Now what?

[mrsmummy2]

7 weeks 3 days pregnant. Started spotting.... went to epu... started to bleed heavily. Bloods taken - hormone level 470. Way too low for 7 weeks. Speculum inserted, swabs taken, huge scissor type things used to pull out some blood for examining.... miscarriage confirmed.

This all happened yesterday.
How do you even fathom moving on? I have two beautiful healthy children at home... yet I cannot get a grip. All I want to do is curl up into a ball and disappear.
We dont know if baby was a boy or girl.. how do we name them? Is that stupid? How are we meant to remember them.. do we buy something? We have nothing to show our beautiful baby was ever here... just a memory that will never fade.

How am I meant to carry on as if nothing happened?
My best friend was due to have her baby girl yesterday.... the day my baby died. Is it selfish to think that it's just not fair?

How does anything ever become normal again?

I was so in love with this baby... so in love with the idea of a new baby at home... another sibling for my son and daughter... yet here we are. So many plans put in place... so many conversations which are now pointless.

Now what?

 

[aimee_1691]

I’m so sorry for your loss,
I think the questions you have depend on each individual. I’ve had 2 mc and I did t have any names/items becaus they would of been a reminder but some may find comfort from
That.

And we things do become normal again, for me having my rainbow babies were a huge cure. I do sometime think about when the miscarriages would of been now (especially the 1st as it was my 1st pregnancy) but I’m no longer hurting.

Give yourself some time xx

 

[loves_cookies]

Firstly everything you are feeling is normal. You don't need to get a grip, you lost a baby and all the hopes and dreams for the future that goes with it. Take time and grieve your loss.

Everything will become normal again. The Miscarriage Association has lots of information which you might find helpful to look at.

I picked out the name Charlie shortly after our first loss, although we don't use it now. I didn't have any gender intuition, so it was important to me to have a gender neutral name. The names Max and Andy/Andi are similar to me just off the top of my head.

I had a strong need for a remembrance item afterwards to remember our loss by, I spent lots of time on Google in the middle of the night looking for items. There's miscarriage remembrance jewellery from sellers on Etsy and other websites which you can find on Google. There's an artist on Facebook called CarlyMarie who does remembrance artwork on the beach near her home which she started after the loss of her son. If you don't pick out a name she can draw hearts in the sand instead. I ordered one of her twilight images in memory of my son. Another suggestion that was given to me is planting a tree, either in your own garden or you can do it formally or through your Council or the Woodland Trust. My advice to you would be not to rush, things will become clearer and you may find you develop a clearer idea of what you want, if anything in time. There is no wrong way to handle this, just do what feels right for you and your family.

I haven't purchased anything in remembrance of my first loss almost a year later. In my case the need to find something lessoned over time and then other events over took it. I still intend to do something, but as my family isn't yet complete I feel like my loss journey may not be over, so I'm waiting at the moment and i'll do something when the time it right.

I'm in Wales too, where abouts are you if you don't mind me asking?

 

[mrsmummy2]

Aimee - im sorry for your losses. Did you struggle when pregnant afterwards? Right now I'm torn between wanting to get pregnant to replace these horrible feelings and not wanting to ever be in this position again... i know it's early days and my outlook will change over time but my head is spinning.

Cookies - i am so sorry you've had to go through this too. I will look into those things. I had planned to pick out a little jelly cat bunny from a local shop.. we have bought them for our other two children so thought when we knew babys gender we would choose accordingly... I'm thinking i may get one as a little mark of remembrance. I feel i need something to hold on to. I had a strong feeling it was a girl. I liked the name Everlyn, but we both loved Grace. I feel like its so apt but feel like I might be being ridiculous giving a name... it's so confusing.

Im in Risca (Near Newport)

 

[BunnyN]

We have had two losses. One very early loss and one at 11 weeks. Not knowing the gender was one of the hardest things for me. We do have a scan picture of our second which I don't look at often but means a lot to me. I bought a necklace to remember our second loss and have kept a few small keepsakes that remind me of the time I was pregnant.

You will never forget but the unbearable pain does go away with time.

Hugs