Petrified of Gender Disappointment, Help :-(

[3xscharmer]

I personally don't think that gender makes the person, the way the person was raised, their parents, relatives and environments they are exposed to help shape them into who they will become. Take you for example, you come from a place of darkness and pain, yet when you got the chance you took you life into your own hands and started doing what was best for you (marrying a wonderful man, the desire to raise your child/children to be strong and independent)you took the crappy hand you were given and decided to do something positive with it and some ppl don't have to experience that but you did and that makes you stronger, and that's what will make you fight twice as hard to make sure you raise your children to be wonderful people. Hope everything works out for you and you are at peace with the gender either way.

 

[jenniferttc1]

Try not to even stress about it. It might bother you now and during your whole pregnancy, but if you have a boy, the moment he is in your arms it will not matter what the sex is. I know cause I had gender disappointment. I personally think any women that has a boy is so lucky! They are so fun and sweet and big mommas boys! What kind of man he will be, depends how a parent raises them.

 

[hinkybinky]

Hi, others have said a lot of what I would have, but you also mentioned possible issues with breastfeeding a male child. I am not sure if you have done any research on this but from a quick google it seems to be a very common reaction for survivors of abuse. There are some very helpful websites and information out there. You know, you may not feel able to try when it comes down to it, and that is ok. You may try it and find it is too difficult and brings up too much from your past, and that is ok. You might find a middle ground where you are gradually able to manage it with gentle and sensitive support, or where you can express your milk, giving your baby what he needs without causing yourself pain. You need to try to be open about this with your care providers, so that they can help you and know how best to support you.

I know it is said so much but you have to remember in the end that happy mummy = happy baby, so whatever it takes you need to do that for all of you.

I just want to say that whatever gender you are blessed with, I have absolutely no doubt you will make a fantastic mummy x

 

[Bonnie11]

Hi! I'm sorry to hear what a horrible time you have had.
Just a thought, have you considered not finding out the gender? Only if you are worried that you will be disappointed, by the time you see your baby in your arms you couldn't possibly be sad no matter what the gender, so if you left it till then you wouldn't have the extra few months of worry if that makes sense?
Whatever happens, you won't be a bad mum. Your experiences in life will only make you stronger and more determined not to repeat them. It will make you a better mum if anything. Stay strong and in a few more months you will have a beautiful baby in your arms and you will truly not mind what he or she is xxx

 

[PregE]

Maybe try not finding out the sex of the baby. That way you will meet the baby when you find out and it will be easier to become attatched anyway rather than thinking too much before its born.

 

[chulie]

Hi! I'm sorry to hear what a horrible time you have had.
Just a thought, have you considered not finding out the gender? Only if you are worried that you will be disappointed, by the time you see your baby in your arms you couldn't possibly be sad no matter what the gender, so if you left it till then you wouldn't have the extra few months of worry if that makes sense?
Whatever happens, you won't be a bad mum. Your experiences in life will only make you stronger and more determined not to repeat them. It will make you a better mum if anything. Stay strong and in a few more months you will have a beautiful baby in your arms and you will truly not mind what he or she is xxx

This is ACTUALLY an amazing suggestion!!!

 

[Visje]

Thanks guys, I do feel a lot better about either possibility. I'm still nervous, but I'm trying my best to visualize the future if it turns out that I do have only boys. Still working out good ways to do that. And if we do end up with just 2 kids, the chances of only boys is 25%, and that goes up to 50% if our first is a boy, so it's something good to be prepared for.

I don't think that not finding out the gender is a good idea though. For me, finding out is an important part of bonding, and having myself mentally prepared by the time they're born, plus my husband really wants to know too.

Thanks everyone though, reading suggestions has helped. As of right now, the most intimidating thing about a son is him caving into peer pressure that could overwrite even the best parenting we could give, and that seems even more intimidating to be honest than possible triggered PTSD from taking care of him as an infant.

 

[Misscalais]

Men are what you make them. If you raise a loving, sweet respectful boy and nurture and guide him in all things right then chances are he will grow up to be an amazing young man. Yes there's a chance that he could go down a rebellious track and do some bad things but really it's not likely.
I'm sorry for what you have been through but having a son it's totally different to just pig headed men out there, they aren't all the same and there are a lot of wonderful ones out there.
If you do have a boy once you hold him in your arms all you'll want to do is love and protect him

I also agree finding out is better than waiting if your scared of GD ( I have two boys and ttc a girl now ) never had a preference with either but I know with my 2nd I did have that feeling of wanting a girl so I was sad when we were told boy but I was able to bond with him the remainder of my pregnancy and GD only lasted really a few hrs. I know if I hear boy next time I will be disappointed as its out last bub. So that bonding time is important to me