Partner changing his mind

[BlueWater]

I know I'm not alone with this one.
But OH is neither in nor out, he confuses me.

So he knows full well that I want children ASAP, he knows I also worry about leaving it to late. I've been saying I want kids for months and months.

OH has always been saying, if it happens it happens. But more recently he's been saying 'yes we will plan children soon' -making me believe it's more definite to plan.

But about 2 days ago, he said well he doesn't wanna plan for children straight away because of financial reasons.

Ok, I totally understand his point, and of course my point I want children sooner than later.

But he's changed the goal posts, like when he was a definite yes, I could for sure plan when to BD using opks and bbt and expensive fertility lube.

But now it's like, I'm forcing him to have a baby.

 

[happycupcake]

Has anything changed financially to make him feel concerned about trying immediately?
I always say unless you are in serious financial difficulty, there isn't a perfect time financially or otherwise, to try for a baby. Income and expenditure can change all the time, although they don't usually alter vastly. Perhaps you could write down all your income, everything you spend and see what should be left? Could you open a savings account and start putting money in here and there to show that you do have money to save and therefore support the cost of a baby?
If it's purely financial then there may be things you can cut back on which would save money. If you can show where you can make savings he may be more on board.

If he isn't, then there must be something else he's worrying about. But he wouldn't be the first partner to swap and change his mind, plenty do and I think because it is such a huge deal, especially if this is your first, they tend to panic about it. They also don't seem to have the same urge to have children sooner like we do.
My husband was a little indecisive when it came to having our first together, I was keen to get started as I thought it would take a while too, but he had various concerns but we talked and talked about it and this helped to put some of his worries to bed but I think it's natural for anyone to have some worries because it is huge. Having children chnages your whole life and relationship too, I think many more women are ready for this, happy and will adapt but sometimes I think our partners are less in tune with the idea of all these changes and find it harder to get their head around.
Talk to him some more, I'm sure you can come to an understanding if you are both completely upfront about how you feel about having children

 

[BlueWater]

Thank you for your reply.
Financially we could be better, but we not broke. For example he would get more work if he drove. And we are looking at moving out of his parents house, and when I eventually go on maternity leave i will have to take a pay decrease.

So i think that's played on his mind. However he's a spender and I'm the saver. So i need to encourage him to save.

It is the only time he's mention finance being a barrier. But i know he wants to be the one to provide etc.

Not many days go by where I dont speak to him about children, and i make my thoughts clear. Today told him I've oredered a BBT and he was fine with it. So we will see over time.

 

[Pixie2982]

Yes, after being with my girlfriend for 12 years after her saying she wants kids the whole time and we tried for 2 years back in 2010-2012 with no success and now she turned around and said she doesn't want kids now, because I was looking for donors
So now I'm doing it by myself

 

[Selinet]

BlueWater, I can understand your concern. I got married at age 28 my husband did not want any children, it took me ten years before we had our first. I have (PCOS) polycystic ovarian syndrome, so it kind of came in handy for me since it was difficult for me anyway. I always wanted children right away but now we have a beautiful boy. Bills will always find a way to get paid and God will always find a way for you to feed your baby, be patient and good luck. 😉

 

[heaveneats]

Thank you for your reply.
Financially we could be better, but we not broke. For example he would get more work if he drove. And we are looking at moving out of his parents house, and when I eventually go on maternity leave i will have to take a pay decrease.

So i think that's played on his mind. However he's a spender and I'm the saver. So i need to encourage him to save.

It is the only time he's mention finance being a barrier. But i know he wants to be the one to provide etc.

Not many days go by where I dont speak to him about children, and i make my thoughts clear. Today told him I've oredered a BBT and he was fine with it. So we will see over time.

i've been there- in fact i''m there right now, DH hasnt said yes to another but i've been told recently i can't have anymore kids because of thyroid problems, now he's more saying yes because i think it's worried he we may not be able to.

Financially maybe sit down and play with your numbers, see how much is coming in and going out, are you planning to rent somewhere or buy house etc.... if you are he may be wanting to save for that then try when your settled, i'm not sure. Either way the best way may be to sit down and have a discussion with him to see where you both are at