My baby's father is sleeping with someone else :-(.

[lilmisslilly]

Hi ladies

Hope you don't mind me off loading onto you all. It's just I'm at a loss.

A couple of days a go I found out the my baby's father is sleeping with someone else. I'm absolutely heartbroken. He has also said he is considering walking away from me and the baby altogether as he doesn't really want this child.

I didn't know how to handle any of this so I decided to walk away from him. He didn't even try and stop me. I feel so lost and all I can think about is the two of them together. He said he was in love with me, how he had never felt like this for anyone and I was his perfect girl. I feel like such a fool.

I feel heartbroken for myself but for my baby too. How can anyone turn their back on their own baby? I can't believe he is putting this woman before us.

I'm really struggling, I can't eat, I can't sleep. I can't stop crying, I feel sick all the time and I can't switch off, but most of all I feel so guilty because I'm worried about the effect it is having on my baby. I try and force myself to eat for the baby but I really am struggling and I keep thinking if I don't sort myself out soon something will go wrong. I have a son too who is 3 and he knows something is wrong too and I feel so guilty about that as well. I'm trying my hardest to put on a face and be strong for him but I have never been very good at hiding my feelings and I think he is seeing right through me.

I just don't know what to do and am very scared at the prospect of doing this on my own. I feel like such an idiot for believing him and letting him get to me this way but I just can't switch it off. I've deleted his number, his Facebook account and everything but I can help wishing he will come and fight for us. I just don't know what to do xx

 

[charliekay]

I'm so sorry your going through this he sounds like a selfish fool if you ask me! All you need to tell yourself is your son and the little baby growing inside you are little miracles, your all they need and they are all you need. Yes the prospect of being a single parent can be scary but you will get through it. As for your ex id wash your hands of him and just focus on yourself and your babies he will soon realise his mistakes x

 

[lilmisslilly]

Thank you for replying. I know your right and I hope in time that I won't care and will just be happy with my son and my baby and not even give him a second thought. I just hope by feeling the way I am it's not having any effect on my baby because I don't know what I'd do if anything went wrong xx

 

[o0oCharlieo0o]

Oh hun i feel for you, when i was pregnant with my second baby (20 weeks) my now ex husband told me he didnt love me anymore, i was so upset and scared, i had never been on my own he was my first boyfriend and i was terrified of being a single parent, we tried to work through it (although i really dont think he tried) and when my baby was about 6 months old he left me, it was hard at first because i felt so crappy but when i got out of my upset i realised it was no harder being a single parent than it was when he was around, infact id say it was easier, i wouldnt have to run around making the place tidy before he got home, didnt have to cook for him or do his washing, and i could raise my children how i wanted to, didnt have to be hurting everyday knowing he didnt actually want to be with me because once they are actually gone you can get over them, you can do it hun you really can, you dont need someone who doesn't want to be there you are better than that! And what with all that in my pregnancy my little boy is a perfectly fine 6 year old boy whose sat watching lilo and stitch right now so dont panic hun, but be strong, im here if you ever do want to talk xx

 

[Jessicahide]

Don't feel like a fool! He is the fool, not you! It takes a lot of courage to trust someone and he has frankly shit on you from a high! What a dick head! Don't think of them together think of miserable him never being able to be a good partner as he is such a fool! Sending my love xxxx

 

[lilmisslilly]

Oh hun i feel for you, when i was pregnant with my second baby (20 weeks) my now ex husband told me he didnt love me anymore, i was so upset and scared, i had never been on my own he was my first boyfriend and i was terrified of being a single parent, we tried to work through it (although i really dont think he tried) and when my baby was about 6 months old he left me, it was hard at first because i felt so crappy but when i got out of my upset i realised it was no harder being a single parent than it was when he was around, infact id say it was easier, i wouldnt have to run around making the place tidy before he got home, didnt have to cook for him or do his washing, and i could raise my children how i wanted to, didnt have to be hurting everyday knowing he didnt actually want to be with me because once they are actually gone you can get over them, you can do it hun you really can, you dont need someone who doesn't want to be there you are better than that! And what with all that in my pregnancy my little boy is a perfectly fine 6 year old boy whose sat watching lilo and stitch right now so dont panic hun, but be strong, im here if you ever do want to talk xx

Thank you so much it is nice to hear from someone who came out the other side. I'm sorry you had to go through that though. It makes it harder when you are pregnant too because well I already feel a lot more emotional than normal but now I just can't control it. I try and stay positive and tell myself it will be better without him and like you said will be able to bring the baby up how I want and name him/her whatever I want as we didn't really agree on things but then I just feel so rejected and start crying again.

I'm taking my son away in a couple of weeks for a little holiday. I have been saving so I can spoil him and have some quality mother and son time with him and whilst I am looking forward to it I just feel like I am going to spoil it and ruin it for him because of the way I feel. I just want to shake it off but i just don't know how xx

 

[lilmisslilly]

Don't feel like a fool! He is the fool, not you! It takes a lot of courage to trust someone and he has frankly shit on you from a high! What a dick head! Don't think of them together think of miserable him never being able to be a good partner as he is such a fool! Sending my love xxxx

Thank you. I know your right I just feel so confused. Even when I found out they were sleeping together he was telling me he loves me and will never get over me. How can he say that and do that when he is sleeping with someone else? And then let me walk away with our baby?. I got a lot of grief off her too. She knows me and knows I'm pregnant but she still messaged me to tell me they were in a relationship. Why did she feel the need? I'd already found out at this point and hadn't said a word to her.
I just feel like I've been played so well and feel stupid for not seeing it xx

 

[gemstone]

Go have fun Hun, it will be ok. Some men are such pigs! Sorry you're going through this. Maybe get a girly friend to come with you both? She can keep you sane come an evening when lil man goes to sleep. I know right now it seems like it's hard to take. What got me through my break up with my ex first dds dad was men hating tracks and empowering tracks from strong women. Sounds daft but I put my tracks on real loud and danced round the house singing my heart out. Then of an evening sobbed to a close friend. And in no time I was over it. You will get there, lil man & baby will be happy knowing mummy is too. No one deserves a waste man in their lives. Sending hugs and love Hun all the best xx

 

[lilmisslilly]

Go have fun Hun, it will be ok. Some men are such pigs! Sorry you're going through this. Maybe get a girly friend to come with you both? She can keep you sane come an evening when lil man goes to sleep. I know right now it seems like it's hard to take. What got me through my break up with my ex first dds dad was men hating tracks and empowering tracks from strong women. Sounds daft but I put my tracks on real loud and danced round the house singing my heart out. Then of an evening sobbed to a close friend. And in no time I was over it. You will get there, lil man & baby will be happy knowing mummy is too. No one deserves a waste man in their lives. Sending hugs and love Hun all the best xx

Thank you gemstone I really do appreciate your words of support. I know in time I will get over him. I'm just impatient and want to be over it now. I just can't believe he has done this to us. All my friends and family thought he was great, he always looked after me and treated me like a princess, I didn't see this coming at all. I feel so silly. I have been crying a lot to friends but don't want to end up doing their head in with it. A lot of my friends are his friends too because me and him were friends for 2 years before we got together and had the same circle of friends, infact I would go as far to say we were best friends we supported each other through everything. I just feel so heartbroken xx

 

[Jessicahide]

No he went out of his was to trick you, you can't feel stupid he lied and tricked to make you believe in him! She will get what she deserves too, she thinks she is special taking someone else's partner, he will do the same to her! You are incredibly vulnerable at the moment and he has victimised you and entered you into a situation you are completely innocent in! I think you should get yourself tested, a woman with that loose a moral involved too! He has not only cheated but endangered you and your baby XXX

 

[gemstone]

Go have fun Hun, it will be ok. Some men are such pigs! Sorry you're going through this. Maybe get a girly friend to come with you both? She can keep you sane come an evening when lil man goes to sleep. I know right now it seems like it's hard to take. What got me through my break up with my ex first dds dad was men hating tracks and empowering tracks from strong women. Sounds daft but I put my tracks on real loud and danced round the house singing my heart out. Then of an evening sobbed to a close friend. And in no time I was over it. You will get there, lil man & baby will be happy knowing mummy is too. No one deserves a waste man in their lives. Sending hugs and love Hun all the best xx

Thank you gemstone I really do appreciate your words of support. I know in time I will get over him. I'm just impatient and want to be over it now. I just can't believe he has done this to us. All my friends and family thought he was great, he always looked after me and treated me like a princess, I didn't see this coming at all. I feel so silly. I have been crying a lot to friends but don't want to end up doing their head in with it. A lot of my friends are his friends too because me and him were friends for 2 years before we got together and had the same circle of friends, infact I would go as far to say we were best friends we supported each other through everything. I just feel so heartbroken xx

It is hard once a long relationship is over. Especially if your circle of friends are the same. Well we are all here for you chic. Day or night! xx

 

[lilmisslilly]

Thank you so much I honestly really appreciate it xx

 

[donnarobinson]

Thinking of you hun she will be smug thinking she has won. But she hasn't you have u don't need a man like that. Xxx

 

[Pielette]

You, your son and your baby deserve so much better than this "man". He is an excuse for a man. No man would walk away from his partner and baby like that. I'm not saying that it's all roses, but in a relationship with that much at stake, you try, you do what you can to make it work. He has had his head turned by a naive girl who thinks she has won. All she has won is a boy who will do the same to her at the next opportunity.

As for how you feel... Let yourself feel it. You're grieving for something you thought you had, once upon a time, for all the things in the future that could have been. It's a big loss. Sometimes to get to the other side you have to let yourself cry and let yourself mourn it. But the days will slip by and every so often you'll realise oh I haven't thought about it for an afternoon, a couple of hours, a week. It's a slow process but you'll get there.

You are not stupid. Nobody would ever think that. What they'll think is that he is as low as it gets. Take care of yourself

 

[IsabellaJayne]

I'm so sorry to hear this. Can't believe he is treating you like this. I'm also from Preston by the way, I'm not sure if I know you at all but if there's anything I can do to help xx. You are worth so much more than him. Be strong for your babies x

 

[lilmisslilly]

Thank you so much you have all been so kind and I appreciate everything you have said to me. I just can't stop thinking about it I just wish I could switch off xx

 

[MyFavSurprise]

I agree that you need to let yourself feel it...Don't worry about LO in there, they are stronger than we think and your emotions and stress will not cause harm.. I know how awful it is, the man I was with that told me he loved me and was going to raise my son as his own was cheating on me as well and always had a way of making me feel like I was crazy for being hurt by it. Well not too long ago he tried to get a hold of me to see my son and I but I am now engaged and have another baby on the way with an amazing guy that loves my son as his own, and my ex is lonely and alone just like I told him he would be.

I was a single mother for just under 4 years and the other posters are right, so much of that is truly easier than sharing it with someone. My son and I have the absolutely best relationship, I was able to give my all to him after that man was out of our lives.. when I was in labor he was on his phone texting other girls..yuck. I hope you heal quickly, don't be afraid to feel what you feel, cry when you get the chance and try to take your son to the park to distract yourself..let yourself enjoy him.. soon you will be free of these feelings. The song Going in Circles by Jazmine Sullivan really did me a lot of good in making me feel more like it was his fault and not mine for not seeing what was happening.. I feel for you because that has to be one of the worst parts is feeling like you were tricked and humiliated. I'm sure you are an amazing mother just because you are so concerned about your babies and you are going to have a beautiful family all your own...it will be so worth it, and like in my case, it doesn't mean you will be on your own forever. Look to your family for support and love, and always here on BnB.

 

[m nonie]

Sounds like he's a massive fool tbh, I can't offer any advice but one things for sure you'll be amazing whether he realizes his mistake or not because you love your bump. Someones who won't fight for there family isn't a parent hun.

 

[LovelyAim]

Arwh hun I'm so sorry to hear the news, know it sounds easier said then done but he's a fool and he'll soon see what he's missing out on and that's you and you're little family. Keep you're chin up and keep smiling xx

 

[sophie22]

everything will be ok, I promise. The man (and I use that term loosely) is a selfish, immature idiot. and believe me when I say, it is better to be a mother on your own than with a man who has hurt you. Can you imagine having a newborn baby and feeling this pressure to be the perfect girlfriend just so you could keep him interested, always worried he was with someone else. how much more stressful would that be than being just you and your children doing things the way you want, not worrying about him or arguments caused by lack of trust. you will be free from it and he will be off being the same immature idiot getting nowhere in life whilst you have your children who adore you unconditionaly xx