October Pumpkins 2016 [47 Pumpkins - 3 Boys, 2 Girls]

[Blessedbaby]

oh Kat Im sorry you have such bad siblings kind of reminds me of mine ... just that Im the youngest ((HUGS))

its a pleasure borr

Lost Im getting mine done ... myself and DH decided 4 between the two of us are enough especially in the economy we live ...

Ajarvis I told my manager last week after my scan he was somewhat happy for us ... I felt bad though as Ive been working for him for 3 yrs and already had 2 pregnancies and him and his wife are stuggling to conceive

Plus my other colleague is also trying and the one is going to be a dad in April ...

 

[KatO79]

Lost I'm too old to go back on BCP I think (I'll be 37 by the time baby is born) and I frankly don't want to go back on them anyway I'm trying to tell DH that if he really doesn't want baby #2, then he should get himself "fixed" but he's not much for it and I'd rather not get my tubes tied since it's such a major procedure. So we'll see, we may end up NTNP and end up with a surprise if I otherwise become more fertile after this baby I'd actually be ok with baby #2 although I'll be close to 40 which saddens me a tad as I'd of rather been a bit younger.

Kat I was also waiting until I announced. We just felt our odds were good so we went ahead and announced. This was our announcement btw!

So cute I have no idea how I'm going to announce it over FB yet though, still thinking about it.

I think we're also waiting because I'm 36 going on 37 in May so we want to first have our blood test results in for chances of baby having any genetic "issues" such as Downs and Trisomy(I think it's called???). I'm going in for the blood test today, will know the results next Friday when I go in to my GP and we'll know for sure at our week 11-13 scan. Hence why we're waiting.

oh Kat Im sorry you have such bad siblings kind of reminds me of mine ... just that Im the youngest ((HUGS))

Thanks so much Blessed I'm the youngest as well of all of them, yet our toxic mother designated me the family scapegoat, even naming me after the mother she hated

My brother has been by far the cruelest of them, forever telling me I'm selfish and childish and the like, he's even suggested that I'm completely like our toxic mother which is so far from the truth. If anything, he's more like her since he's as toxic, if not more so, than her. Any hint of criticism and he just gets nasty and really personal I remember he also threatened to hit me when I was 9-10 because I was crying and when I was 17-18 he didn't like a look I gave him because he was "too tired" to help our mother and I carry groceries in the house so started going towards me like he was going to really belt me one Luckily my toxic mother's limits seem to go at physical violence so she stepped in and stopped him but didn't criticise his behavior I've tried for years to improve the relationship, to no avail, he insists I'm horrible and has been silent treatmenting me for 2 years, he'll only talk to me if he can somehow be hurtful and abusive e.g. in regards to my infertility. He was the first to make contact with our sister so think he may also have been turning her against me since she started abusive tactics pretty early while she barely knew me.

I've given up, am trying to avoid as much contact as possible with all if them (including my enabler cousin that they seem to like and treat fine) and go no contact after baby is born. I just don't need the stress before then

 

[Blessedbaby]

I agree just cut ties ... sometimes I wish we could choose our family like we do our friends ...

my DH's family is my pillar and before I share anything with my siblings I rather share it with my inlaws ...

my mother used to keep our family together but since she passed in 2011 everything just went from bad to worse ...

you will have your own family soon so best to focus on your partner and your baby

 

[Ella_Hopeful]

Blessedbaby my story is so similar to yours. My family cut ties with me after my mum died - she also held everything together and she also died in 2011! So hard to have toxic relatives, although them having cut ties is actually the best thing really. I tried to make everything better even though I didn't do anything wrong, but they kept badmouthing me to people and refused to be nice so I let them go.

Now thank goodness I have my own beautiful family and DH's family are wonderful too. Going through infertility after losing my mum was awful. Never mind all the family being cruel. I just don't get why everyone has to be so horrible to each other!


As for this pregnancy, I'm not feeling so nauseous. Last pregnancy I was on progesterone so I'm hoping that's why I was more nauseous then. I need to try and book my first doctor's appointment and hopefully he'll have a look for the heartbeat again then.

 

[KatO79]

I agree just cut ties ... sometimes I wish we could choose our family like we do our friends ...

my DH's family is my pillar and before I share anything with my siblings I rather share it with my inlaws ...

my mother used to keep our family together but since she passed in 2011 everything just went from bad to worse ...

you will have your own family soon so best to focus on your partner and your baby

Yeah it would be nice. I was for years hoping I was adopted but no such luck The only loving relative I ever had was my father but he died almost 17 years ago as I mentioned.

I'm the same way, I have a much better relationship with DH's family as well.

So sorry about your mother My mother is the opposite, she's been instigating as many problems between me and my brother as possible (my brother did go no contact with her but only because she treated his enabler wife like crap), even triangulating whenever I try to politely disagree with her and won't obey her every command, making me out to be the evil one by changing the story completely.

That's definitely the plan, I've given my siblings anough of my energy already, time to stop and get on with my life.

Blessedbaby my story is so similar to yours. My family cut ties with me after my mum died - she also held everything together and she also died in 2011! So hard to have toxic relatives, although them having cut ties is actually the best thing really. I tried to make everything better even though I didn't do anything wrong, but they kept badmouthing me to people and refused to be nice so I let them go.

Now thank goodness I have my own beautiful family and DH's family are wonderful too. Going through infertility after losing my mum and the rest of my family too was awful.

I just don't get why everyone has to be so horrible to each other!


As for this pregnancy, I'm not feeling so nauseous. Last pregnancy I was on progesterone so I'm hoping that's why I was more nauseous then. I need to try and book my first doctor's appointment and hopefully he'll have a look for the heartbeat again then.

Sorry you've had a similiar experience as well Ella I did the same thing for the longest time but have an inkling that my siblings just badmouth me anyway. I've been doing the same with letting them go.

I know how you feel. My siblings got extra nasty when it became apparent I was going through infertility while TTC#1, amazing since my brother and his wife went through it as well and took 5 years before they conceived after numerous IVF attempts. But nope, my brother practically told me I was 35 (at the time) and shouldn't be having issues and to just go on vacation and that otherwise I could always adopt - an option that wasn't good enough for him since they tried for so long but yeah, it's fine for me

Unfortunately I think many toxic people have personality disorders. I think my toxic relatives have Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD), it just fits their behavior so perfectly. My guess is my mother is a mix of NPD and some Borderline PD while my brother is NPD with some sociopath thrown in for extra toxic fun People with NPD enjoy being nasty to other people, it makes them feel better about their fragile egos. There's a huge need for a scapegoat in this type of family so they can avoid accountability for their own toxic and sick behavior. I know NPD is definitely impossible to treat since they almost always refuse to see a psychiatrist. They just aren't capable of change, the only way is to either agree that they're the perfect amazing human beings they think they are and not criticise them (my brother's wife and our cousin have chosen this path) or go no contact.

Glad you're not feeling so sick, I still have pretty bad MS ATM although I haven't actually thrown up very much Hope you get to see the heartbeat again, I'm hoping I get to hear it at my 11-13 week scan

 

[Blessedbaby]

sorry Ella you also in a similar situation ... ((HUGS))

I don't have MS today ... I just have earache that radiates into my jaw ...

my next appointment is only at 12weeks on 4 April which is gonna be here soon seeing that March is such a busy month with my assignments being due on 24 March, then Easter weekend and then the week after its my appt and scan

 

[KatO79]

Blessed you're lucky, my MS seems to be getting a tad worse

So exciting you know when your next scan is I don't know mine yet, will probably know more after my GP appointment next Friday though.

BTW my blood test went fine, think they took like 4-5 vials Unfortunately had some MS while waiting and during but quickly got home and took a small glass of lemonade - seems to help for a while anyway

 

[Blessedbaby]

oh no I had bad morning sickness with my DD

I cant wait to see how much my blob has grown

oh no Im having bloodwork done the same time as my appt

 

[ClandestineTX]

No tube tying for me, ever. If anyone is getting altered it's Hubster! This is our first, which took over three years to conceive. Assuming we get a baby out of this, we will NTNP. If we get a second - great! I actually have an amazing older brother, we beat the holy smack out of each other as kids, but have always been there for each other no matter what. Because of that and my husband having shit relationships with his much older half siblings, we would love more than one somewhat close in age. But I'm already going to be 35 when this one comes along, so I just fear any type of hormone is a horrible idea, considering it was my unbalanced hormones that caused us to have problems conceiving.

And this is going to sound horrible, but all of you talking about narcissists... my MIL was an emotionally abusive narcissist. I am completely grateful that woman passed away in 2013 and is not an issue in my life any more. Bless her heart and all that.

My next appointment is Monday of next week - I think I'm terrified. I have never had a pregnancy make it this far and I think I am still waiting for the other shoe to drop. I still have dodged the MS bullet, but think I'm making up for it with fatigue and WATER RETENTION. Like I feel so huge and bloated that I think I could be my own flotation device. It feels like I am the Stay Puft Marshmallow Woman.

 

[KatO79]

Blessed hope you manage to move one of your appointments!

And this is going to sound horrible, but all of you talking about narcissists... my MIL was an emotionally abusive narcissist. I am completely grateful that woman passed away in 2013 and is not an issue in my life any more. Bless her heart and all that.

My next appointment is Monday of next week - I think I'm terrified. I have never had a pregnancy make it this far and I think I am still waiting for the other shoe to drop. I still have dodged the MS bullet, but think I'm making up for it with fatigue and WATER RETENTION. Like I feel so huge and bloated that I think I could be my own flotation device. It feels like I am the Stay Puft Marshmallow Woman.

Clandestine I totally get what you mean and I don't think you sound horrible at all! I'm almost looking forward to when my narcissistic mother dies, I think it'll bring me some extra relief and peace when she's gone. She was and is a horrible mother, unfortunately I won't feel sadness when she passes after all the emotional and verbal abuse she's put me through my entire life

FXed for your appointment As for bloat, I'm also pretty bloated as well, looks almost like a small bump In a way it is since it's baby that's still causing it so I like to tell myself it's a bump whenever I look at it in the mirror

 

[ClandestineTX]

My husband was in your shoes and he honestly is still relieved almost three years later. There was some initial trouble, like the reality that the extremely slim chance of improving things went to zero setting in, but it passed pretty quickly.

I envy your bloat bump. Mine seems to be everywhere else - just call me BIG SWOLLEN.

 

[borr.dg.baby]

I am thinking about those with appointments coming soon! Keep looking for updates

I am not getting my tubes tied. I think we are done with babies but I might reconsider in like 6 years for a third, I am not the fertile kind so I am not worried about birth control, also birth control pills help with my Pcos so I don't mind them. Eventually if we decide not to have any more, dh will get a vasectomy.

 

[KatO79]

My husband was in your shoes and he honestly is still relieved almost three years later. There was some initial trouble, like the reality that the extremely slim chance of improving things went to zero setting in, but it passed pretty quickly.

Sorry your husband had to go through that, I know how that is I've already given up and been emotionally detaching from my mother ever since I figured out she's a narcissist about 3 years ago. It's been working pretty well, now her words and actions don't hurt me anymore In the process of doing the same with my toxic siblings as they're a slightly more recent discovery.

 

[ClandestineTX]

He had more adjustment with the realizing it as an adult and re-examining his childhood experiences and seeing them for what they were (usually him being manipulated or being put in a position to manipulate others on her behalf). It's weird but I think one of the reasons he really wants a kid is to prove that it doesn't have to be that way and you can just genuinely love them and have fun with them, while teaching them all the important things.

 

[Lost7]

Blessedbaby - Are you scared about the operation? I am so scared.

Kat079 - You are right, it’s a major procedure and I think that’s why I am panicking. You’re still young enough and you never know!

ClandestineTX - I wish I had a partner to alter.

Borr - I like it, you’re sending him for the op if you chose not to have any more. I wish I had that choice, I want to avoid surgery.


I guess I am just scared to go through that sort of surgery. If for what ever reason this one ends in a repeat caesarean (I'm going for a VBA3C) then I might as well have them done at the same time. However, I know it's a big operation and I am not keen as I nearly didn't wake up from the last 2 caesarean sections I've had.

 

[Lost7]

10 weeks today.

 

[Lalexf]

Just an update after my u/s today. There was no sign of a baby and my gestational sac had shrunk from 19mm to 11mm. It look like my body is already taking care of it's self. The baby stopped growing at 6+5. It happens. I am completely ok and as soon as the miscarriage is complete and my levels are back to zero we will start the treatment process again. My spirits are high and I know that I can still get pregnant. I have to say for everyone that the movie....The Great Sperm Race.... you can watch on you tube....is a great movie to help appreciate all aspects of conceiving. I am lucky that I am not devastated by this loss. I was in a previous miscarriage so I've been there. I have two beautiful twins and they give me a reason to smile every single day.

Best of luck to you all and have a great October. I will be further behind you now but not far! I have had a good talking to my reproductive parts and we will achieve success!

You can go ahead and take me off the expecting list....I will find my way onto another when the stars align!

 

[borr.dg.baby]

lalexf I am so sorry for your loss I admire your positive attitude and I really hope you get your bfp soon!

 

[Lalexf]

Thanks so much.

 

[Blessedbaby]

Lalexf sorry about your loss hun ... Im thinking of u

Lost Im having a csection so will have it done at the same time as the day of the birth