Hopefully it will be a bfp rather than just being unfit lol
I'm feeling so down about everything right now, so please feel free to ignore this next part LOL
We really, really need to move. We took this place (rented) as a 6 month stopgap just to get out of MILs and didn't care about the state of it at the time. We have now been here 7 years! I am doing everything I can to move, I've applied to the council but not holding my breath there, don't even know if we will get on the list as technically the room the boys are in can take 2 people, and each child under 10 counts as half a person, which means the big 3 are 1.5 people all together. DS4 doesn't even count as a person as he is under 1. And DH and I obviously share so they will say we have enough bedroom spaces. I'm also looking almost every day to see if any more private rents come up. But finding one in our price range for the right size is tricky, our rent is very cheap for the area due to the state of the house. If we moved out of the area we might be able to find something more affordable. I'm not even talking so far out that the boys would have to move school, but DH is such a SNOB about the surrounding areas. Its this village or the next one and thats all he will consider. He just keeps going on about how the landlord (who he has also started working for so sees weekly) wants to keep us here and is asking how he can help the situation, saying he could convert the loft etc. Which would be fantastic, because we have a wonderful landlord and I do worry that next time we will get an awful one, but its not even the bedroom spaces, its the size of the downstairs of the house and the state of it. I sometimes feel like what's the point in cleaning it because its such a tip anyway. I don't feel I can invite anyone round and worry as the boys get older what their friends will think when they come over, because no matter what I do, we still have so much stuff that it looks messy.
And I feel like I'm never going to be pregnant, if I do get pregnant I'll be judged for not moving first, and I know its only my 2nd cycle but I was trying to give this diet and exercise thing a go but if I'm not even O-ing or going to have a really short LP I can't keep it up. Its hard enough as it is. So I'm giving up on the idea of doing that and ever having a daughter. Which is OK, you know, I love my boys and I wouldn't swap a single one of them for a girl, and if I had had another boy I wouldn't have been upset and would have loved him just as much as the others, but it was a nice thought for a while that I might have had a girl 'one day'. I don't want to go through months of TTC to discover I wasn't even able to get pregnant in the first place (again) but it looks like I'll have to just give all the opks and stuff a rest and wait it out with my fingers crossed because its driving me mad.
phew, I'm done, sorry about that.
im so stressed. And we dont have tbe money to pay another deductible this year. 
