over 35 TTC #1. anyone? beuller?

[Libbystepof4]

Oh my goodness!! Is he OK? Has that ever happened before? That would scare me to death.
I'm sure your scan will be fine! I hope to hear good things after it!

 

[AnnieMac2]

How is everyone doing? Sorry I dropped off the face of the earth. Got really depressed and was incapacitated (and now am really scared about post-partum depression, which my doctor thinks I am a shoe-in for at this point). Started Zoloft and perked up a little. Yay for drugs. I did find out last week that it's a girl. We're calling her Rosie (Rose). Anyway, despite the idea of turning on my tablet seeming insurmountable, I did miss you all and think of you. Hope everyone's doing really well. xoxo

 

[Libbystepof4]

Oh Annie! How exciting!! I'm sorry you've been depressed. I have, too. CD2 here, as if that means anything. If I'm not ovulating, I don't know if it even counts as a cycle day.
I haven't made my appointment yet. I know. I should have. I've just been terrified I'll hear something horrific, and I don't know if I'll handle it. I cry all the damn time. DH finally decided we had to talk about it yesterday evening. He said "so you hoped to be pregnant by now and the fact that you aren't is fucking up your brain." To which I replied by crying and nodding in agreement. So basically he said not to be upset and we will fix it even if we have to go spend tens of thousands of dollars on IVF. I'm glad he is so on board but there's things even IVF can't fix and I'm scared. And I'm surprised by how much this is affecting my self image. We have only had sex twice in the last month because I feel horrible and want to curl up into a ball and be left alone. I don't feel feminine or attractive or worthwhile. It's awful. But I guess I'll make an appointment since I know he will go with me. I just want to pretend we never even tried to have a baby. I feel broken.

 

[Cornfieldland]

Oh Libby I'm so sorry! I don't want you to be sad. There is a answer and it might be something simple. Most likely they can fix things Libby and get things going. I've heard if so many women that just needed something small to get pregnant like clomid or trigger shot to get them ovulating and then they get pregnant. I don't have any personal experience but have read so many stories like that on here. Hopefully we can be a support to you, even if you just need a place to vent. Thinking of you!

 

[Spyrals]

I'm thinking of everyone too! I don't really have anything to report. These cycles and dates drag along so slowly.
Annie why are you depressed? That really sucks. I hope your little pills help to make you feel better. Are they safe to take while pregnant? Of course they would be if your doc gave them to you. So sweet that it's a girl, I'd love a girl too. Lucky you!

Libby, I know it's hard to think about hearing bad news. But with all the advances nowadays, they can fix just about everything. I was considering all my options too and I'd even go for a donor egg if I had to. I'd pick a good looking woman and have a pretty daughter My husband and I discussed this option if necessary. So don't get down about yourself, it might be very easily fixed, and the quicker you find out the quicker you can fix it. Go on, make an appointment! There are many women like you and I at these clinics and they make you feel welcome and hopeful. Whenever I start letting my mind run away with all the terrible scenarios, I just think about my friend who never ovulated once, and she has the most amazing little girl with blonde hair now - donor egg. Her and her dh are very happy.

My dh finished antibiotics for his spermies and this is the first month since. The doc did say it's going to take 3 months to make new sperms but I'm hoping it's faster. There's always that chance. So I have a funny story.. Last week I had to get a pap smear done on my regular yearly checkup. The doc I was supposed to see wasn't in so I got another doctor. He turned out to be a cute young black doctor. I nearly died from embarassment. He felt up my boobs and everywhere you can possibly imagine. I like male doctors but I prefer them to be all old and fatherly, not cute young ones! Anyway I'm still alive after that horrific experience. He was sweet and gentle. It's 3 DPO now and I'm busting to test already, haha.

 

[Libbystepof4]

Spyrals, I feel the same way about the doctor! My gyno is old and curmudgeonly, sort of grumpy. He's perfect!
I talked to my doctor again. He thinks probably I only have some simple issue that can be fixed easily so I'm going to the gynecologist the end of next week. I think going there first will ease some of my stress.
Corn, seeing the picture of your little bean made me so happy this morning! Do you hope it's a girl? You've got two boys, right? When will you find out?
Spyrals, thinking of you. Hope your DHs spermies get back to normal very quickly!

 

[Cornfieldland]

Spyrals I love ur gyno story! I once had a cyst in my breast and had a male dr give me a very thorough breast exam that lasted forever! I had to sit up in from of him with his face in my breasts practically, and touch my self and show him where it was so he could find it, after he spent like 15mins trying. It was very awkward and I was like 23 at the time....wondering now if he made it last forever on purpose

I most recently had a very awkward and creepy Pap smear frm my family Dr, a creepy Indian dude....never again.

Libby thank you...if all goes well we will find out at 20wks. I had my 12wks ultrasound and all looked good. I was so nervous before I was shaking and crying. My last miscarrage was around this time and I was so worried about the ultrasound. Waiting for blood test results to check for chromosomal issues, hoping all is well! Im so happy u r going to the gyno soon! I think you will feel better and things will be moving forward. This is good! Please let us know!

 

[Libbystepof4]

Went to the gynocologist. He said that since my periods have remained regular he's not convinced that I'm not ovulating, however, he said at my age you don't do the waiting for so long. So he ordered a whole slew of blood tests for certain days of my cycle, ordered a sperm analysis for DH, and made me an appointment with a fertility specialist. So within 3 weeks, all those tests and the first appointment with the specialist will be done! He said if there's any issue I probably just need some chemical help to force ovulation or something but he said we don't dawdle when you're 36! Lol. I feel so much better to have him really be on the ball and get things moving!

 

[Cornfieldland]

That's great Libby! I'm glad that it won't take to long and they r being proactive. I'm glad ur feeling better geesh 36 is so ancient! I'll be 38 next month eeeek!

 

[Libbystepof4]

I know! I kept saying, "I'm not THAT old" while at my appointment! Lol I mean, I get the point but if he had said "at your age" one more time I probably would have burst into tears! Lol

 

[Spyrals]

So you'd think fertility doctors were a) more sensitive, and b) used to dealing with women 35+ ? No? Thank goodness mine never mentioned anything about my age! I wouldn't have liked it either. I think they're just using it as a tactic to scare you into spending lots of money. But I'm cynical like that! Let us know how the tests turn out Libby. When I had my AMH done my doc was freaking out like it's so low but I looked it up and it's considered in the low normal range so I'm not worried. So take whatever they say with a grain of salt, remember that it's your body, and they're in that business to turn a profit as well as make babies!

 

[Libbystepof4]

Thanks, Spyrals! I don't think he was trying to be rough, but when you're already worried about that exact thing, the words ring in your head really loudly! Lol
II wish I could go ahead and go get these tests done! I'm antsy waiting for the right day!
I think I'm trying to commit slow suicide through stress. Lol. We are aboutto try to sell the condo we own downtown. It's in rough shape. DH bought it right after college when he first moved here. He moved out of a fraternity house and into this condo. I can only imagine the trouble this condo has seen! Lol
In addition, we are about to start a remodel project on our house we live in now, so that we can get it closer to liveable. Because we are going to build a big house on the farm and it should take two or three years.
AND we will simultaneously be building fences and handling facilities and getting cattle.
And I'm trying to get pregnant and have a bunch of babies all at the same time!
Annie, what's up with your house? Haven't heard much about it lately.
How are you ladies feeling?

 

[Cornfieldland]

Hi Libby! I'm at the Chicago airport waiting for flight to see my parents in Oregon. It's a long day of travel. So far I feel ok, hope it all goes smoothly! It's almost 9 am and I've eatin half a super jalapeño and cheese bagel and a panini sandwich oh boy! Looking forward to ur results Libby and excited for you to get things started. I have a good feeling you will get ur BFP soon sounds like u have ur hands ful!
Annie hope u r well! Miss u!

 

[AnnieMac2]

Hi you guys! I can't believe it's been so long. I've been sort of robotic and just realized I've not been really talking to anyone in real life or internet, without really even meaning to. Just generally overwhelmed and shut down, but the anti-depressants are clearly bringing me back. There was a scare with the baby, but now things are looking a little better, but there's an abnormal cord/placenta situation. Spyrals - they gave me Zoloft. It's one of the better ones for pregnancy, but there are still risks. I was really screwed up though (especially now that I look back on the things I was saying and thinking) and feel like it's necessary to take it.

But it's so good to catch up on everyone now. Libby, I'm looking forward to hearing about your test results. I'm so glad you and dh could talk a little. He sounds so sweet and such a good problem-solver. I totally hear you on trying to have a baby and then only having sex twice in one month. Been there. It's just so emotionally complicated. Sending you huge hugs and will be checking back regularly from now. xo

Corn - I hope your trip was good and you didn't get sick on the plane! Can't wait to hear about your latest appointment!

Spyrals - that breast exam story is great. For that reason, I only see women and old grandpas!

 

[Libbystepof4]

Went and had all my blood drawn this morning. I guess I'll find out something at the appointment Monday. Sperm was turned in on Friday. I think we will hear about that Monday, too. Good news from the gyno, pap was perfect and don't have to have another for three years! The guy at the lab where Ben took his sperm said that he and his wife had to do some fertility treatments and went to the same specialist we are going to and have twins now! I know it means a absolutely nothing for our situation but I still feel encouraged by it! Lol
I hope you are feeling better Annie. Is the cord\placenta issue a big one or just something to keep an eye on?

 

[Cornfieldland]

That's great Libby! I'm excited for ur results! That is encouraging about the twins, maybe ur next

Annie I'm praying ur little one is getting all it needs and grows big and strong! I'm glad ur back, we have missed you!

 

[Libbystepof4]

Corn, how was your trip? How's your cinnamon bun?!
My gyno just emailed with test results. He tested prolactin, thyroid, and progesterone. I had normal levels of prolactin and TSH, but my progesterone is low, indicating I haven't ovulated recently. Hopefully this is so!staying easily dealt with! I'm REALLY anxious now!

 

[Libbystepof4]

Had my appointment this morning.
Fertility specialist said DHs sperm count was on the low end of normal but he didn't think it would be a problem. He suggests freezing some sperm in case this takes a while and we end up at In Vitro and DHs tubes close up. He says that can happen. So he did an ultrasound (what great fun) and I have a fibroid in my uterus. It's small and no big deal he said. But I definitely have PCOS. He didn't seem too worried about it. He said I have lots of tiny follicles (no actual cysts) instead of a couple of regular sized ones preparing to release an egg. So I go for labs on the 1st. I see him again on the 9th. He said depending on lab results he will probably put me on Clomid to try and make my ovaries drop some eggs. He said if that doesn't work after a few months, he might try another medicine or might just go straight to AI, if I seem to be ovulating because at that point, the problem could be swimmers are having trouble!
So I feel encouraged that we are actually making progress. Who knows, with these egg dropping drugs, I just might get my multiples, after all!!
How are you guys?

 

[AnnieMac2]

Libby - I am so, so excited for you! I just actually cheered out loud. Things are really moving along and it really does sound encouraging!! Sort of the perfect combo of nothing huge, but having some smaller things to improve upon that could have a significant impact? If you have twins after all of this, I won't be able to control my excitement lol.

The cord was a scary issue previously, but now they've sort of downgraded the diagnosis. There will be extra monitoring and we'll discuss if I should still get a c-section as it progresses. We have to talk about non-stress tests and keeping an eye on the cord. The issue is potentially not enough nutrients and oxygen and then making sure the cord doesn't tear off during delivery because of the bleeding to death risk. I went to the doctor yesterday and they were a little concerned at first and sent me for an emergency ultrasound right then, but it came back fine. They just said she's viable at this point and call with even the slightest cramp because they might want to take her out before she struggles. Sort of crazy because I'm only 26 wks! Anyway, it's awesome to be talking to you guys again. I was really overwhelmed with other stuff. Had to look into getting a restraining/no-contact order on my mom because I can't take any more stress. My family is really screwed up and it's a downer to have a baby coming and not have your family celebrate with you. But dh and I are good and his family is fantastic, so we're just sort of insulating ourselves from the crazies.

Corn, I can't wait for your scan this week! I'm keeping my fingers crossed for your first girl! I hope you're getting some rest after your long trip.

How is the house sale going, Libby? Our renovations are almost done. I think maybe moving the week after Thanksgiving.

 

[Libbystepof4]

Oh Annie that sounds scary!! I hope it doesn't cause any problems. I'd be freaking out! I had a panic attack waiting for the doctor to come in the other day. It felt like we waited for three days but I guess it was more like ten minutes. Lol. All I could think of was what would I do if he told us we probably couldn't have a baby. I was so nervous we would get bad news. And yeah, if I get all knocked up with more than one baby, I won't be able to contain my excitement either!!!
I'm sorry you're having family troubles. That is so disheartening. You should have people around you excited and bringing casseroles and getting touchier on your belly than you're comfortable with! Lol.
26 weeks is very early, but remember my twin stepbabies' came at 24 weeks and they are tough! It can be scary but they can survive and be strong. Violet is strong and tall and beautiful. And Bronson is smarter than most people and charming and healthy! Don't you worry. Plus, I am believing that they won't need to take her early. She's gonna stay cozy and warm in your belly for a while longer, I bet!
We have just about gotten the condo empty and it will be listed next week! I am thrilled. Hoping it sells quickly. All the others in the complex have sold within a week over the last couple of years so that's encouraging!
Corn, keep us updated! Don't make us wait too long for news!!