Others smoking around your children

[x Michelle x]

Jeez oh. Pinklightbulb is getting a kicking here! I have to say I'm in agreement with her sentiments. It is hard to quit smoking and using the word "choice" isn't always as black and white as some may think. I started when I was a dumb teenager too. Some can say I was smart enough to have known not to, but there is a reason even smart teenagers are forbidden by law to enter into a contract. We didn't always make the best decisions. As an adult I've tried to quit but each time I keep going back to it. I've no idea why.

I never smoke in front or around my own child (or anyone elses) and don't expect anyone else to either. I do have a go at my mum for smoking in her house when Abby is coming. She can go outside and do it or we wont visit, its that simple. I even tell my husband off if Abby can even see him smoking. If I had friends who smoked in their house, I wouldn't go there. I hate seeing people smoking around their own children. To me it is a very ignorant thing to do. And those who smoke in their cars with children deserve a punching. So so wrong. People who stand around entrances and smoke are just selfish, as there is no reason they can't move along so people don't have to walk through a cloud of smoke. That said, walking through that for a couple of seconds isn't going to do anyone any harm. I do think businesses have a responsibility to stop it too, though.

On the other hand, if I'm sitting somewhere out of the way having a cigarette and you come and sit next to me with your children, whilst I will get up and move, it will really piss me off. And certainly don't come sit there and have a go at me. I always choose somewhere well out of the way and if I can't do that, I just wont light up. Our public smoking laws are fair, I think. You can't smoke in bus shelters, or in any enclosed space. I think applying it completely to public parks is a bit too harsh, but it could be done that parks have to have a designated smoking area. That would actually make things much easier because everyone knows where they need to be.

Sure it could be banned totally and hell, who knows, that might even make me quit. But until it is, I'm not breaking the law by smoking and I will agree with Pinklightbulb that smokers are made to feel like second class citizens and there is definitely a judgement thing going on, which I don't think is fair or necessary. We are all just people who got to this stage of life with a bad habit or two - and everyone has them. As long as we all do our best to make sure those habits don't affect other people then there shouldn't be a problem.

^^ exactly this!
Nothing worse than someone coming beside me when i have hidden myself away from everyone to have a perfectly legal cigarette, and have them tut or cough. Don't stand beside me if you don't want smoke to blow towards you!

 

[onetwothreebp]

I do agree with that. I think smoking in public is fine, especially when smokers are considerate and find a spot out of the way. If you seek them out - that's your own problem, not theirs! My only issue with smoking in public is crowding around a doorway that my son and I are trying to enter/leave.

 

[lau86]

Well my view on it, for what it's worth, is that most non smokers won't get exposed enough to make Any kind of a difference. Eg I don't smoke, neither does hubby and though we have friends that smoke none of them do at home. I would take LO for a visit at a smokers house (as I was as a child to my grandparents) but I wouldn't live in a smoking house.
In my house I wouldn't let people smoke inside but in a public place I just try to shield LO from it without appearing OTT! I would certainly never confront a smoker about it in a public place. The park/ child places are a bit less black and white to me, whilst I would prefer people don't smoke there I have respect for the fact that legally people are allowed to smoke there. If it was happening all the time I may have a word.

 

[_jellybean_]

I do want to quit, and one day, might find the inner strength. Until then, I don't want to be bullied FOR the poor decision I made when I was younger-- and yes, non-smokers DO bully, and if they think what they do at times in public to smokers isn't, then they are naïve. Smoking around children is wrong. But non-smokers don't get to dictate where I am if I'm in an area that is not non-smoking... and a lot of them do, when they have children. I see mothers with kids giving me filthy looks all the time when I am not smoking around them. Kids come over to where I am and I get the blame when where was the parent who was supposed to be watching them? If I am in a place where a non-smoker knows is not signposted, chances are, there will be a smoker somewhere. Why is it OK to blame the smoker for exercising their legal right to smoke in that place? If the non-smoker doesn't like it, why don't they take their kids to an area they know will be smoke-free? Smokers have to pick and choose very carefully these days, as it's banned in so many places. It isn't fair to infringe on our space any more than it is that we infringe on yours.

There's a book called "The Easy Way to Quit Smoking" by Allen Carr. Wanted to recommend it to you.

OP, I do think it's the parent's responsibility to keep kids away from smoke. As for people smoking in public places, if they're allowed to, then I don't see an issue with it.

 

[Lara310809]

I don't let people smoke around my children or myself. My children aren't usually around smoke, since nobody they see regularly smokes. It's disgusting and damages their health, so why would I allow it? If I need to sit down with my kids, I won't sit anywhere near someone who is smoking, and if there are no seats available as a result, so be it. If I seat my kids somewhere "safe" and then someone comes and sits and puffs away, I'll remove my children, make a snide comment about how there were plenty of other places they could have sat and how they should consider wind direction etc and polluting other peoples lungs etc. I'm a bit arsey about it TBH, but I'm so sick of it.its not like I expect them to move; I will move because they're my kids and it's my choice, but it want them to realise that they've been inconsiderate, so I make the comments

I was thrilled when the smoking ban came in, but I don't think people should be allowed to smoke in the streets either. I realise that's harsh, but too many times have we gone down the street and I've breathed in and tasted a mouthful of cigarette smoke. I've never had a cigarette in my life; it's not okay that I should have to taste them on a regular basis. If you want to smoke, do it somewhere away from other people, and be considerate. Don't puff away and breathe your disgusting ashtray breath in our faces, because even if you don't have a lit cigarette in your hand, it's still passive smoking for my kids.

People, when I have told them this in the past, have said I should just stay at home if I do t want cigarette smoke in my face, but that's stupid too; why should I? I understand that cigarettes are legal, but they are still bad for your health, as well as those around you. I don't do much that is unhealthy, but let's say I was an avid drinker. Alcohol is legal too, but does that mean I can drink in the streets and force it down other peoples throats? No, because that goes against their personal choices; so why are smokers allowed to expel their toxic fumes into my face?

 

[Abigailly]

I was out today, stood away from shop doors in a public place... Some woman with a little baby in a sling decides to come along and stand beside me! Is it then my fault her baby is breathing my fumes? She gave me some dirty looks which I ignored then eventually moved away a bit.

Hate the holier than thou attitude of some non smokers.

You don't know why I smoke, if I told you then I'm making excuses... Can't win

That is because there isn't a plausible reason to smoke.

It's not healthy, it will not prolong your life, it stinks, it's very dangerous, it's expensive.

Your reason is an excuse, because there is no way it can be for the good of you and society.

I'm sorry, but what a self righteous attitude. You have NO idea why people do what they do. Just because you don't see any 'plausible reason' to smoke doesn't mean there isn't one. Just because it's a reason you can't comprehend doesn't mean it it's not a justified reason to the person doing it.

The only time I smoke during the day is when I'm fighting my Eating Disorder. I often find a couple of cigarettes helps me refocus and often helps me fight a binge. And to me, in the midst of things, it is usually as black and white as '10k calories or 3 cigarettes'. Is that a reason or an excuse?

I smoke very lightly. However, never once has Niamh seen me doing it. I will often have one at the end of the day. Sitting outside at the table. I'm also a social smoker and puff like a chimney when I've hadd too much to drink. I do it because I enjoy it. I love the feeling of having a cigarette in my hand, especially when it's cold out and we're sat outside at the pub etc.

I won't however allow anyone to smoke around Niamh. She doesn't go into her friend's house whose mother is a heavy smoker. I've also asked my MIL not to smoke while we're there and the couple of days leading up to us arriving.

It's their choice to smoke, it's mine to not allow her around smoke. There for I will accommodate to them. I wouldn't complain because she came back from their house smelling. I wouldn't have sent her in the first place.

 

[emyandpotato]

I was out today, stood away from shop doors in a public place... Some woman with a little baby in a sling decides to come along and stand beside me! Is it then my fault her baby is breathing my fumes? She gave me some dirty looks which I ignored then eventually moved away a bit.

Hate the holier than thou attitude of some non smokers.

You don't know why I smoke, if I told you then I'm making excuses... Can't win

That is because there isn't a plausible reason to smoke.

It's not healthy, it will not prolong your life, it stinks, it's very dangerous, it's expensive.

Your reason is an excuse, because there is no way it can be for the good of you and society.

I'm sorry, but what a self righteous attitude. You have NO idea why people do what they do. Just because you don't see any 'plausible reason' to smoke doesn't mean there isn't one. Just because it's a reason you can't comprehend doesn't mean it it's not a justified reason to the person doing it.

The only time I smoke during the day is when I'm fighting my Eating Disorder. I often find a couple of cigarettes helps me refocus and often helps me fight a binge. And to me, in the midst of things, it is usually as black and white as '10k calories or 3 cigarettes'. Is that a reason or an excuse?

I smoke very lightly. However, never once has Niamh seen me doing it. I will often have one at the end of the day. Sitting outside at the table. I'm also a social smoker and puff like a chimney when I've hadd too much to drink. I do it because I enjoy it. I love the feeling of having a cigarette in my hand, especially when it's cold out and we're sat outside at the pub etc.

I won't however allow anyone to smoke around Niamh. She doesn't go into her friend's house whose mother is a heavy smoker. I've also asked my MIL not to smoke while we're there and the couple of days leading up to us arriving.

It's their choice to smoke, it's mine to not allow her around smoke. There for I will accommodate to them. I wouldn't complain because she came back from their house smelling. I wouldn't have sent her in the first place.

The bolded bit; do you find it works? I have considered actually taking up smoking for this reason but don't know if I can justify it.

 

[ILoveShoes]

I had CBT for my eating disorder. I was referred through my Doctor.
I'd recommend that over smoking, Emyandpotato.

 

[Abigailly]

Obviously if you can find something that works before you get to something destructive (like smoking), then that's great. Unfortunately, CBT (or hypnotherapy, anti-depressants, psychotherapy, and a medical trial involved me taking a concoction of drugs including clomid) didn't work at the time for myself, at the time I did them.

Smoking does, sometimes, work for me Emyandpotato, however it was something I enjoyed before I fell pregnant. I obviously wouldn't recommend taking up smoking but I know sometimes for me I just need that emotional break. Just a day without feeling like that, physically. Then I know I can drop Niamh off at my mum's and just chain smoke. It's no long term cure but it often just gives me that time to re group.

 

[JASMAK]

I didnt read through...too long.

Smoking around children is not cool. Seriously. Who does that? If someone did....I would freak on them. Doesnt even have to be my kids.

 

[Eternal]

I hate it when parents smoke in the playground!

 

[Baby France]

This is a tough one.

I would not allow my family to smoke in front of the kids. I would ask them to move away. I have no problem with that, they don't like it, we leave the house and in future they come to see us.

However recently right in front of the school gate and I mean them blocking the path have been this couple that smoke there EVERY DAY. I wouldn't mind if they were to one side and not right were I have to say 'excuse me' every day. I am getting to the point were I will say something to them.

I don't mind people smoking, each to their own and as an ex smoker of 10 years, enjoy it! However, can you PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE not do it were I have to fight my way with the kids through it? Back off in a corner or not in the way were people who do NOT want to subject their body through that has to..purely because of the selfishness of moving 4 yards in another direction!!!

 

[Baby France]

Just to add...I was a selfish smoker when I smoked.

In those days we smoked whenever/wherever and as far as I was concerned I was never made aware of how I affected others.

Those who still smoke, I have complete empathy with. I've been there and I struggled but was successful in giving up (easy way to give up smoking, allen carr). I think its unfair to judge someone on why they should be giving up! Bloody hell, as a smoker you know the cost of the money AND you know they cost of the health and you STILL don't give up smoking...it's going to take a lot more than that for you to give up..especially someone preaching about it!

BUT, it doesn't stop it from being something, especially nowadays to be aware of the affects it has on others.

 

[Missnurse]

I hate those who smoke in cars with kids!

 

[meli1981]

To be honest i woyldnt take my children anywhere i knew there smokers, and if i had a friend who smoked i would expect them to respect my children and go outside. I know it would be thier house, but out of respect to the children....plus i woyldnt be friends with someone who would smoke infront of my kids anyways.

 

[chulie]

I didn't read all 18 pages cause this is a bit of an old post but I do find it interesting...I dont think anyone has talked about the other side of smoking in front of children. Yes of course all the physical damage but....the "monkey see monkey do" effect. I HATE people smoking even in y daughters vision because I don't want her to see that and ever think it's "acceptable". Like my entire in laws smoke. So when were at a get together and my dd is outside playing. They're all outside on the patio smoking. It makes me ill. Neither dh nor I smoke ( he's the only one in his entire family) and that's because we decided that we never want to show that's "ok". So I constantly hate her seeing all her in laws puffing away. As soon as she's old enough to comprehend I'll be making it clear it's "yucky" and not nice and mommy and daddy don't because it's gross. My mil and fil have horrible, disgusting teeth from years of smoking ( they're in their mid 60's) and I don't care how rude it is. When my 10 year old niece ( our families get together a few times a year) ask me what happened to their teeth I tell them it's what smoking does! If I can't stop my in laws. I dot care. I'll use them as an example to make sure no one I love ever picks up that disgusting habit. My nieces face of horror hopes I got through. I'll do the same for my daughter also!!!!

 

[Pearls18]

I didn't read all 18 pages cause this is a bit of an old post but I do find it interesting...I dont think anyone has talked about the other side of smoking in front of children. Yes of course all the physical damage but....the "monkey see monkey do" effect. I HATE people smoking even in y daughters vision because I don't want her to see that and ever think it's "acceptable". Like my entire in laws smoke. So when were at a get together and my dd is outside playing. They're all outside on the patio smoking. It makes me ill. Neither dh nor I smoke ( he's the only one in his entire family) and that's because we decided that we never want to show that's "ok". So I constantly hate her seeing all her in laws puffing away. As soon as she's old enough to comprehend I'll be making it clear it's "yucky" and not nice and mommy and daddy don't because it's gross. My mil and fil have horrible, disgusting teeth from years of smoking ( they're in their mid 60's) and I don't care how rude it is. When my 10 year old niece ( our families get together a few times a year) ask me what happened to their teeth I tell them it's what smoking does! If I can't stop my in laws. I dot care. I'll use them as an example to make sure no one I love ever picks up that disgusting habit. My nieces face of horror hopes I got through. I'll do the same for my daughter also!!!!

This is one of the main reasons I want smoking completely abolished in public and for tobacco to eventually be criminalised, I think by allowing it to be bought and then smoked in public is a form of condoning it, and as a society I don't think it should be condoned, it's the only way we will eradicate it for future generations. I understand it wouldn't be possible to criminalise tobacco for some time yet, but think an all out public ban is long over due.

 

[overcomer79]

I am very opinionated when it comes to smoking. After the last six months of my dad's life, how can I not be?

I got a call June 19th stating "daddy has only a few days"...so I start packing my bags and stopped by the store for a snack and a drink. They had the biggest display of cigarettes I had ever seen. I looked at my husband and said "I wish they would stop proudly displaying those cancer sticks!" I pissed a few people off and honestly I didn't care. Someone said something to me and I flat out told them I didn't have time to hear about how cigs makes the state money because I'm on my way to say bye to my dad and stormed out.

I will NOT allow anyone to smoke around me or my kids. People here aren't allowed to smoke on hospital property but what infuriates me is the gather at the bus shelter so I have to get off and breathe their habits. I will move my kids if it is within reason. I consider it out of reason if you smoke around schools and playgrounds.

I'm sure I will get bashed for my post but it just pains me that even four months out, my four year old still asks "where is papa" every time we go to see mom because he just doesn't understand.

 

[sue_88]

I didn't read all 18 pages cause this is a bit of an old post but I do find it interesting...I dont think anyone has talked about the other side of smoking in front of children. Yes of course all the physical damage but....the "monkey see monkey do" effect. I HATE people smoking even in y daughters vision because I don't want her to see that and ever think it's "acceptable". Like my entire in laws smoke. So when were at a get together and my dd is outside playing. They're all outside on the patio smoking. It makes me ill. Neither dh nor I smoke ( he's the only one in his entire family) and that's because we decided that we never want to show that's "ok". So I constantly hate her seeing all her in laws puffing away. As soon as she's old enough to comprehend I'll be making it clear it's "yucky" and not nice and mommy and daddy don't because it's gross. My mil and fil have horrible, disgusting teeth from years of smoking ( they're in their mid 60's) and I don't care how rude it is. When my 10 year old niece ( our families get together a few times a year) ask me what happened to their teeth I tell them it's what smoking does! If I can't stop my in laws. I dot care. I'll use them as an example to make sure no one I love ever picks up that disgusting habit. My nieces face of horror hopes I got through. I'll do the same for my daughter also!!!!

Good for you. I will be doing exactly the same thing.

Millie is fortunate enough that I/we don't associate with smokers so she will not see it in our social circle but in public I will make a point of telling her how bad it is if she questions it or is very clearly watching somebody do it.

 

[MommyJogger]

I didn't read all 18 pages cause this is a bit of an old post but I do find it interesting...I dont think anyone has talked about the other side of smoking in front of children. Yes of course all the physical damage but....the "monkey see monkey do" effect. I HATE people smoking even in y daughters vision because I don't want her to see that and ever think it's "acceptable". Like my entire in laws smoke. So when were at a get together and my dd is outside playing. They're all outside on the patio smoking. It makes me ill. Neither dh nor I smoke ( he's the only one in his entire family) and that's because we decided that we never want to show that's "ok". So I constantly hate her seeing all her in laws puffing away. As soon as she's old enough to comprehend I'll be making it clear it's "yucky" and not nice and mommy and daddy don't because it's gross. My mil and fil have horrible, disgusting teeth from years of smoking ( they're in their mid 60's) and I don't care how rude it is. When my 10 year old niece ( our families get together a few times a year) ask me what happened to their teeth I tell them it's what smoking does! If I can't stop my in laws. I dot care. I'll use them as an example to make sure no one I love ever picks up that disgusting habit. My nieces face of horror hopes I got through. I'll do the same for my daughter also!!!!

I actually worry a bit about something similar to this. DS's grandparents are chain smokers. DH and I don't smoke because we know how gross it is-- we spent part/all of our childhoods breathing it in and smelling it on our parents if we wanted to hug them. But since we don't allow anyone to smoke around our children, I feel like it's difficult to understand how gross it is until you've spent time around it as an "observer". I'd never let him be around people smoking just to teach him how gross it is, but coming from our background, we both worry that our kids won't comprehend from an early age like we did how absolutely appalling and all-consuming a habit it is. My kids taking up a substance is one of my worst fears, because I have no idea how to deal with it and no understanding of why people take it up in the first place, so coming from a place of empathy to help them control an addiction would be really difficult for us.