NTNP without guy knowing.

[Megan1986]

I think that telling him you are on the pill when you arent is a HUGE mistake.

 

[MommaAlexis]

For those saying she's selfish for knowingly TTC her kid without another parent.. Would it be better if she were to have no kids at all of her own? Thousands of women conceive through sperm donor every day but because she actually knows this guy's name she's suddenly selfish? I'm sorry but no. If I was getting into my thirties (or close to) I'd absolutely go through either sperm donor or a friend. I actually have a friend who I'm not romantically involved with but we had discussed TTC if neither of us were married/parents by around 25-30 years old. Not because we wanted to be together, we both wanted kids younger and knew we'd be on the same page. We get along well and think the same way. I've known him for 10 years. I'm now a single mom from someone else I was engaged to for 3 years and we did discuss raising her together anyways, but I decided I needed some time on my own but if we were both still single when I was done university and everything then we'd touch base again. The fact of the matter is, it doesn't matter if you're in love with someone, asexuals have kids every day. People have "business partnership" type marriages and raise kids together while not being in love.

 

[rachel_uk]

Sorry I havent been on here for ages, some how my account got messed up...

I'm not TTC at the moment because my F'buddy has gone off the idea but I am looking for a new one....

 

[sjdonn]

For those saying she's selfish for knowingly TTC her kid without another parent.. Would it be better if she were to have no kids at all of her own? Thousands of women conceive through sperm donor every day but because she actually knows this guy's name she's suddenly selfish? I'm sorry but no. If I was getting into my thirties (or close to) I'd absolutely go through either sperm donor or a friend. I actually have a friend who I'm not romantically involved with but we had discussed TTC if neither of us were married/parents by around 25-30 years old. Not because we wanted to be together, we both wanted kids younger and knew we'd be on the same page. We get along well and think the same way. I've known him for 10 years. I'm now a single mom from someone else I was engaged to for 3 years and we did discuss raising her together anyways, but I decided I needed some time on my own but if we were both still single when I was done university and everything then we'd touch base again. The fact of the matter is, it doesn't matter if you're in love with someone, asexuals have kids every day. People have "business partnership" type marriages and raise kids together while not being in love.

If you feel this way, why would you not adopt then? I dont understand the stigma around adoption...

 

[Chezzz]

Just wanna say: my mum did this to my dad when she was 22.. Said she was on the pill because she wanted a baby.. she was happy for him to not be involved.. she has never asked him for a penny for me.. he knows im alive, he knows where I am, I know where he is.. if we ever want contact.. Ive met my grandparents (his side) a few times.. but they wanted contact stopped because my mum wouldnt tell me they were my grandparents. - the man she married raised me from 10months - 8 years.. and he forced her to tell me i was his daughter. name on the birth cert and everything. - my mums biggest regret. she would have rather have neither of them on there.
I just wanned to put my input in if you didnt mind, because this is how i was made lol. my mum and dad were together at the time. but split before my birth.. ive never knowingly met him. and my mum hears from him every few years.. and hoenstly. Im so scared of contacting him.. because I know I wasnt wanted by him. far too scared of the rejection.. But i cant expect him to come to me.. its strange.. me and my older half brother (his gf) are both expecting children now.. both having boys.. and I'd be great for my son to know his grandad.. I dont know if my older brother has contact with my dad though.. we dont talk. I just wanned to get that out there.. theres 2 sides to this. you side.. and your childs side..
my dad told my mum he was actually worried about meeting me once. because he thought i was coneived while drunk.. behind a gargae although i wasnt.. sorry this is long.. I can kinda relate. Its awful not knowing my dad. BUT. I dont resent my mum for it at all. Because if it wasnt for her. I wouldnt be here.

 

[FeLynn]

okay it is one thing if your ntnp and both know about it. like you arent using condoms and he knows your not on any other form of birthcontrol. But you two talking and agreeing to stop condoms and you WILL use the birth control pill and then not doing it b/c you have baby fever. Is wrong. your not even in a relationship with this dude you are just fuck buddies and to put this on him is wrong, It would be completely different if he was aware and you werent lying about starting the pill. Are you going to raise the baby yourself and not go after him for childsupport? Its not fair if you arent on the same page.

I have been with my man since I was 16 I wasnt on the pill and condoms werent our thing so he knew we were having raw sex and I wasnt on any birth control, so he knew there is a chance a baby will be made not that we were trying we were just having fun but we were in a relationship and I got pregnant. I expected him to leave b/c we were young but nope he stuck it out with me, which shocked me. We now have 3 kids and 3 angels so it is very wrong to leave him in the dark!

 

[FeLynn]

Well, he came over to chat last night and we talked it through over dinner, he said that if I wanted it he would help, we also discussed money and that kind of stuff and I told him that I wouldn't be looking to him for anything in that department.

After dinner we snuggled on the sofa watching TV, and did a little BD

I feel so happy, well, off to work...

I posted my last comment before seeing this. I am glad you were honest he is agreeing to help you and you are willing to do it on your own that is a big difference from tricking him and its not selfish to do this. He is aware of what you want and he is willing to help you and you talked about money and all that good stuff so who knows maybe this fun will turn serious and maybe just maybe he will want to be apart of your life and the possible babys life in the future if not then you have it covered and I am sure you are happy with his help and its something you have been sex with him for a little while now, so its not like he is a complete stranger or one night stand!!!!

 

[Jeninpa]

I wish you luck finding someone who will help! I couldn't imagine not having any kids. For people all worried about you not having the perfect little mom & dad family, I say ignore them!!! lol I married my kids dad after our 1st baby was born even though it was a mistake long before getting married. After 6yrs of a horrible cheating & mentally abusive relationship I FINALLY realized that having the father of your children there is NOT always the best thing! Once he was gone we were so much better on our own. Just because you meet someone & fall in love & get married doesn't mean you will end up happy with happy kids!!! What you can guarantee is that you will love your child forever & with enough love you can help your child get through anything. I can think of way worse situations people bring their children into the world to.

P.S.
I absolutely hate when people read the 1st post & reply without reading all the posts up until that point! If you really feel the need to voice your opinion atleast get all the facts before jumping all over someone.

 

[MommaAlexis]

For those saying she's selfish for knowingly TTC her kid without another parent.. Would it be better if she were to have no kids at all of her own? Thousands of women conceive through sperm donor every day but because she actually knows this guy's name she's suddenly selfish? I'm sorry but no. If I was getting into my thirties (or close to) I'd absolutely go through either sperm donor or a friend. I actually have a friend who I'm not romantically involved with but we had discussed TTC if neither of us were married/parents by around 25-30 years old. Not because we wanted to be together, we both wanted kids younger and knew we'd be on the same page. We get along well and think the same way. I've known him for 10 years. I'm now a single mom from someone else I was engaged to for 3 years and we did discuss raising her together anyways, but I decided I needed some time on my own but if we were both still single when I was done university and everything then we'd touch base again. The fact of the matter is, it doesn't matter if you're in love with someone, asexuals have kids every day. People have "business partnership" type marriages and raise kids together while not being in love.

If you feel this way, why would you not adopt then? I dont understand the stigma around adoption...

It has nothing to do with stigma, and everything to do with personal preference. Also adoption is a much longer and more costly process.

 

[sjdonn]

For those saying she's selfish for knowingly TTC her kid without another parent.. Would it be better if she were to have no kids at all of her own? Thousands of women conceive through sperm donor every day but because she actually knows this guy's name she's suddenly selfish? I'm sorry but no. If I was getting into my thirties (or close to) I'd absolutely go through either sperm donor or a friend. I actually have a friend who I'm not romantically involved with but we had discussed TTC if neither of us were married/parents by around 25-30 years old. Not because we wanted to be together, we both wanted kids younger and knew we'd be on the same page. We get along well and think the same way. I've known him for 10 years. I'm now a single mom from someone else I was engaged to for 3 years and we did discuss raising her together anyways, but I decided I needed some time on my own but if we were both still single when I was done university and everything then we'd touch base again. The fact of the matter is, it doesn't matter if you're in love with someone, asexuals have kids every day. People have "business partnership" type marriages and raise kids together while not being in love.

If you feel this way, why would you not adopt then? I dont understand the stigma around adoption...

It has nothing to do with stigma, and everything to do with personal preference. Also adoption is a much longer and more costly process.

Do you know how much a baby will cost? Nothing about having kids is cheap! And actually if you get approved as a foster home, which can take as little as up to 3 months, you can first foster and then adopt in about the same amount of time as if you were pregnant and had a baby! Also, I think that planning to have a baby with someone you love is a lot different than the 'personal preference' of not telling a guy and tricking him into getting you pregnant!

 

[MommaAlexis]

For those saying she's selfish for knowingly TTC her kid without another parent.. Would it be better if she were to have no kids at all of her own? Thousands of women conceive through sperm donor every day but because she actually knows this guy's name she's suddenly selfish? I'm sorry but no. If I was getting into my thirties (or close to) I'd absolutely go through either sperm donor or a friend. I actually have a friend who I'm not romantically involved with but we had discussed TTC if neither of us were married/parents by around 25-30 years old. Not because we wanted to be together, we both wanted kids younger and knew we'd be on the same page. We get along well and think the same way. I've known him for 10 years. I'm now a single mom from someone else I was engaged to for 3 years and we did discuss raising her together anyways, but I decided I needed some time on my own but if we were both still single when I was done university and everything then we'd touch base again. The fact of the matter is, it doesn't matter if you're in love with someone, asexuals have kids every day. People have "business partnership" type marriages and raise kids together while not being in love.

If you feel this way, why would you not adopt then? I dont understand the stigma around adoption...

It has nothing to do with stigma, and everything to do with personal preference. Also adoption is a much longer and more costly process.

Do you know how much a baby will cost? Nothing about having kids is cheap! And actually if you get approved as a foster home, which can take as little as up to 3 months, you can first foster and then adopt in about the same amount of time as if you were pregnant and had a baby! Also, I think that planning to have a baby with someone you love is a lot different than the 'personal preference' of not telling a guy and tricking him into getting you pregnant!

Never said kids were cheap, but adoption is even more costly. Also it's already been said that that's not what she's doing nor what I was talking about. So yes, it is personal preference. Some people will foster/adopt, some people won't. And that is perfectly fine.

 

[mum.of.one xx]

hi,
i have taken alot of time to read through all the replies to your question and was trying to figure out if what i had to say would help, not sure if it will but ill say a little bit anyway..

I fell pregnant with my son a 15 1/2 (not planned at all) to a guy i did not love or know very well and had him at 16,he is nearly 4 now and i love him to bits and have done the very best i can by him and will do so till the day i die, but the main thing i found hard and still do is that his biological father has never wanted anything to do with him and i dread the day my son asks why he wasnt around, i dont want him to feel like it was his fault or feel like he was unwanted.
I have always said that my son wasnt the mistake his father was!
just make sure that whoever you decide to have a baby with is a person you wont regret..Im lucky to have met my partner who has been there for both my son and me and has taken the role of his father and dose a fantastic job,we are now trying for another baby (planned this time)
best of luck to you with whatever decision you make,i hope i helped in someway

 

[sjdonn]

For those saying she's selfish for knowingly TTC her kid without another parent.. Would it be better if she were to have no kids at all of her own? Thousands of women conceive through sperm donor every day but because she actually knows this guy's name she's suddenly selfish? I'm sorry but no. If I was getting into my thirties (or close to) I'd absolutely go through either sperm donor or a friend. I actually have a friend who I'm not romantically involved with but we had discussed TTC if neither of us were married/parents by around 25-30 years old. Not because we wanted to be together, we both wanted kids younger and knew we'd be on the same page. We get along well and think the same way. I've known him for 10 years. I'm now a single mom from someone else I was engaged to for 3 years and we did discuss raising her together anyways, but I decided I needed some time on my own but if we were both still single when I was done university and everything then we'd touch base again. The fact of the matter is, it doesn't matter if you're in love with someone, asexuals have kids every day. People have "business partnership" type marriages and raise kids together while not being in love.

If you feel this way, why would you not adopt then? I dont understand the stigma around adoption...

It has nothing to do with stigma, and everything to do with personal preference. Also adoption is a much longer and more costly process.

Do you know how much a baby will cost? Nothing about having kids is cheap! And actually if you get approved as a foster home, which can take as little as up to 3 months, you can first foster and then adopt in about the same amount of time as if you were pregnant and had a baby! Also, I think that planning to have a baby with someone you love is a lot different than the 'personal preference' of not telling a guy and tricking him into getting you pregnant!

Never said kids were cheap, but adoption is even more costly. Also it's already been said that that's not what she's doing nor what I was talking about. So yes, it is personal preference. Some people will foster/adopt, some people won't. And that is perfectly fine.

My point was that kids, no matter what way you look at it are expensive, and you are wrong, adoption DOES NOT have to cost more, my point above was that it could actually cost LESS if you foster first...You also do not seem to understand that its not a 'personal preference' when you are talking about tricking someone into getting you pregnant! That's called being deceitful and lying where I come from. Also, these are kids lives we are talking about, not a dog you may or may not want to pick up off of the road and rescue! I plan to adopt in the future (as my parents are), no matter if I can get pregnant or not because there are thousands of kids out there hoping for a home and someone to love them and I can provide that. So my point is that it is selfish to trick someone into getting you pregnant when you can adopt a child already in the world and get pregnant at another time in the future when you are with someone who is committed to you long term.

 

[MommaAlexis]

Have you not read the rest of the thread? I have been talking about getting pregnant as a single parent, not lying to someone about it. So I state again, it's not what I was talking about nor what she is doing. As a single parent, it's personal choice if you want to go through IVF, plan a pregnancy with someone who you are not romatically involved with or adopt or foster.

 

[Mummy2B21]

Good luck to ya, my aunts best mate did this in her 20's and her daughter now 23 hasn't spoken to her mum in 5 years and won't have nothing to do with her and doesn't get to see her grandson either, its a recipe for failure in my opinion I would never dream of doing such a thing I find it quite disgusting tbh.