Mother of all conception months Graduates

[vbaby3]

Yay for your xmas tree!!!!!
Thats shit,if the pregnancy unit say its a matter of urgency its a disgrace you have to wait til after xmas.
I had a few different health issues last yr,and most of the waiting lists for tests and procedures I needed done were so long,I actually had to go private and pay a fortune that we don't have on getting seen to.
Fu**ing health service is a joke,it annoys me so much!

 

[gilz82]

I am thankful we have the NHS but i do really hate it sometimes too.

My OH is obviously concerned i think made worse by the fact he's away from home, and he suggested we look at going private too at least for the scan. The problem with that is my NHS urology will then throw his toys our of the pram and won't treat me, so we'd need to find the money for the whole lot, scan and any treatment required.

I'm not entirely sure we could even manage that, not without leaving us very short on the baby fund front. Can't really win can we

 

[PeanutBean]

I wouldn't private. Personally I don't trust private healthcare. Just kick up a fuss. There should be a patient support group thingy at your hospital. I think ours is called PALS but I can't remember what it stands for. If nothing is forthcoming make complaints to them and I am sure something will happen soon enough. A US for pregnancy can be found pretty much on the day in cases of concern so why not for your kidney too?

 

[gilz82]

I had quite a bit of experience with our PLS, patient laison services, during all my kidney illness and too be honest they didn't make a blind bit of difference.

For example i was supposed to go for an MRI scan and the request was marked as urgent by urology, i was told urgent meant within a fortnight at the most, 12 weeks later i phoned PLS to complain and they told me that the hospital were busying and i'd just need to accept it. By that point my kidney had deteriorated to 24% function and was busy trying to poison the rest of my body. Granted my fault for waiting 12 weeks to phone, mind you i only know that with hindsight. Still took over 16 weeks for the scan.

I did consider walking from the pregnancy unit over to a&e yesterday in the hope something might get done that way, but i also tried that once before and as soon as they saw that scans had been requested in my notes the turfed me out with stronger painkillers and told me to wait for an appointment.

The problem is i have no baseline for the function in the kidney i have left, i've never had a scan. So for all i know the function could be declining already and the longer it takes to get a scan the worse it could be getting.

Anyhoo moan for the day over

 

[madcatwoman]

Yay madcat! We are in synch!

lol, i thought you were leaving me behind for a moment!!. i was laying in bed after using the doppler, with the oil still on my belly, and thought, "oh i'll just give it a bit of a rub/ massage, and i felt those few little movements-just!

Ozzie - happy birthday hun, hope your having a lovely day

I saw a set of 3 bellybands in town this morning, so i bought them, im gona see if they do what they say on the tin!

 

[madcatwoman]

Gilz,so sorry to hear your not getting the care you need, the NHS is ok for basics, but if you need anything done as an emergency i dont hold out much hope, its poor really, i dont know what to say

 

[PeanutBean]

Gilz could you request to be transferred to a different hospital? There is so much variation between them.

 

[gilz82]

I don't really want to be transferred away from my kidney consultant he's really good, it's just all of the tests side of things that seem to be a let down at my hospital.

If i moved i'd need to wait for a new consultant appointment and then go through the pain of explaining everything all over again. Also i'd then need to wait for him to refer me for the same tests again. I don't really know if it'd end up being much quicker.

 

[madcatwoman]

OMG. ive just cried all the way through watching neighbours!so sad.

So far, belly band seems ok.

Ive realised how much ive suprised myself while being pregnant. I really didnt think i would like to see the changes in my body, the thought of pregnancy most of the time appalled me, i didnt know how id feel about feeling movements inside me, i was / am so unmaternal, but actually im feeling quietly proud of my bump these days (dont ask me by week 37 though!), i dont know, the unmaternal me feels suprised these days.

 

[gilz82]

I think that's probably quite normal Madcat, and why shouldn't you be proud you are growing a whole other little person in there

I was always pretty maternal, knew i wanted a family etc but was terrified about what it would do to my body. I don't have a bump yet, but i'm not actually scared about it anymore. I'm quite looking forward to being able to see that i have a another little person in me!

I agree tho by 37 weeks i might be taking that back, or 6 months post birth when i still can't fit back into my pre-pregnancy jeans

 

[madcatwoman]

see ive never been maternal, everyone was really suprised to hear me say i was pregnant. I had many concerns about the whole job lot if i was honest, Sooo glad i do feel this way though!.I dont mind anyone seeing my bump(which i thought i would), except for my MIL! LOL, shes just so obcessed by the whole pregnancy/baby thing its a little uncomfortable being around her, but as for DH&friends- no problem!

 

[gilz82]

I totally won't mind about people looking at my bump once it appears, as long as they don't touch it!

I think the MIL thing is just universal to some extent Madcat. Don't get me wrong i really like mine, but ever since we told her about the baby she first wasn't very interested, then when we had the bleeding etc she told me it sounded like we'd miscarry and then after that all the decisions we've made have been questioned, which really bugs me.

 

[madcatwoman]

it may also be connected to the fact that im not close(or have anything to do with my mother), so perhaps MIL has a smothering effect on me.

yes-like you, i wouldnt want anyone touching it though!!!.

My SIL is the next problem, some of you may remember we were pregnant the same time as each other (both due at same time), only at 12 weeks it was discovered hers had edwards syndrome (the obvious needed to be done).
Anyway, we didnt tell her our news until a few weeks later,but she emailed to tell me to stay away from her, that she couldnt see me, all dinners out, xmas gatherings have been cancelled. Except we bumped into her on sat, very awkward, no-one knew what to say or what we couldnt (big scilences), we dont know how that relationship will ever repair.

 

[gilz82]

Aw hon that's really sad. I can understand her not wanting to be constantly confronted with your pregnancy but i also don't necessarily think her reaction is a healthy one long term.

One of my OH's closest friends is going to be a dad again, and his sister found out she was pregnant at the same time. Turned out that the friends wife and the sister were due on the same day. When the sister went for her 20 wk scan it turned out the baby had stopped growing at 14wks so obviously had to have the baby etc and a wee funeral.

She has been the opposite of your SIL, she still wants to see her brothers wife and doesn't want them to treat her any differently as she knows that these things happen so rarely that there was nothing anyone could possibly do.

I'm positive behind closed doors she probably has cried about her SIL being pregnant, but she's trying to get some joy from it to and not make her SIL feel guilty about her little one.

 

[madcatwoman]

aye, its been awkward. we were goingt o have everyone here th is xmas, the 1st time we have been able to spend xmas in our own house, ordered a ruddy huge turkey, and now theres hardly anyone here to eat it lol.
I dont think she took into account that we may bump into each other either, but its not only me she doesnt want to see , but DH too. I think it may be sometime after we have our LO that she may start to come around,perhaps.

 

[vbaby3]

Madcat,delighted you're embracing your pregnancy!!
You're gonna be a great mam!
Thats a bit out of line with your sil,I know she obviously is devastated over what happened and its extra hard coz yous would've been due at the same time,but seriously,cutting you and dh out is awful.
I miscarried before and a close friend was due around same time,it did me think ,ore about the baby I'd lost coz they would've been same age,going thru same stages etc,but I was nothing but 100% delighted and happy for my friend.
I suppose everyone deals with things differently,and its still quite soon after but it will cause a division of the family,and nearly make you feel bad coz your baby is ok,its not on!!

 

[PeanutBean]

Blimey madcat that's a really bad response! I mean obviously what she's been through is devastating but the world keeps on turning. If someone lost their partner I don't think they'd be telling all their friends they never wanted to see them if they were in a couple. I don't know her and care about you as you're my bump buddy and am thinking it's hugely unfair to put it on you, maybe making you feel guilty somehow. I can understand wanting some space for a while to come to terms with it but you, they can try again.

Probably what I've just posted will demonstrate how maternal I am! I am pretty maternal in that I always wanted kids, I love being a mum, I love Byron to the ends of the Earth but I seem to be so rational and not driven by emotions compared to pretty much all mums I see on here and IRL. My SIL's fb statuses are always on about how marvellous and magical this that and the other is about being a mum (though she does define herself be being a mum and I consider myself to have more strings to my bow - not at all meant in a judgey way in case it reads like that). I do celebrate Byron on fb and similar places now and then, if he does something particularly adorable or funny, but all these hugs and kisses and affectionate terms for anyone at all and magical blah blah I just don't get it!

madcat I too cried through Neighbours despite it being obvious what would happen. I actually really like Donna's character so am glad she'll be staying! It's clear Ringo is getting some sort of music career or other.

Gilz - lose lose for you by the sounds of it. I wonder if you should write to your MP!

 

[madcatwoman]

Thankyou, i hope i make a great mam, and put my own to shame!.

Well yes, in one way i can understand SILs reaction, but on the other hand i dont think anyone in the family would have tolerated me behaving the same way if the shoe had been on the other foot.

DH&MIL bumped into her 2 weeks ago as well, in tesco, she totally blanked DH, he said he didnt know where to put himself!.

well, i'll be suprised if she 'comes round' before april anyhow!

 

[madcatwoman]

Blimey madcat that's a really bad response! I mean obviously what she's been through is devastating but the world keeps on turning. If someone lost their partner I don't think they'd be telling all their friends they never wanted to see them if they were in a couple. I don't know her and care about you as you're my bump buddy and am thinking it's hugely unfair to put it on you, maybe making you feel guilty somehow. I can understand wanting some space for a while to come to terms with it but you, they can try again.

Probably what I've just posted will demonstrate how maternal I am! I am pretty maternal in that I always wanted kids, I love being a mum, I love Byron to the ends of the Earth but I seem to be so rational and not driven by emotions compared to pretty much all mums I see on here and IRL. My SIL's fb statuses are always on about how marvellous and magical this that and the other is about being a mum (though she does define herself be being a mum and I consider myself to have more strings to my bow - not at all meant in a judgey way in case it reads like that). I do celebrate Byron on fb and similar places now and then, if he does something particularly adorable or funny, but all these hugs and kisses and affectionate terms for anyone at all and magical blah blah I just don't get it!

madcat I too cried through Neighbours despite it being obvious what would happen. I actually really like Donna's character so am glad she'll be staying! It's clear Ringo is getting some sort of music career or other.

Gilz - lose lose for you by the sounds of it. I wonder if you should write to your MP!

yes!, when you put it like that- about loosing a husband, no you wouldnt say to friends you cant meet them because seeing them as a couple would be too devestating. I think its got out of hand.

in the email she wrote me, she said, she had been trying for 2 years, had one MC and now this, and now doesnt think BIL wanted baby as much as she did anyway & wont be trying again, (shes 38).
I dont know, what would seem unexceptable behavour for one person seems to be exceptable for someone else.

As for the maternal thing, im still not into other peoples kids at all, but obviously so pleased about our own!. I think thats the way i'll always be, only mine will ever matter to me!!

 

[PeanutBean]

It's really sad for your SIL but it's not your fault and people will have babies for the rest of her life. If she can't come to terms with someone close in her family having a baby how will she tolerate anyone else?

I'm going to put this here because it's sensitive but I think a bit relevant and something I sometimes think about. When I was first pregnant I imagined alsorts of horrors happening that might end in a medical choice between me or the baby. I thought about what would I want DH to do if he had to make the decision, like an episode of Casualty! In the end I came to the conclusion that I would rather I was picked. I would be distraught at the loss of a baby but we could try again. I understand this might be different for others with different fertility issues but for me this felt right. Now I have Byron I feel this even more strongly because he is here in the world already and therefore comes first. I would rather he had his mum and a different sibling(s) than the one that might be lost. The reason I mention this here is that with my comparison to a husband being lost, you couldn't just try for a new one, but I have never heard of someone reaction in the comparable way about others who have husbands iyswim.

Maybe this is me being not so maternal when pregnant. I don't know. And if there are issues with your SIL's age and BIL then yeah that adds a new dimension but she can't live her life cutting our anyone who has a baby. It's unfair and to be honest pretty selfish. It's not your fault if your BIL doesn't want a baby or that your SIL waited til she was 38 before trying for a first.

Madcat, whatever she does please try to not let it rain on your parade. You are going to have your first beautiful baby and it will be the most wonderful experience changing your life in infinite ways for the better. Glory in it and let her stew in her own sorrow until she is ready to face life again. All that matters is you, your OH and you LO.