ok so who wants to get pregnant in 2011? (closed group)

[MummyCat]

Good luck Preethi... Happy 31 weeks!

Been busy cleaning and doing stuff round the hosue. Had a freak out last night as Mike said he thought baby might come early! I want it to be late... cos then my folks will be here to help with Lottie. It'll just be easier for us. So that made me think well it's unlikely to make things easier for us... so I'm bound to be having this baby early then! That freaked me out cos I've done nothing about getting anything ready! MIL will be here in just over 2 weeks though and will get everything sorted then!

Hope you're all okay!

 

[Huggles]

I had a similar wake-up call this weekend when we were away with friends. Someone asked if we'd booked our bed at the hospital yet and i was like
I've been so focused on getting to 26 weeks that i haven't really thought much past that. Didn't even occur to me yet to find out about booking my bed and doing the maternity ward tour! Told dh we better find out about all that at our next appointment next week!

 

[flyingduster]

Good luck Preethi! I hope it's all good news of a still-growing lil girl who is happy to stay where she is for a while longer!


And yeah, I've just heard from someone who had their lil bub 6 weeks early. Totally fine, just early! I've only *got* a bit over 7 weeks to GO! that's like giving birth next week! omg! I finally have a whole weekend with no plans this weekend, so I'm going to wash baby clothes and pack my hospital bag up and stuff like that I think. Perhaps move the bassinet into our room too. And sort out the rest of the stuff I *need* before bub comes and go from there I guess... Scary!

 

[Huggles]

scary, but exciting!

 

[nypage1981]

Hello ladies- ive read everything and hope you are all well and sending hugs around.


I have an issue and since you are all so level headed and have great advice im hoping to vent and get some feed back. Ok.

OH agreed to stop smoking with a bfp. There have been many times in the last 7 months that i've asked, accused, bantered, and fought with OH about me thinking he has been smoking. And in his car, nonetheless. BUT each time he has assured me up and down, promised, and said definitely he is not smoking. He even gets really mad at ME when i would bring it up or "accuse" him of things and would be in a fight because he would be mad that I accused him. Anyways, a month ago I decided to be nice and vacuum his car very thoroughly. I busted my butt doing this, getting into small cracks and under seats and all over. I found ashes, wrappers, and other things to point to the smoking. I just through it all away, cleaned it up, and hoped it was old stuff. Yesterday I for sure caught him. For the first time in a while I went into his car for something and noticed fresh white ashes on the floor and side dash of his car.....then I looked in glove box and found other evidence. When I asked him about it he denied it, got mad again, and actually left. Finally, its out, he has been smoking but now, get this, its my fault because I "stress him out." So, not only has he blatantly lied to my face COUNTLESS times in the last 7 months, but he's even smoking in his car, which baby will be riding in soon....The biggest issue I have is the trust. He travels for work sometimes and I find it hard to figure out now how important i am to him to not do things behind my back and just lie to me....so where is the line drawn at the betrayal he could justify? Im so torn to pieces over this, it hurts so much to think of being lied to over something so small for so long....Today I made a snide comment about him not answering his phone while at work because he was outside smoking and he said he would never smoke at work since he is in the Excercise Physiology division and that would NOT be accepted. All I can think of that is im so glad his work gets the luxury of him not smoking there out of respect for his career, but then its ok to lie to me for the last year about it and not think anything wrong of that.....us, his family, we are ok to hurt. IDk. What do i do?

 

[Huggles]

I don't really have any advice NY, but i can understand how hurt you must be feeling. It's one thing for him to still smoke in his car after telling you he's quit, but it's a whole other thing to lie to you about it continuously when directly confronted. I'm sorry I don't have anything useful to say.

 

[flyingduster]

Aw hun, I'm sorry you're going through that! I can totally[/]i understand the hurt of being lied to about it! I think that you HAVE to talk to him about it though.
Let him know though, that yes while you want him to stop smoking, it's NOT the fact he's smoking that has hurt you so so bad; it's the fact he lied to you about it. At least I think that's what the real problem is; it would be for me! I know you want him to stop smoking, but try to remember it *is* an addiction, and an addiction can be physically very very very very difficult for people to stop doing, no matter how much they think they want to. And the other thing is that if it's not very much THEIR choice to quit; pressure from others will generally not help them quit at all and it'll only keep cropping back up... I'm not saying you're pressuring him without him wanting to quit as well, but perhaps he feels that way, even though you really don't mean to!

You are hurt, which is totally understandable, but it sounds like he's feeling defensive and possibly hurt too? I don't know, and in fact we may never know what goes on in a guys mind sometimes, but when you talk to him do try to be open to HIS feelings of why he's still smoking and why he lied about it etc. Even if his reasons make you feel worse! If he doesn't spit out the real reasons about it all then you can't move forwards properly and he'll probably never really quit... It might just be that he is stressed out about the whole pregnancy thing, and smoking is the only thing HE can control still? Yes he said "you" stress him out, but I'd say it's more the whole pregnancy thing than you, but he's being a guy about it and not talking about his worries and stress or whatever, and instead smoking to comfort himself?

Ugh, I don't know really, and I'm so sorry he's hurt you! I'm sure that in his mind he IS sorry cos he loves you, but he's all stressed and defensive when confronted. If there is a way you can get him to open up without going too defensive then go for it, but if he DOES get defensive the only way forwards to to suck it up and DON'T take it personally! Don't argue back even if he's just stabbed you in the heart with what he's said, try to work him through it so he does actually open up and it doesn't become just a big argument. Use statements like "I feel..." so it can't be argued against, and don't forget to say you do still love him, even if you're feeling hurt right now. Guys are hard to crack, but if you CAN get him to open up, it'll be better to do it now than keep everything bottled up after bub is here.......

 

[MummyCat]

Oh Nikki

I'm be livid.... so understand exactly how you feel! I think there is some very good advice from Flying.

If it was me it had happened to... I'd think I'd want to tell my OH that I'm mostly upset about the lying. If he struggled to give up the smoking he should have spoken to me about it and together perhaps we could have found ways (patches etc) to try to help him. It seems there's a small block in communication between you both.

I guess the only way forward to to talk about it as bottling it up is going to be no good and will just fester away. I think he needs to understand why you're so upset about it... but I also think you need to show a bit of understanding as Flying said, he probably is addicted to it and found it very difficult to give up and probably felt very guilty so didn't want to tell you.

Oh gosh sweetie... I hope it all works out for the best!

Anyone heard from Preethi about her scan yesterday????

 

[babyhopes2323]

Hi Ladies,

been having the worst worst headaches for the last three days, not been able to do anything.. went to my scan yesterday, baby has gained weight from 1045 - 1345 in the lat two weeks, so im very happy, and is definetely growing , but on the small scale (measurements) doctor is very happy with the blood flow and the heart and the fact that baby is not in distress and wants to buy one more week, so still taking it week by week, but for now, she is doing fine !! xxxx

Mummy, bubs will come in time for you xx and you will be sorted with everything by then xxx

Flying, you are so close.., eeeeeeeeeeeekkkkk i hope i will be able to update from the hospital.. doc says he dosent see me getting to 36 weeks b ut after yesterdays scan, he has hopes of 34, but says there will always be a time where we say, lets draw the line and get baby out, but he has hopes of 34 weeks xxx

Nikki, i am sooooo sorry about your situation, i totally understand how you feel as well and for me just like you, it would be more about the lying... i am with flying on this one and she has given the best advice. i truly truly hope things work out for you with OH and that he understands how important it is to stop smoking, especially with baby coming xxx

 

[MummyCat]

fabulous news hun... she's pretty much 3lb's now which is good news. My book says that from about now (in an average pregnancy) the babies put on about 1/2 lb (227g) a week until about 36 weeks when their growth slows down a bit.

So fingers crossed... they can keep her in for as much of the next 4 weeks as possible so she can hopefully grow a bit more as the more weight she has on her the better of course!

You must be really happy with that scan hun! Well done to your little fighter!

Are you any closer on names? Or waiting till the big day to announce?

Hope your headaches ease!

 

[NDH]

Nikki I wish I had advice to give you. I agree with the others in that I think the worst part about it is the fact that he's been lying about smoking. If he's been having trouble quitting (or doesn't even want to) then he should have been upfront about it so you could find a solution together. And there absolutely needs to be no smoking in the car (even with the window down) or in the house. Hopefully at the very least he is willing to abide by that. for what you're going through.

Preethi, good news that she's gained 3/4 of a pound in two weeks! That's a definite positive. I think taking it week by week is a very good plan, and it would be fantastic if she can prove the doctors wrong and hang in there til 35 or 36 weeks. But even if they're saying now that she might make it to 34 weeks that's fantastic and certainly better than 32 weeks. I hope that every day continues to bring progress and it would be wonderful if she could break the 4lb mark at least before she's born. Holding out lots of hope for you

 

[Huggles]

Glad you had a good scan babyhopes and that baby is gaining weight nicely! Would be awesome if they could leave her in until 34 weeks as she'd then have to spend very little time in nicu (maybe only a few days)! Anything after 34 weeks is great!
Hope the headaches ease soon

 

[nypage1981]

Preethi that is great news! So proud of your little girl for her growth spurt.

Thank-you for the advise ladies. I had made it very clear to him from the beginning that trust is hard for me. And with this situation he knows I feel really betrayed of trust, but still feels defensive over that. I think he is being a man, and feeling very guilty inside, and being defensive. I start to feel like we can move on and then I think of the times that he would come home from a drink with a friend and be happily pronouncing proudly that he didn't even have a smoke at all. Then I think, he probably did, and just didn't feel badly about lying to me. It's just hurting badly. As for giving up smoking, I, too have been there so unfortunately do not have much sympathy for him in that department. What can I do when he stresses me out? I can't run for a smoke or a glass of wine. Sigh. I am scared we can't get past all this. I really feel like I don't want to look at him or be touched by him. In disgusted.

 

[Huggles]

 

[Dew]

Preethi: oh God! So happy to know about baby's growth...she loves you a lot My best wishes to you

 

[Dew]

NY: Are you feeling any better..??

 

[flyingduster]

Aww ny; hun!!!!


Preethi; YAY she's gained a decent chunk of weight! And she's still happy in there too, so 34 weeks sounds MUCH better than 32! That's only 6 weeks early then, and that can happen 'normally' and be fine too, let alone without all the help she's been having to set her up to be ok!

 

[MummyCat]

Nikki! Hope you guys get through this!

Preethi hun... my Godson was born 6 weeks early (complete surprise) so had no steroid injections etc and was tiny!!! He spent two weeks in hospital and is now walking around and just started talking

So take heart lovely.... lets all keep our fingers crossed you get to a minimum of 34 weeks!

 

[nypage1981]

Hi girls- thanks for the hugs and support and advice. I am not really doing any better with it all but have been busy today as my sister just had her baby! I was at the hospital for a long day. It kind of made me feel sad a little because I am no longer very excited or enjoying my pregnancy with all this tension and resent between OH...and who even knows if we will be together in 7 weeks for him to be there with me at the birth. Its all kind of depressing.

I hope my new Neice is ok, my sister spiked a temperature during labor and now the baby came out with it too and has to be in the NICU for at least 48 hours but then possibly more...for testing and such...so none of us can even go see her Im sad about that, I want to hold her so badly!

Hope everyone is well and thanks again for support.

 

[Dew]

Hi girls- thanks for the hugs and support and advice. I am not really doing any better with it all but have been busy today as my sister just had her baby! I was at the hospital for a long day. It kind of made me feel sad a little because I am no longer very excited or enjoying my pregnancy with all this tension and resent between OH...and who even knows if we will be together in 7 weeks for him to be there with me at the birth. Its all kind of depressing.

I hope my new Neice is ok, my sister spiked a temperature during labor and now the baby came out with it too and has to be in the NICU for at least 48 hours but then possibly more...for testing and such...so none of us can even go see her Im sad about that, I want to hold her so badly!

Hope everyone is well and thanks again for support.

I don't believe that NY! You must be kidding me! How can things get so bad in one week that you think of splitting with OH at almost 32 weeks of pregnancy?? Give some time and things will begin to smooth out between the two of you.

I remember couple of months back you were mad at him regarding the house. Things didn't turn out as perfectly as you expected but he did make an effort to fix the house.

From my understanding, I think men generally don't like to change their lifestyle/habits for their woman but they are known to change a lot for their kids. May be your OH will change too. I am not expecting him to quit smoking but at least he can cut down on it a bit and learn to smoke outside of car and house.

This is definitely not the end for you two. No relationship is perfect, no man is and no woman is. When fate puts two people together, they have to find a way around each others imperfections to make it work, focus on the good part.....unless of course there is nothing good to focus on.

I hope your anger and annoyance calms down soon and you two find a way to talk to each other about it. If talking doesn't work, try writing in text or e-mail and convey your feelings to him in a calmer and loving way. Look for hope and you may find it.

Praying that your sister and sister's baby stay healthy and get to go home very soon.