over 35 TTC #1. anyone? beuller?

[Libbystepof4]

I keep texting (every couple of days, not incessantly, lol) Nora about do tors appointments and now she's just started ignoring me instead of offering excuses. I'm about to get DH to make an appointment with a new pediatrician and a therapist and Nora can just deal with it. I'll go get violet and take her to the appointments if I have to. I'm just so upset about her being lousy! The timing is terrible for this, as well. They are starting school in less than two weeks and poor violet is going to be an anxious mess! I just can't stand it.
We have the crappiest little farmhouse in the universe. Seriously, its terrible. But we have been planning to fix it up. Time and money are always an issue. I think I've got DH convinced to build a new house on the farm and then fix this one up as a guest house! This could be really great!
I'm still wiped out. Idk why I have no energy right now. Yesterday I thought it was from the panic attack but I'm not so sure today. I actually slept last night so I shouldn't be so exhausted. They say you just want to sleep all the time during your first trimester. Idk what will happen to me since I already do want to sleep that much!! Lol

 

[AnnieMac2]

Haha - just text incessantly if you want a laugh. What, she gets annoyed and becomes uncooperative? Oh, wait...she's like that anyway. I think having dh just do it is a great idea. He has all the right to take his daughter to the doctor. I would save your texts. You're dealing with neglect now. She's really shooting herself in the foot about future custody arrangements now. Thanks for making this easy, Nora.

Ooh a farmhouse and a guest house on a bunch of land sounds so nice. I love our neighborhood, but dh and I really love the outdoors. Maybe that's a possibility some day. We're looking at cabins in the Adirondacks (a huge forested state park in New York) in the future. We're mid-reno here. Whenever dh hears a fire siren and we're out in the neighborhood, he says, "I hope that's our dumpy house burning down." haha. We live in the studio attic apartment now. When we move downstairs, we can't afford furniture until tax returns come next spring. "Welcome, baby, to your new home. Don't worry, it just looks abandoned. Let's embrace minimalism."

Just listen to your body during first trimester. With your RA, you're entitled to all the sleep in the world! No questions asked. Maybe you'll be tired enough to fall asleep at a good, consistent hour and you'll have the most restful sleep regimen you've had in a long time and feel energized.

So bad news on the dog front. Took my Lucy to have a tumor removed this morning and the vet came in with newly received reports and we canceled the procedure. Her lungs have cancer all over them, so it's obviously in her bloodstream as well. They're giving her a few weeks to (hopefully) months. It's hard to guess because we don't want to put her through testing to grade the cancer. The vet suggests palliative chemo, but the problem is that I'm pregnant so I wouldn't be able to pick up after her. And this dog's happiness relies on taking walks and going to the dog park. And I can't handle her poop and I can't be leaving it everywhere. They asked if we had a big yard where she could pee far away from the house. Nope. And I don't want chemo pee in other people's yards. Sadly, her lifespan is drastically reduced without it. I think the best I can do is keep her pain free and maintain the lifestyle she enjoys, even if it's horribly short. It sucks, because I'm willing to drive her 6 hours a week back and forth from Cornell University (best vet in the country), fork over the $$$, etc. But I can't drive because of my back and the pregnancy poses an issue. Ok, this is getting so long. I just heard an hour ago and am trying to process all of these decisions. This dog is my best friend. She's basically an unofficial service dog for my anxiety. It's so selfish, but I don't know how to be alone at home without her. Well, time to spoil her to a ridiculous extent. Maybe I'll borrow my friend's cabin or rent one and let her swim and tear around the woods for a week.

 

[Libbystepof4]

Oh I'm so sorry about your Lucy! I was hoping for good news about her. I think you need to spoil both of you while she still enjoys it. Make the last bit the best bit. I still bawl my eyes out thinking about losing my Cell. She was my furball puppy I got when I was twelve years old. We finally had to let the vet put her down when I was 28. She was in terrible pain from arthritis. Her back legs wouldn't work well enough to even pick herself up off the floor. She would lay down to sleep and then when she'd wake up she would lay there and yelp until we came to help her. We just couldn't let her stay in such horrible pain. But she was my baby and I love her so much. It's been eight years and I'm still not over losing that dog. I just cried myself a river typing that. I think it will be the same when I lose my mean old orange boy. His name is Boomer and I love him. I'm afraid I have not helped you at all. I'm sorry. My deepest sympathy goes out to you. It is such a hard thing to lose one you love so much.
Nora is about to hang herself. I finally texted her the medical group that I use, that takes our insurance. Told her I know they take our insurance and they have lots of offices in Austin, halfway between her house and ours. She said thank you. I will probably send her a list from our providers section on our insurance website. DH pointed out that I needed to decide if this was something I was going to be adversarial about or if my priority was to get violet to the doctor. He's right. But it makes me mad. Lol. So I'll do the work and take none of the credit. Its just frustrating to know who really cares and then all you hear is "mommy mommy mommy!" I'm always thinking, if it was all left up to your mother you wouldn't eat half the time! But you can't say that. It doesn't help the kids. I want them to feel loved, even if its not good enough.

 

[Cornfieldland]

Annie...my heart is breaking, I just feel awful for you : ( poor Lucy. I'm so sorry....I think your idea is lovely to let her enjoy the water and have her last days be as good for her as possible. Keep her comfy and happy and give her lots of love, that's the best gift you can give her. My thoughts and prayers r with you xxx

 

[AnnieMac2]

But your priority was to get Violet to the doctor! So, shut it, dh

Oh, I know - losing a childhood dog is brutal! I got Lucy when I was 23 so I basically have never been an adult without her! So chemo is out anyway. The oncologist said it was too far past that and we're looking at a month or two left if she had to guess. Lucy had some fun today being spoiled, but I can tell she's uncomfortable sometimes. We're lying on the couch right now at 3am (all furniture rules are off now haha. And she stopped eating dog food so she just eats cheese burgers so that I can get something in her haha). She briefly gets gaspy, but then I pet her and she calms down instantly and goes back to sleep so I'm left thinking it must not be a painful episode. Maybe discomfort and anxiety? I found a hospice vet to call tomorrow so we have him on hand when when we're ready. He comes to your house to euthanize them so they're not stressed at the vet and they can be in their own bed. And then he takes care of the remains. So I'm glad about that. I think it will be less traumatic for everyone.

Corn - can't wait to hear about Quebec City!!

 

[Libbystepof4]

Oh I bet she's a happy girl, laying on the furniture with mama and eating cheeseburgers! Sound fantastic!

 

[AnnieMac2]

Haha, yeah, she owns the place now. We're lying in my bed now with a couple of stuffed animals. And she now thinks all food we make is meant for her.

The hospice vet is coming tomorrow evening for a consultation and if he thinks we should euthanize her tomorrow, we will. I really recommend this organization - Lap of Love. It's nationwide using local vets. Very good if your pet gets really anxious at the vet clinic.

 

[Cornfieldland]

God Annie I'm so sorry! I'm worried about you, I know how hard it's going to be. I think it's wonderful and so sweet what you are doing for her, makes me all emotional just thinking about it. I hope DH is taking extra special care of you. You are in my thoughts xxxx

 

[Libbystepof4]

I believe ive heard of that before. It sounds like such a better option than the other way at the vets office.
I'm so glad you are spoiling her. I bet she's just having the best time. I absolutely love it!
My thoughts are with you! Hugs!

 

[Libbystepof4]

I'm craving honey roasted peanuts (which I don't like) and enchiladas. My boobs hurt, I'm nauseated, I m exhausted, my tummy feels sore. Either I'm pregnant, getting sick, or my PMS is coming back with a vengeance (and very early). We all know which I hope is true but I darent say it out loud. It's way early to feel anything so I'm trying not to hope too hard.

 

[AnnieMac2]

So we had to put her down last night. She had a surprisingly good day before the vet came, so I'm happy about that. But he confirmed that she was in bad shape and it was better to do it then and prevent anything traumatic from happening (pulmonary stuff can be gruesome, which was what I was afraid of). Everyone was very calm, including her, so it was as good as it could have been.

Ok, so I'm going to hope out loud for you Libby. What cd are you? If you're anything like me, hunger and food cravings are a good indicator. (I think I told Corn, but one day I ate a JAR AND A HALF of pickles in like 10 min. As you do. And as you can imagine, the outcome wasn't good. In fact, it was comically bad. But expected). Also, the boob thing is my main symptom. Although they hurt in a different and more severe way than PMS. Sounds good! Keep us updated!

Corn - how was Quebec City??

 

[Libbystepof4]

The boob pain is out of control right now. I'm thinking if not pg then I'm going to call the doctor. I think it needs attention if it doesn't stop and I'm not prego! It is brutal! I hope and hope and hope but fear keeps me in check. Don't want to jinx it. Don't want to tip off the evil eye, as my dad would say. Lol
I'm so sorry you are without your Lucy. But I'm very glad she had calm, peaceful last moments and some good lovins and spoiling with her mama! She has no more difficulties or pain, and she will be so happy to see you when you make it around to the other side! What a happy moment that will be! Hugs hugs hugs for you!

 

[Cornfieldland]

Libby sounds promising! Boob pain was my symptoms, how many dpo r u?
I got a very faint BFP today on a $store test, so I'll see what it is tomorrow. I've had such bad luck I'm just waiting to see at this point, don't trust it. My boobs r really sore off and on too.
We had a wonderful time in Quebec City very romantic. The B&Bs were great! One was built in the 1700s and the other in the 1800s fully restored, great French breakfasts! Quebec is the city of stairs and hills so we got our workouts after eating the rich breakfasts.

Annie I'm so sorry about Lucy, I'm glad you could make her last days comfortable., you were so good to her until the end.

Libby I hope this is ur month!

 

[Libbystepof4]

Thanks Corn!! I hope it's yours, too! Wouldn't that be cool!?!
Does everyone speak french in Quebec city? Do you or DH speak it? A B&B sounds so nice, especially restored, historic ones!
If I'm right about when I ovulated (because who knows if I predict any of this stuff correctly) then I'm 9 dpo. And that seems so soon to feel anything when you consider so many women don't know they're pregnant until they miss a period or something. But my gosh, my boobs are trying to kill me. DH seems so positive that I am. I've been awake since 3 am feeling so nauseous that I couldn't continue laying in bed. It's only a little milder sitting up on the couch. My tummy just feels all weird and I'm certain that if I'm not pregnant then a serious stomach issue is imminent. Oh three days ago we went to the little cafe here in our town for dinner. I got a cheeseburger and fries. I couldn't taste my cheeseburger. At all. And my fries tasted like boiled peanuts. DH tasted both and said they were totally normal tasting. So bizarre. I keep talking to any potential blastocytes (is that right?) telling them to hang onto that uterus! I figure a little encouragement never hurts. Lol

 

[Cornfieldland]

Yes everyone speaks French in Quebec, some speak english too. My DH speaks a some French so it helped us get through. Libby your symptoms sound really promising. A lot of women have symptoms really early so it's possible.

Well I rated this morning with anther $store test and it was not as good as yesterday so I'm just going to wait for AF and not test anymore. Oh well that's what I get for testing early. My body hates me!

 

[Libbystepof4]

I'm having some crazy pains in my left side down near my ovary. It sort of comes and goes. Sharp then dull then nothing and then all over again. Not horrible or anything but bad enough to catch in my breath a little.
I hope so badly. I am just afraid to want it so much. I'm not young. I'm overweight. I have RA. All these things make it more difficult to conceive, so I try to keep my expectations realistic. But I get all this stuff going on and it makes me crazy excited and hopeful!
Your body is confusing me. Have you checked to see if a positive test can happen even after a mc? I know its an unhappy thought but I wondered if hormone levels just snap right back or if some of the fluctuations can linger long enough to confuse a hpt.

 

[Cornfieldland]

Well there wouldn't be any from last month cm I had a period and you don't have a period if u have HCG in ur system. If anything it's a egg trying to implant this month.
Either my eggs suck or my uterus is scared. Anyways I checked the pregnancy test when I woke up a couple hours later and it dried with a line on it so I might just take a frer.

 

[AnnieMac2]

I am so excited for you both! Yeah, I hear some women have noticeable symptoms right away. Are you going to test tomorrow, Corn? How long are you going to wait before testing, Libby?

So glad you guys had a good time in Quebec City! It does sound really romantic.

 

[Cornfieldland]

Omg....so scared!

 

[Libbystepof4]

Aaaah!!!!! Corn!!!! Look at that!!!!! Your body wants it, my friend, or it wouldn't keep on doing it over and over! Oh I'm so excited!!!
I'm going to wait another week. If I can. AF should either show up or be late by then! I'm just dying over here. It's so early but my goodness, sore boobs, weird food things, nausea, extreme fatigue, weird pain down in my belly, headaches that won't stop, dizziness- I have all the things! Oh I'm hoping out loud now....