Not coping no friends & dunno how to rebuild my life

[Vixen_17]

Hun, you are not insane and don't think that you are. Hard as it sounds you will look back on this period in your life in a year or so and you'll see how far you've come, how much progress you have made. I promise. x.

Don't even think about trying to get yourself sectioned as what you're feeling is totally normal for what you've just been put through. Concentrate on getting to the end of every day and on caring for your daughter as she needs your energy and your attention. Focus on her. Make her your absolute world. xx.

 

[sambucababy]

Hun, you are not insane and don't think that you are. Hard as it sounds you will look back on this period in your life in a year or so and you'll see how far you've come, how much progress you have made. I promise. x.

Don't even think about trying to get yourself sectioned as what you're feeling is totally normal for what you've just been put through. Concentrate on getting to the end of every day and on caring for your daughter as she needs your energy and your attention. Focus on her. Make her your absolute world. xx.

Lol I feel a mental case lately !!! I love my daughter so much I ve wanted her for years then I thought I couldnt have children then I found out about this other child and they last few years of my life have been a rollercoaster.

He told me he loved me still the other day - i said if you did you would never have done this to us and deffo not the way you did, have heard nothing since, but I feel so desperately sad and hurt and Im scared of this rubbing off on my daughter no matter how hard I try to be strong around her. She is perfect everything I ever wanted and now she'll have no dad or family coz her dad was too much of a coward to be honest with me before I fell pregnant. I just wish I could find a tiny way of moving forward and feeling just slightky happier but it just doesnt seem to be happening for me rite now and early days maybe it seems like forever. Im just hearbroken still guess its normal but I genunely hate feeling so low especially when i ve tried to help myself so much or at least thought i had!

 

[Laura2919]

He is a head fuck, he didnt really need to tell you that if he had no intention of doing anything about it. Just another way of causing you more hurt. I dont know what to suggest but you really need a boost.

I'd leave him to it. Try and claw back some life that he is so determind to ruin.

 

[sambucababy]

He is a head fuck, he didnt really need to tell you that if he had no intention of doing anything about it. Just another way of causing you more hurt. I dont know what to suggest but you really need a boost.

I'd leave him to it. Try and claw back some life that he is so determind to ruin.

Totally agree I gave him a round of verbal and said he is just trying to mess with my head & that i dont care or believe he lies awake at nite wondering if we are oj etc & to basicaly leave me alone. He hasnt contacted me since Only 2 days and I dont make contact with him unless he contacts me but from now on im not even going to do that unless he only asks about our daughter.

I believe he has issues but those are his problems - he also told me all the children in his family consider me their aunt and always will do - I said i cant be u have a new partner now, she will be their aunt and he was like no you've known them from day 1 she will never be their aunt u r.........its like he is living in lala land, i told him im not she is and to basically go away. He just wants me to buy their xmas/bday presents. Im also sure the reason he wants this girl so much is because she doest chase or beg him, everytime its been him wanting her, asking to live with her coz he knew I loved him and would always want him, whereas coz she couldnt give two hoots either way that made him want her all the more . She knows all about me & whats gone on so they deserve each other imo

If he speaks this way about her & means it then that clearly aint gonna last long either - he needs to get his act together he has two innocent kids, has hurt countless people yet STILL doesnt see he has done anything wrong, I take ite back its him who is insane !!

 

[Blu10]

Sorry I've not been in touch hun, been on holiday. Sorry to see this stupid man is still messing up ur head, he needs a kick up the arse!! Hope he's making the effort with your princess x

 

[sambucababy]

Hi hun no he has only seen her once 3 weeks ago for about an hour, am still a mess the same lol x Hope you had a good break away x

 

[cluelessnow]

It's terrible what happened to you. Just wanted to give you

Don't give yourself such a hard time. Everything you're feeling and thinking is normal. Allow yourself to feel those feelings but then allow yourself to let them go.

I know you're in a rush to make new friends, do new things, get a life etc and you will in time. You still need to deal with what's going on inside you. In the day time, keep yourself busy and distract yourself but there will times that you will be hit by your emotions and they will paralyse you eg during the night and especially when everyone else is asleep. I find something that has helped me in the past and thought it might help you.

When LO is asleep and you're hurting inside, lie down, curl up and imagine yourself encased in a invisible protective clear ball, then imagine someone who cares about you eg your mum or a healthier and happier version of yourself and they're rubbing the area on your body where it hurts the most and telling you that everything is going to be alright or anything that would make you feel better. It helped me when I felt such emotional pain that I couldn't get up out of bed.

Thanks hun, weeks an and honestly I can say it still doesnt feel any easier, Im so sad 24-7 and would love him back but I know this will never happen or would never work. Letting go is where I seem to struggle, I try to keep busy and focused and occupied but its always still there in my mind, somedays I just break down in the most inappropriate of places I just cant help it. Am still seeing doc he has changed meds but no difference yet still early days and had a couple of counselling sessions which havent been overly helpful but maybe the odd thing here and there has come out of it.

My emotions do paralyis me I feel so lonely hurt and distressed, I talk to friend family and strangers but after a while people dont know what to say as its already been said / thought of yet I cant move forward yet. I hate the fact that he just doesnt give a toss about us, that hurts too, at least a bit or remorse / regret may have helped me in some way. I know I have my daughter parents and a close friend but equally I feel like I have noone - I feel lost lonely and scared about facing the future but life doesnt stop just coz I cant cope. Its a horrible horrible place to be, sometimes I wish something terrible would happen and Id die just to get awayy from the pain, lie a car crash - I would never kill myself and then I realise how selfish it is of me to say that as I have a daughter who needs me but this pain is unbearable, I hate it so badly.

Other people experience horrible things like this yet I seem to be reacting so pathetically, why am I sat here crying over him, mourning him, wanting him back why cant I feel and be stronger and reach that F*** You stage, sometimes I thing Im getting worse but doc/ counseller think difff, my friends dont think Im copin too well and nor do my parents yet the professionsals think I am. I actually feel insane, I asked to be sectioned for assessment but have been told its completely unnecessary, Im not sure how Im getting through each day but reality is that I am, Im soo tired of it all, I just want some peace back x

Thanks for your helpful message, nice to know strangers can be so kind, I feel so down x

Again please don't give yourself such a hard time. I'm going through the same thing but the unhinged stage lasted a handful of days before I realised that I don't want anything to happen to LO inside me, needing me to be strong.

Here's a link you might find useful about the different stages of grief: https://www.ttlntl.co.uk/2/Grieving/griefstages.htm

You're going through the first - you're going through a mourning, a death of a relationship, a death of a future you so wanted. I think I'm going through this too. I'm still in denial. And when it happened a week or so ago, I went a little bit insane/crazy and there were times I wanted to hurt myself by neglect or by doing something stupid. Please, please, LO doesn't deserve to go through this with us. We have to think about LO from now on.

Stop giving yourself a hard time - just allow yourself to mope and mourn, looking after yourself at the same time. Take one day at a time. What I find useful to focus on LO instead of FOB, I started a journal writing to my baby every day and only include positive things in it - write down each day something you're grateful for - I find that helps me. If you have spoken to everyone and repeated yourself many times, why not start a separate journal for yourself - there you can repeat yourself as much as you want, get all the negative stuff out.

I totally understand why he's always on your mind. Me too, it goes round and round my head like a clothes in a washing machine. I learnt this technique from Paul McKenna's book about getting over heart break. Every time you see his image in your mind. Imagine him smaller and turn the image black and white and then when his image gets really smaller, I pretend to kick him over the horizon until I see him disappear. Good luck and take care of yourself.

 

[sambucababy]

It's terrible what happened to you. Just wanted to give you

Don't give yourself such a hard time. Everything you're feeling and thinking is normal. Allow yourself to feel those feelings but then allow yourself to let them go.

I know you're in a rush to make new friends, do new things, get a life etc and you will in time. You still need to deal with what's going on inside you. In the day time, keep yourself busy and distract yourself but there will times that you will be hit by your emotions and they will paralyse you eg during the night and especially when everyone else is asleep. I find something that has helped me in the past and thought it might help you.

When LO is asleep and you're hurting inside, lie down, curl up and imagine yourself encased in a invisible protective clear ball, then imagine someone who cares about you eg your mum or a healthier and happier version of yourself and they're rubbing the area on your body where it hurts the most and telling you that everything is going to be alright or anything that would make you feel better. It helped me when I felt such emotional pain that I couldn't get up out of bed.

Thanks hun, weeks an and honestly I can say it still doesnt feel any easier, Im so sad 24-7 and would love him back but I know this will never happen or would never work. Letting go is where I seem to struggle, I try to keep busy and focused and occupied but its always still there in my mind, somedays I just break down in the most inappropriate of places I just cant help it. Am still seeing doc he has changed meds but no difference yet still early days and had a couple of counselling sessions which havent been overly helpful but maybe the odd thing here and there has come out of it.

My emotions do paralyis me I feel so lonely hurt and distressed, I talk to friend family and strangers but after a while people dont know what to say as its already been said / thought of yet I cant move forward yet. I hate the fact that he just doesnt give a toss about us, that hurts too, at least a bit or remorse / regret may have helped me in some way. I know I have my daughter parents and a close friend but equally I feel like I have noone - I feel lost lonely and scared about facing the future but life doesnt stop just coz I cant cope. Its a horrible horrible place to be, sometimes I wish something terrible would happen and Id die just to get awayy from the pain, lie a car crash - I would never kill myself and then I realise how selfish it is of me to say that as I have a daughter who needs me but this pain is unbearable, I hate it so badly.

Other people experience horrible things like this yet I seem to be reacting so pathetically, why am I sat here crying over him, mourning him, wanting him back why cant I feel and be stronger and reach that F*** You stage, sometimes I thing Im getting worse but doc/ counseller think difff, my friends dont think Im copin too well and nor do my parents yet the professionsals think I am. I actually feel insane, I asked to be sectioned for assessment but have been told its completely unnecessary, Im not sure how Im getting through each day but reality is that I am, Im soo tired of it all, I just want some peace back x

Thanks for your helpful message, nice to know strangers can be so kind, I feel so down x

Again please don't give yourself such a hard time. I'm going through the same thing but the unhinged stage lasted a handful of days before I realised that I don't want anything to happen to LO inside me, needing me to be strong.

Here's a link you might find useful about the different stages of grief: https://www.ttlntl.co.uk/2/Grieving/griefstages.htm

You're going through the first - you're going through a mourning, a death of a relationship, a death of a future you so wanted. I think I'm going through this too. I'm still in denial. And when it happened a week or so ago, I went a little bit insane/crazy and there were times I wanted to hurt myself by neglect or by doing something stupid. Please, please, LO doesn't deserve to go through this with us. We have to think about LO from now on.

Stop giving yourself a hard time - just allow yourself to mope and mourn, looking after yourself at the same time. Take one day at a time. What I find useful to focus on LO instead of FOB, I started a journal writing to my baby every day and only include positive things in it - write down each day something you're grateful for - I find that helps me. If you have spoken to everyone and repeated yourself many times, why not start a separate journal for yourself - there you can repeat yourself as much as you want, get all the negative stuff out.

I totally understand why he's always on your mind. Me too, it goes round and round my head like a clothes in a washing machine. I learnt this technique from Paul McKenna's book about getting over heart break. Every time you see his image in your mind. Imagine him smaller and turn the image black and white and then when his image gets really smaller, I pretend to kick him over the horizon until I see him disappear. Good luck and take care of yourself.

Hi hun, thank you for the link, unhinged is a brilliant word to describe how I feel right now

I know I need to be strong but it just still hurts so bad, I miss her so much
even though what he did was awful.

I dont want to hurt myself but I hate waking up each morning knowing he is never coming home or doesnt lovve me anymore, sometimes I wish I was involved in a fatal traffic accident or similar but dont feel like self harming or
suicide if that makes sense I just dont want to be feeling this pain so much, incredibly selfish I know I love my daughter but my emotions are controlling me and thats not fair for her, I just cant seem to get it together properly.

I speak to family and a friend about whats happened sometimes that helps sometimes it makes me feel sadder,you seem more positive and stronger than me at the moment, I feel weak and wimpy - not the person I normally am.

I am keeping a diary but of events relating to FOB incase we ever end up in court or if he chooses to blank her from his life at least she will be able to see
I tried for her.

I'll try the image thing, thanks for that one x You seem to be much more focussed and determined than me I admire you, I feel like Im just wallowing in self pity, I just love him so much he was my world and now
the future scares me !!

You take care too and thanks for such a lovely message x

 

[cluelessnow]

It's terrible what happened to you. Just wanted to give you

Don't give yourself such a hard time. Everything you're feeling and thinking is normal. Allow yourself to feel those feelings but then allow yourself to let them go.

I know you're in a rush to make new friends, do new things, get a life etc and you will in time. You still need to deal with what's going on inside you. In the day time, keep yourself busy and distract yourself but there will times that you will be hit by your emotions and they will paralyse you eg during the night and especially when everyone else is asleep. I find something that has helped me in the past and thought it might help you.

When LO is asleep and you're hurting inside, lie down, curl up and imagine yourself encased in a invisible protective clear ball, then imagine someone who cares about you eg your mum or a healthier and happier version of yourself and they're rubbing the area on your body where it hurts the most and telling you that everything is going to be alright or anything that would make you feel better. It helped me when I felt such emotional pain that I couldn't get up out of bed.

Thanks hun, weeks an and honestly I can say it still doesnt feel any easier, Im so sad 24-7 and would love him back but I know this will never happen or would never work. Letting go is where I seem to struggle, I try to keep busy and focused and occupied but its always still there in my mind, somedays I just break down in the most inappropriate of places I just cant help it. Am still seeing doc he has changed meds but no difference yet still early days and had a couple of counselling sessions which havent been overly helpful but maybe the odd thing here and there has come out of it.

My emotions do paralyis me I feel so lonely hurt and distressed, I talk to friend family and strangers but after a while people dont know what to say as its already been said / thought of yet I cant move forward yet. I hate the fact that he just doesnt give a toss about us, that hurts too, at least a bit or remorse / regret may have helped me in some way. I know I have my daughter parents and a close friend but equally I feel like I have noone - I feel lost lonely and scared about facing the future but life doesnt stop just coz I cant cope. Its a horrible horrible place to be, sometimes I wish something terrible would happen and Id die just to get awayy from the pain, lie a car crash - I would never kill myself and then I realise how selfish it is of me to say that as I have a daughter who needs me but this pain is unbearable, I hate it so badly.

Other people experience horrible things like this yet I seem to be reacting so pathetically, why am I sat here crying over him, mourning him, wanting him back why cant I feel and be stronger and reach that F*** You stage, sometimes I thing Im getting worse but doc/ counseller think difff, my friends dont think Im copin too well and nor do my parents yet the professionsals think I am. I actually feel insane, I asked to be sectioned for assessment but have been told its completely unnecessary, Im not sure how Im getting through each day but reality is that I am, Im soo tired of it all, I just want some peace back x

Thanks for your helpful message, nice to know strangers can be so kind, I feel so down x

Again please don't give yourself such a hard time. I'm going through the same thing but the unhinged stage lasted a handful of days before I realised that I don't want anything to happen to LO inside me, needing me to be strong.

Here's a link you might find useful about the different stages of grief: https://www.ttlntl.co.uk/2/Grieving/griefstages.htm

You're going through the first - you're going through a mourning, a death of a relationship, a death of a future you so wanted. I think I'm going through this too. I'm still in denial. And when it happened a week or so ago, I went a little bit insane/crazy and there were times I wanted to hurt myself by neglect or by doing something stupid. Please, please, LO doesn't deserve to go through this with us. We have to think about LO from now on.

Stop giving yourself a hard time - just allow yourself to mope and mourn, looking after yourself at the same time. Take one day at a time. What I find useful to focus on LO instead of FOB, I started a journal writing to my baby every day and only include positive things in it - write down each day something you're grateful for - I find that helps me. If you have spoken to everyone and repeated yourself many times, why not start a separate journal for yourself - there you can repeat yourself as much as you want, get all the negative stuff out.

I totally understand why he's always on your mind. Me too, it goes round and round my head like a clothes in a washing machine. I learnt this technique from Paul McKenna's book about getting over heart break. Every time you see his image in your mind. Imagine him smaller and turn the image black and white and then when his image gets really smaller, I pretend to kick him over the horizon until I see him disappear. Good luck and take care of yourself.

Hi hun, thank you for the link, unhinged is a brilliant word to describe how I feel right now

I know I need to be strong but it just still hurts so bad, I miss her so much
even though what he did was awful.

I dont want to hurt myself but I hate waking up each morning knowing he is never coming home or doesnt lovve me anymore, sometimes I wish I was involved in a fatal traffic accident or similar but dont feel like self harming or
suicide if that makes sense I just dont want to be feeling this pain so much, incredibly selfish I know I love my daughter but my emotions are controlling me and thats not fair for her, I just cant seem to get it together properly.

I speak to family and a friend about whats happened sometimes that helps sometimes it makes me feel sadder,you seem more positive and stronger than me at the moment, I feel weak and wimpy - not the person I normally am.

I am keeping a diary but of events relating to FOB incase we ever end up in court or if he chooses to blank her from his life at least she will be able to see
I tried for her.

I'll try the image thing, thanks for that one x You seem to be much more focussed and determined than me I admire you, I feel like Im just wallowing in self pity, I just love him so much he was my world and now
the future scares me !!

You take care too and thanks for such a lovely message x

Trust me, I'm not that strong, there are a few times a day I want to send him a text telling him that I still love him and beg him to reconsider but I have to let it pass without actually doing it. We are talking still and I'm always tempted to say something mushy. I have to keep reminding myself that he's only talking to me because he wants to be part of LO's life and it's not because of me.

If you want to sleep, then do it. Just make sure you and your LO eat. Simply everything. Do whatever makes you happy and keep doing it. When I feel lonely in bed, I sometimes imagine being hugged trying hard not to think that the one hugging me is him. Think of your favourite male character in a film. I know your mind is either going crazy or thinking of gloom and doom, so occupy your mind and talk to yourself as if your favourite dream man is talking to you, getting you to have a wash, brush your teeth, treat yourself to your favourite film, cook lunch etc etc.

I know it's hard but take a day at a time. One step at a time. Hugs

 

[sambucababy]

[/QUOTE]

Trust me, I'm not that strong, there are a few times a day I want to send him a text telling him that I still love him and beg him to reconsider but I have to let it pass without actually doing it. We are talking still and I'm always tempted to say something mushy. I have to keep reminding myself that he's only talking to me because he wants to be part of LO's life and it's not because of me.

If you want to sleep, then do it. Just make sure you and your LO eat. Simply everything. Do whatever makes you happy and keep doing it. When I feel lonely in bed, I sometimes imagine being hugged trying hard not to think that the one hugging me is him. Think of your favourite male character in a film. I know your mind is either going crazy or thinking of gloom and doom, so occupy your mind and talk to yourself as if your favourite dream man is talking to you, getting you to have a wash, brush your teeth, treat yourself to your favourite film, cook lunch etc etc.

I know it's hard but take a day at a time. One step at a time. Hugs [/QUOTE]

I still have the urge to phone or text and do the same, I ve deleted his number so I cant and given it to my mom for safe keeping incase something happened to our daughter and I did need to let him know, the days he ignores me are hard yet a bit easier and when I get a text or a couple of texts my heart always hopes its him wanting to come back then sinks when I know its not

At the minute he isnt talking to me because I had a go at him about him lying and messing with my head so I feel quite down but even worse knownin he happier with someone else. He mainly texts me about our LO then goes long periods of not bothering, sometimes asks how I am and often then wants a favour or needs to ask me something, he isnt contacting me coz he loves me and regrets it he is just suiting himself!

I do manage to sleep surprisingly but thats probably emotional exhaustion, I ve tried treating and distracting myself and yes it does help a bit but its the way he is constantly either in my thoughts or right behind them and in my head that worries me, sometimes I dont think I'll ever truely be able to accept, move forward & let go emotionally, physically yes. Im lost without him

Ur such a postitive thinker im well and truelly down in the dumps and seem to be completely stuck there, I think I have his stupid hope that he will come to his senses but I know he wont so why cant I just move on too x

 

[Laura2919]

You definitely need a boost. Try something new, even if its hard to do or nerve wracking you need to move on from this.

 

[sambucababy]

Im really struggling still Im not copin or moving forwards, my friends have run out of ideas / things to say, the docs have adjusted my meds but this hasnt had any real impact and my councillor has told me to try to stop thinking about it. I ve tried getting out and about and meeting friends but Im still so devesated and I dont know how to move forward from here. Im sat in tears writing this I miss him so much, I loved him so much I just cope anymore. I ve tried talking to him but got no where I just feel so alone and unhappy, I just ant understand why he had to do this to me the way he did,nIm heartbroken I just dont know what to do any more - my LO is happy we are sort of living at my moms so she is oblivous to things at the moment. I know I have to move forward but I dont know how, I miss him terribly but he just doesnt want me yet I never did anything bad or wrong to him Im so deeply hurt - I feel so alone. Time passing isnt helping me if anything its making me feel worse because the reality is setting in, We were together for so long why has he broken my heart?

 

[Vixen_17]

Aww hun, I think days like this are inevitable. You are making progress, you just don't see it. It's only been what 5 or 6 weeks so you will still be feeling the pain. If you had a friend whose husband died you wouldn't expect them to be over it in 6 weeks and you won't be either.

However, wallowing in self pity will get you nowhere.

The reality you talk of setting in - let's have a look at that shall we. If he hadn't have left you, you him and LO would be living this fake life with him seeing someone else behind your back. The reality is that you have got rid of a man who quite frankly doesn't deserve you. The reality is that you and LO will have a much happier life without him. The reality is that you can (and will) build a better life without him in it. Hun, I know these words hurt you but I promise you they are the truth!

I know it's easier said than done but YOU are the only one who can make yourself feel better. We are all here for you, a shoulder to cry on when you need one and some emotional support, don't ever doubt that but there comes a point when you have to take the control back in your life. I don't know when that point will be for you but it will come. I guess that when the counsellor says "don't think about it" it just makes you think of him more!! You need to find something positive to focus your energies on and that positive is your beautiful daughter. You are very lucky to have her and in her you have something that he will never have. Fate is a bitch and karma will come and bite him on the arse at some point.

Stay strong hun.

-x-

 

[sambucababy]

Aww hun, I think days like this are inevitable. You are making progress, you just don't see it. It's only been what 5 or 6 weeks so you will still be feeling the pain. If you had a friend whose husband died you wouldn't expect them to be over it in 6 weeks and you won't be either.

However, wallowing in self pity will get you nowhere.

The reality you talk of setting in - let's have a look at that shall we. If he hadn't have left you, you him and LO would be living this fake life with him seeing someone else behind your back. The reality is that you have got rid of a man who quite frankly doesn't deserve you. The reality is that you and LO will have a much happier life without him. The reality is that you can (and will) build a better life without him in it. Hun, I know these words hurt you but I promise you they are the truth!

I know it's easier said than done but YOU are the only one who can make yourself feel better. We are all here for you, a shoulder to cry on when you need one and some emotional support, don't ever doubt that but there comes a point when you have to take the control back in your life. I don't know when that point will be for you but it will come. I guess that when the counsellor says "don't think about it" it just makes you think of him more!! You need to find something positive to focus your energies on and that positive is your beautiful daughter. You are very lucky to have her and in her you have something that he will never have. Fate is a bitch and karma will come and bite him on the arse at some point.

Stay strong hun.

-x-

Thank you for taking the time to reply and advise etc. I realise I need to pull myself together and I have tried but know there is probabaly much more I could do I just really feel alll over the place atm.

I wish I could just get to that point of coping, I feel such a wimp and I am wallowing in self pity this is so unlike me I dont feel like me, I dont feel in control and I dont know how best to help myself.

I know in the long term as most people have said i'll be better off without him and its probably true, but I just feel so lonely and sad etc that just seems like a lifetime away.

Sorry if I annoy anyone on here sometimes I just think if i write down how I feel it might help, to be honest I dont know what im doing half the time I feel so detatched from everything. Im snappy and irritable, crying and wimpy why cant I just be strong and have some self respect.

I really appreciate everyone who has added to this thread its helps a lot hearing others opinions, own stories and advice etc - Im not commenting much on other threads coz I dont I ve much support or advice to offer to anyone at the moment but I do read them and my heart goes ut to everyone struggling or having a hard time.

I know I must try harder just everything feels and looks so bleak x

 

[Mum2befirst]

Hun,

I went through this last year found out the day our baby was born my husband of 6 years had been cheating he left and never returned. I was a mess...i have only just stopped crying every night. He left in june 2010 and in december 2010 i had met a new man..he had been cheated on too and he raises my baby as his own and so do his parents..i feel so happy right now and believe me...i never thought ide be here... i was such a wreck back then. Im even crying now..the memories are so unbearable and what makes it worse is the father now wants acess and is taking me to court. pleasee be strong xxx

 

[sambucababy]

Hun,

I went through this last year found out the day our baby was born my husband of 6 years had been cheating he left and never returned. I was a mess...i have only just stopped crying every night. He left in june 2010 and in december 2010 i had met a new man..he had been cheated on too and he raises my baby as his own and so do his parents..i feel so happy right now and believe me...i never thought ide be here... i was such a wreck back then. Im even crying now..the memories are so unbearable and what makes it worse is the father now wants acess and is taking me to court. pleasee be strong xxx

Aww thanks hun, glad you got the happy ending but I know what you mean about how painful memories can be. As for your ex wanting access well I hope things dont go the way he wants your settled and so is your baby, he just probably cant stand the fact that you have moved on which is what I wish I could do.

Hit rock bottom yesterday had the pills ready in my hand but didnt called gp and went to see them, got my meds adjusted but far to early for any changes, I still feel as low but I am trying to help myself as odd as that may sound to people.

Going through this is horriffic, the pain in unbearable and Im utterly devasted, I just hope I can move on a bit quicker as its been nearly 8 weeks now and I feel no further forward than day 1. I just dont understand why people cheat and not simply leavve if they are unhappy and as for what my ex did I 'll just never understand why he did this to me, its such a cruel thing to do to someone.

Thanks agan ladies, hope you have a good weekend x

 

[Laura2919]

Its learning to let go of those feelings. Sometimes it can be so hard, you really need some support, I still think you need to get out there and meet some new people. I know its hard but you can do it. Your still here after all you have been put through. Its such a hard thing to deal with just seperating but under the circumstances you have its bound to really affect you. I so hope the tide changes for you soon.

 

[sambucababy]

Its learning to let go of those feelings. Sometimes it can be so hard, you really need some support, I still think you need to get out there and meet some new people. I know its hard but you can do it. Your still here after all you have been put through. Its such a hard thing to deal with just seperating but under the circumstances you have its bound to really affect you. I so hope the tide changes for you soon.

Laura you sound so strong I feel such a weak person. I ve got my mom, a good friend but doesnt live close by my GP and this site support wise. I havent the confidence to meet new people but I agree it is what I need to do, I havent a clue where to start, I feel so low.

I cant seem to let go, I ve ried docs, counseling yet he is still stuck in my head - like you say its the circumstances I guess, I feel like Im sinking each day yet others thinks im doing OK. Maybe its just me, I really just have had enough. Pls pls let me find some strength to move forwards even a teeny bit would help x

 

[Laura2919]

You spent 18 years with a man who led a completely seperate life for the majority, I think thats bound to live with you forever but you need to let go, who knows when that will happen. It could be tomorrow, could be a few months down the line but your letting him win by feeling like this.

Try, for you and your LO, to go out and meet someone, even if its just a play group. You will eventually get your life back on track.

It really angers me when people think they can just cause a train wreck in peoples lives and then not even bother when the pieces are shattered.

I really really hope you get better hun, If I lived near you I would definitely meet you and help you boost yourself back up

 

[Scarletvixen]

Hi Im in a simular situation to you.
I have just split with my husband of 14years, he cheated on me last year and we got back together and planned this baby, everythign was fine untill the one he cheated with had his baby 4wks ago and now he is off with her and the baby who is seemingly still in hospital.
I dont ever see a way back from this situation as he has happily dumped his 4 kids and his pregnant wife without a second thought x