Not coping no friends & dunno how to rebuild my life

[sambucababy]

Do his family still see your daughter. My ex husband's family ceased contact which I thought was a real shame (but their loos obviously).

Hope your day is a better one. If it helps you seem to be coping a million times better than I did (I was rocking back and forth in a darkened room for a good couple of months :blush)

Hi, I ve never had a great deal of contact with his family other than bdays/xmas and the odd occassion as we are all shift workers and hard to get everyone together att one time. His family have only seen our daughter about 6 times sinces she was born and not all since the split, nor have I had any form of contact text, email etc - there again who knows what he has told them.

Today so far hasnt been bad as I ve had my pamper apt, had an online counselling session from RElate which wasnt overly helpful as in nothing I didnt already know but was another persons perspective on the situation.

Glad you feel Im coping well, I feel completely mental somedays lol, sobbing like those wimpy people on TV who you just wanna shout at to being snappy and irritable to those who are trying to be there for me. Still no contact so am guessing I ve really annoyed him this weekend just gone, part of my doesnt care anymore part of me misses him like mad but reality is we will never get back together and even if we wanted to it would never ever work. I just have to tackle the next step of getting out and making new friends, im just not completely ready for that at the min but getting there.

Part of me hopes I never hear from him again as its easier another part of me knows I will when he wants or needs something. Joys of life hey!

 

[sambucababy]

Great having another depressed day, missing him wanting him back, whats wrong with me, why cant i just move on, getting me down big time now, still doesnt feel real either, oh i really need to snap out of all this am so annoyed at myself!

 

[Seraphim]

I found oggling cute young men helped


...what am I talking about - it STILL helps

 

[stardust599]

Great having another depressed day, missing him wanting him back, whats wrong with me, why cant i just move on, getting me down big time now, still doesnt feel real either, oh i really need to snap out of all this am so annoyed at myself!

Are you on medication for depression hun? It really sounds more than just grieving for your relationship. I found 5-HTP really helped me with depression when it was mild (and it knocks you out all night) although have recently had to start an SSRI as it wasn't enough.

Have a google of 5-HTP and see what you think, I think it's amazing but I'm a bit of a herbal geek/hippie! xx

 

[Laura2919]

Again, this is really normal.

Today I moved my husband's coat (he was upstairs bathing H) and burst into tears. I haven't touched him in months and touching his coat was just strange.

I don't want him back, I can't even find any love for him, but it hit me hard that I loved him so much, and this is how he chose to repay me.

They're shitty times hon, but they will pass. Keep breathing xx

I agree with this. FOB and I have only been apart a week but the only reason I would take him back is because the thought of change scares me. The thought of being alone for the rest of my life scares me but they arent reasons to get back with someone so I wont and I remind myself just what a waste of time it would be.

 

[sambucababy]

[/QUOTE] Are you on medication for depression hun? It really sounds more than just grieving for your relationship. I found 5-HTP really helped me with depression when it was mild (and it knocks you out all night) although have recently had to start an SSRI as it wasn't enough.

Have a google of 5-HTP and see what you think, I think it's amazing but I'm a bit of a herbal geek/hippie! xx[/QUOTE]

Hiya Im on diazepam, prozac & sleeping tabs - the diazepam helped a lot at first but as its addicitive the doc doesnt really want me on it long term and said the benefit of the drug very quickly becomes too tolerant, the prozac i've only been on for 3 weeks so can take 6-8 wks to fully take efffect and even then the doseage may need to be altered and to be honest i dont really need the sleeping tabs any more as im exhausted by the end of the day but handy I guess if something happens and I cant sleep.

Never heard of 5-HTP, have googled it and peeps have said ok but with the meds Im taking at the moment the doc prob would recommend I add anything else, but thanks for the suggestion hun x

Your right I would say I feel that Im grieving as such I feel terribly depressed, agitated and sometimes very anxious, a couple of days ago I had a good day then yesterday wasnt so good but then up & down days are probably totally normal. Guess in long term things will settle and I'll cope a bit better, part of me thinks Im still a little in shock. Still seeing GP regular and am due a second counselling session soon so suppose am making some progress just very small steps at the min !! x

 

[sambucababy]

Again, this is really normal.

Today I moved my husband's coat (he was upstairs bathing H) and burst into tears. I haven't touched him in months and touching his coat was just strange.

I don't want him back, I can't even find any love for him, but it hit me hard that I loved him so much, and this is how he chose to repay me.

They're shitty times hon, but they will pass. Keep breathing xx

I agree with this. FOB and I have only been apart a week but the only reason I would take him back is because the thought of change scares me. The thought of being alone for the rest of my life scares me but they arent reasons to get back with someone so I wont and I remind myself just what a waste of time it would be.

Totally agree with your feelings about being scared and alone, part of me would love him back but deep down in the long term it just wouldnt and could work and would probably make my everyday life very miserable as there would be no trust,lots of paranoia and too much baggage in my case.

Im scared of being alone forever and the thought of finding someeone new seems like mission impossible but right now thats not what I need either, guess the one good thing to come out of all this is my daughter even if she does drive me insane at times lol x Good luck to you too hun xx

 

[sambucababy]

still so unhappy i just cant seem to get past this sad stage, am only writing down how i feel in the hope it might make me feel less sad. Despite everything I miss him so much, im gutted he has done this to us an d emotionally im a wreck, Im so so unhappy, I talk to people and everyone agrees he has acted badly, but at the end of the day none of that changes how im feeling.
Seen docs, having counselling, taking meds, talkin to friends and family, trying to get out of the house but nothing takes away the pain im in, i feel so down I cant get my head around any of it, Dunno how much longer i can hold myself together every day is harder and sadder im so unhappy, I dont know what to do anymore

 

[stardust599]

Oh hun

Your daughter is the most important person here and for her sake you need to be strong and keep going. She needs her Mummy.

Maybe you should go back to the DR for some more support and let them know you aren't coping?

Hope you feel better soon xxx

 

[Snowball]

How long has it been now hun? I was really down for a good couple of months after ex DH went. Then I started to improve but it's been slow. Children are the saviour in this situation, my kids are what kept me going. I hate to admit it but at the time I was obsessed with caring for them because I felt they were the last bit of me and him left. Now I care for them because I'm going to make up for the sham of a glory parent he is now... Times do change hun and you'll be so much stronger for it

 

[Laura2919]

Again, this is really normal.

Today I moved my husband's coat (he was upstairs bathing H) and burst into tears. I haven't touched him in months and touching his coat was just strange.

I don't want him back, I can't even find any love for him, but it hit me hard that I loved him so much, and this is how he chose to repay me.

They're shitty times hon, but they will pass. Keep breathing xx

I agree with this. FOB and I have only been apart a week but the only reason I would take him back is because the thought of change scares me. The thought of being alone for the rest of my life scares me but they arent reasons to get back with someone so I wont and I remind myself just what a waste of time it would be.

Totally agree with your feelings about being scared and alone, part of me would love him back but deep down in the long term it just wouldnt and could work and would probably make my everyday life very miserable as there would be no trust,lots of paranoia and too much baggage in my case.

Im scared of being alone forever and the thought of finding someeone new seems like mission impossible but right now thats not what I need either, guess the one good thing to come out of all this is my daughter even if she does drive me insane at times lol x Good luck to you too hun xx

I am exactly the same, if I met someone now it wouldnt be right, I need to focus on me and what I need to do for myself. I want to lose weight, find some confidence and enjoy being single. Its hard especially as FOB is around for my girls it makes it harder seeing him but I know the reasons why we dont work and down days may come and they may go but those reasons still stay the same. You wont be alone forever, someone will come along one day. Think positive, enjoy what you have for now.

 

[sambucababy]

Oh hun

Your daughter is the most important person here and for her sake you need to be strong and keep going. She needs her Mummy.

Maybe you should go back to the DR for some more support and let them know you aren't coping?

Hope you feel better soon xxx

I am back at the docs its really hard getting an appt with the same doc each time but its what i feel i need, he said previously he would increase by prozac by an extra tablet if things didnt work out - i ve done this myself and its still not helping {obv i'll tell him at my next apt) Im just so down.

My daughter stresses me out i know thats a horrible thing to say i love her loads but i feel anxious nervous, stressed harrassed my poor mom has been a god send coz the last thing i want is to see my daughter unhappy because of me - im a complete wreck yet i have the odd moment here and there where i appear a complete normalton, Im deffo not coping i feel like im going backwards i ve paid for private counselling but NOTHING seems to help me - maybe the doc can change my meds or add something different in Im just not doing well x

 

[sambucababy]

How long has it been now hun? I was really down for a good couple of months after ex DH went. Then I started to improve but it's been slow. Children are the saviour in this situation, my kids are what kept me going. I hate to admit it but at the time I was obsessed with caring for them because I felt they were the last bit of me and him left. Now I care for them because I'm going to make up for the sham of a glory parent he is now... Times do change hun and you'll be so much stronger for it

It'll be 6 weeks Tues since he went 5 weeks the weekend since i found out , my problem is the lies, deception and the fact I NEVER knew there were problems , i actually dont think i will ever completekly overcome this its a huge shock, yes in time it may be easier to cope but as for forgetting im not so sure.
selfish as it sounds i seem to only think of myself - i ve snapped at friends and famo and tried my best with my LO but feel like im not giving her the life she wud be having had this not happened.

He ttexts loads asking how she is but he has seen her twice since he left not good enough in my opinion for a father to be a father - i genuinelly think in a few weeks he will disappear and stop contact alltoghter, yet this child he WANTED with me and now he has chosen the other girl and the child he didnt originally want, Im just so mixed up its like we dont exist or matter sometimez

 

[Laura2919]

Maybe your daughter is picking up on how you feel and thats why she is stressing you out. Kids have a good sense of feelings. Have you tried taking her out to toddler clubs and try to meet people there? You could contact your council and see if they have any of those drop in meetings to meet new people.

 

[sambucababy]

Maybe your daughter is picking up on how you feel and thats why she is stressing you out. Kids have a good sense of feelings. Have you tried taking her out to toddler clubs and try to meet people there? You could contact your council and see if they have any of those drop in meetings to meet new people.

Hiya

Yes your probably right, I have taken a few time just normal things like park & shopping etc but my anxiety is worsened when Im out and I dont feel strong enough to approach a toddler club at the moment and a lot of them tend to be very cickey and im finding it hardkeeping myself composed at times I just feel like I getting worse rather than any sign of improvement or at list maintaining how I originally felt or maybe this is normal part of the process i dont know i just feel very confused by the whole situation and my feelings etc

 

[Laura2919]

Why dont you ask your mum to go with you and help you out and slowly slowly when you feel ready you can start to do it on your own. You need to find something to do so you can move on and forget, the longer you keep going over it in your head the more it will eat away at you. You can do it, you just need a little help getting there. Rely on your mum if you need to you know she is there to help you. Hope things look up soon

 

[sambucababy]

Why dont you ask your mum to go with you and help you out and slowly slowly when you feel ready you can start to do it on your own. You need to find something to do so you can move on and forget, the longer you keep going over it in your head the more it will eat away at you. You can do it, you just need a little help getting there. Rely on your mum if you need to you know she is there to help you. Hope things look up soon

Thank you xx some good ideas there x

 

[Vixen_17]

Why dont you ask your mum to go with you and help you out and slowly slowly when you feel ready you can start to do it on your own. You need to find something to do so you can move on and forget, the longer you keep going over it in your head the more it will eat away at you. You can do it, you just need a little help getting there. Rely on your mum if you need to you know she is there to help you. Hope things look up soon

This is a brilliant idea! You will take a while to feel better and should know that it will take a while for the meds to kick in. If mum will help you get out and about I really do believe you will start to take tiny steps to feel better. Sitting in the house all day is not doing you or your daughter any favours hun.

 

[cluelessnow]

It's terrible what happened to you. Just wanted to give you

Don't give yourself such a hard time. Everything you're feeling and thinking is normal. Allow yourself to feel those feelings but then allow yourself to let them go.

I know you're in a rush to make new friends, do new things, get a life etc and you will in time. You still need to deal with what's going on inside you. In the day time, keep yourself busy and distract yourself but there will times that you will be hit by your emotions and they will paralyse you eg during the night and especially when everyone else is asleep. I find something that has helped me in the past and thought it might help you.

When LO is asleep and you're hurting inside, lie down, curl up and imagine yourself encased in a invisible protective clear ball, then imagine someone who cares about you eg your mum or a healthier and happier version of yourself and they're rubbing the area on your body where it hurts the most and telling you that everything is going to be alright or anything that would make you feel better. It helped me when I felt such emotional pain that I couldn't get up out of bed.

 

[sambucababy]

It's terrible what happened to you. Just wanted to give you

Don't give yourself such a hard time. Everything you're feeling and thinking is normal. Allow yourself to feel those feelings but then allow yourself to let them go.

I know you're in a rush to make new friends, do new things, get a life etc and you will in time. You still need to deal with what's going on inside you. In the day time, keep yourself busy and distract yourself but there will times that you will be hit by your emotions and they will paralyse you eg during the night and especially when everyone else is asleep. I find something that has helped me in the past and thought it might help you.

When LO is asleep and you're hurting inside, lie down, curl up and imagine yourself encased in a invisible protective clear ball, then imagine someone who cares about you eg your mum or a healthier and happier version of yourself and they're rubbing the area on your body where it hurts the most and telling you that everything is going to be alright or anything that would make you feel better. It helped me when I felt such emotional pain that I couldn't get up out of bed.

Thanks hun, weeks an and honestly I can say it still doesnt feel any easier, Im so sad 24-7 and would love him back but I know this will never happen or would never work. Letting go is where I seem to struggle, I try to keep busy and focused and occupied but its always still there in my mind, somedays I just break down in the most inappropriate of places I just cant help it. Am still seeing doc he has changed meds but no difference yet still early days and had a couple of counselling sessions which havent been overly helpful but maybe the odd thing here and there has come out of it.

My emotions do paralyis me I feel so lonely hurt and distressed, I talk to friend family and strangers but after a while people dont know what to say as its already been said / thought of yet I cant move forward yet. I hate the fact that he just doesnt give a toss about us, that hurts too, at least a bit or remorse / regret may have helped me in some way. I know I have my daughter parents and a close friend but equally I feel like I have noone - I feel lost lonely and scared about facing the future but life doesnt stop just coz I cant cope. Its a horrible horrible place to be, sometimes I wish something terrible would happen and Id die just to get awayy from the pain, lie a car crash - I would never kill myself and then I realise how selfish it is of me to say that as I have a daughter who needs me but this pain is unbearable, I hate it so badly.

Other people experience horrible things like this yet I seem to be reacting so pathetically, why am I sat here crying over him, mourning him, wanting him back why cant I feel and be stronger and reach that F*** You stage, sometimes I thing Im getting worse but doc/ counseller think difff, my friends dont think Im copin too well and nor do my parents yet the professionsals think I am. I actually feel insane, I asked to be sectioned for assessment but have been told its completely unnecessary, Im not sure how Im getting through each day but reality is that I am, Im soo tired of it all, I just want some peace back x

Thanks for your helpful message, nice to know strangers can be so kind, I feel so down x