knowing I M going against my drs. Wishes.
I think that is the main thing that bugs me is going against my Dr.s orders.
Vicki
he said he talked to a drs. nurse in Indy, *bc conveniently he wasnt in today either* and should call me back tomorrow afternoon, he said he wants to see what they would do, and go from there, but basically what she told me was more testing?! I was like COME ON no more testing give me an ultrasound and wont it be clear????? seriously Im at my witts end. I dont want to tell my mom yet bc she just has so much going on without havin to worry about this but its all getting too much, my husband just shrugs when I tell him bc he just doesnt understand. and there this is such a complicated thing that no one knows what I talkin about oy!
During the next few weeks we read our pregnancy books, looked at photos week by week, and planned our lives around having a baby. The day finally came for my first doppler app. I'm a Registered Nurse and wanted an ultra sound first to make sure everything was ok; just the paranoia that comes with being a healthcare professional. I knew right away by looking at the screen that I'd had a miscarriage. There was a sac but nothing there; what the doctor called a "blighted Ovum" She sent me over to have another ultrasound just to make sure where a small mass was found. The doctor thought it may be a partial molar or, very unlikely, an early pregnancy. Which I knew was not correct, I had been tracking my period very closely. She made me wait 1 week before scheduling my D and C. Again, I was reminded that I'd had a miscarriage when no growth had taken place after 1 week. I had my D and C that Friday, only 4 days ago; I would have been 12 weeks. My doc said everything went well and that it looked like a regular blighted ovum miscarriage. Unfortunately, I got more bad news today. My doctor is pretty positive it was a partial molar pregnancy. Tests say suggestive but are not conclusive. More testing needs to be done. Either way, she said it was not a normal straightforward miscarriage. Now, I don't know what to do. I'm trying to be positive about this whole thing but I feel like I'm still grieving the loss of the miscarriage and now have to deal with not controlling when we TTC again. I have to have 3 negative HCG levels then wait 2-4 months to TTC; that's if everything goes as planned. I feel like I have no control over anything and my emotions are all over the place; thanks to the hormone shift. I'm trying to focus my attention elsewhere but I feel so angry that I'm only 27 and have to deal with this rare random thing. I'm a nurse but am still confused about exactly how a partial molar forms and the risks. I've read a lot online but it's still hard to comprehend. I feel that my husband was so excited as well and this tire experience has made everthing having to do with pregnancy and babies negative. Just a few weeks ago we were both a very happy healthy couple ready to have a baby in the next 9 months. I feel hollow, sad, angry, and alone. My husband has been great but men tend to want to fix things and move on, or focus attention on something else. I feel alone because this is so rare and I feel that I have no one to talk to about it who has experienced this. Does anyone who has gone through this have some advice on how to cope and move on. I know I will be okay but right now it's hard to imagine feeling happy or positive anytime soon. 
