Please help us through this!

[seaweed eater]

Double post.

 

[Randianne]

i know you asked for support, but if youre already questioning yourself then maybe you need to listen to those natural mummy instincts, they are there for a reason. you have a 6 month old that wakes twice a night, thats bloody awesome!!! honestly, there is really nothing wrong with that at all, and so what if she only drinks 1oz, maybe shes just a bit thirsty... do you go all night without having a quick drink?

you're questioning yourself for a reason, maybe sit back and really think if twice a night is a problem for YOUR family, not what the books say, or the health visitor says, or the other mums at mothers group say, but YOU and YOUR baby, if its really a problem, then ok, look to find some solutions, but if its not an issue but you think it *should* be done, then .... mayne nothings wrong at all.

I really find it unkind that you popped into this thread to berate an exhausted mother who is truly trying to do the best thing for her baby and family. Just because you don't personally find two night wakings to be a problem doesn't mean the OP isn't suffering. You have no idea what her situation is. It's her baby and only she can decide what is right.

OP, You did great. The first night is always the toughest.

I find it unkind that you accused her of berating the OP. Harsh, don't you think?


To OP...good luck...

So... I'm unkind because I called her out for being unsupportive? But you don't have a problem with someone telling a woman suffering from severe sleep deprivation that her child's sleep is 'bloody awesome' and that there is nothing wrong with it. Sleep deprivation is linked to PPD and used as a form of torture. Quite frankly, telling a mother things like that when she asked for support is never helpful.

I stand by my opinion. If you find that unkind... well okay then.

 

[Indigo77]

She was kind & gentle & offered a different perspective.
There was no 'berating'.
You berated her.

I just think you're probably projecting.

But, whatever....no biggie....

 

[Randianne]

She was kind & gentle & offered a different perspective.
There was no 'berating'.
You berated her.

I just think you're probably projecting.

But, whatever....no biggie....

LOL! Thank you for the psychoanalysis, Dr Google. Would you like my insurance info or is this one on you?

You know what I find ironic? I see a thread a day about how angry women are when their OHs don't understand how overwhelmed and tired they are. People sympathize and tell them they deserve a break. Then those very same people turn around and tell exhausted women that it's really not that bad and their babies sleep is 'bloody awesome'.

Also, you turned around and called me unkind and accused me of berating. So, I guess it's only okay for you to use those words. When I do it I'm 'projecting'.

 

[lightweight]

Have to say I sympathise with Kota's response. My first reaction was surprise that you thought one wake up between 11am and morning was that much of a problem, especially given one of you does the 11pm feed and the other the 4am. Suspect you're far less exhausted than most parents! And I wondered if you'd tried water instead of mill at 4am as it could be thirst rather than hunger?

Currently feeding ds (4 1/2 months), for about 5th time since 8pm now that's exhausting!

 

[Indigo77]

This time it's on me...

& you're quite welcomed!

 

[seaweed eater]

I'm not sure that the OP wanted a "different perspective." She said she has already thought a lot about it and done research...IMO we can take her word for that.

 

[seaweed eater]

Currently feeding ds (4 1/2 months), for about 5th time since 8pm now that's exhausting!

Some babies wake up every 15 minutes. Some college students are up all night writing essays. Does that make YOU any less exhausted? If the OP says that her level of exhaustion is a problem for her, why is it necessary to question that?

 

[Indigo77]

I'm not sure that the OP wanted a "different perspective." She said she has already thought a lot about it and done research...IMO we can take her word for that.

Ummm...the OP actually thanked her for the post...

Anyway, perhaps we shouldn't hijack her thread....you were being quite supportive....

 

[Randianne]

What gives any of you the right to tell OP how exhausted she should feel? Motherhood is not a 'who can function on the least amount of sleep' competition. People have different circumstances and needs. How about showing the OP compassion instead of questioning her level of exhaustion.

 

[bananaz]

Have to say I sympathise with Kota's response. My first reaction was surprise that you thought one wake up between 11am and morning was that much of a problem, especially given one of you does the 11pm feed and the other the 4am. Suspect you're far less exhausted than most parents! And I wondered if you'd tried water instead of mill at 4am as it could be thirst rather than hunger?

Currently feeding ds (4 1/2 months), for about 5th time since 8pm now that's exhausting!

Wow, only 5 times since 8pm? When my daughter was that age she was waking up 10+ times a night! Now THAT was exhausting. I can't imagine why you'd be complaining about 5 times, that sounds like a walk in the park to me. Since this is apparently a contest, maybe we should wait and see if someone comes along whose baby wakes up every 30 seconds and put us all to shame. Then maybe we'd stop feeling tired!

Oh wait, I forgot... everyone has different sleep needs and our exhaustion levels depend on a lot of factors beyond how many times our babies wake up. Maybe OP is working overtime at a high stress job, or maybe it takes her forever to fall asleep because she has postpartum insomnia, or maybe she has to stay up late because of difficulties with other kids. Maybe she has a really obnoxious old cat who farts in her face all night long who she has to give subcutaneous fluids to every 3 hours or he'll die. Or maybe she's just really tired and feels ready to get rid of what appears to be an unnecessary night waking. Whatever the case, she says she's exhausted and that's enough for me. Also, just because her husband is handling the 4am waking doesn't mean that OP isn't being woken up and having her sleep disturbed.

 

[seaweed eater]

You're absolutely right, it's not appropriate to hijack. I guess the reason I have jumped in is that I know how lonely and vulnerable it feels to have made the decision to do something difficult, and have someone whom one has asked for support question the decision one has made. If that's the way the OP is feeling (of course, I don't know whether she is feeling that way), then to me "supporting" her means helping her to feel less lonely and more secure in what she has already decided is right for her family. So maybe I too am "projecting," but there it is.

 

[Twister]

Whilst waking twice a night wouldn't be a problem for some, for you it is and that's ok. Some people function better on less sleep than others. I don't think its anyone's right to question that or say you should just put up with it because they have it 'worse'. Especially when you never asked for opinions on that in the first place.

As seaweed mentioned in an earlier post we did controlled crying and had great success with it. She was waking 2 hourly or more looking to comfort nurse and it was difficult so set her down afterwards without her screaming the house down. The first night she went from waking 5+ times, to waking just twice. Sometimes she only wakes once and she has even sttn a couple of times. I'm more than happy to stick with this for the time being as I know she's genuinely hungry, i'm hoping she will eventually drop these feeds on her own but if not we are going to look into night weaning when she's closer to a year in age.

In less than a week of doing it I could put her down in her cot for both naps and night time sleep (we used this method for both) and she would self settle without making a peep. If she cries that's usually an indicator of either under or over tiredness. Last night I tried to put her to bed before she was ready and she screamed bloody murder, tried 45 mins later and she went down quietly and happily. It's SO difficult, but the ends justify the means imo. Stick with it!

 

[minties]

Best of luck OP!

I'm not into the idea of CC but had to step in and say well done, you are doing your best. And my baby wakes twice a night and I'm shattered! She wakes around 11, 3 then up at 5 for the day. I'm still shattered and she only woke once last night and slept in until 6:30, which was like some kinda miracle. She hasn't slept in that late since she was about 8 weeks old I think.

You just do what you think is right!

 

[kettle28]

Now up to the ten min interval she's still going, not so much crying as moaning and mithering.

My lo is doing this, not crying (I was saying whinging but mithering is actually spot on!) I used to wade in with dummy/bottle/pick up but now I sit/stand there until he either gets it all out, usually ends in a big scream or shout and then playing with cuddly toy! Or turns into actual crying at which point hell take a dummy and go to sleep!

It's hard though, I am becoming used to hearing the mithering and have to remind myself he's not upset, he's tired and either can't drop off yet or isn't fully sure how to switch off.

Haven't read all your posts yet (will do now) but hope it's going ok x

 

[JaneSharon86]

Wow that night was tough.

I'm so tired. Will try to remember some of the posts I've read this morning.

Yes I have tried water instead of the bottle. It made no difference. LO still woke and wouldn't stop crying until she was held. She would normally have like half an ounce. Our battle to get her to have any water is another story.

Thanks for those who stuck up for us about her waking just twice a night. Yes compared to those who are waking every hour it must seem amazing but I am at my wits end. No farting cat ( that post was so funny, even more so in my delirium!) but I do suffer from insomnia. It takes me ages, like hours to fall asleep. So every time I get woken I'm awake for a long while. This includes the feed that my husband kindly does. To give a great example of my inability to fall asleep , last night I fell asleep at 5.30am. Obv this isn't a normal occurrence but its whats it like when I'm anxious about something etc

I don't think it's helpful to have competitions. I believe all us moms on here are doing their best and the fact that we post on a forum dedicated to pregnancy and our babies shows how much we have our family's interests at heart. I don't remember any morning sickness competitions so don't understand why sleep deprivation competition is fair game.

I tend to thank all posts, even though I don't agree with all if them as I'm English lol. It's more of a thank you for taking the time to respond to little old me thing.

The other perspective that was offered early on was interesting. I always feel on these forums that's there's two main groups of us mommies, and I don't mean to offend here; there's the hippy mommies - BLW, co-sleeping, baby wearing etc and then the more I can't think of a word mommies as I'm too tired mommies. You know, TW, pushchair, lets sort this comfort feeding malarkey out type mommies. It's nice having the two perspectives and whilst originally I thought I was the former (water birth wannabe etc) I now feel we need to do whats best for our families and for us it's a mix of both.

We BLW with purée cereal for breakfast. We co-slept for the first few months then used the moses basket. We swaddled then bagged. I baby wore for the first 6 weeks. I jumped out of bed at the slightest snuffle for the first 6 months....and now I know for sure she's not hungry I'm damn well ready for some quality shut eye so I can be a better mommy during the day!

Never in a million years did I think I would be a CIO mommy. I'm the annoying one in baby group saying how horrid it is and how could a mother do that. But there's nothing like becoming a parent to make eating your words a part of your daily meal.

We tried the water thing. We tried rocking the Moses basket. We tried a return to co sleeping. We tried sitting in the room. We tried putting our hand on her tummy so she knew were were there. We tried putting the Moses basket in the cot instead of the big scary cot. Honestly. We. Tried.

This really wasn't a light decision because I knew hearing her cry would break my heart an it did. But I don't believe a few nights of hell for the positive it may bring will cause my baby to love me any less. Especially if her mommy and daddy are better more awake parents during the day.

Each to their own. What works for one baby won't for another. We're all just dedicated mommies and daddies trying to work through this parenting thing and raise happy healthy babies.

So.... An update!

She woke at just before 4. She never became hysterical like she did at 11pm but she did cry. Eventually this turned to mithering. A ra ra raaaya type thing which went on a long while. She finally went to sleep at 5.30am which is when I finally crashed. I then woke at 7.15am as my breasts were hurting so much and quietly went into her room to see what she was doing. She was just waking herself, rubbing her eyes an rolling about but not crying. Full of smiles when she saw evil mommy.

After a feed i went back to bed (have had about 3.5hours in total over night/this morning - yawn) and DH got up with her. I woke up 9am which Is when our next feed normally is followed by breakfast. DH was half way through the routine again for her morning nap and she still had not dropped off. As it was feeding time I fed her - but not sure if this is what I was meant to do? What happens if they continue to cry into their meal time?

Thank you for the support x

 

[Aliop]

I am not familiar with the method you've described but I had a thought about the wake at 4am which you may have already covered but anyhow, is bub nice and cozy in bed? It's a pretty typical 'cold' wake up time and she could be using the milk and cuddle to warm up. Also does she have a comforter? My little man has a frog he just adores which he sleeps with and he snuggles into it to sleep. Anyway just a few ideas. Hope she is sleeping right thru for you soon

 

[JaneSharon86]

I am not familiar with the method you've described but I had a thought about the wake at 4am which you may have already covered but anyhow, is bub nice and cozy in bed? It's a pretty typical 'cold' wake up time and she could be using the milk and cuddle to warm up. Also does she have a comforter? My little man has a frog he just adores which he sleeps with and he snuggles into it to sleep. Anyway just a few ideas. Hope she is sleeping right thru for you soon

Hi

She's in a sleeping bag, they're pretty thick and the label states not to be used with any other blankets. But tonight I may try putting an additional blanket over her at the beginning of the 4am wake up. Thanks for the tip.

We introduced a lovely last night in the hope it will comfort her. It's one of those square pieces of material with a giraffes head. I wore it for a couple of hours before bedtime. At one point between 4.30 and 5 this morning she went quiet and when I popped my head in she wake playing with it. So fingers crossed the association will be there in a few days x

 

[Twister]

You sound just like me, I also didn't think cio/cc was for me and I was determined to wait it out. I jumped at every whimper for the first 6 months too (which I don't regret btw, and will do the same for the next bub). I didn't take the decision to do cc lightly either. I guess having a baby gives you perspective

 

[JaneSharon86]

I will do the same for the next baby too. I think at 6 months and when it becomes clear that its not food she's after becomes the turning point for us.

Well we're on nap two now. 24 minutes and she's down. She got hysterical again but I only made it to the 8 min interval before she fell asleep holding the giraffe.

Still so upsetting to see but at least it was over with quickly. Last nights hour and a half was horrendous.