Sarah, I wish I could take credit for the beautiful explanationof what a rainbow baby is, but I found it on babycenter.com. It is perfect though, dont you think? How is little Oliver doing these days?
Kate, I agree with you that an angel baby is with us and its siblings always. You will always hold Jamari in your heart and dont you ever feel guilty for keeping him in there. I think its perfect for you to keep his memory alive so you can share it with his sibling. How could your current pregnancy no make you think about the what ifs and where you would be had you not lost Jamari. I dont think at all that it is not fair to the baby you are carrying. We can all see how much you love and have bonded with this baby and you will have a life time to devote attention to him or her while keeping Jamaris memory alive.
By the way, I see his birthday is approaching. I'm quite sure this is intensifying some of the anxiety you are feeling. Most of the women on my Sept 2011 RB board, including myself, have gone through that day and it seems very normal to have a lot of anxiety build up as the day approaches, but that the actualy anniversary of the loss is a more calming day of remembrance. I hope you find peace in celebrating the short time you had carrying Jamari and knowing that he still lives on in your heart. I hope I am not upsetting you by bringing it up.
Mummy2Corbin, you can find my story on pg 17. My loss was very early and after researching following my first appt I was convinced I had suffered a blighted ovum and a baby never existed. Alas, that was not the case and I find it extremley frustrating when people who dont understand what you are going through try to retionalize that all is for the best and there was likely never a baby with a HB in there. I always feel as if they are belittling my loss and heartache. I try to remember they have good intentions, but please dont act as if anyone is better off because I certainly wasnt any better off that way. After time to heal some and reading through the stories of others I came to realize that I had what I like to refer to as a "best of the worst case scenario" in the fact that I was only blissfully ignorant for 9 weeks and not half of a full term pregnancy or longer. Some women (ones here and elsewhere) have had to make heartbreaking decisions regarding their babies after months of seeing heartbeats and feeling them living inside their wombs.
I understand how lost and confused you feel. How the hell does this happen to us? Why the hell does this happen to us? Just know you did nothing wrong and there is no reason to think you will not go on to be pregnant again and fill you heart with another baby. Yes, somethings will never be the same, but you will survive and things will get better. No one here will ever think you are moaning. This group exists because it is known that talking about it, especially with others who have walked in your shoes, helps you to get past the confused, lost feelings and we would all love to help you find your way.
rachieroo, I am so very sorry for your loss and for the very frustrating situation you currently find yourself in. I would be so angry and just wanting answers. How the hell do they tell you they CANT give you your results. I understand they are not finished with their findings, but just say so then. Just say we aren't sure yet and need to further investigate rather than leaving you worry about it. Grr, it makes me so angry. I'm sorry that I cant offer any advice on time and such as I am in the US and as you know our healthcare system is very different and the route we take is different. And dont even get me started on how flawed it is here! Anyway, I pray you get some results very soon. My situation was similar as nothing was seen upon first scan and suspecting I had been wrong on dates went back a (grueling, anxiety ridden) week later to find we saw "something". Another week later and that "something" had grown, but clearly by that point we should be seeing a heartbeat and i just couldnt take it any longer. Thank goodness I opted for a D&C or I wouldnt have known. Then again, I wonder how many people opt for a natural miscarriage, never find out they had a pmp and are never told to wait so they dont and they have full term, healthy babies. I guess we'll never know. BTW, what a gorgeous baby in your profile pic. She made me smile just looking at her, so I imagine she is what is getting you through this. I know my son was what got me through my loss. Good luck to you and Happy Birthday very soon to her!
MissKane, you're welcome for the explanation. As I said above, I wish I could have verbalized it so eloquently as it is perfect. I have no idea who originally penned it, but it is beautiful and captures exactly how I feel and I imagine every woman who has lost a baby feels.
I agree with you, Jamaris Mummy is one of the strongest people I have ever met, virtually or in person. She embodies courage and strength far, far beyond her years and her attitude is truly inspirational. I feel very lucky to have met her and every woman on this board and wish I had found them sooner. It would have been so much easier to endure the first few months with their support.
I think you also have a very healthy attitude about how to deal with your feelings. You absolutely should allow yourself to feel badly for yourself and cry whenever you need to cry. You must get it out or it will eat you up. I pray you find the proper experts to help you in your situation to figure things out and put you on the path to a complete family. You deserve it just as much as the next person. Big hugs to you and I cant wait for the day that you return to tell us that you are pregnant, the day you have your anatomy ultrasound and that everything looks great and ultimately the day you come to announce you have given birth. You have to be positive that it WILL happen for you, I know it will!
Love to all you wonderful ladies! We are all very, very strong women!
I found out I was pregnant in the August in the end but I got a lot of info from her books 
the ultrasound lady even asked if id had a positive pregnancy test! I feel a little lost as now my pregnancy is over 
im not sure if i mentioned it but we are flying home on his birthday, i think its no coincidence that we will be in the sky on his day
its going to be emotional, it blows my mind that its almost been a year!! & you didnt upset me at all, It was lovely you acknowledged it and Im glad to hear the actual day feels calming, i agree it makes me a bit anxious to know its coming up, and what it could of been like if that day never happened, and he was here with us. I just think hes a special little man up there helping god out, and his soul travelled to us for a short while, for whatever purpose, it was somehow meant to happen.
