Please, August, do not taunt- it's BFPs that we want!

[asmcsm]

Another BFN today, more dirty looking CM.

I decided to use an OPK thinking that maybe getting a strong positive would help me feel better about getting BFNs on the preg tests.

I got the weakest result ever - the test line was almost not even there.

There is something really messed up inside me and I can't handle this anymore. I thought that when I got my thyroid sorted out then everything else would follow.

"Oh you'll get pregnant like that!*snaps fingers*" said the doctor who performed my termination.

Yeah? Well f*ck you you jerk, I can't and I'm not and I wish I'd never come to you for the termination because life would have been so different.

I'm a mess. I feel fat and disgusting. I've been "happy eating" and not really exercising thinking that I was still maybe pregnant.

I'm sorry Amelia . Usually you won't get a positive on an opk before you'll get a positive on an hpt. It takes a lot of hcg to make an opk positive.

I can't believe your doctor lied to you like that. Termination can make it harder to conceive in some cases and he should have better explained risks to you especially if you asked.

I wish there was more to do to cheer you up but I know exactly how you're feeling and I know that it feels like things are never going to work out and nothing anyone says will truly make it better until you see those pretty pink lines but just know we are hear to listen to you rant and give encouraging words whenever you need them.

 

[frsttimemama]

Another BFN today, more dirty looking CM.

I decided to use an OPK thinking that maybe getting a strong positive would help me feel better about getting BFNs on the preg tests.

I got the weakest result ever - the test line was almost not even there.

There is something really messed up inside me and I can't handle this anymore. I thought that when I got my thyroid sorted out then everything else would follow.

"Oh you'll get pregnant like that!*snaps fingers*" said the doctor who performed my termination.

Yeah? Well f*ck you you jerk, I can't and I'm not and I wish I'd never come to you for the termination because life would have been so different.

I'm a mess. I feel fat and disgusting. I've been "happy eating" and not really exercising
thinking that I was still maybe
pregnant.

I did an OPK and it was blaringly negative..

 

[goldstns]

praying for you Morgan!!!

Julie- sorry I know I owe you all US pictures from yesterday... Im just bad at doing it. I promise I will post some once I take a picture of the picture.

 

[mommyxofxone]

morgan! so glad you're back and doing alright. So your bloods for hcg levels are done again tomorrow after work? is that right? i do hope that you are hanging in there and trying not to stress too much


ashlee i don't see anything on your test. sorry hun, but i know that doesn't mean anything too. Hoping you get a nice dark one tomorrow.


afm i'm starting my two opks a day today- taking the first one at noonish and the next one at 8pm, today and tomorrow.

either way, i'm bd'ing tonight through sunday and hoping we catch the egg. really hping this is it.

 

[TTCaWee1]

Vivian - when did you terminate? I don't think you've told us the story. You don't have to if you don't want to but you have mentioned it a few times and now I'm curious...

T-5 hours till my appt!!!!! Excited and nauseated at the same time...I think I'll go out to the pool for a bit to relax my belly and brains...

Morgan I am so anti-faking a visit to the ER you have nooooo idea. I think I've mentioned it before.....I work in a community ER primarily funded by the state so we get people who come in all the time for a pregnancy test because its "free" instead of going to the dollar store like a logical person. They always say oh I have belly pain....so they end up with a work up that costs thousands and thousands of dollars just to see what they want to see. Meanwhile I've got granny dying in the waiting room bc of all the non emergent visits. Yesterday was def warranted to go to the ER but PLEASE don't fake a visit next week if you can't get in to your doc. Since you have insurance if your doc doesn't want to see you still then ask then for an outpatient order for an u/s and go to a free standing radiology place. I totally didnt mean to sound like a bitch but it really irks me. I'm a jaded ER nurse...

 

[morganwhite7]

LOL. Rachel I told my MIL the same thing yesterday, they'll look at me like oh another bleeding early preggo. I know that prob happens a million times a day in ERs.

But I don't think I'd ever go again, too much of a hassle for something that a doc could do. There wasn't a wait there, since we went to a maternity hospital and they specialize in babies/women so I liked that and felt comfy with it. But yeah I am just feeling like that visit did NOTHING for me (could you tell me your opinion? Am I just crazy early? Is that ok to have such a high level and for them to see hardly nothing?) But am frantically searching as we speak for a doc who will let me come in by 6 weeks, so FX'd I find what I need so I don't have to go to a clinic or planned parenthood with the scary people (there are like 50 old/hippie people EVERYDAY who stand outside the one by our house protesting abortion) Ahh.

 

[TTCaWee1]

I would say that's its just too early to see anything. With a level that high, you would expect to see something but based off your dates you are still very early. Maybe it's just a really strong bean. Maybe it's molar. Maybe it is a mc and that's why it didnt look right. But they should have been able to tell blood vs product on the us. Maybe you had a ruptured cyst? Did they say anything about free fluid in your belly? Honestly it's just too early for anyone to make a definitive diagnosis. But your levels are great so that's a bonus. If you were a week or two further along and they were telling you that it didnt look right then I'd believe it more but you just can't see much at your stage.

 

[morganwhite7]

What do you mean by blood vs product on the us or free fluid? Two of the OBs told me they saw what looked like a yolk sac, ONLY the DOC said he saw an abnormal pregnancy (if he could see anything at all).. So that's the ultimate confusion.. just trying to relax and pray and wait. What else can a girl do

 

[frsttimemama]

morgan! so glad you're back and doing alright. So your bloods for hcg levels are done again tomorrow after work? is that right? i do hope that you are hanging in there and trying not to stress too much


ashlee i don't see anything on your test. sorry hun, but i know that doesn't mean anything too. Hoping you get a nice dark one tomorrow.


afm i'm starting my two opks a day today- taking the first one at noonish and the next one at 8pm, today and tomorrow.

either way, i'm bd'ing tonight
through sunday and hoping we catch the egg. really hping this I
s it.

Good luck! Hope this is your lucky cycle!

 

[goldstns]

AFM- DH is debating his salary for the job today... he sooo nervous. I hope he does well. Cant wait to find out and can't wait til he signs the paperwork!!

Also- on a side note (sorry to say this, but Im excited and need to share), we got a 20% off one item from baby r us coupon yesterday in the mail. They are also doing a "spend over $150 and get a free video monitor". So Friday we are going to babys r us and buying our crib for 20% off and getting a free video monitor. I am getting excited!

 

[TTCaWee1]

I would go by what the OB said. If you had a cyst rupture usually they can see free fluid around the ovary indicating a cyst popped. Looking at your u/s they should be able to see if your uterus had blood in it. Since you got that pain right before the bleeding maybe it was a cyst...

 

[wavescrash]

Morgan - did you get discharge papers? At the er I go to we get a packet of papers when we leave with the results of any test we had done so we can take it to our doctor at our follow-up appt. if we had an ultrasound done, they include the radiologist's findings.

 

[morganwhite7]

I have it here and it only shows lab/radiology orders. I had a hCG quantitative, blood typing (A+), urinalysis, and transvaginal US.

It says pregnancy-ectopic beside my diagnosis but that isn't under radiology. They will have all of the pics @ the branch we're going to tomorrow so I really really hope they aren't A-holes and just answer my questions about them. w/ my luck they "won't be authorized to discuss it" or some crap like that.

 

[frsttimemama]

AFM- DH is debating his salary for the job today... he sooo nervous. I hope he does well. Cant wait to find out and can't wait til he signs the paperwork!!

Also- on a side note (sorry to say this, but Im excited and need to share), we got a 20% off one item from baby r us coupon yesterday in the mail. They are also doing a "spend over $150 and get a free video monitor". So Friday we are going to babys r us and buying our crib for 20% off and getting a free video monitor. I am getting excited!

That's so exciting! ! Yay! Don't be sorry. You deserve your joy in your pregnancy and baby! It's an exciting time!

 

[frsttimemama]

I think we have talked about this a lot lately, but I just wanted to sa that I enjoy seeing your news and excitement over your pregnancies. I am not bitter over what I have lost, but thankful for what I gained.. a new perspective on life, a closer relationship with family and friends, a closer and deeper love and respect for my husband, a deeper faith in God, and a new group of friends in you guys. I wish you nothing but the best and truly don't want you to feel bad! Enjoy being pregnant -- you deserve it! We will all have our turns.

 

[morganwhite7]

a new perspective on life, a closer relationship with family and friends, a closer and deeper love and respect for my husband, a deeper faith in God, and a new group of friends in you guys.

I feel totally the same. I feel more at peace with everything. Without our loss, I don't think that in a million years my quality of life could have been better than it is now. I am a new person. I now realize what people think is important (money, jobs, clothes, OTHER ppl, etc.) is not important AT ALL.

I could have nothing and be perfectly content with my family and my God.. the way it always should have been, the way it never would have been without Jaxon

 

[frsttimemama]

a new perspective on life, a closer relationship with family and friends, a closer and deeper love and respect for my husband, a deeper faith in God, and a new group of friends in you guys.

I feel totally the same. I feel more at peace with everything. Without our loss, I don't think that in a million years my quality of life could have been better than it is now. I am a new person. I now realize what people think is important (money, jobs, clothes, OTHER ppl, etc.) is not important AT ALL.

I could have nothing and be
perfectly content with my family and my God.. the way it always should have been, the way it never would have been without Jaxon

I completely agree with you, too.

 

[asmcsm]

You girls are both so strong. I really hope everything is perfect with your little bean Morgan and I really hope you get your rainbow bean soon sandy.

AFM, boobs are sore today, particularly the left one. It feels heavier and like the pain is radiating from the nipple through the muscle if that makes sense?

 

[prgirl_11]

Good Morning Ladies.

First of all, I haven't caught myself up yet as I'm really busy at work, but I'd like to apologize for leaving you all hanging yesterday! Our Sprint data towers are STILL down and I couldn't post or even get on the internet.. I was DYING not being able to get on here lastnight.. :/

SO my diagnosis was possible ectopic. I was FIRST told they were SURE that's what it was. Said they couldn't see if there was actually anything in my tube, but that what was in my uterus did NOT resemble a normal pregnancy. That's what the DOC said. THEN the nicest lady ever came in and told me that she was an OB specialist. & I'm like (in my head) omg the doc just said ectopic, what else do I need to know.. Jeez.. And she says to me: How far along are you? I say ohh about 5 weeks maybe.. And she says okay well "I have NEVER seen an ectopic with an hCG level of 31,000 this early. AND also I can promise you that I saw your ultrasound and it looks to me like there is a yolk sac, just way too early too tell.

So the doc came back in and said he'd say I have a 50/50 chance. And that he doesn't think it looks like a normal pregnancy. All my bloods came back fine, with an hCG of 31,000.

And their solution for my problem is another quantitative hCG test in 48 hours. So we will go tomorrow after work. She said to hope for a level of at least 60,000 (double, duh) to ensure that it is in fact an intrauterine pregnancy. He said in an ectopic, the hCG usually grows at a bit of a slower pace.

So basically I am STILL stuck with having to wait until my Sept. 10th scan to see if bean is doing okay.

I will probably drive myself MAD today Googling ectopic vs. normal hCG levels at 5 weeks.. Would you guys pleeeeeeease share ANY info you have on what my levels should looks like in early pregnancy, or what yours were when you first went?

Okay I'm done w/ the preggo talk now, I just don't know who else to vent to. I am so scared and anxious and can't believe I wasn't given a definite answer.. I don't know how I'm just supposed to just WAIT.. I want to relax. I want to know my bean is okay.

Morgan, thank you for the update. Was thinking a lot about you yesterday. There is still hope. Hang in there and fight the good fight. Scripture has kept me strong through the hard times and Proverbs 3:5-6 always resonate in my life, read them ;-)

I'm glad that the doctor was able to give you some hope. Try not to read too much online. Keep your mind occupied on other things so time goes by faster. Rent a movie, go for a walk, eat ice cream and cuddle at home.

 

[prgirl_11]

AFM- DH is debating his salary for the job today... he sooo nervous. I hope he does well. Cant wait to find out and can't wait til he signs the paperwork!!

Also- on a side note (sorry to say this, but Im excited and need to share), we got a 20% off one item from baby r us coupon yesterday in the mail. They are also doing a "spend over $150 and get a free video monitor". So Friday we are going to babys r us and buying our crib for 20% off and getting a free video monitor. I am getting excited!

Lol I just got all giddy when I read this