Not coping no friends & dunno how to rebuild my life

[sambucababy]

Thanks again, i know its a case of time but i feel terrible, i ate a proper meal last night to help myself feel better, then middle of night I was violently sick, I feel weak, drained, emotional, I get the likeness to grieving too just I feel Im geeting worse rather than better or at least would expect to feel as though Im staying the same but I know its still early days.

maybe if he leaves me be for a while now like i ve asked it will help me - i just feel like i should be doing more to help myself like getting out more but the anxiety takes over and other than going docs and requesting counsellin and talking to people i really dont know what else to do. The pain is still so unbearable, maybe im still just in shock at the whole thing, I feel exhausted with it all x

 

[Seraphim]

I could have written just about all of what you've said - even down to being asked stupid questions about admin and wotnot which he needs to take responsibility for. Oh and nailclippers... did I know where there were any nailclippers he could have - Yes, in the shop, go buy some.

It's been about 8 or 9 weeks now and there have been some real flash points, the first 4 weeks were the pits. You will get there.

 

[sambucababy]

Thanks my friend is training to be a physcologist {spelling } - she doesnt know my ex but her professional opinion is that he is trying to keep things amicable with me in case things dont work out with the person he is now with, rather than being lazy or hassling me.

That said I miss him like crazy and would love nothing more than to have my happy life back but even if he were on begged knees no way in a million years can I ever trust him nor his family, he has put me though hell, im still struggling now and luckily our daughter is too young to understand so NOWAY am I letting him hurt her in the future.

Maybe my friend is wrong and he'll settle and be happy but if he thinks coming back here is an option then he will be in for a shock. Its hard coz even now I do still love him but the trust has gone and having him back would leave me insane. Hopefully that situation wont arise.

I think I have surprised him in the fact that I ve cut complete contact other than in regards to our daughter, I think he had thought Id phone, text and beg him constantly, I ve been humiliated enought to ever contemplate that. I was a good person, not a nightmare to live with and was fair, generous and reasonable, I guess to him that was simply too boring !

 

[moomin_troll]

i agree with ur friend, hes texting u because he knows or thinks he can and he wants to keep u sweet incase....scumbag!

some men just dont see what they have and think the grass is greener and think they can have n do what they want. its great uve stood up for urself and only talk to him about ur daughter, ur better then me as i would just change my number n not talk to him about anything n tell him to take my ass to court.

u are greving for the life u thought u were going to have but in time that will stop and ule move forward with ur life and u never no, u might meet the man ur supposed to be with who will treat u like a princess (decent men are out there, i had one of them )

 

[miss_amy]

Just remember that the road to recovery isn't straight. At times the path doubles back on itself and you will feel like you are going backwards and getting worse but you are still on the journey and will get there.

Take care.

 

[sambucababy]

i want to kill him, he text me today asking how we both were so i gave a neutral / standard reply.
Tonight he calls {after being asked not to} and texts me asking if i ve paid his court fine as he has had an arrears letter, i told him AGAIN his life, bills and problems are no longer mine since he left and he suggested he sort it himself or get his new GF to. Then i got a hurl of abuse telling me to never txt him again, so I reminded him that since the split I ve not text him at all yet had random stupid messages about treadmills, direct debits, sim card s and now court fines, I told him unless its about our daughter to leave me alone.

WTF is his problem, Im beginning to hate him now and thats something i didnt want to end up doing. I need to be left to heal yet he dont get this, being nice, friendly honest and nasty just dont seem to work with him. Grrr just needed a rant x

 

[moomin_troll]

what a twat!
i cant believe hes expecting u to sort out his court bill.....WTF.

personaly im glad u hate him, my mum says get angry and stay angry till u just have no feelings at all towards him.
he really does think hes gods gift doesnt he

 

[Snowball]

Just repeat to him what you said before about no contact unless it's to do with your daughter. He'll get the message eventually. Everytime he rings up with a petty issue just say, "I'm sorry, this is none of my concern now". Stupid man!

 

[sambucababy]

Thanks Im still so angry with him for his cheek, i never wanted to end up hating him but its heading that way, i just dont get why he thinks he can run to me with his problems - If i get any more mesages i'll just keep saying the same thing. I ve been keeping a diary too just incase this ever goes to court and in the 5 weeks he has been gone he has see our daughter twice.
1st time by accident in the eary days when he thought we would be out and he came home for some cash and spent all of 10 mins with her & last sunday for just over an hour which he spent mostly talking to me, flitting in roms looking at what stuff he has here and playing with her inbetween.

He is such a fool, I genuinely dont think he planned to leave and thought he could do the double life thing and now he is hitting probs and running to me, I ve a good mind to tell his new GF to sort his probs so he quits contactin me but the sensible part of me knows best to not even go there ...........grr just my daily rant lol x

 

[Blu10]

Hopefully the way he is behaving towards you and your daughter may help you to see that you're better without him in the long term! X

 

[sambucababy]

i ve gone from anger to complete depression again, i feel a nutcase riught now, cant get my head around everything still, all i can think is why why why. I hate myself for becoming such a victim!

 

[Seraphim]

Again, this is really normal.

Today I moved my husband's coat (he was upstairs bathing H) and burst into tears. I haven't touched him in months and touching his coat was just strange.

I don't want him back, I can't even find any love for him, but it hit me hard that I loved him so much, and this is how he chose to repay me.

They're shitty times hon, but they will pass. Keep breathing xx

 

[peanut08]

didnt want to read and run sounds like your getting some great advice, i have not been in your situation so cannot offer any but i just wanted to say be strong and you will get through it.

 

[Vixen_17]

Keep your chin up hun because you are doing SO well! Finally those rose tinted glasses are starting to slip off and you can see the asshole for what he really is.

Focus on yourself and on your gorgeous daughter and just take one day at a time.

-x-

 

[sambucababy]

having another bad day must be a phase as its about my 3rd one, i feel so down

 

[stardust599]

Chin up sweetie, you can do this. I haven't been in your situation but I have suffered depressive episodes all my life and mood problems (what I now think is bipolar) so I wanted to come in and reply.

Are you on an anti-depressant?

Is LO in bed now?

Hot shower, blow dry your hair, put on a nice clean pair of pyjamas and watch a feel good film or a comedy (Michael McIntye and Kevin Bridges are my favourite for the worst periods of my life). You are a beautiful, worthy and strong woman and you CAN do this.

Tomorrow is a brand new day and you make it through.

Get up, give your little baby a huge cuddle and remind her just how much you love her. Wash your face and brush your teeth and have a big glass of cold, clean water to set you up for the day. Get breakfast for you and LO and put a pretty outfit on both of you. Go a nice walk to the park or shop or anywhere.

This is what I do after a bad day and I promise it'll make you feel better. Give it a shot and I'll come check how you are doing tomorrow xxx

 

[Lillismommy]

Just wanted to offer some

What an asshole.

 

[Snowball]

 

[sambucababy]

Thanks ladies still feeling pretty rotten but not heard off him so sort of easier if that makes sense, treating myself to a pamper day today, having nails and pedicure done in a bit so hopefully that'll be a distraction & get me out the house for a while.

Revised my xmas list too, I have so little to get now he has gone and have no contact with his famo so guess thats another plus lol , might start getting a few bits in here and there and try take my mind of stuff. Keep flitting between depression and agitatedness/anger {sort of between the two}

I also need to shift some pounds so thats anpther focus too, I am trying Lol - heres to a better day hopefully x

 

[Snowball]

Do his family still see your daughter. My ex husband's family ceased contact which I thought was a real shame (but their loos obviously).

Hope your day is a better one. If it helps you seem to be coping a million times better than I did (I was rocking back and forth in a darkened room for a good couple of months :blush)