Pansy & Mrsbroodypant.....and Lottie :-)

[Pansy]

Hello!

How are you feeling? Has R avoided it? Did you go to the wedding? How's your packing going?

I've had an exhausting day, just cos of a long car journey really, but I feel totally exhausted. We went to pick up our pram/pushchair. We hadn't seen the colour before (navy blue) & we're really pleased with it - it looks v smart. We also hadn't seen this years model & they've made a few little changes which make it even better than the one we've seen before, so that's cool. Best of all, it actually fits in our boot! I know, sensible people would've checked this before buying it, but we didn't get round to it somehow!

How's your packing going? When's your flight? I hope you have a lovely, relaxing holiday & enjoy the sun. Hope the hotel is good. Talk to you soon. xxx

 

[MrsBroodyPant]

Hello,

I'm feeling loads better now thanks. We went to the wedding last night and it was really nice. My ex boyfriend was there (he was best man) and he didnt talk to me but afterwards he text me to say he was sorry we didnt speak. He said his girlfriend was mad at him for even looking at me when we walked in lol...opps...I didnt want to cause trouble! Anyway it was a good evening. They had a photo booth which was a lot of fun. Have u done one before? U got props and do funny pictures. R got the fire extinguisher off the wall and we used that in one picture lol.

We are still packing now. Our flight is at 6am from Newcastle Airport. Im sooo tired from being ill and rushing about that I just want to sleep!

Glad u got your pushchair today and are pleased with it. Not long until u will have your baby to put in it!

Sorry that your mum said they would go away anyway. I'm very surprised at that. Just try not to think about it and concentrate on all the positives.

Dont know if I will be able to get internet on holiday so if I cant, I will miss ya!

Xxx

 

[Pansy]

Hello!

Just thought I'd write in case you ave Internet. Hope you had a good flight & your now beginning to relax in your hotel. Hope it's lovely & hot & sunny!

My Dad decided this morning that he can't go to Nepal. I'm relieved that he won't ave to be rescued off the side of the mountain, but don't know if this increases the chance of them being there to see baby. Probably not, from what my mum said. I feel really sorry for him, cos it must be a huge disappointment. I wish he'd realised months ago so he didnt get his hopes up so much. My mum said the main thing she feels is relief that she won't ave o deal with an ill person 3 days away from civilisation. It's all such a mess really, but at least they can go somewhere safer if they do go away.

We've got our 2 nephews over today. T is entertaining them as I'm really tired today, even though it was just a car journey yesterday. They're out on the field playing frisbee at the moment. They are amusing, but a bit boistrous for me at the moment

Hope you have a lovely holiday. Talk to you soon. xxx

 

[MrsBroodyPant]

Hello from Tunisia!

Ive got internet...some how! So thought id send u a quick message

Af has arrived... the bitch found me lol

Having a good holiday. Hope u are well
Xxx

 

[Pansy]

Hello!

So glad you're having a good time! Can't wait to hear all about it when you're back! Lovely pic of you both of Facebook!

Shame AF found you, how annoying that she's international!

My blood pressure has gone up a bit so I'm having to be monitored every 2 days by the midwife. They found it was 130/ 90 on Monday, and it's the 90 that worries them. That's the bit that tells them how my body is coping with the pregnancy. It's normally 70 or 80 for me. I did nothing but rest till my appt yest, but it was still 90. The midwife said its probably just my body saying its had enough of being pregnant, rather than anything more serious, but I have to be carefully monitored. She told me to rest, do nothing strenuous & avoid stress! So lots of tv watching & no thinking about anything that worries me for me!

Hope you enjoy the rest of your holiday! xxx

 

[Pansy]

Hello!

Hope you are enjoying the last few days of your holiday & have a good flight home. Hope you're feeling fully relaxed & all bonded as a couple.

I'm continuing to have fun with my BP. I had it checked again yesterday and a healthcare assistant found it was v high. We didn't believe her & eventually a midwife checked it & found it to be the same as its been all week, but for some unknown reason she decided to send me to the hospital to be checked. I'd already spent 2 hours at the midwife centre & had to get my hospital bag, ask my mum if she'd take me (she had afternoon off to take me to have a haircut) & go to the hospital. It was a long wait in the waiting room, but when the midwife checked my BP (3 times) she found it to be as healthy as it had been all pregnancy, not even as high as they've found it this week! No idea whats going on! I trust her readings, as she seemed really experienced, but can't understand how 3 different midwives have got it as high this week. They hooked me up to a monitor to check baby was ok, which he was, then let me go. I came home relieved everything was ok, but exhausted & a bit annoyed to have missed my haircut for no reason. I won't get another chance to have it now till baby is old enough to be left for an hour. Not convinced all the stress of going to hospital & waiting around will help keep my BP down!!

Back to midwife centre to be checked tomorrow, but today I'm going to see my cousin, little Isla & even littler baby Esther. I'm only staying a short time so I don't exhaust myself, but it'll be nice to get out of the house for something other than going to have my BP checked!

Maybe it was you that was keeping my BP down & when you get back it will all settle down again lol!

Looking forward to hearing about your holiday. xxx

 

[Pansy]

I presume you'll be home when you read this, so just wanted to say... Welcome home!!!
xxx

 

[MrsBroodyPant]

Yes we are home!!!!

Nice to be back, although we had a lovely holiday. The weather was nice and hot. Not a cloud in the sky! Flights were ok, except on the flight there we were sitting 30 rows apart!! I was so upset about that as we had paid extra to make sure we would get seats together. We got our money back and at least it was a short flight.
Hotel was nice but the food wasn't great. I couldn't wait to come home to eat something nice lol. We went jet skiing, which i had never done before and it was good fun. Ive got a bit of a tan, so thats good

Sorry u are having problems with your BP. Strange that it is going up and down, although that is probably a mistake. I'm glad u got baby checked and all is ok.

Sooo exciting that baby can come anytime!!! I cant wait for u to have him/her

xxx

 

[Pansy]

Yey, you're back! So nice to hear from you again! I have missed you!

Your holiday sounds lovely! Jet skiing sounds exciting! Were you both on the same jet ski or separate ones? I'd love to try that one day. What else did you do?

I'd totally freak if I couldn't sit next to T on a flight. I'm scared of flying, & not having T's hand to hold would be a nightmare! I couldn't cope! Glad you got your money back, bit rubbish that you paid for it & they didn't deliver!

Are you finding the cold & grey weather a bit of a shock today? It's been really dark here all day. Must be a big change for you! Are you back at work this eve?

I just about escaped another trip to the hospital yest! It was the same healthcare assistant & midwife as on Fri - my heart dropped when I saw them! They found my BP to be ok, same slightly raised level it's been all week, but then they found protein in my urine! Eventually I was allowed to do another sample & that one came back clear, thank goodness! After over 2 hours at the midwife centre I was allowed to go home! Really not v restful or stress free! I don't have to go back til Wed now, so I get one extra day off.

I'm feeling exhausted today & a bit achey this afternoon. I put a load of washing in and it physically hurt everywhere, so I think that counts as overdoing it. I'm now lying on the sofa for the rest of the day. T is home so he can haul me back upright - it's almost impossible to do on my own now!

Hope you're not freezing cold! xxx

 

[MrsBroodyPant]

Hello.

I hope u continued to rest yesterday. Take it easy!

I feel so down about it being October today and im still not pregnant! Im sooo gutted. I feel like everyone else has forgotten about my baby and that I'm over it. I act happy and that im ok and I think everyone thinks its all in the past now and doesn't hurt me anymore. But it hurts worse each day. Holiday was good but we just couldn't be happy. You know when you get excited by going to the beach and little things like that but we just don't feel emotions. We had some sad times and once R was even crying while laying on his sun lounger. Its so hard. I can't wait to go back to FS. I started talking clomid again this cycle. My last tablets!

We went jet skiing on the same one. I was on the back clinging onto R! We didnt do much else except for swimming and relaxing.

How u feeling today? ?

Xxx

 

[MrsBroodyPant]

Hello.

I hope u continued to rest yesterday. Take it easy!

I feel so down about it being October today and im still not pregnant! Im sooo gutted. I feel like everyone else has forgotten about my baby and that I'm over it. I act happy and that im ok and I think everyone thinks its all in the past now and doesn't hurt me anymore. But it hurts worse each day. Holiday was good but we just couldn't be happy. You know when you get excited by going to the beach and little things like that but we just don't feel emotions. We had some sad times and once R was even crying while laying on his sun lounger. Its so hard. I can't wait to go back to FS. I started talking clomid again this cycle. My last tablets!

We went jet skiing on the same one. I was on the back clinging onto R! We didnt do much else except for swimming and relaxing.

How u feeling today? ?

Xxx

 

[Pansy]

Hello!

I'm so sorry to hear you're feeling so sad. October will be a tricky month for you, especially the due date. It must be so hard not having fallen pregnant again. I'm really sorry to hear R was upset on hol. Thank goodness you have each other & you feel the same, it's not like you really wanted this & he wasn't keen or anything. Little comfort I know, but at least you have that. Do you talk to your mum about it? I know all the talking in the world won't make up for it or make you feel complete. It's so unfair that its not happening for you, as I know you'd make a great mum. It will happen one day. I'm 4 years older than you, & while I'd always thought I'd have a baby younger than this, no one seems to be treating me like I'm too old to be a first time mum, so you've got plenty of time. I hope you get to see the FS soon & they can offer you some help. The lady from my antenatal course who had 6 miscarriages has her baby now & the other lady who conceived using ivf also has hers, so people get there eventually, by whatever means.

I wish I could wave a magic wand & take away your pain & make you pregnant. I don't know what to suggest. I just hope the FS has something useful to suggest.

Have you looked into adoption at all? I know it's not the same, but this time last year I was researching it cos I was thinking I might not be able to conceive with my health problems & my age & everything. It made me feel like I was doing something constructive & as it takes so long to do, I thought it was better to start sooner rather than later. I'm not saying that will be what you will have to do or anything, I just wondered if that would be something to consider looking into. Maybe once you started looking into it, you would get your BFP while you were waiting. Hope mentioning that doesn't make you feel worse.

I'm being pretty restful today, although I have just been to the supermarket with T. He got a flu jab. I get them on the nhs every year, but we thought ths year it would be a good idea for T to get one too so we don't bring flu into the house.

I've also posted Steve his 21st birthday present. His bday is Fri. I've bought him a nerf gun & 2 foam swords!!! V grown up for a 21 year old, but he said he wanted them when he was home over the summer! I hope he still wants them. Normally we go down to see him around his birthday, but I don't think we will this year, somehow!! He's in Plymouth.

What are you up to this evening? Do something to treat yourself & R if you can. Hope he gives you lots of cuddles at least.

xxx

 

[MrsBroodyPant]

Hello,

Thanks for everything you said. Im hoping it will happen for us soon and that the FS can sort us out. I got pregnant once so I do feel like it can happen again. And I didn't miscarry so I know my body can hold a pregnancy, its just getting a healthy one. Ive talked about adoption but R doesn't want to. Not sure I would want to either as you are getting involved with another family who may not be very nice people and the child has a right to know who their parents are. I think id prefer fostering as I would feel like I was helping children. I don't know what I'd do if we can't have our own children. It would be my fault and I'd want R to have children with out me. To me children are the most important thing and I couldn't make him live without them because I can't have any.

Anyway as you said I am younger than you so I do still have time. I definitely thought I'd have a baby by 30 but never mind! Bad things happen!

We have been doing DIY today. Just getting a Chinese now for tea. It's nice to be back!

I hope your brother has a lovely birthday! Whats happening about your parents holiday? Sorry to bring it up if you don't want to think about it.

Xxx

 

[Pansy]

Hello!

How are you feeling today? How's the DIY going? Do you think you'll be finished this week? Hope you enjoyed your Chinese.

I've just come back from my all too familiar BP & urine check. I was out in 40 mins this time, so that's an improvement, & I only saw a midwife, not a HCA. My BP is still the same. It hasn't gone up, so that's something. This midwife said I'd definitely have to have baby at the hospital, not the midwife led unit. I didn't ask her, she just told me. I'm sort of glad I don't have a choice. I was getting into the idea of a water birth, but was always worred about not being in the hospital if things went wrong. Now I have to have it there, so I will have all the care I could need & won't be transferred in the middle. T is more against the hospital than I am, but I think he's coming round to the idea.

T is at work but feeling terrible today. He thinks its the flu jab, as you can get flu like symptoms, although I don't think I ever have. I hope that's all it is, I don't want him to be ill at the moment! (& i dont want to catch anything!) He says there's nothing going round at work. I didn't sleep well last night, so I've had a quiet word with baby & asked him to not come out today!

My parents have decided not to go to Nepal & my brother is going instead, with his girlfriend. My dad realised on the day you went on hol that be wouldn't be able to manage it. I think they are ok about it, although obviously disappointed. I wish he had realised he wouldn't manage it months ago, or at least a few weeks ago before paying for it! My brother gets an amazing holiday for free (well, he's paying a little) out of it, so obviously he's happy! Everyone keeps saying to me I must be relieved, but they don't know that my parents are still talking about going to Europe instead! I can't believe this! T & I are really offended, I've gone past being upset now. I'm just not thinking about it as it won't do my blood pressure any good. Maybe they won't go, but I'll always know it was just cos they couldn't get themselves organised & not cos they wanted to be here for me & my baby.

I'm going to get some more resting & tv watching in before T comes home. Hope you're having a good day. Xxx

 

[MrsBroodyPant]

Hello,

Im glad your BP is ok and your appointment went well. Do u watch 'The Midwives' which is a documentory like OBEM? Ive been recording them and are watching them today - through tears! The one i just watched was about choosing to go to hospital or the birthing centre so i ws thinking of u . It said that they encourage natural births and birthing centres because it is the cheaper option! At hospital you have everything u need and more expensive options to choose from and cost the NHS more money. I'm glad u are going to hospital, i think its safer. It doesnt matter if it doesnt feel homely as long as baby is well looked after. At least u don't need to make the choice anymore.

I bet your brother and his girlfriend are happy about going on holiday. Is this the girlfriend who punches walls? I hope your parents don't go anywhere and stay home for u. I can't understand why they would want to go away. You are such a kind and caring person and obviously id expect u to of got that quality from your parents. Hope i don't sound too harsh, but its crazy how they are not putting you first.

I think the DIY will take a bit longer than a week. But we are just doing bits in our spare time now.

Today im staying home and have been doing lots of washing and ironing and watching tv. What have u been watching?

xxx

 

[MrsBroodyPant]

Just thought: I hope T feels better soon! My nanna from Scotland used to get the flu jab every year and every year would end up in hospital with flu. My other nanna who died in February, never got the flu jab and was never ill. It does give you a bit of flu. Hope T gets over it quickly
Xxx

 

[Pansy]

Hello!

Yes, T & I have been watching The Midwives, although I hide behind my cushion for the c-sections & anything that scares me! (I've never watched OBEM, but my MIL says this is less scary & more factual) The midwife led episode was on when I was trying to chose, so I hoped it would help. The lawyer who had a water birth (& thought her little girl was a boy lol) was listening to the Natal Hypnotherapy CDs I listen to, & she seemed quite calm, so I'm hoping they help. This weeks episode is called "It's Complcated" so T has decided we're not going to watch it - he doesn't see how seeing things go wrong will help me! We might watch it afterwards.

It is the wall punching girlfriend. It's a bit weird that she now gets an amazing holiday after that type of behaviour! My dad says he hopes she doesn't punch a hole in the tent or the mountain! (We know its not funny really). T says the same about my parents, he can't understand how I can be like I am or where I get it from! He says I do too much for them & it's all one way. I don't think I've ever been let down this much by them & really didn't expect it. Last week, when T was on nights, my mum popped in every night to check I was resting & do things for me, so I thought maybe she'd have changed her mind, but she still said they were thinking about going this week. I just don't know what they're up to!

T was quite poorly last night. He went to sleep for 2 hours when he came home. He says he feels better today but has a runny nose, which seems odd if its a reaction to the jab, but it's too much of a coincidence to be anything else I hope. I've got mine booked for the 22nd. I've always been fine in the past, but seeing him ill has put me off a bit.

My mum called in yest eve & brought the best thing ever - one of those grabber things on a long stick that you can use to pick things up fom the floor!!! It hurts a lot to bend down to pick anything up, which has meant that I have dropped all the more! I can now pick things up! So far today I've picked up a pill & the milk bottle lid & I've only been up an hour! Yest I even used it to get things out of the washing machine! I never thought I'd get so excited about something so simple lol!

I'm about to watch Downton. I'm at the beginning of series 3 now. I'm also going to watch the new Supernanny type prog that is on channel 4 on Weds. Can't remember what it's really called. Maybe 3 day Nanny? It's not as good as Supernanny used to be, but it's quite good. Have you recorded that? Have you watched any of Bakeoff yet?

How did R get on at his hospital appointment in Sept?

What are you up to today? I can't remember which days you work & which days you have James anymore - my brain us mush!

xxx

 

[MrsBroodyPant]

Morning.

That grabber thing sounds funny as! I bet u look funny getting washing out the machine with it lol. Its sounds very useful. See your mum is thinking about you! Maybe it's your dad who is disappointed that he can't go on holiday so wants to go somewhere.

I still havent watched bake off lol.

Today im going to visit Jodi and her baby Ellis. Im a bit nervous as I am finding it difficult at the moment. Sure I will be fine though.

Then im going to the bank and shops before work.
Tomorrow I will be looking after James. I bought him a tambourine from Tunisia and he loves it! I need to think of something good to get him for Christmas. Should start Christmas shopping soon but I usually leave it til last minute! But with my dance show being so close to Christmas I should start now.

I hope u have a nice relaxing day and enjoy your programmes.

Xxx

 

[Pansy]

Hello!

Just to let you know, I'm in hospital. My waters broke over night, but I'm not in labour. They've put in a pessary to prepare my cervix, in the hope I'll go into labour in next 24 hours.

I'm pretty scared & have backache type period pain, but otherwise ok.

xxx

 

[MrsBroodyPant]

Thanks for messaging me.

I want to wish u all the luck in the world

You will be fine. Just concentrate on your baby and breathe.

I will be waiting for an update whenever your ready.

Lots of love xxx