OH has let it slip :-(

[Rachie004]

I'm a little bit disappointed, my OH let is slip today to one of our work colleagues that I'm pregnant.

It's not as bad as it initally seems because we consider him to be a friend outside of work and his wife is probably only a couple of days behind me and had confided in my OH about their pregnancy.

I'm just a bit peeved and disappointed. Apparently they were talking about his wife's pregnancy and he made a comment along the lines of 'you need to hurry up and get Rach knocked up' then when he saw the reaction on my OH's face he guessed and said 'Ooh, you already have' so they've had a good chat about it.

I'm off work because as soon as I reported my pregnancy to my line manager I was grounded and told to stay at home until after my 12 week scan (standard practice), after that I'll go back to work and do office duties so until then no one is going to know anything. He did tell him to keep it quiet but I'm just so worried that he'll blab to everyone. I don't like work people knowing my business, especially when it's something so private as my pregnancy.

Rant over - maybe I'm over-reacting? Thanks for listening xx

 

[Celesse]

In our last pregnancy OH told work early on. I went on to miscarry. First I had a scan that showed no growth and I had to phone OH at work. They send him home. Then he needed time off for me to have the medical procedure. And then 9 days later when that failed and I started bleeding heavily and he had to rush home from the middle of the meeting.

For him, having work friends know and having male input was very important and therapeutic for him. He needed support too. Even in our successful pregnancies he's told close mates early for their support.

I'm sure you'll get a lot of responses saying how bang out of order he was, but I do think that men need support and to be able to talk about the pregnancy as it does effect them too.

 

[Night Flower]

I'm waiting until 12 weeks to tell everyone. My boyfriend is too. Miscarry is 1 in 4 chance to happen. Why blab away until its safe to?

 

[Rachie004]

Two different view points there, both interesting, thank you for taking the time to reply. I'm sorry for your loss Celesse

I'm confident that things are going to be okay because we had a scan on Saturday and saw the heartbeat so while I know nothing is guaranteed, it at least puts things massively in our favour.

It's more that we agreed to not talk about it, I've been feeling quite isolated the last week or two because I'm at home all day - it's difficult to balance making myself too available and raising suspicion about why I'm not at work.

 

[o0oCharlieo0o]

I agree with Celesse especially as we have a place like this to come to to talk about our pregnancies if we want so we have 'someone' to talk to, men dont really have that, my OH told a mate at work the day i found out i was pregnant, i dont mind at all i think its nice hes excited and talking about it, and on the 1 in 4 chance of miscarriage my feelings on that are if that awful thing happened id want support so by them knowing i would have support, if i hadnt told anyone then no1 would know. But i do see your point Rachie, if you didnt want people to know then fair enough he shouldn't have told he should have asked you first xx

 

[1eighty]

Miscarry is 1 in 4 chance to happen. Why blab away until its safe to?

why the stigma over miscarriage?

on the 1 in 4 chance of miscarriage my feelings on that are if that awful thing happened id want support so by them knowing i would have support, if i hadnt told anyone then no1 would know.

exactly this.



it's frankly quite tragic that even these days, people feel the need to hide a pregnancy's early stages for fear of having to then tell people they've had a loss. the more that is known about it, the better the lives of those who have to live with it. continuing to stigmatise miscarriage will hopefully become as distasteful as stigmatising mental illness or alternative sexuality.

i can understand waiting for certain groups - those who have had previous losses, perhaps those who are pregnant at a bad family time (death in the family) - but there should be no shame in others announcing earlier than 12w.

we were going to leave it until after my son's 1st birthday at the end of november, but we will probably announce after we've booked in with the midwife instead because, as Charlie says, i'd rather have the love and support from those around me than to try and explain a sudden change in demeanour from a loss that people were oblivious to.

why blab away until it's "safe"? why deny that happiness from people, even if it is but fleeting.

 

[1eighty]

I don't like work people knowing my business, especially when it's something so private as my pregnancy.

Rant over - maybe I'm over-reacting? Thanks for listening xx

tbh he should have been sympathetic to your desire for privacy and only said for definite when you were both ready. Sounds like it was on his face before it was on his lips though, and really, reactions like that can't be helped!

 

[Eternal]

I would have no issue hubby telling a friend, it's his business as much as mine, it's OUR baby, so if he needs or what's to tell someone then fine. We discussed not telling his family or announcing too early, but we have both good a a friend so we have someone to know of anything went wrong.

 

[Nicole_E]

I asked my husband to keep it quiet with our families and work people because I found out so early on as well. However literally 3 days later one of his coworkers told him (privately) that his wife was pregnant but to keep quiet because it was early for her as well, and my hubby let it slip. But I didn't mind because I feel it was nice for him to have someone to talk to about it besides me.

Plus, as this man is his Officer in Charge (they are in the U.S. Navy), when I had to go to the ER last month unexpectedly, all my hubby had to do was tell him and he was able to meet me there. If he hadn't had told his OIC, he would have had to tell other people there in order to be able to leave base.

 

[x__amour]

Your OH didn't openly told him, his co-worker guessed. I agree with Eternal. I'm sure your husband liked having another father to be to talk to.

 

[Misscalais]

Don't let it worry you too much.
We told really close family and 3 friends at like 6 weeks this time but waiting to do the 'public' announcement after the 12 week scan.
So just as long as he keeps your secret then all should be ok

 

[MellyH]

Your OH didn't openly told him, his co-worker guessed. I agree with Eternal. I'm sure your husband liked having another father to be to talk to.

Agreed. I would be upset too, but more at the circumstance (and the cluey co-worker!) than your OH, it's not like he thoughtlessly/deliberately spilled the beans against your wishes. Big hugs though, it's not nice when people know things you don't want them to.

 

[Rachie004]

Thank you for all the replies - I guess my response has been a tad unreasonable - hormones eh?

Just to clarify, it's not about the risk of miscarriage, we had a scan on Saturday and Emmet the embryo was measuring bang on and had a lovely strong heartbeat so while it doesn't guarantee anything, the odds are at least massively stacked in our favour.

You're right, it's not like my OH said 'hey, get this, Rach is pregnant, wahey' - our friend guessed by his reaction. I'm more concerned that he might blab and everyone at work will then know. I don't want people at work to know until they absolutely have to; ie when I go back to work and it'll be obvious to all because I won't be in uniform and I won't be going flying. I have a firm view of work is work and home is home - my pregnancy is a personal and special time for us and I don't want the details of it being shared with people when it isn't any of their business - work colleagues weren't there when we conceived and won't be there when I give birth

Thank you everyone for taking the time to reply to me xx

 

[laodicean]

I think everyone is missing the elephant in the room here...

...
I'm off work because as soon as I reported my pregnancy to my line manager I was grounded and told to stay at home until after my 12 week scan (standard practice)

That's awesome! I'd be reporting that I was pregnant about four times a year...!

Thank you for all the replies - I guess my response has been a tad unreasonable - hormones eh?

A little unfair - after all, your OH can't help that he'd make a rubbish poker player! But I can completely understand that you're worried it might go out further from this one friend. However, I'm sure if you asked nicely they'd keep it to themselves, especially since they're in the same situation?

 

[Rachie004]

Haha laodicen - someone did allegedly fake it the one time

 

[geordie_gal]

No use crying over spilled milk as they say!
It might be great for him to have someone to talk too.
I had this forum, we didn't announce until 15 weeks due to my OHs grandfather being very ill and not wanting to take focus away from him.. (He got better)
My OH said he would have found it easier if he had had someone to talk to about it all but he only said this recently. We have agreed if there is a next time we will announce sooner. x