Old School POAS addicts - chat thread!

[LuvallmyH]

Can I ask a technical question? I have a link to my journal, but I don't know how to change the the part you click on to the title.

 

[motherofboys]

Not sure on the technical stuff sorry.
Thanks for your reply though and AF must be just round the corner because I almost cried when you spoke about the love in your home lol
Its great when you get the perspective of someone with a large family rather than those who ask how you could afford them all or divide your time. My MIL was horrible about DS4, saying if DS1 wanted to go to college he wouldn't be able to if we had too many kids. I don't know about where you guys are but in the UK there are lots of funded further education as well as loans and although we'd do our best to help, even if we only had 1 child I still wouldn't expect to completely pay his way through. I also felt she was implying none of the others had any potential so it was a double blow really.
DH is 45, I'd like to be done before he was 50, then again I always wanted to be done before I am 30, but now at 28 I'm thinking maybe 30 would be my limit LOL I think the main reason I thought 30 was a good age to be done by with my Mum. She had me at 17, twin boys at 18 and was done. She always went on and on about how she'd 'get her life back' while she was young enough to enjoy it. While some of my friends in their late 30s/early 40s are just starting out with babies, or are still in the nappy changing, going to play groups, waking in the night stages, my Mum was off doing her thing. But thinking about it now I don't know where this "get your life back" thing has come from.
Anyway I know I am guilty of over thinking everything. But I know the boys are not at the stage where they would like us to be done. DS1 asked for 4 more brothers! DS2 is convinced he is having 2 sisters to the point he was concerned about my ring having their names and birth stones on because where would I put the girls names?! DS3 says he likes having a baby brother and if asked if he'd like another he says yes.
DH says he'd be happy with 2 more, but I know he'd also be OK with it if I said no more. I don't think men get that feeling we do. That almost physical pull towards babies.
I do sometimes wonder if I'm being selfish because although we could technically afford another baby, it would just put all those extra things that much further out of reach.

 

[babykate]

This is such a beautiful conversation! I think an extra brother or sister is worth so much more than all of the little extras. My parents only had two kids and they could barely afford us by today's standards but we were healthy and happy and learned that we didnt alwayd get everything we wanted/what or classmates or neighbors had. You will never regret having another child at the expense of a vacation or an ipad.

 

[motherofboys]

Thank you, I worry so much, all the time, about everything. I constantly second guess myself so I don't think that helps as I worry how they will feel as they get older.

Well I don't know why I did it but I tested. I don't know where I am in my cycle, theres a chance if I O'd at some point between my 2 cervix checks that I'm between 6 and 10 dpo. But I may not have O'd yet at all. And the tests I have, I read in the testing section after I got them that they are really bad for evaps. And its afternoon. But I did it and I think I have an evap. But my stupid phone charger broke so I've now got no battery at all so can't take a picture.

 

[LuvallmyH]

I actually had a lady stop me in target when I only had 5. She asked if they were all mine and when I told her yes she said they are surprisingly well-behaved considering how many there are. (Say what?) then she told me I had to be done because I wouldn't be able to afford them when they got older! Ok, now I know she was trying to be a well-meaning good person (insert lots of sarcasm) but wtf? I really believe in all my heart that even if I can't pay for a full tuition ride through college for all my kids I am not a bad parent! My children have so much love and support and from so many family members. I just keep telling myself after all the nasty & stupid comments from strangers, that they can't do what I do. Because they can't be a wonderful parent to a houseful of kids, they just can't understand how I can do it.
My favorite is all the people I know who say they can not afford another child. They live in big fancy houses, take extravagant fancy vacations, and each get a new fancy car every 2 years. Be honest! Their lifestyle can't afford more kids. And I'm not saying everyone needs a dozen, just don't blame $ issues for deciding not to have more in that situation.
I also feel selfish because frankly my kids do miss out on time with me. Personally I think I'm overrated, lol. But I really feel like always having someone to play with & watch their back makes up for some of it. And honestly, I spend a lot of time cleaning and doing laundry and other house stuff and they wouldn't have my time anyway. I think families with 1 child feel the same.

I stalk over in the pregnancy test section too! I get sucked into testing too! I can't wait to see pics of your test. I hope it's not an evap!

 

[motherofboys]

Ya know when I think back there were only 3 of us and my Mum never played with us. I remember her reading school books with me when I first started school. But she was always cleaning or some other house hold chore.
And yes I totally get what you're saying. I've got friends who said they couldn't have another as they didn't have space. They have a 4 bedroom house, 2 daughters and a step daughter and each girl has her own room. The step daughter only stays weekends. I can understand her being a teenager and so much older than the others needing her own space. But surely if they really wanted a baby then the 2 younger girls could share? But she wouldn't hear of it.
Someone else who I thought was a friend, her sons a year older than my eldest. They only have the 1. She lived a few doors down and I thought we got quite close until she ditched me over night. She recently moved because the house wasn't big enough She had 3 bedrooms, mines a 2 bed. Shes now got a 5 bedroom house. There is her, DH and DS! Honestly? Its all for show! She was far too competitive anyway. Would come round for coffee and make me get all the presents out the cupboard near Christmas, tell me how her son wasn't into any of that, and basically put down my choice of gifts, then she'd be on Facebook a few hours later telling everyone she'd just bought her son the very thing I'd just shown her. I got the boys a tablet, she bought an ipad.

 

[steph.]

Well my mum arrived and my sister (big mouth!) told her that we are wanting #3. But she was surprisingly supportive!She said kids are the most wonderful thing in the world and she regrets only having the 2 of us girls and wishes that she had had at least 4. I told her we agreed to stop at 3 as I would be worried that I wouldn't have time for them all and she said that the kids keep each other company too and wouldn't be demanding my attention all the time as they do now, and that she really thinks 4 is a good number But then she also said that after the stressful year I've been through (down syndrome scare, amnio, Sienna being born with a lymphatic malformation and having to undergo treatment, my dh being diganosed with type 1 diabtes) that I should wait a bit longer to try again. I understand where she is coming from, but I just can't wait. Especially as I think that even if we are ttc it may take a while this time (oh yeah I did 2 more tests, thought I could see something, so did another 2 but pretty sure it's bfn).

Anyway, I agree with you guys, I think a lot of people make excuses for not wanting more kids, when they really shouldn't. It's ok to only want 1 or 2 kids, just like its ok to want 10. If they get everything they need and plenty of love that is all that matters. And Kay, I went to uni in Glasgow and didn't pay anything at all, just had to pay for accommodation and food and it's easy enough to get a student loan. A lot of my friends were living at home, so their whole uni life didn't cost a thing. Of course this was back in 2003 and things change, but where there is a will there is a way! Stupid MIL!

 

[motherofboys]

Thats so great that your Mum is supportive of another. I can see where she is coming from about waiting but I also see your point.
I hope that your tests turn into something and the second 2 you took were more diluted urine or something.

 

[steph.]

11dpo and another bfn I'm 99% sure I'm out.

 

[steph.]

My dh left his phone at home today and it lets me upload pictures directly so heres my bfn ! I need to grow some self control next month...

 

[motherofboys]

aww hun, its hard. I tested again and def bfn and now i feel silly as i feel kinda like I'm going to O now so dunno where I am lol

 

[Mrs. Eddie]

I totally agree with everything you ladies are saying regarding the number of kids you can have. I think for a lot of people lifestyle is fairly important and people think that they need to give their kids everything they desire nowadays in order to be "good parents.", which is obviously not true. We live a pretty good lifestyle now and we'll likely stop at two or three kids so we can maintain it somewhat. Also, I'm in my early 30's and am thinking two or three is what we'll be able to have realistically.

That being said, after having Isla I totally understand the appeal of having a large family. Children are such an amazing blessing and she really does make every day of my life wonderful

Steph, wow you have been through quite a stressful year. Try not to get too upset about the BFN. I'm trying to convince myself that sometimes our bodies need some time to sort themselves out after we have our babies.

Kay, sorry to hear that it was a BFN for you too but hopefully it means that you haven't Oved yet...

 

[michelle85700]

Awww wish I had saw this thread sooner, I caved and tested today 13dpo AF due on wed BFN

 

[motherofboys]

AF is here. I could be anything from 8-13 dpo meaning I've had 7-12 day lp. I'm going to go with the lower number for now as last cycle af arrived at 7dpo (6 day lp) I need a minimum of 9 day lp to have a chance of falling pregnant, so if I can gain a day or 2 each cycle I could potentially have that this cycle I just started or next cycle.

 

[steph.]

Sorry about AF Kay, hopefully this cycle your lp will go back to normal.

I got a bfn on frer this morning at 12dpo, so now I am 100% out. Come on cycle #3! Who know dd1 took 1 cycle, dd2 took 2 cycles, maybe #3 will take 3 cycles! Although whatever happens I know we will get the children that we were meant to have and we will be glad for all these failed attempts.

Emily I understand the appeal for a big family too, but I think sometimes you just feel whether or not there is another little soul wanting to join the family. I can't really explain it, I KNOW there is no way we could stop now because there is someone missing. And at the moment I really can't picture myself with 4 kids. It's not because of finances or because of the attention they get, I know these things work themselves out, but every time I try to imagine my life with 4 kids, I just can't. Just like I can't imagine my life with 2. It's not because I rationally worked out that 3 is the perfect number, it's just a feeling. I am rambling now, I hope some of it makes sense!

Anyway I am going to enjoy a glass of wine now guilt free, and wait for af to show up in a couple of days.

 

[motherofboys]

Makes perfect sense to me. I couldn't imagine just having 2. People say to me about how manic and noisy it must be, but I think if I only had ds1 and 2, it would be so quiet as they are getting older. It is going to be so weird at the end of September when DS3 is full time at school with the others, just me and 1 little baby all day. I go on about yay a bit of freedom with not having to be in all day for the mid day school run, but I'm wondering if actually the days will pass a lot slower now.
In a way I'm glad AF arrived now instead of waiting another 2 weeks or whatever. Like my last cycle I didn't even O till CD32! At least if I have a reasonable length to the first part of my cycle I'll get through each of the quicker until I finally have a decent length of LP.

 

[steph.]

I know, I was thinking that too! I wish my cycles were a bit shorter so I didn't have to wait so long for anything exciting to happen!

 

[Mrs. Eddie]

I can totally understand what you're saying Steph, it's like I can't picture just having one. It makes perfect sense. I hope you're right re your three cycles for number three, how funny that TTC pattern has been like that. Also, sorry about the BFN, hope you enjoyed the wine

Kay, sorry about AF , at least your LP sounds like it is getting longer and longer so that's positive. That would be weird having only one LO at home now that your other three will be in school. Maybe there are some local play groups or something that you can take him to during the day if you're feeling like it's too quiet at home. Also, try to take advantage of having some more time to yourself, you deserve it!

Nothing new with me really. We're having Isla's bday party this weekend so I'm excited about that. I don't remember if I mentioned on here or not but I took a test the day before I started work (wishful thinking ) and it was BFN. I'm going to wait until mid September to test if AF hasn't shown up by then.

 

[motherofboys]

Sadly they closed our mother and toddler group a year ago. Not enough interest. Everyone was driving out of the village to go to the other surestart groups that are free, but as it was in the village hall there was a small fee to cover the rent. I don't drive so couldn't get to any of them. I might be able to get to some from the end of September depending on their start times coinciding with bus times but not many as the bus is almost £5 one way just for me.
Still my best friends daughter is starting school too and she just had her 2nd baby in June so we are both now in the same position and can meet up more often.

 

[LuvallmyH]

Sorry about all the bfn's and af's! We need some luck on this thread!

I took my 3 oldest out for the the day school shopping & to lunch. It was wonderful, but weird! I can't imagine what my life would be like with just them. I feel fortunate I get to spend time with all of them individually.

Happy Birthday Isla! I hope the party is super fun!

Cd 11 for me & nothing going on. I o'd last cycle on cd 16 so who knows.