over 35 TTC #1. anyone? beuller?

[AnnieMac2]

Haha love the hipster letter. For whatever reason, it made me think of this: https://www.newyorker.com/humor/daily-shouts/a-day-in-the-life-of-pinterest

Libby, I'm getting excited for you already! Are you still getting positive opk's? Your littlest guy sounds like a (cute) maniac! Haha, when they're bold enough to pee on the couch, where do you even go from there? Cornfield - my husband is overconfident that he can control all little kid behavior through rationalizing. As if the rest of us are too stupid to calmly and clearly speak with children about expectations. When my nieces are around he becomes this crazy micro-manager out of nowhere. I hope we have a really stubborn kid who doesn't listen to anything he says so I can laugh.

Only cd15....fertility friend says test on 6/18. I'll try and wait longer than that, but probably won't. When do you guys plan on testing?

 

[Cornfieldland]

Testing with OPKs or with pregnancy test? Fertility friend always has me Oing way later than I actually do. Got a slight line on the OPK so I'm guessing I will O like cd16 usually it's 14 from what I think anyways. Man, I keep having these weird feelings in my urterus bladder area. Starting to freak I have a infection or some horrible tumor growing or something. Over active imagination here. You know I'm actually spotting...that's how hard core that fingering exam was.
I'm planning on testing around June 20th. Not really hopeful, I'm afraid of what the gyno will say to me. Hope she's not a skinny little bee otch that tells me I'm to old and fat to be doing this : ( oh bother.
You guys have been a great support...I would be a sad mess without you guys!

 

[Libbystepof4]

FF now says to test the 23rd. This confusion is stealing my hope.
Annie, that was so funny! I shared it on Fb!
Ya know, the kid peed on the couch and got in big trouble. When he did it in his room the second time, he had to clean it himself AND got in even bigger trouble. He got a time out, standing up on a stool facing the wall, for a looooong time. The stool was to prevent the "screw you, this won't bother me" leaning on the wall. The long time was me staring at the back of his head waiting for him to act like it inconvenienced him at all. Seriously, it took forever. He's stubborn. He finally broke down and cried. Then he had to explain to me why he was there. Then he had to explain to the whole family why what he did was wrong. And he hasn't done it since. I do not play with this crap. When there is an issue the children can't help, I try to be very patient, but when its JUST behavior, I'm not nice. They can hate me for the rest of their lives. Not my job to be liked. Its my job to teach them how to contribute to and function in the world.
Annie, do not wish a stubborn child on your hubs. It doesn't need to be a stubborn child for him to learn that rational thought means nothing to a little kid! Lol
Corn, if thevgyno says that to you, I need you to punch her right in the face! Lol. Last year when I told my gyno we would be trying soon, he said, "get to it. I see no reason it won't happen. And when you go into labor, take all the drugs they'll give you. Your cervix is really sensitive!" Haha!
So it sounds like we will all test within a few days of each other.
Y'all are a big help to me, too. I know I get so long winded on here, but you guys are so smart and funny, and its refreshing! I can't talk to my family. They have all that advice that ive heard them tell a million people and they ask every five minutes if there's a bun in the oven. They mean well, but its stressful.

 

[AnnieMac2]

What the hell did they do to you at your exam!?!! I can't believe you're bleeding. My god. So you don't have regular ob-gyn appointments in Canada? You see a gp and then the ob-gyn is for pregnancy only? When do you meet your new ob? What did the doctor say about your abdominal pain? I had some pain a couple months ago and they wanted to check out my kidneys. It was shitty to lie there for an ultrasound 1 month after mc. Anyway, they (unbelievably) forgot to look at the kidneys or something, so it was worthless, and wanted me to go back in for a redo. I said forget it. Moral of the story: I turned down the test, so my kidneys are almost certainly made up of pure cancer.

I'm confused about ovulating this cycle too actually. It happened 3-4 days earlier than usual. And then I had ewcm the day after opk said I O'd (I can't believe I talk about this stuff now). So I'm obviously coming up with conspiracy theories about this. And fertility friend gave me a good, not excellent, on the intercourse timing analyzer. So I'm offended.

Have a good friday night! I'm being a nerd and staying in so I'll probably be back on here in like 20 min

 

[AnnieMac2]

Lol - it's been 1 minute and I'm back. I missed your last post, Libby. I guess that's an excerpt from a book. I'm going to order it.

What you're doing with the little one sounds perfect. He'll probably just grow out of it. It's just too bad he just doesn't have that consistency he has with you throughout the week. My husband is ultra stubborn so I think it will be hilarious to see him and a toddler go head to head. I've worked a lot with preschoolers who had severe developmental and emotional problems, so I've learned my patience is pretty good. Thank god, because his and my genes combined = a little hellraiser.

You guys are awesome. And not long-winded. Sometimes threads turn into platitude after platitude. And I've definitely thought every thread was nice. But I like having added conversation...especially because I'm looking for a distraction/comfort combo. And I appreciate you both so much!

 

[Libbystepof4]

Dont be offended! FF is a bitch anyway. They always fell me I'll ovulate tomorrow. No wait, you did it three days ago! I have the EWCM for like two weeks. Not joking. Makes me think something funky is going on.
I always think ive got cancer everywhere. DH tells me I couldn't possibly have cancer in ALL those places. So I hit him with "you dont know! You're not doctor!" He just loves that. Lol
I'm trying to kid proof the house and cook dinner before they get here. We are having breaded and baked shrimp. I only try to cook things the kids are sure to scream about. Not true, but they do anyway. Sigh. I'm going to buy that book "You have to F#%$ing Eat" because I think my sanity needs to laugh about this subject. Lol

 

[AnnieMac2]

Lol. Libby: "I have cancer everywhere until proven otherwise!"

Haha is that the sequel to Go The F To Sleep? Samuel L. Jackson is too funny reading it. I love the part....aw man I'm doing that thing where I'm not running late for once so I try to cram all this shit in and now I'm late for pilates. Have fun with the kiddos! And you're a fighter - conquer that Total Body Cancer!

 

[Libbystepof4]

ONE of the children ate shrimp. I didn't even care. On days when they arrive, there is no real way to know when they've eaten because their mother is inconsistent with feeding them. (As far as timing. They eat! Lol) The little one loves shrimp. I had the big butterflied shrimp. He ate ten of them! The others ate corn on the cob and green beans. At least they all ate something. Fridays they get a free pass to be picky and claim to not be hungry. The rest of the time they have to eat. Its our only chance to make sure there is some nutrition getting into their bodies. We dont know what they eat at their mothers. So we are probably a little paranoid about it.
And yes, its like a sequal to Go The F#$% To Sleep!!
Monkeys are watching spiderman cartoons. I hate to throw them in front of the TV but DH is outside mowing all the grass and I need a few minutes to get lunch cooking! Enchiladas for them to complain about for lunch! Yay!
Spaghetti sauce is in the crock pot for supper. They mostly like spaghetti so maybe it will be the one meal they dont complain about this weekend!

 

[Cornfieldland]

Libby I have given up on cooking a meal everyone will like or even eat. My oldest is impossible to figure out or cook for he's always been difficult. The other one loves to eat but hates the things the older one wants to eat Ahhhh! So I cook and they can eat it or not.

So last night wasn't as fun as I hoped. Kareoke isn't my thing. The place was a seedy Korean kareoke bar in china town. We were put in a room with what looked like vomit stained walls, holes in wall peeling wall paper. It looked like something from a drug trafficking movie. It was kinda funny. Suppose to be there till 11 ended up not getting home till 230am since we car pooled and didnt have control over getting home. So I felt guilty for leaving my kids alone that long. Anyways I'm to old for that $hit...cause I need my sleep.

Annie here in canada it's hard to see a gyno. When I was bleeding everyday for six weeks with a fibroid the soonest I could be seen was 3months later. I just kept going to the ER until 6 times later it was finally removed by a resident Gyno in emerg. and bleeding stopped right away.
Medical is free here but that makes it hard to see specialist. When I was pregnant this last time I wasn't scheduled to see a obgyn until 17wks pregnant, and I lost it the week before. Who knows if it could have been saved had I had a real doctor to prescribe be the right meds from the start. And I didn't mention the pain to my doctor, I havnt felt it yet today so I'll wait and see If it goes away.

 

[Libbystepof4]

That's pretty crazy, Corn. Is it easy to get in to see your regular doctor? That would make me so anxious.
I try to get some food in them when they're here. Their mother is obsessed with dieting and it worries us. When the 3 year old (now 4)asked me how many carbs was in their lunch and then the next day told me he didn't want to eat anymore because his belly is fat (its not, at all) I started worrying. She has every right to diet but I really think the children shouldn't be in the know with the details. I feel like feed them real balanced food and that's what they will always eat. Create the habit, not the obsession. But that's my opinion. Lol

 

[Cornfieldland]

Hey Libby the mom sounds very self obsorbed and immature. You don't tell little kids about carbs and start a unhealthy relationship with food. It's so hard to be a blended family and being a step parent puts you in a tough position. Even harder to have the ex involved in your life and be a crazy bee otch on top of it. No wonder you are stressed, you have a lot on your plate.
My doctor is easy to see, but I think he's a bit of a yahoo as my husband puts it. He seems to look up every thing on web md and is always asking what I want to do not what I should do. Don't trust him so what's the use. He put me on a BP med during my pregnancy that made my liver enzymes double the amount the should be and I always wonder if that's what killed my baby. Anyways he wouldn't have known it would do that, but the gyno I saw after the miscarrage said why did he put you on that, that's not the first choice medication for pregnancy. So it sucks not having a obgyn to follow you from the start if you are more high risk.
Have you guys watched any of the you tube home birth videos? They scare me...I mean it's amazing and beautiful, but how does that fit out your crouch? It grosses me out but I can't stop watching either haha. I copied a link to one here. I give this women credit, but I would freak the hell out giving birth on the bathroom floor. I'm sure I would die!

https://youtu.be/6gaKTivWROE

 

[Cornfieldland]

So I just peed on this OPK and it looks darker than this afternoon what u guys think? Positive? It looks almost positive ..I'm going to speculate I will O by Monday night. My Ewcm is in full force ..just cause I know you want that mental picture we managed to BD at 3am. He wasn't to hard to persuade after a few drinks and thinking he was Enrique Iglesias last night at karaoke. Here's my OPK just for the hell of it.
And one of me to put a face with the name from last night.

 

[AnnieMac2]

You're so pretty Corn!! I actually have no idea how to use those opk's. I use the smiley ones. Lol did your husband sing?!

I'm blown away by the idea of waiting that long to see an OB (and about having to use the ER for surgery). Is it typical to not get referred to one until 2nd trimester?

Libby, dealing with the mother (we need a name for her) does sound really stressful. I picture a girl from Teen Mom when you talk about her. Everything is so inappropriate. I'm even getting upset! lol. But it sounds like you and your husband provide such a nice, stable life at your place. And the food sounds great!

Going to my niece's 7th birthday party tomorrow afternoon. I'm ashamed that I sound like such a bitter old woman saying this, but I really don't want to hang out with other people's kids right now. (And I really do adore my niece. She is the coolest.). But I've been thinking about two of my aunts who don't have children and wonder how often they were sad at kid stuff they had to constantly sit through with us. I'll be expected to play around with the kids and be cheery. I'm not sure if my sister will tell people she's pregnant tomorrow. I'm pretty drained from ttc and not feeling very resilient. I hope I can be a good actress tomorrow and not be fighting back tears the entire time. I think ttc is really getting to me. Trying to be hopeful while going through routine disappointment and anxiety (over something so profound), and then being expected to hide your feelings. It's too much to ask. So I'm definitely Debbie Downer tonight and I don't even know if that paragraph made sense. Trying to get it all out in the hopes of falling to sleep.

 

[Cornfieldland]

Oh Annie it's all smoke and mirrors...takes a ton of make up to just walk out the door.
I just realized I've been spelling crotch wrong on here..man I can't spell to save my life!

Ya my husband likes to sing but is a bit shy. He's like oh no I don't know the words..then grabs the mic and starts singing. I have to much social anxiety to let my self go and not care. Wish I didn't but guess that's me.

Yes, after being born and raised in the states and always having medical insurance I see the difference in Canada. Is it "free"? Yes, but you pay high taxes on everything, cost of living is high, everything cost more here and you wait for hours at the emergency, takes months to see a specialist. I'm talking even a dermatologist or gynaecologist. I had a gyno intern pull our my fibroid with tongs in a ER observation room. It was coming out my cervix and growing on a string so he twisted it off, took minutes and no pain kiilers. BUT I didn't pay for anything that's the ONLY perk. Did you have to pay for the DNC Annie? That's a suckie thing to get a bill for.

I'm sorry Annie that you are down, I have those days move often than not and it's hard to deal with. Especially around kids and family with baby's or pregnant. I hope you get through it without tears. Sometimes I start crying when I least expect it.

I have this co worker that got pregnant after me and it kills me to see her and think I should be that too. She tryed for months to get pregnant and was mad that I got pregnant without trying. Now she's worried she can't afford having it and keeps saying maybe she should get a abortion. Now that pisses me off. She's 5 months already too. I mean I get your worried about the future but you don't say those things about your baby, especially around someone that lost one.

 

[Libbystepof4]

Oh my gosh that's terribly insensitive of your coworker!
Annie, I'm so sorry you're feeling low. I know its so hard to keep your chin up all the time. Sometimes I sit and cry half the day just to get it all out. It helps me. I have friends who just feel even more upset if they cry. Idk what they do about stuff. I know it won't even scratch the surface but maybe you should have a spa day or something! Idk. I dont want you to be sad.
Dont get upset about baby mama (her name is Nora). I deal with her in little ways. The kids dont usually want to leave here, which tells me they understand the difference, at least on some level. In fact, they are staying an extra day this weekend since school is out. Girl child isn't thrilled because of mommy loyalty issues, but is happy on the other hand because she likes it here. Last fall I remember a particular breakdown she had. She just cried and cried and told me she wants to stay here but she wants to see mommy too because she loves mommy but she thinks it would be better to always be here. It was so sad. She felt so disloyal and guilty. Poor baby.
One day I hope they live with us. Honestly, I keep a notebook with every screwed up thing she does just in case. I feel like it might make a difference in case she ever does anything major, to have a supporting cast of bad decisions. We won't try to take the kids if we dont think we can win. She will make things difficult for us forever if we try and lose.
Corn, you are gorgeous!and that OPK is looking pretty dark to me! I have watched lots of videos of all different kinds of births. I know somebody who did a water birth for her second child. I saw that video. That totally freaks me out. Her face was like "oh my god I can't believe what is going on between my knees!!!!" But she instantly relaxed and was fine and said she didn't even tear. Idk. That's crazy to me. I know somebody else who never knew she was pregnant. She started not feeling well and went to stay with her mother who would baby her a bit. She was having terrible abdominal pains. She had made a doctors appointment for like two days later because she thought she had a bad kidney infection or something. Her mom ran a bath for her thinking it might help ease her pain a bit. Well about ten minutes later she started screaming for her mother because something was wrong. Her mom walked in to find she was already crowning. She called 911 and went and caught the baby! Totally insane! She had been in labor since the night before and didn't know it!
I can't have a baby at home. I would freak out. Lol

 

[AnnieMac2]

I think that sounds pretty healthy that you sit and cry for awhile, Libby. I get afraid that the sad feelings will be too overwhelming and avoid them, but then it eventually catches up with me anyway in the form of some wild meltdown. I feel like I need to learn how to just be sad and cry in an appropriate way. I'm so convoluted. The birthday party was fine. I left when my mom and sister started talking about one of my niece's births. I started getting panicky so I ran to the bathroom to compose myself and then we were in the car within 5 min. Thankfully, I acted normally and it was wrapping up anyway.

I'm sorry you have to listen to that co-worker, Corn. She is so inappropriate. And so insensitive to be talking to you like that. Yeah, we definitely paid for the d&c. I didn't open the bill when it came. I have no idea how many thousands it cost.

Haha - I didn't click on the link. I'm going to watch when dh goes to work tomorrow. I am pretty scared of childbirth. What do you guys think of doulas? My massage therapist is one. I never considered one, but she's super chill and we have such crazy out-there conversations. Maybe she could keep me in one piece and distract me with talk about the cosmos lol. I feel like it would be weird adding someone to the mix with me and dh. I wonder if husbands feel like third wheels when there's a doula there.

Libby - your poor stepdaughter! It's awesome that she has 3 parents she loves so, but so concerning that her mom's household is crazy enough for her not to want to be there often! I think you're doing the right thing by keeping careful track of everything that happens. And I can't believe you know one of those I-didn't-know-I-was-pregnant people! What does she say about it now? Does she have some sort of emotional or cognitive problems, or is it somehow legitimate that she didn't know!?!!

 

[Libbystepof4]

Well she never gained much weight and the baby was really calm and she still had her periods! So she just legitimately didn't know. I sort of wonder if the child would end up with anything wrong. She isn't an alcoholic or anything but she goes out and has a few drinks sometimes. That baby is one of the sweetest, calmest babies ive known. I held him for half of a day one time and he just smiled and looked around and slept. All day. So cute.
I think a doula would be cool. I mean, I feel like it would be nice to have an advocate who knows what's what. There is a midwife school around here in one of the towns nearby. I thought about using a midwife but I think probably not. My doctors are all part of a hospital/clinic/medical university group. So they have a big system all across central Texas. I imagine I'll end up with one of their OBGYNs if we can get this thing done. Its actually pretty nice to have all my doctors connected (GP, Dermatologist, Rheumatologist, Gyno) so they can communicate with each other and I dont have to try to remember things between appointments. No doing the same labs over and over.
Well I'm glad you survived the party! Usually things like that are worse before they happen then when they're actually going on. I get myself so worked up.
If you sit down to cry and can't stop, your hubs will take care of you when he gets home. I promise. Mine has had to before. He had to put me in the tub and talk to me about his work until I was annoyed enough to snap out of it. I thought for sure he would send me to the loony bin! I was just having an extra rough time right then. And then I was fine. You will be too. You'll be great!

 

[Cornfieldland]

Yay Monday mornings I always have the same routine, get up at 630 make my kids lunches, help my husband get out the door, make coffee and watch Ellen or Jimmy fallon while I try to wake up before I get ready for work.

Annie I'm glad you survived the party I was thinking about you. I've had those break down moments at work it's sucks. I guess one thing this miscarrage as taught me it's to be more sensitive to others.

Libby I wish I was one of those women that could be pregnant and not know it. Just sail through the whole mime months and surprise! I don't understand the baby kicks and moves just so weird. I swore I was still pregnant after my DnC cause I kept having weird twinges like a baby was moving around.

Hmmmm...I don't know about a Dula. I think if we have a baby I want it to be a special moment between me and my husband and I want him to support me. It would be nice to have a good friend there but I don't have any haha. I left them all behind. I am pretty sure I would be induced early and need to be in a hospital.

Oh lord have mercy...the two week wait starts...again. I think this is O day I'm guessingor last night. Dark OPK yesterday. Kinda feeling like I'm totally over this TTC business it's so consuming.

 

[AnnieMac2]

Thanks, ladies. I'm bummed out today still. Just feel like I can't breathe. I've been trying hard to stay calm and be healthy the last few months, but it doesn't take much to tip the scales. My family is kind of screwed up and I take a nosedive every time I'm around them (except my dad, he's so cute). My mom is retiring this month so there will be pressure to hang out even more. I'll probably have to be the bad guy and just stop seeing them for awhile. All I want is to be able to have normal days and no panic attacks. I get so worked up whenever I see them that I'm afraid that that stress alone will keep me from getting pregnant or lose another. My adrenaline/cortisol is so high when I see them, it's like my body is ready for hand to hand combat.

Haha Libby- that scenario with your husband sounds like my house. Nothing like a painfully boring work story to snap you out of any mood!

Oh my god, I couldn't watch the video. I only got like 30 seconds in haha. I'm worried I'm abnormally freaked out by it. That's why I wonder if I could use a doula. I'd like it to be just my husband and I, but I can tell you right now that it won't be a special moment between us lol I think we will just both be losing our shit. Dh is always calm, but I think this will be his breaking point. Corn, did you get an epidural? I forget. Libby, you said you were on the fence? I don't know what to think about any of it.

Welcome to the tww, Corn. I'm 5dpo I think. Hopefully we don't have any more of these ahead of us. I keep laughing about that woman who accidentally had a baby, Libby. I wonder what that does to your thought processes and personality. She must go through her days thinking anything is possible now.

 

[Libbystepof4]

Haha! I dont know if it changed much for her. She was a very easy going, go with the flow, chill sort of person. But I kinda wish I could accidentally have a baby, too. "Oops, look what I did! Hey honey, here's the best gift I ever gave you!"
I'm sorry you guys are struggling so bad. I want you guys to be happy and stress free!
Annie, families can be pretty stressful. Mine used to make me feel that way but then i moved away. I like them alot more now. Lol
I have been taking the Prozac for a few days now. I know its supposed to take longer than this but I swear its helping already.
I feel like this TWW has turned into an 847week wait. I'm ready to get this show on the road!!