my son's father might not make it through the night,update, pg 9. he didn't make it
- Thread starter mammag
- Start date
Scootpootie
Well-Known Member
- Joined
- Feb 7, 2009
- Messages
- 274
- Reaction score
- 0
May God be with you at this time.
- Joined
- Nov 9, 2008
- Messages
- 10,104
- Reaction score
- 140
well, I got to touch and talk to Josh in the SICU on monday, just before they decided to limit any contact with him as any extra simulation was causing seizures and strokes and more brain damage. he is getting worse and worse everyday, and he will not be getting better. his brain isn't telling his lungs to breathe and monday (tomorrow) they have decided to take him off of life support. if he can feel anything in there it is only pain. and the damage to his brain is very severe and irreversible. So we are just going to let him go. I don't know how to feel. i can't do anything without crying. and yes i know we are exes but we are very close. he would ask me to come home almost every time i talked to him, but i love my husband and could never do that to him. also, even though now that it's over and it's harder to remember the reasons why we split up the reasons are still there and very real. but, that's not even worth thinking about now. i just hope that he knows i love him, and that not a day will go by without me thinking about him. thank you all for all of your support, and if any of you have any suggestions as to how i can stop hurting like this, i will welcome them. and just to let you know, there is no one in my life i can talk to about this, i know it's bad but DH doesn't even know that i talked to him. He was jealous i guess. and would not have approved. and all of my friends are his friends as well. so everyone i know just assumes that i haven't even spoken to him in years, and that we had no connection at all, surprisingly, DH has been more supportive than anyone. and i think that not talking to anyone about it has made it harder than it could be.
- Joined
- Mar 18, 2009
- Messages
- 1,172
- Reaction score
- 186
I'm so sorry to hear...just know us ladies are always here to talk to. Big hugs xx
Oh hun, I am so sorry that you and your child have to go through this. We're here if you need to talk! 
LoveYourLies
TTC Little Bean #1
- Joined
- Apr 19, 2009
- Messages
- 29
- Reaction score
- 0
so sorry hun, what an awful situation 
xxx
xxx
M
maddiwatts19
Guest
oh sweetheart, i am so sorry how this has all turned out. but i'm glad you got to see him and talk to him before the end.. your all in my prayers x x x 
- Joined
- Jun 29, 2008
- Messages
- 7,775
- Reaction score
- 58
I am soo sorry I would definitely suggest a therapist/psychologist.
I would definitely suggest a therapist/psychologist.
carrieanne
Well-Known Member
- Joined
- Jan 25, 2009
- Messages
- 1,055
- Reaction score
- 0
god im so sorry we are here for you xx
B
babystar
Guest
definately some counselling. 
mominluvwithk
New Member
- Joined
- Apr 19, 2009
- Messages
- 2
- Reaction score
- 0
hi, i'm very thankful to find this board, it looks very supportive, i wanna say 1st off, secondly (BIG BIG HUGS)). worst thing you'll ever go through, and i understand. my ex, i just always was in love with him, still to this day, my hubby knows that man holds a huge piece of my heart, eventhough like yours, he was cut down in his prime, and shot in the head while at work. it was SO surreal, it was right before i met dh, and i had always this fantasy that we would find eachother again...true soul mates, and so when that was shattered, it was HORRIFIC. i had a micarriage right before we 'seperated', and i wonder now what it would be like to have a part of him with me still, so for you, it's harder because he never will get the chance to know his beautiful child, and i'm so sorry for you, it's more then the death of a human being, but a friend, someone whom owned your heart, no matter in the past or not, they always will reside there, someone whom gave you that precious child, and having him gone, is the death of a dream, a death of part of yourself, and your hopes, and not to mention cut down in his prime, in such a way..it's just UNFATHOMBLE, and NOONE should have to go thru it. the ones that don't deserve it, always seem to be the victims, i'm so very sorry for your loss.
lemme also paint a picture for you, using my own personal experience, i lost this man, but i also lost my 10 year old son. this is relavent i feel, because i don't think i made the right choice in his medical care, and was too selfish to not let him go sooner, then i guilt myself to this day. i was in such denial and heartache, i couldn't imagine living without him, cause i thought I'D DIE, but in looking back, his surgeries, pain, limitations...while everyone was praying for years for God to take him, i was praying for the opposite, and i see now i was selfish and WRONG, and i can't forgive myself, and you won't ever have that on your head.
he was negligently left inside of me, when a an emergency c-section was warranted. he was in distress and had a low HR and bad fetal blood scalp tests for some time before c-section was brought up, then the dr got called away, and there i was, all alone, 19, left in a room, scared, and naive, and thinking dr's knew their crap, this was an emergency, and noone came for a long while..tooo long, i rang and rang, i was hunched in pain, they had internal monitors, and they neglected me and my child. that hospital no longer delivers babies, but sad how they cover up stuff, and hence, a lawsuit became an inevitable possibility, falsified records, missing records, etc etc....they took no blame, but God will get them in the end, I KNOW IT, plus no amount of money would have ever been enough
ANYHOW, he was finally taken vaginally by a different dr, the other just had up and left, OMG incompetence, and he got stuck (shoulder dysplasia), then needed the vaccum extractor, so his distress caused brain damage, quite alot of it, and the delivery caused damage to his skull, which ended up w/ hydroceplus, becoming almost a life long issue, they had to drill a hole in his head, put him into a coma, and for a mom to see their child like that. thinking now, it would have been better for HIM to have been taken then, but he was not. i thought he was meant to live, and hinged my life on his.
over the years he had over 40 brain surgeries, shunt infections, and he could never walk, or talk except babble, like a newborn, but he was MY BABY, my child, the only thing i had and loved more then life itself, i could not lose him! i lost him during surgery SEVERAL times, and refused to sign DNR'S, i wanted him brought back to me, as much as possible. i had this crazy thought one day this would stop and he'd grow strong, and suprise everyone, which he did, he never should have made it to 6 wks old they said, then a year, then...they were SHOCKED at his strength, but morally, they just didn't know how much more they could do, but i fought, and made them keep doing what needed, because he smiled, he chuckled, he was bonded to me, i thought that meant he COULD maybe be ok, but i should have know, such a large portion of his brain was simply dead, he'd never be even close to normal, why oh why didn't i let the Lord take him sooner, i just didn't ever wanna let go, i couldn't.
WELP, at the end i was even fought in court over the issue, and welp let's just say i ended up signing, and my son passed away after his next surgery, at an astonishing 10 yrs old, but at what a price? sure he smiled and loved me, this i KNEW, but what was the quality of his life aside from that. he had cerebal palsy, almost daily seizures, was in the hospital more then out, and this young 1st time mom, just COULD NOT LET GO!
now that he's gone, i feel him ALL around me. feel him safe, and healthy, and i pray that he forgives me, every day of my life, i just loved him SO much! sometimes when you love someone, even your own child as i FINALLY learned, you have to set them free. I know i'll see him thriving in the next life to come, and that brings me great joy. he may not have been brain dead, but morally, he was on a road that he shouldn't have had to travel so long, and so i ADMIRE YOU, for letting go, no matter the love you feel in your heart, the pain it causes you, ad the fact that you have a child involved, you aren't thinking of yourself, and carrying false hope for weeks, months, years....it just doesn't get better sometimes, ad you are in touch w/ reality, i wish i was, and had let him go sooner. like i said i admire you, i have INTENSE symathy for you and this horrible loss, as i've lost my ex...but best friend and true luv in alot of ways in my heart, my grandma who raised me, my best friend growing up, and worst of all, my child.
beliving that he's in a better place, knowing you will see him again, knowing you can know he's in now pain any longer, knowing it's not your fault, feel NO guilt, honor his memory, and tell your child ALL about him, because part of him lives in him, and will ALWAYS be a very special part of you in return.
he'll be watching over you and your son, and know you did NOT make the mistakes i did. you have more courage and strength then you know, more then i do, and so you won't have to live with ANY of these regrets i have mentioned.
bless you, i hope my story helps ease you a bit, the pain NEVER goes away, but remember him, mourn him, cry...don't hold it inside, if you do, it eats you alive, because that is how i dealt soo long with every loss and pain in life, and it just KILLS you. talking it out here is a great step, so this is not just for you, but this is beneficial on my end as well, so if you or anyone else read this..you are wonderful people.
i'll keep you and your son & his family in my thoughts and prayers...may healing start soon
hugs, shelly
u can pm me if you want! (or write here, just take some time to mourn, its very important to do).
lemme also paint a picture for you, using my own personal experience, i lost this man, but i also lost my 10 year old son. this is relavent i feel, because i don't think i made the right choice in his medical care, and was too selfish to not let him go sooner, then i guilt myself to this day. i was in such denial and heartache, i couldn't imagine living without him, cause i thought I'D DIE, but in looking back, his surgeries, pain, limitations...while everyone was praying for years for God to take him, i was praying for the opposite, and i see now i was selfish and WRONG, and i can't forgive myself, and you won't ever have that on your head.
he was negligently left inside of me, when a an emergency c-section was warranted. he was in distress and had a low HR and bad fetal blood scalp tests for some time before c-section was brought up, then the dr got called away, and there i was, all alone, 19, left in a room, scared, and naive, and thinking dr's knew their crap, this was an emergency, and noone came for a long while..tooo long, i rang and rang, i was hunched in pain, they had internal monitors, and they neglected me and my child. that hospital no longer delivers babies, but sad how they cover up stuff, and hence, a lawsuit became an inevitable possibility, falsified records, missing records, etc etc....they took no blame, but God will get them in the end, I KNOW IT, plus no amount of money would have ever been enough
ANYHOW, he was finally taken vaginally by a different dr, the other just had up and left, OMG incompetence, and he got stuck (shoulder dysplasia), then needed the vaccum extractor, so his distress caused brain damage, quite alot of it, and the delivery caused damage to his skull, which ended up w/ hydroceplus, becoming almost a life long issue, they had to drill a hole in his head, put him into a coma, and for a mom to see their child like that. thinking now, it would have been better for HIM to have been taken then, but he was not. i thought he was meant to live, and hinged my life on his.
over the years he had over 40 brain surgeries, shunt infections, and he could never walk, or talk except babble, like a newborn, but he was MY BABY, my child, the only thing i had and loved more then life itself, i could not lose him! i lost him during surgery SEVERAL times, and refused to sign DNR'S, i wanted him brought back to me, as much as possible. i had this crazy thought one day this would stop and he'd grow strong, and suprise everyone, which he did, he never should have made it to 6 wks old they said, then a year, then...they were SHOCKED at his strength, but morally, they just didn't know how much more they could do, but i fought, and made them keep doing what needed, because he smiled, he chuckled, he was bonded to me, i thought that meant he COULD maybe be ok, but i should have know, such a large portion of his brain was simply dead, he'd never be even close to normal, why oh why didn't i let the Lord take him sooner, i just didn't ever wanna let go, i couldn't.
WELP, at the end i was even fought in court over the issue, and welp let's just say i ended up signing, and my son passed away after his next surgery, at an astonishing 10 yrs old, but at what a price? sure he smiled and loved me, this i KNEW, but what was the quality of his life aside from that. he had cerebal palsy, almost daily seizures, was in the hospital more then out, and this young 1st time mom, just COULD NOT LET GO!
now that he's gone, i feel him ALL around me. feel him safe, and healthy, and i pray that he forgives me, every day of my life, i just loved him SO much! sometimes when you love someone, even your own child as i FINALLY learned, you have to set them free. I know i'll see him thriving in the next life to come, and that brings me great joy. he may not have been brain dead, but morally, he was on a road that he shouldn't have had to travel so long, and so i ADMIRE YOU, for letting go, no matter the love you feel in your heart, the pain it causes you, ad the fact that you have a child involved, you aren't thinking of yourself, and carrying false hope for weeks, months, years....it just doesn't get better sometimes, ad you are in touch w/ reality, i wish i was, and had let him go sooner. like i said i admire you, i have INTENSE symathy for you and this horrible loss, as i've lost my ex...but best friend and true luv in alot of ways in my heart, my grandma who raised me, my best friend growing up, and worst of all, my child.
beliving that he's in a better place, knowing you will see him again, knowing you can know he's in now pain any longer, knowing it's not your fault, feel NO guilt, honor his memory, and tell your child ALL about him, because part of him lives in him, and will ALWAYS be a very special part of you in return.
he'll be watching over you and your son, and know you did NOT make the mistakes i did. you have more courage and strength then you know, more then i do, and so you won't have to live with ANY of these regrets i have mentioned.
bless you, i hope my story helps ease you a bit, the pain NEVER goes away, but remember him, mourn him, cry...don't hold it inside, if you do, it eats you alive, because that is how i dealt soo long with every loss and pain in life, and it just KILLS you. talking it out here is a great step, so this is not just for you, but this is beneficial on my end as well, so if you or anyone else read this..you are wonderful people.
i'll keep you and your son & his family in my thoughts and prayers...may healing start soon
hugs, shelly
u can pm me if you want! (or write here, just take some time to mourn, its very important to do).
Scootpootie
Well-Known Member
- Joined
- Feb 7, 2009
- Messages
- 274
- Reaction score
- 0
I can't imagine your pain, but I can say that trouble doesn't last always. Nothing could possibly heal this wound but prayer and time. Pray for strength and healing from this tragedy. And remember not to shut your hubby out, don't go to a place where no one can reach you. Be strong for your son. Know that I am praying for you and your family, and I'm sure other women reading your posts are too. I am so sorry.
mrs_tommo22
Well-Known Member
- Joined
- Apr 20, 2009
- Messages
- 52
- Reaction score
- 0
I am so sorry - just read the whole thread - its absolutely heartbreaking.
Similar threads
Users who are viewing this thread
Members online
No members online now.
